Author: Nicole Sweeney

Game of Thrones S03 E06 – Soul Darkening

The sometimes-useful-for-Lor-but-always-an-evil-lying-liar-to-me-credits show us King's Landing, Harrenhal, Riverrun, Still-Depressingly-On-Fire-Winterfell, The Wall, and Yunkai. You can assume that the honesty of the credits is directly related to the Snark Lady doing the week's recap.
Samwell is attempting to light a fire for Gilly, but she's all LOL, you don't know what you're doing and I do. I give no shits about either of them and they have nothing to really talk about, especially once Gilly realizes that Sam's lack of ability to do much of anything is the product of his being highborn. He tries to impress her with that knife he found forever ago.

Angel S01 E14 – Ominous sound effects can’t be trusted.

Wesley is showing Angel a super special knife, useful for killiig Kek demons, which would be great Angel says, if Kek demons weren't extinct. Wesley holds out hope that there may yet be a sole, hibernating Kek.
The oven buzzes. Cordelia is baking brownies. She enters to collect said brownies as Wesley comments under his breath that he thought what he smelled was something he tracked in. Cordy tells Wesley he's going to love them. Angel is saved from a taste test because his selective eating says so. (S: I'd abuse the shit out of that too.)

Buffy the Vampire Slayer S04 E14 – Balls all over your wall.

Buffy is doing her version of the "previouslies" for the Scooby Gang, as this episode starts right after the last. The more I think about the whole Buffy in the Initiative development, the more unlikely it seems to me that they brought her in against their better judgement and then 10 minutes later were all LOL. JAYKAY! She's a liability and we're gonna kill her. But that is indeed what happened.
K: Agreed. It's totally stupid. Unless the whole thing was an attempt to pump her for information about what the Slayer is/does, and then when the Evil Bitch Monster realised that she couldn't chop off bits of Buffy and put them into Adam, she put her in the Too Hard Basket?

Pretty Little Liars S01 E01 – Everyone’s a Murderer

We open up in a barn with four obnoxiously gorgeous girls and 3oh!3's "Don't Trust the Girl" playing in the background, which is a pretty suitable song choice. When the power goes out, the sleepover party gets a little freaked, especially when they hear a noise outside. They get up to go Nancy Drew the situation when the door creaks open, and OH FUCK! ....Wait, no, it's just a fifth gorgeous girl, Alison. If only one of the Pretty Little Liars had hit her with a bat or something, right? Then I guess we'd just be watching Pretty Little Girls Who Are Kind of Boring and Don't Do Much and Nothing Murdery Ever Happens, and that title doesn't have the same ring to it.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer S04 E13 – Don’t touch our toys.

Sweeney: The episode begins with Willow chanting, but we pan out and realize that she's just "praying" for a good card in a poker game with Xander and Anya, who is predictably bad at poker. Xander is bummed about their current lack of money, but he swears that's about to change because he's going to sell some crap that doesn't sound at all appealing.
K: I love Anya's "dirty dirty cheater witch" expression of exasperation. Also her complaining about playing poker with chips. In high school, we used to play poker with M&Ms. Which turned out to be horribly flawed because we'd eat them all in about five minutes and not be able to bet any more...

Fifty Shades Freed Chapter 02 – Sensual threats.

Ana knows she's in deep trouble because she's topless on a European beach. Grey picks up her bikini top, throws it at her and hisses for her to get dressed. Ana tries to tell him that no one is looking, on account of this being A EUROPEAN BEACH but she's Ana Freakin' Steele so of course people are looking at her magical boobs. I'm sure a rainbow can be found between them and there is a unicorn that rides back and forth in merry bliss. Ooooor, Grey is a possessive asshole and no one else in the world gives any shits about Ana's boobs. Either or.
Sweeney: I always struggle with these multiple choice quizzes.
Lor: I make them difficult on purpose.

The More You Know April 2013 – People are crazy. Especially us.

Sweeney: We missed two days because (1) Lor was helping me get my shit out of storage (Welcome to California!) -and- (2) We decided that vacation meant all the sleep and none of the TV.
Lorraine: Our lives are super glamorous. I'm not being sarcastic; the naps I took in LA were FANTASTIC. Totally worth storage moving.
Sweeney: Aside from our glamorous lives with amazing naps, we've been busy this month! To reiterate the theme from last month's TMYK: not dying = winning.

Game of Thrones S03 E05 – Instant Judgement

I think the credits like me better than Sweeney. I get a new place today! Off we go to King's Landing, Harrenhal, Riverrun, Winterfell on Fire, The Wall, and Yunkai!
Sweeney: OH. COOL. -_-
Lor: We start at the Brotherhood Without Banners and they are praying to the Lord of Light, to give them wisdom and to let The Hound die if he's guilty, "for the night is dark and full of terrors." I feel really bad stereotyping an entire group of fictional characters based solely on their religion, but maybe now that they've all chanted "the night is dark" thing, I can stereotype them based on their motto? No? I'M SORRY. They are just creeping me out now.

Angel S01 E12 – You are not the father.

Cordelia starts us off by using a window as a mirror to apply some lip gloss. Angel startles her when he walks in, and she gives herself a little bit of a Joker mouth. As she cleans herself up, she jokes about being too young and carefree for a heart attack. Angel turns the joke around on her as he sorts through some files, and remarks that she should be less young and carefree with those, as she's placed a Mrs. Benson's file under F. Cordy remembers that she did so because Mrs. Benson is from France, a fact that she relates with her being a pain in the ass. Also, Cordelia is wearing a large bandanna as a top.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer S04 E12 – Beware of old friends bearing booze.

We open in the Bigger on the Inside Dorm Room where Buffy and Riley are making out on her bed and the background music suggests that the show has been relocated to Capeside. I fully expect Joey Potter to climb in the window any minute (#TeamPacey). (L: #duh) Riley asks if she's expecting anyone (yes, Joey Potter. We just established that, dude), and she says that Willow's going to be at the library all night. He starts to pull her shirt up and Willow, cockblocker extraordinaire, bursts through the door to rescue us all from the need for brain bleach (which is an excellent thing, because I know what's coming in episode 18, and we'll need to hoard that shit like it's gold).

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO US.

Sweeney: As with many of our big plans, this was meant to be edited and uploaded sooner. This was going to happen in the same universe where we were going to...

Game of Thrones S03 E04 – Many Varieties of Badass

Shit got so real last time that I'm even willing to tell you all the stuff from the opening credits, even though I'm still not on good terms with them. King's Landing, Harrenhal, Riverrun, Winterfell (STILL ON FUCKING FIRE), The Wall, Astapor. I pay attention and you gave me nothing new! You did inform me that Natalie Dormer, granddaughter FLOWERBOSS is in this episode, so I'm pumped. I'd also add that we no longer cross at The Narrow Sea, rather, The Shivering Sea. And Astapor is just off The Gulf of Grief. Those sound like the worst bodies of water ever.
Lorraine: See?? Even when the credits have nothing new to tell us, there is always something new to note, because seriously, who the hell would live just off the Gulf of Grief?

Angel S01 E11 – Gratuitous gifs

Kirsti: SURPRISE!!!! Lor didn't get the chance to watch today's episode of Angel before she flew out to California to hang out with Sweeney and DAMMIT WHY AM I ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE WORLD RIGHT NOW. Anyway, Lor and I have done a swap, so you're stuck with me today. Which is absolutely fine by me, because today's episode has a spectacular guest star.
Sweeney: HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Lorraine: Seriously, thank you for doing this so Sweeney and I could hang out on the right side of the world. AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Plugin by Social Author Bio