Hello friends and welcome back to nonsensical murder college.
This book is absolutely taking over bookish communities right now. I read it, in good faith, because I heard good reviews even before it was published. I hated it. It is in fact so bad that it can be snarked, chapter by chapter. Hello, welcome.
Remember that Max is out of town, so he doesn't have the Thames to immediately convey his emotions. Have no fear, we get a bunch of other weather updates to compensate
Previously: Edward dreams of murder. — Marines: Please recall that Bella is asking Edward the few questions he allowed her to ask. She wants to ask one more question. Eddie is...
I know you guys have all been waiting to find out what question Edward is going to ask Bella, right? It must be BIG because Stephenie Meyer decided to end her previous chapter and start a whole new one!
Here we go!
"Can I ask just one more?" I pleaded as Edward accelerated much too quickly down the quiet street."
Aw, man! Stephenie! You cheated!
Edward allows Bella one more question but his lips are "pressed together in a cautious line." Is this like his "careful eyes"? Are all of my features reckless? Are they bad to the bone?
Here we go!
"Can I ask just one more?" I pleaded as Edward accelerated much too quickly down the quiet street."
Aw, man! Stephenie! You cheated!
Edward allows Bella one more question but his lips are "pressed together in a cautious line." Is this like his "careful eyes"? Are all of my features reckless? Are they bad to the bone?
Previously: We watched a second season of a show! All hail The Ruth Wilson Stan Club. — Sweeney: I promise I will stop using these post intros as a place...
Previously: Max stares at Alessia creepily while she cleans. — Marines: Alessia is super excited because she’s entering his apartment. Will she ever use his name in this book or is that going...
Previously: We watched the Netflix chess lady show! — Sweeney: This is a really miraculous day around these parts and not just because it’s my third consecutive week in a...
Previously: Shit! Fuck! Bloody hell! Fuck a duck! — Marines: Alessia arrives at Max’s apartment with lots of trepidation. “Her heart sinks when she’s met with the unnerving silence of the alarm.” ...
Previously: Max had sex. — Marines: If you’ll recall, Max just asked Alessia who the heck she is. “Zot!” she thinks, because writing characters who speak another language means just...
Previously: Surprise heir and another house on the Thames. — Marines: Max is in a cab, on his way back to the office. He gets a call from someone named...
Previously: Disco Ball hanging in trees, more a stalker than we originally knew. — Marines: Hello! Extended breaks are a thing around Snark Squad, but things went especially south in the...
On the girly roadtrip to Port Angeles, Jessica wibbles about boys and dates while forcing them to listen to "whiny rock songs". Despite this, Bella informs us that "the estrogen rush was invigorating". I…don't know what the fuck that means. I think she's trying to say that it was nice to hang out with other teenage girls, but she's also told us multiple times that she gives zero fucks about Jessica and Angela, so…yeah.
Marines: I died laughing. I've been a girl all of my life and I've never experienced an invigorating estrogen rush. Should I be asking for my money back?
Marines: I died laughing. I've been a girl all of my life and I've never experienced an invigorating estrogen rush. Should I be asking for my money back?
Previously: Rosalie, ugh, am I right. — Kirsti: When your uterus wakes you up at 6.15am during lockdown and you can’t get back to sleep because the painkillers haven’t kicked in...
Pop quiz time everyone!
This chapter starts out by revealing Bella's feelings about basketball.
Does she:
a) Hate it
b) not care about it
or c) she's the worst.
Did you guess? That's right! The answer is she's fucking the worst and all of the above.
This chapter starts out by revealing Bella's feelings about basketball.
Does she:
a) Hate it
b) not care about it
or c) she's the worst.
Did you guess? That's right! The answer is she's fucking the worst and all of the above.