We open at the Doublemeat Palace. Buffy is scraping a disgusting amount of brown sludge off the grill while another employee tells her that the key to working at the DMP is politics. He talks about Machiavelli, and when she thinks that's a guy who works day shift, he's all "OH RIGHT. COLLEGE DROPOUT." Buffy says that she's reapplying, and he's a condescending asshat. He leaves to head to night school - after mentioning that he's studying for an MBA so he doesn't have to work at the DMP forever - and tells her to scrape the gum under the tables before she leaves.
Cut to the cemetery. Buffy wanders through the gravestones singing the DMP jingle and wondering why she can't get it out of her head.
We open at a bar that's a generic, dusty, space, future bar. (S: Ah, yes, just your typical "dusty, space, future bar.") Jayne is drinking out of what looks like a small soup pot and he and Mal are playing pool with some fellas we don't know. The poll balls fritz out for a second and they all complain about it loudly. The guy at the bar points to a sign that says, "management not responsible for ball failure." It's fantastic that they have real tables and cues but holographic pool balls because this is space and the future, people. Things have changed.
Sweeney: I wonder if that was just a random grab bag thing.
Sweeney: I wonder if that was just a random grab bag thing.
We start the episode immediately after the last, with Angel "checking up on the baby," but really running away from the Groo and Cordy show. Angel says that he remembers Groo being taller. Lorne gamely plays along and says that once Cordy gets him home, she'll just pop Groo in a drawer. Angel focuses on the "take him home," part and says it's a good thing, because that means Groo won't be using the Brooding Hotel as a hotel.
Lorne asks Angel if he's okay with Cordy taking Groo home, and Angel says he totally is. Lorne sniffs Angel's jacket and asks why Cordelia's perfume is all over it then. Angel says that magic (actual magic and not like feelings magic) brought them together, but that clearly it didn't mean anything
Lorne asks Angel if he's okay with Cordy taking Groo home, and Angel says he totally is. Lorne sniffs Angel's jacket and asks why Cordelia's perfume is all over it then. Angel says that magic (actual magic and not like feelings magic) brought them together, but that clearly it didn't mean anything
Buffy is packing up a Slayer Bag-o-Tricks as she fills us in by way of conversation with Dawn that she's running out mid-dinner to go track down some non-vampire beastie. Dawn is gamely saying everything is fine, but her tight smile and stiff body language say otherwise. Dawn says that perhaps they can set-up for Buffy's birthday trauma party the next day when she gets back, but B tells her not to wait up.I wonder how she got word of this baddie, mid-dinner. Bat signal? Also, no, I do not like this flippy hair thing.
Kirsti: Me neither. I was on board with it when she cut it short, but now it just keeps getting more and more flippy, and I think we need to hold an intervention... Also, BRB, HAVING DAWN FEELS.
Kirsti: Me neither. I was on board with it when she cut it short, but now it just keeps getting more and more flippy, and I think we need to hold an intervention... Also, BRB, HAVING DAWN FEELS.
THE END! We obviously spent some time brainstorming the best way to do this whole finale week thing, and we decided that vlogs would be a good way to get some of our "final thoughts" off of our chests. It's also a solid way for us to revive the Segue Magic feature that sort of fizzled and died. (Stay tuned to see if this revival works out.)
We're not operating on a particularly concrete prompt. This is just sort of "closing thoughts," with Lorraine's video on Friday being the final word on our Fifty Shades series. It seems fitting, since she started this treacherous journey on her lonesome.
We're not operating on a particularly concrete prompt. This is just sort of "closing thoughts," with Lorraine's video on Friday being the final word on our Fifty Shades series. It seems fitting, since she started this treacherous journey on her lonesome.
The actual, official previouslies remind us that the Liars are now in possession of A's cell phone, which happened completely by accident, despite their semi-elaborate plan. We start this episode with the Liars heading back into the Greenhouse of Secrets, all of them all kind of running around like headless chickens. They look for the box New Jason gave Aria while Spencer announces that the cell phone is locked.
Emily wonders where they all were while she almost had her face troweled off. Aria explains that she dropped a bomb at home and was sent to her room. Spencer says Toby cornered her and Hanna blurts out that Kate is moving to Rosewood. That's the piece of news that gets the biggest reaction out of the Liars, because priorities.
Emily wonders where they all were while she almost had her face troweled off. Aria explains that she dropped a bomb at home and was sent to her room. Spencer says Toby cornered her and Hanna blurts out that Kate is moving to Rosewood. That's the piece of news that gets the biggest reaction out of the Liars, because priorities.
We open with Wesley looking at a sketch in a book of a demon lady with six boobs as he talks about how lovely it is. We pan up and as he starts talking about her eyes it's clear that he really means Fred. Cordelia tries to get him back on track as she confirms that the demon in the picture is, in fact, the one from her vision. Then she encourages Wesley to ask Fred out so that he can stop being so moony. He's precious when he asks Cordelia if he is, "very boring on the subject."
Cordelia is also kind of awesome when she teases him about how he used to think she was extraordinary and he takes the bait. She tells him to calm down and makes a snarky comment that implies that Phantom Dennis gets her off with a loofah.
Cordelia is also kind of awesome when she teases him about how he used to think she was extraordinary and he takes the bait. She tells him to calm down and makes a snarky comment that implies that Phantom Dennis gets her off with a loofah.
The episode begins with Spuffy sex, because the Number Gods hate me. They "missed the bed" (K: And ended up UNDER a rug?!) (L: METAPHOR.), which Spike thinks is lucky for the bed. Buffy says he's done a great job with the crypt decorating, and Spike realizes that they're having an actual conversation. They then congratulate each other on their sex skillz but Buffy shuts that down when he calls her an animal. He asks her what this is to her, and if she even likes him. Sometimes. He holds up some handcuffs and asks if she trusts him. "Never."
In Trio's New Basement of Misogyny & Failure, Jonathan and Andrew are bickering while Warren works on something evil.
In Trio's New Basement of Misogyny & Failure, Jonathan and Andrew are bickering while Warren works on something evil.
I'm going to try very hard not to get angry during this epilogue because (1) - We have a whole week's worth of series ending posts to get through and I probably have to ration my anger. You know, plan this wisely and avoid an ulcer or drowning my liver or whatever and (2) - THIS IS THE END, FOR REAL. These are the last words to read, EVER. This is really a celebration, so HAPPY EPILOGUE, EVERYONE!
Sweeney: HAPPY EPILOGUE TO YOU TOO, LOR!
Sweeney: HAPPY EPILOGUE TO YOU TOO, LOR!
After a repeat of the long this-is-the-show-you're-watching narration, we are aboard Serenity. Most of the crew are playing a game that's kind of like basketball and would look really fun if group sports didn't terrify the elementary school nerd inside me. They're having so much fun, and it's giving me happy feels, so I'm going to go ahead and prepare myself for something terrible happening. See: Joss Whedon Ruins Lives.
Sweeney: It's such a stressful watching experience. Happy feels are experienced and immediately followed with anxiety and despair because you know that happy feels can't be trusted.
Sweeney: It's such a stressful watching experience. Happy feels are experienced and immediately followed with anxiety and despair because you know that happy feels can't be trusted.
Little girls are jumping rope, which is always creepy, but this time it's even creepier because they're singing a song while they play: "Pretty Little Liars, all by yourself. Sneak to the park, dig in the dark, telling little lies to make their mark." Ugh, children singing is always the worst. If I ever have children, I will not allow them to creepy sing in groups like that.
Lorraine: Oh, gosh, definitely not. They will also not be allowed to swing on swing sets really slowly or ask anyone if they are his or her mommy. Gotta set ground rules, you know?
Sweeney: Our fear of having creepy children is sort of a sub-theme for this week in Rosewood.
Lorraine: Oh, gosh, definitely not. They will also not be allowed to swing on swing sets really slowly or ask anyone if they are his or her mommy. Gotta set ground rules, you know?
Sweeney: Our fear of having creepy children is sort of a sub-theme for this week in Rosewood.
We open with Angel loading small change into a piggy bank as Cordy holds the baby and eye rolls. Fred asks how the fund for Connor's future is going, and Angel informs her that he found a perfectly good $1.83 in the sofa cushions. He puts the piggy bank into the safe behind Wes' desk, and heads over to look at what Fred's doing on the computer. She's designing a new website for Angel Investigations. He issues some demands - make something bigger, bolder and more tasteful - and then walks away. She sasses a little behind his back.
Sweeney: I know that feel, Fred. I know that feel.
Sweeney: I know that feel, Fred. I know that feel.
We open in the living room at Chez Summers. Willow is filling Xander and Anya in on the Trio. There's another, "who the fuck is Andrew?" line before Xander asks if they should go over and beat up the Trio given that they know where they live and all. Willow informs him that Buffy already tried, but that the Trio had cleared out of the basement. They left a bunch of stuff behind though, and Buffy pilfered some of it.
Willow fangirls for a moment over the idea of spellbooks and charmed objects before Xander gives her a look. Anya, meanwhile, wants to know where Buffy is because she's going to be late for her first day.
Willow fangirls for a moment over the idea of spellbooks and charmed objects before Xander gives her a look. Anya, meanwhile, wants to know where Buffy is because she's going to be late for her first day.
It's the last fucking chapter and I'm supposed to celebrate, but it's also my last opportunity to make sure you understand that ELJ has the worst chapter transitions ever. (And the worst everything ever, but one step at a time, OK?) The only occasions on which Ana doesn't begin the chapter waking up are those that we begin immediately after the end of the last chapter, in a place where a chapter break makes zero sense. This is of the latter variety.
A consistent feature of both chapter beginnings -- and also all the time always -- is Ana asking a lot of really pointless questions. I spend a lot of time in my own head so I'm not one to judge the idea of a very active inner monologue. But what if my inner monologue consisted only of questions?
A consistent feature of both chapter beginnings -- and also all the time always -- is Ana asking a lot of really pointless questions. I spend a lot of time in my own head so I'm not one to judge the idea of a very active inner monologue. But what if my inner monologue consisted only of questions?
This story begins with a dewy Instagram filter as Alison narrates a ghost story about twin little girls. Hanna cuts her off, telling her that she's going to traumatize this child and cause her to get fired. LOL, Hanna, you're a thousand times more responsible than any adult in Rosewood, so don't worry about it. The kid nods for Ali to continue. One twin murders the other and Ali's narration voice gets extra #creepyasshit and the story culminates with her stabbing the Jack-O-Lantern, because Ali was batshit crazy.
Lorraine: The thing that bothered me the most about this creepy story was the way those two girls were playing with their Barbies, just shaking them around. That's when I knew they were evil.
Lorraine: The thing that bothered me the most about this creepy story was the way those two girls were playing with their Barbies, just shaking them around. That's when I knew they were evil.
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