Lor and I have been discussing the idea of a new series, of sorts, in which we can discuss random YouTube videos which catch our attention. I think the idea first came to us during The Lizzie Bennet Diaries. We wanted a way to be able to say, "Hey, here's this cool thing we're watching," but LBD episodes didn't really lend themselves to recapping, what with them being so short. But, you know, it would have been great to establish some sort of precedent/category on the site for us to discuss, for example, Darcy Day. Or the Catching Fire trailers. Or the thousand other flail/rage worthy things that come across the internet that we want to bring to you so that we can all sit around and discuss how we feel about them because obviously Lorraine and I have lost any other way to process such feelings because nobody else in our lives understands why we have so many feelings about fictional things.
The number gods are getting me back for that one time when I got an episode free of Pedzarafitz by starting this one off with Ezria in bed, getting their pedophilia on. The alarm goes off and Ezra rolls over to turn it off and when he rolls back it's New Jason. Aria wakes up. Too late, because I can't unsee that.
Lorraine: OKAY, RIGHT? I had an acutal, physical gag when I realized that was Ezria in a state of undress.
Sweeney: I'm glad I wasn't alone in that.
Lorraine: OKAY, RIGHT? I had an acutal, physical gag when I realized that was Ezria in a state of undress.
Sweeney: I'm glad I wasn't alone in that.
Our tragically abbreviated journey begins with stock war footage. There are explosions and bullets whizzing by as a band of futuristic aircraft gun down a group of soldiers. Welcome to Firefly everyone!
A man in a brown coat makes his way down a hill and safely into a bunker. Inside, he's addressed by another soldier as "sergeant." Sergeant Brown Coat is told that command is holding air support, but as we just saw, they could use some air support ASAP. He barks out a few orders right before a big blast makes everyone look at each other all, "we're totally gonna die, aren't we?"
Sweeney: It's a Joss Whedon show, so I'm sure some of you are correct!
A man in a brown coat makes his way down a hill and safely into a bunker. Inside, he's addressed by another soldier as "sergeant." Sergeant Brown Coat is told that command is holding air support, but as we just saw, they could use some air support ASAP. He barks out a few orders right before a big blast makes everyone look at each other all, "we're totally gonna die, aren't we?"
Sweeney: It's a Joss Whedon show, so I'm sure some of you are correct!
Holtz is riding a horse in York, England 1764. He's flagged down by another horse rider, waving around a torch. Torch Guy tells Holtz he's found them. We cut to a dimly lit house, where there is a knock on the door. A little girl opens to find Darla looking fabulous and Angel in another terrible wig. (K: WILL WE EVER BE FREE OF THE TERRIBLE WIGS???) (S: Forever ago, people promised us the wigs/accents got better. We're already in season 3 and I feel lied to.) The little girl tries to pull the stranger danger card on them, but Angel knows her name and everything, so the little girl relents and lets them in. Angel locks the door behind them.
Holtz and Torch Man meet up with some other riders.
Holtz and Torch Man meet up with some other riders.
Cemetery, night, and I'm a little sad this won't lead to a big number. Buffy turns around suddenly to find that Spike is right behind her. He wants to talk bout the fact that they totally kissed, but Buffy's taking the, "I don't want to talk about it" approach to this all. That's disappointing. I mean, not because I want them to kiss again per se, but because I hate back and forth in relationships. It killed Bangel for me right at the end. JUST KISS HIM, BUFFY. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO.
K: I'm sorry, but on behalf of those of us who fangirl, I'm gonna go ahead and add in Spike's line here: "We...we kissed, you and me. All Gone With The Wind, with the rising music, and the rising...music, and what was that, Buffy?" Hehehehehehehehe.
K: I'm sorry, but on behalf of those of us who fangirl, I'm gonna go ahead and add in Spike's line here: "We...we kissed, you and me. All Gone With The Wind, with the rising music, and the rising...music, and what was that, Buffy?" Hehehehehehehehe.
The last chapter ended with Ana answering a phone call from Mia, only to discover that Jack Hyde, evil boss extraordinaire, was on the other line. We start this chapter one second later. "Jack." My voice has disappeared, choked by fear.
Jack, she says with her voice, one second before the cracked out author tells us her voice has disappeared. Jack is surprised that Ana remembers him. Since he was her boss at her first post-college job, who also tried to sexually molest her, I'm gonna go ahead and say it isn't any wonder she remembers him. Also, she last saw him a few months ago. Maybe this is more a commentary on Jack being surprised that Ana remembers anything at all.
Jack, she says with her voice, one second before the cracked out author tells us her voice has disappeared. Jack is surprised that Ana remembers him. Since he was her boss at her first post-college job, who also tried to sexually molest her, I'm gonna go ahead and say it isn't any wonder she remembers him. Also, she last saw him a few months ago. Maybe this is more a commentary on Jack being surprised that Ana remembers anything at all.
This episode begins with, you guessed it, the girls recapping the last few minutes of the last episode. Spencer managed to get away from Officer Garrett by telling him she had to get home. Well, that was anti-climatic. Hanna suggests that maybe Blind Jenna didn't give Garrett the pottery candle thing, but Spencer thinks that's unlikely. "What do you think, he bought it at the Blind Artists Craft Fair? Of course she gave it to him!"
It turns out that the girls are parked outside of Emily's house, because the people leasing the place don't know how to work the alarm system and it keeps getting set off. This seems like completely pointless information, which probably means it will be important later.
It turns out that the girls are parked outside of Emily's house, because the people leasing the place don't know how to work the alarm system and it keeps getting set off. This seems like completely pointless information, which probably means it will be important later.
Sweeney: I've been over here wondering when Darla's going to turn in up in LA like she promised. I'm not necessarily a fan of all the things they've done in the interim, but I think I like that they took their sweet time with this. FINE, SHOW. FINE. But I think the suspense is over because we kick this episode off in Rome, 1771. TERRIBLE WIG FLASHBACK TIME! Angelus is running around in a sewer (the more things change, the more they stay the same). He's being chased by some monk like dudes. Maybe they're not monks, but they're wearing big brown robes and I can't be bothered to differentiate the kinds of people who wear big brown robes.
Lorraine: Basically, don't wear a big brown robe if you don't want the Snark Ladies to mistake you for a monk.
Sweeney: Precisely.
Lorraine: Basically, don't wear a big brown robe if you don't want the Snark Ladies to mistake you for a monk.
Sweeney: Precisely.
The episode begins with a totally delightful bit of opening credits manipulation that reminds me of Bewitched. The credits feature some fun upbeat music that continues even after the episode ends with the title.
Lorraine: I feel like this episode was telling us right from the beginning that it was going to be fantastic. I was sold 10 seconds into the episode. There was happy seal clapping involved.
Kirsti: The first line of my notes says "These credits remind me of Bewitched!". I'm glad we established our mindmeld only seconds into the episode, Sweeney.
Lorraine: I feel like this episode was telling us right from the beginning that it was going to be fantastic. I was sold 10 seconds into the episode. There was happy seal clapping involved.
Kirsti: The first line of my notes says "These credits remind me of Bewitched!". I'm glad we established our mindmeld only seconds into the episode, Sweeney.
In a nutshell: So there's this guy, right? And he's fighting in the Revolutionary War all heroic and brave like, right up until some creep with a metal mask comes over to stab him. In his dying moments, this guy (Ichabod Crane) goes down swinging and manages to chop off the head of the creep with the mask. He dies, and if that weren't sucky enough, Ichabod Crane is rudely awakened from his grave 250 years later, and soon falls right into an epic mission: the Headless Horseman is back as well, and in the year 2013, it seems that everyone likes their horsemen with heads and generally not going around killing people and being apocalyptic. Ichabod teams up with Lt. Abbie Mills to figure out WTF is going on.
What Lorraine Thinks: This show is batshit crazy.
What Lorraine Thinks: This show is batshit crazy.
The episode starts with all of the girls in their separate rooms in no way referencing what happened last episode. JUST KIDDING. They are all in the Marin Manor kitchen. Emily's explaining that some pipes broke in the house, meaning that Hanna and Em have to share a room. Hanna says that it'll be like a never-ending sleep over and Aria and Spencer give each other hilarious side eye.
Sara: Aria is so good at that side eye. I can't stop watching.
Sweeney: Those big old powderpuff eyes of hers can pull of all sorts of wonderful expressions. There's a slight eyeroll to the Aria shrug, too, that really enhances it.
Sara: Aria is so good at that side eye. I can't stop watching.
Sweeney: Those big old powderpuff eyes of hers can pull of all sorts of wonderful expressions. There's a slight eyeroll to the Aria shrug, too, that really enhances it.
Kirsti: First of all, I'm not handing out gold stars in this episode because it would be like a freaking Oprah show - EVERYONE GETS A GOLD STAR!! Second of all, I hate this episode with the fire of a thousand suns. It's not that it's badly acted or shot or anything like that. It's just 42 minutes of bullshit that makes me indescribably angry, and I kind of can't believe the network signed off on producing this.
Sweeney: Woo! That's...uh...promising. -_-
Lorraine: Hold on:
Sweeney: Woo! That's...uh...promising. -_-
Lorraine: Hold on:
We open at the Magic Box, where they're having their Halloween Bone-anza, and they should REALLY have thought up a different name for that because that does NOT sound like something I would want to attend. (L: Lots of bone jokes lately...) ANYWAY. Xander's dressed as a pirate and is trying to tell a small child dressed as a fireman that he found the bottle of fireflies he's holding off the coast of Kathmandu. The small child is dubious, and I am too because apparently Xander's never cracked an atlas in his life.
Lorraine: Xander gets points though, this being Talk Like a Pirate Day and all. I swear that's a thing. Also, I clearly have to point out that this child is Beans from Even Stevens. That is all.
Lorraine: Xander gets points though, this being Talk Like a Pirate Day and all. I swear that's a thing. Also, I clearly have to point out that this child is Beans from Even Stevens. That is all.
Chapters either begin with Ana waking up and asking herself lots of questions about how she came to a person who is awake or immediately after the previous chapter ended, with Ana asking lots of questions about the thing we just learned. This is the latter. She asks herself all sorts of questions about this "betrayal" and how he could do this to her. That's the one that really gets me. How could he do this to you? Really, Ana? At this point the list of horrible things he has yet to do to you is much shorter than the ones he has. You should have made that list and kept it in your wallet for regular review so you know what to expect next.
I'm not kidding -- two consecutive (short) paragraphs contain a grand total of 10 questions. (That's including two instances of "Why.")
I'm not kidding -- two consecutive (short) paragraphs contain a grand total of 10 questions. (That's including two instances of "Why.")
This is your semi-regular reminder that at least one of these four girls should now have been driven to full-blown insanity with the stress of an ever-changing cadre of blackmailers, murderers, and murders in their lives. The fact that 4/4 are still fully-functional human beings strikes me as implausible at best. Henceforth, I choose to view the story as all being some sort of vivid dream on the part of an institutionalized PLL. It makes the implausibility factor of all other events easier to handle too! You may all begin voting on which PLL's brain my headcanon should be attributed to.
The nervous-break-induced story continues in Emily's bedroom, where the PLLs are folding flyers for a fashion show because that is EVEN BETTER than another effing dance.
The nervous-break-induced story continues in Emily's bedroom, where the PLLs are folding flyers for a fashion show because that is EVEN BETTER than another effing dance.
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