Author: Nicole Sweeney

Buffy the Vampire Slayer S05 E03 – Neither can live while the other survives.

I think I’m being punished by Whedon. First I get a Xander-centric episode, and then later today I get a bunch of insane dream sequences in Angel? What the hell did I do to deserve this?! SIGH.
Lorraine: Pfft. No sympathy from me. Get back to me if Whedon ever does an episode about anal lube.
K: Fair.
We open in the Fruit Roll Up Basement, where Xander, Anya, Buffy and Riley are watching kung fu movies. Anya’s arm is in a sling on account of the head wound she incurred in the last episode turned out to be an arm injury instead? IDK.

Pretty Little Liars S01 E07 – Learn About It

We pick this episode up exactly where the last one left off and our Pretty Little Liars are running through the halls looking for Emily. They consider splitting up, but resolve to "split up together" when nobody wants to be left alone to get picked off by Creepy Toby who they probably incorrectly believe to be A.
Lorraine: Hey, I'm awarding points for at least knowing that you don't wander around alone looking for the guy who comes with his own murder-y soundtrack.
Sweeney: This is true. I forgot about his murdery soundtrack.

Angel S02 E02 – History is the worst.

Wesley is looking over a photograph of the Hyperion Hotel. He tag-teams with Angel to provide us with the relevant back-story. Essentially, it's big, impressive and has been abandoned for a long time. Cordelia comes in and serves Wesley tea, has a cup of coffee for herself and hands Angel a cup of blood Angel inspects it for a bit before telling Cordelia that it appears to be coagulating. She replies that it's just a little cinnamon and she was experimenting. As one does.
Kirsti: He should consider himself lucky - she could have added crumbled up Weetbix to it like Spike does!

Buffy the Vampire Slayer S05 E02 – Harriet the Spy

There were split opinions on the whole randomly throwing out the fact Buffy has a sister thing. It was strange to me, but I also know that I'm not the exact audience it was written for. I only mean that I had 10 years of pop culture to tell me Dawn would show up eventually and a bit of foreshadowing last season told me she was probably Buffy's sister. That's a ton of build-up all leading to about 10 seconds last episode where it was all, "AND BUFFY HAS A SISTER LOLOL."
Sweeney: When I first watched last summer I sent our group of bloggy friends a series of DAFUQ? emails.

Fifty Shades Freed Chapter 08 – It’s whatever.

I always find it amusing when I feel compelled to start a recap by reminding you all of some plot point or other. Most of the time it's because it's some random shit that wouldn't qualify as a plot point anywhere outside of the Fifty Shades series. For instance, please do recall that the architect designing the new Grey house has come to visit the Greys... and she's a woman!
I KNOW, GUYS. How could I think you would forget such a shocking turn of events, in which a woman is a woman near or around Grey?!

Game of Thrones S03 E10 – Unforgivable Acts

THIS IS IT, YOU GUYS. Finale time. The final lying liar credits take us to King's Landing, Dragonstone, FUCKTHETWINS, Winterfellstillonfireallfuckingseason, The Wall, and past the Gulf of Grief to Yunkai.
We begin the episode with my current least favorite person, Roose Bolton, looking down on the epic torching and slaughter of the remaining Stark bannermen. The Hound is riding off with Arya, who tragically comes to just in time to see her brother being paraded through the streets, headless, with his direwolf's head staked to his body, as everyone chants, "The king of the north!" The look on her face is just too much.

Angel S02 E01 – Television’s Big Life Lessons

Sweeney: Beginnings are almost as exciting as endings! I just need to insert the requisite number of YAY NEW SEASON exclamation points! There, that's good. We start the first episode of the season with a demon who is green with red eyes and little red horns who is on the long list of faces I recognize from Tumblr. He looks very menacing, but then he starts belting out "I Will Survive" taking a break to tell the audience (at this show, but also us, the viewing audience) about all the nasty things in LA.
K: LOOOOOOOORNE!!!

Buffy the Vampire Slayer S05 E01 – Mind Control Does Not Equal Consent

Sweeney: Season 5 has mixed reviews from all of you, but anything beats S4 in my book, so let's get started and leave that disappointment behind us. Buffy is lying in bed with Riley and unable to sleep because she knows her relationship is doomed. Or because she knows there's a vampire out there waiting to be staked. Whatever. She gets up, runs through the cemetery and gets to staking before returning to bed, knowing that it's just her doing the slaying and no more Initiative, and all is well in the world.
Lorraine: I got all sorts of Buffy answering the call of duty vibes from this scene. A lot of those very! significant! moments in Restless told us about Buffy coming up against her slayer nature and really belonging to this world.

Pretty Little Liars S01 E06 – If it quacks like a murderer…

Aria is in bed pouting to a St. Lola in the Fields song and flashing back to the pedo-y highlights of her brief "relationship" with her English teacher, Ezrafitz. Her wet-day-dreaming is interrupted by the other members of the Pretty Little Liars who have come to stage an intervention. They want Aria to get out of sweats, which I've got to admit, has happened to me before. The part about my friends showing up at my house and going, "OMG PUT SOME REAL PANTS ON, WE ARE GOING OUT." True story.
Sweeney: Any friends who tried to demand that I put real pants on would be promptly cut out of my life. True story.

Angel S01 Wrap Up

Know what's better for the Snark Ladies than celebrating one end of something? CELEBRATING TWO ENDS OF SOMETHING. WE DID IT!
Season 1 of Angel took some time trying to find its footing, though very little of it was worse than boring. We were reluctant to take on this new project and long commitment, but all said and done, I'm super glad we did.
If the first seasons of Buffy were about using about using the supernatural to metaphorically represent high school, the beginning episodes of Angel were all, "by the way, graduating high school is hell too."

Buffy the Vampire Slayer S04 Wrap Up

Although we have discussed our difficulties with ranking in the past, this was probably the easiest list for me to put together. I moved episodes around a lot less than I did in S2 & s3. Aside from the final two episodes, which I have gone back and forth on, I have no reservations about the list. That said, my list basically fell into three groups (1) Good Episodes (2) #MEH Episodes -and- (3) Never Again Episodes. I'm not surprised by how many fell into the last category, but for all of our S4 bitching an moaning, group one is actually almost half the list. The biggest problem with this season is that it's so hit-or-miss. There are several episodes that are just AWFUL, and the Never Again section on this season is definitely longer than previous season for me.

Fifty Shades Freed Chapter 07 – Losing Forever

The actual end to the last chapter, after all the anal lube, was Grey showing Ana the security footage of the arsonist. Ana insta-recognizes the arsonist as Jack Strobe-Light-Eyed-Rapey-Boss Hyde, but we are unimpressed because the cheatery narration practically told us he did it before it happened. Like, that stupid epilogue to book two might as well have been, "And then I lit Grey's office on fire! While he was out of town! A completely ineffectual attack, because gross incompetence is the thing we all have in common in these books!"

BSC #019 “Claudia and the Bad Joke” – PTSD

Sweeney: IT'S A BSC POST. WUT? I know. Madness. I don't know why I'm doing this myself either, except that I was recently (LOL, I started writing this two months ago, so, uh, "recently") reminded of how much fun it is to hate Kristy Thomas.
Lorraine: No, but seriously. Sweeney told me there was a Baby-sitters post ready for comments, and it took me a moment to remember what that even meant.
Sweeney: On that note, the book begins with this:
"You know," said Kristy Thomas, "I have never been hit in the face with a pie."

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