Unfortunately for Mary Anne, and more importantly me, she is trapped in the eighth grade for the rest of forever and it’s just not a good look for her.
Our story begins with the usual redundant nonsense. Kristy is gross, but Mary Anne is lame and obsessed with her, so we get to hear all about it. Today our girls are placed into predictable developing-complex-characters-is-hard boxes by way of introducing them alongside their lunch choices. Kristy gets the school lunch so she can be gross, Dawn eats granola and tofu and shit, and Claudia loves junk food blah blah blah. Oh and also Kristy lives in a giant-house-no-jk-a-mansion and Claudia is “exotic.” The usual.
Lorraine: We made some changes. I guess we should lead off with a thousand thank yous to all of you for your patience as we made these changes. They’ll be...
Lorraine: After I saw “The Avengers” on Saturday afternoon with some friends, we spent a hefty chunk of time discussing what we’d just seen. We quoted lines back to each...
Lorraine: I’m not actually sure that this update will be at all snarky, mostly because it’s just me and I don’t have any material from Stine or Martin or Pascal...
Previously: The Baby-sitters said goodbye to Stacey and then hello to Mallory. They also went on vacation which isn’t exciting as it sounds. — Sweeney: I think I’m going to...
Nugs: When I was in high school, I hung out with this dude who was a massive stoner. He slept near his bowl the way old people keep their fingers...
Previously: Stacey left and we said goodbye to her like 87 times. —Nugs: I feel like I should get this out before the Ladies of Snark make some kind of...
For Christmas this year, we’re blessing you all with the best thing to ever come to Sweet Valley, “The Evil Twin” mini-series. Catch up with the links below before continuing...
Sweet Valley High #096 “The Arrest ” – Or the one where we think of lots of ways for Jessica to die.
We’re back with our third installment of A Very Sweet Valley Christmas, Childhood Trauma’s gift to you. Part 1 can be found here, and part 2 can be found here.—Sara:...
Previously: Liz and Jess decided they wanted a Jungle Prom and they both wanted to be the Prom Queen. Jess took it a little too seriously, though, when she decided...
Previously: A new girl in a hippie skirt tries to break Claudia away from the BSC. All’s well that ends with a poorly crafted rhyming poem, however and the BSC...
Lorraine: It would be very ungrateful of us to let Thanksgiving pass by without acknowledging it in some way. Truth be told, Childhood Trauma has quickly become my favorite thing...
Previously: Grandpa Moneybags shipped his grandkids off to an island for the summer and they ended up finding dead people bones and a long lost relative. They still really enjoyed...
Previously: Kristy’s cuntiness is rivaled when a snob in her neighborhood makes fun of her dead dog. Their book long hatred is solved, however, when Kristy throws pizza on the...
Lorraine: And before you judge me preemptively for the title of this post, let me go ahead and show you the cover of this book: In case you were wondering,...
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