We open in Sunnydale's main street. It's busier than we've ever seen it, bumper to bumper traffic as people flee the Hellmouth-y vibes.
Lorraine: Only seven season later. Better late than never, population of Sunnydale!
Sweeney: "See, even the population of Sunnydale is peacing out! We promise we're a couple episodes away from a real mega apocalypse!"
K: A+.
Hunkering back down into our pre-holiday-craziness schedule has been a challenge. We've gotten a little better in the last week or so, but we've yet to give you a full week of posts since the new year started. Sorry, but also, life is hard.
Sweeney: This is your monthly update that yes, indeed, life is still hard and we are still daydreaming about our magical future in which we quit our jobs and become full time Snark Ladies.
Lor: We aren't there yet.
Sweeney: This is your monthly update that yes, indeed, life is still hard and we are still daydreaming about our magical future in which we quit our jobs and become full time Snark Ladies.
Lor: We aren't there yet.
The episode begins with an extended shot of naked Mal sitting on a rock in the desert. He's got a tattoo on his hip. This is awkward, what with the other girls fighting over their TV Boyfriend claims. Guys, he just chose to show up naked in my episode, all right?
Lorraine: I'm secure enough in our relationship that this does not bother me.
Sara: I just hope you guys aren't jealous that this is something I get to look at all the time because of how he's my boyfriend and all.
Lorraine: I'm secure enough in our relationship that this does not bother me.
Sara: I just hope you guys aren't jealous that this is something I get to look at all the time because of how he's my boyfriend and all.
Rosewood's One Restaurant is enjoying the patronage of our young Liars. They question whether or not they believe Jenna's story, that she was casually riding around when she spotted a very drunk Emily. Hanna wants to just assume that Jenna is telling the truth, because assuming everyone is a liar might make her head explode. We Snark Ladies assume everyone is a liar, but we are professionals.
Spencer says a truth-telling-Jenna means she's crossed off the suspect list for the New A. Who are the remaining suspects? Emily suggest Lucas but Hanna is pretty sure that not taking a shower doesn't equal New A.
Spencer says a truth-telling-Jenna means she's crossed off the suspect list for the New A. Who are the remaining suspects? Emily suggest Lucas but Hanna is pretty sure that not taking a shower doesn't equal New A.
The previouslies suggest that Gwen is coming back, so I'm trying to keep that in mind as I watch this scene in which Cordevilia comes clean about her pregnancy in the Maternity Outfit of Evil and the gang is totally oblivious to her Bad Girl Styling. I know there's no leather, but this is like the fashion equivalent of the Big Book of Villain Gloating. I CAN'T EVEN. WAKE UP, FANG GANG. They're too busy fussing about how quickly she's developed, though Wesley is quick to point out that this isn't Cordelia's first mystical pregnancy rodeo and she came to term the same night on her last go-round. Cordevila takes offense to that comparison because she loves this baby. To be fair, Cordelia loved her hellspawn during pregnancy the last time around too. Connor's reassuring stance by her side doesn't do the NOT A HELLSPAWN! argument any favors.
I was pretty devastated when I discovered that I had to cover this episode, because - as you guys should know by now - I have eyeball phobia. The unfortunate thing is that I only have myself to blame for this - way back in the day, I was all "YAAAAAAY SPIKE!!!!" and insisted on the Sweeney, Lor, Kirsti recapping order because it meant that I could cover School Hard. Oh, Past Kirsti. You stupid, stupid girl.
Sweeney: To be fair, that was actually just the logical order based on when I joined the recaps -- it's more that you were excited about the way it worked out than that you actually moved for it to be that way. You know, for whatever consolation that affords you.
Sweeney: To be fair, that was actually just the logical order based on when I joined the recaps -- it's more that you were excited about the way it worked out than that you actually moved for it to be that way. You know, for whatever consolation that affords you.
We begin in a ridiculously fancy-shmancy driveway. I start to worry that everything on this show will make me think about Marissa Cooper, because all I can see is the sun setting behind her dead-eyed, expressionless face. Anyway, the driveway belongs to Logan, and he's yelling at some tourists who are trying to catch a glimpse of his apparently super-famous dad. #richpeopleproblems
At Neptune High, Duncan and Jake Kane are being boring. Dad wants son to run for student council; son has no fucks to give. Jake mentions a "Reign of Kane" and I laugh forever because he's the worst.
At Neptune High, Duncan and Jake Kane are being boring. Dad wants son to run for student council; son has no fucks to give. Jake mentions a "Reign of Kane" and I laugh forever because he's the worst.
The Liars are standing around at the School for Plotting Against a NotBlind!Girl, watching NotBlind!Jenna read braille and wondering wtf she's up to. The girls have decided that Aria is the one assigned to this task, because Jenna trusts her, on account of the inviting Aria to play musical instruments with her thing. Aria is not looking forward to this mission, but Hanna says she'd gladly trade her Crazy Mona for a Blind!Jenna. Jenna click clacks away, and Hanna says they should push a table in front of her and see what happens. LOL.
Sweeney: That proud smile is the best. This is why we love you, Hanna.
Lorraine: She should be proud because at least she owns it. None of these girls know a damn thing about subtlety.
Sweeney: That proud smile is the best. This is why we love you, Hanna.
Lorraine: She should be proud because at least she owns it. None of these girls know a damn thing about subtlety.
Kirsti: We start literally where we left off, with Angelus biting Faith's neck. Suddenly, he stops and drops her, scurrying backwards. "What...did you do?" he asks. Flashback to a few minutes earlier. While Angelus was taunting Wes, Faith grabbed a syringe from her boot and injected something into her arm before re-entering the fight. Back in the present, Angelus staggers around briefly before passing out. Wes asks Faith if she's okay. "Kicked his ass," she slurs before blacking out. Electric cellos.
After the credits, Fred's researching behind the desk at the Hyperion when Gunn bursts in the front door, dragging Angelus and screaming Connor's name. Apparently Wes called him and he went, no questions asked.
After the credits, Fred's researching behind the desk at the Hyperion when Gunn bursts in the front door, dragging Angelus and screaming Connor's name. Apparently Wes called him and he went, no questions asked.
New York City in 1977. We follow the pouring rain down to the street where Spike and Nikki are fighting and exchanging quips. Behind a nearby bench, baby!Wood watches the fight. Spike has Nikki in a headlock, and baby!Wood startles and knocks over a trashcan. Spike is distracted enough that Nikki is able to break out and continue the fight. She pulls out a stake and throws it at Spike, but he catches it mid-air and says he's spent a long time tracking Nikki down, and he doesn't want the fight to end so quickly. With one last compliment to her coat, he takes off.
Baby!Wood calls out to his mom. She tells him he did a great job staying low, just like she asked. I call bullshit on Spike not smelling/hearing/seeing the kid, but okay. Good job, baby!Wood.
Baby!Wood calls out to his mom. She tells him he did a great job staying low, just like she asked. I call bullshit on Spike not smelling/hearing/seeing the kid, but okay. Good job, baby!Wood.
Bach is playing and we're clearly in a fancy room which suggests flashback, at first, until I spot a comic book and then a Star Wars poster. This, instead, is Andrew's episode. He's sitting in a leather chair, telling the viewer that he's catching up on an old favorite, closing a fancy old book. "It's wonderful to get lost in a story, isn't it?" Sometimes, Andrew. Sometimes. He tries to smoke from a pipe, but coughs before awkwardly inviting to join him on the story of "Buffy, Slayer of the Vampyres."
Lorraine: I would've never thought to combine Andrew and Masterpiece Theater, but here it is in all its glory.
Sweeney: A rare stroke of S7 genius.
Lorraine: I would've never thought to combine Andrew and Masterpiece Theater, but here it is in all its glory.
Sweeney: A rare stroke of S7 genius.
One of these days, I'll stop making KFC references in the title. BUT NOT TODAY. Chez Summers. Buffy wanders around in the dark, turning off lights, picking up books and generally checking on sleeping Potentials. Upstairs, she sees one girl, Chloe, crying in the corner of the hallway and heads towards her. But something jumps out at her and knocks her down the stairs. She lands at the bottom, the First Slayer above her. "It's not enough," the First Slayer hisses, and Buffy wakes with a start. Cue wolf howl.
Lorraine: I'm going to admit that I'd previously been confusing the First and the First Slayer in my head. #Snowproblems.
K: Awkward...
Lorraine: I'm going to admit that I'd previously been confusing the First and the First Slayer in my head. #Snowproblems.
K: Awkward...
A title card tells us we're in Tijuana, Mexico. And in case you missed the title card there is also some generic, Mariachi-type music playing as we look out a little bar. In a back alley, a young, nervous looking boy is fiddling with a piñata and what looks like a small, bubble wrap envelope. He drops one envelope into a dumpster and grabs something out of it. Once he has that all settled, he walks to a nearby car and knocks on the window. Inside, are Troy and Logan.
Democracy Diva: In a nearby alley, Marissa Cooper is almost dying of a pills-and-tequila overdose. #headcanon
Sweeney: Accepted.
Democracy Diva: In a nearby alley, Marissa Cooper is almost dying of a pills-and-tequila overdose. #headcanon
Sweeney: Accepted.
Piper Mom is teaching some plot relevant lessons that allow the zoomy cameraman to capture "A" and "insane" on the blackboard. She talks about how desperate actions seemed necessary but were actually stupid. The girls are too busy staring off into space and thinking about how this applies to them being near or around a shovel to take notes, which displeases Piper Mom. But also fuck her. Emily opens her purse to find a creepy necklace made of teeth and letters spelling out, "DEAD GIRLS CAN'T SMILE" and runs to the bathroom, and the other girls also see themselves out in the middle of class because Piper Mom is a sham of an adult whose authority is respected by no one.
Sara: Interrupting just to say that Aria's dress is on point.
Sara: Interrupting just to say that Aria's dress is on point.
Faith is all bloodied and broken and Wesley tries to tend to her. She says she's okay, though she could use a shower. Wesley asks if she's sure if she's okay and all she says is that she's sticky. In the bathroom, we see Faith peel layers of clothes off her very bloodied body and then step into the shower. The stream of water starts to wash away the blood (but not the make-up!) and then she straight freaks the hell out and starts punching the tile wall, yelling as she does. That seemingly out of her system (at least for now) she goes back to washing off the blood.
Sweeney: This scene was really striking especially considering their last encounter before all of this. I kept waiting for that to be brought up, but I suppose it was sufficient that it made me think of it.
Sweeney: This scene was really striking especially considering their last encounter before all of this. I kept waiting for that to be brought up, but I suppose it was sufficient that it made me think of it.
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