Bella's face down on her sleeping bag. Edward strokes her knotty disgusting hair, and somehow she still knows that his hand is cold? (M: Like when you wash your hair with cold water. *cough*) Whatever. She says that she wants to die, and I really want her to die too. (A: Me three!) Although frankly, after the abomination that was the last chapter, I want EVERYONE to die. But sadly, Edward says he'll never let that happen. Um. So he's NOT going to let anyone turn her into a vampire? What's the point of this goddamn series then?! (C: Torture?)
Oh wow. WOW. I guess I got this chapter. The Twilight gods have not smiled kindly on my today, friends. I see how it is. *sigh*
Marines: If you read that and are thinking, "why do they keep saying this? Why won't they all accept there are no good chapters?" I can only say we are brave and endlessly hopeful in the face of adversity.
Annie: Each new chapter is just garbage in book form, each one worse than the last. I mean, it can't possibly be worse than two boys fighting over her like Bella's some sex companion to be won while she lays there, unconscious. Right?
Marines: If you read that and are thinking, "why do they keep saying this? Why won't they all accept there are no good chapters?" I can only say we are brave and endlessly hopeful in the face of adversity.
Annie: Each new chapter is just garbage in book form, each one worse than the last. I mean, it can't possibly be worse than two boys fighting over her like Bella's some sex companion to be won while she lays there, unconscious. Right?
We open the chapter with Bella, fully dressed, stuffed into her sleeping bag, in the tent with Edward. Bella is freezing and to hit it home, Meyer uses this fun device where Bella is stuttering and beyond just telling us that, she gives us this:
Marines: Aaaaaand we found this recap's single phrase that describes the whole series. "This is so unnecessary and annoying" can join such greats as "Shut up, Edward" and "I hope the baby vampires eat you all."
Catherine: Also: "What have we done to deserve this?"
“W-w-w-w-w-what t-t-t-t-time is it?” - I forced the words through my rattling teeth.That is so unnecessary and annoying.
Marines: Aaaaaand we found this recap's single phrase that describes the whole series. "This is so unnecessary and annoying" can join such greats as "Shut up, Edward" and "I hope the baby vampires eat you all."
Catherine: Also: "What have we done to deserve this?"
Bella wakes up and describes what the sky is doing, and I'm telling you just in case you maybe forgot that is a thing Meyer does in 90% of her chapters. Edward leaves Bella alone so she can get dressed and she tells us that she's thankful for this moment to think. I guess the down side of having your boyfriend around every waking moment and, hey, also around watching you sleep is that you feel like you never have a chance to think.
Annie: Edward doesn't want to give her time to think because that would give Bella the opportunity to realize how toxic and awful their relationship is, and she might try to leave the relationship. And abusive partners hate when that happens.
Annie: Edward doesn't want to give her time to think because that would give Bella the opportunity to realize how toxic and awful their relationship is, and she might try to leave the relationship. And abusive partners hate when that happens.
I skipped ahead to see what happens in this chapter and I only have one thing to say: WHY ME? WHY DO I KEEP BEING PUNISHED BY THE CHAPTER GODS?
Just hang on while I mentally prepare myself, you guys.
Marines: Kirsti. GET IT TOGETHER. We are ALL being punished by the chapter gods.
Catherine: This book is like Russian Roulette but the gun is fully loaded.
K: Pretty much exactly.
Just hang on while I mentally prepare myself, you guys.
Marines: Kirsti. GET IT TOGETHER. We are ALL being punished by the chapter gods.
Catherine: This book is like Russian Roulette but the gun is fully loaded.
K: Pretty much exactly.
After the excitement of last chapter, Bella is all tuckered out and Daddy!Edward has to carry her home in his arms and put her to bed. I assume he explained something to Charlie, otherwise he would've had to shove her in through the window and crawl in after her like you do when you're trying to move a big couch.
Marines: Yeah, I'm assuming that's what happened. He was probably like, "meh. She's asleep anyway *shove*."
Annie: I wonder how Charlie feels about co-parenting his teenage daughter with her teenage boyfriend. Because I think it would make me homicidal.
Marines: Yeah, I'm assuming that's what happened. He was probably like, "meh. She's asleep anyway *shove*."
Annie: I wonder how Charlie feels about co-parenting his teenage daughter with her teenage boyfriend. Because I think it would make me homicidal.
We open this chapter in the car, on the ride home from the graduation party. Bella is being her usual ungrateful self and is complaining about how the graduation party was way too long.
You should try reading these goddamn books, Bella. (C: Seriously.) (K: AGREED.)
Edward is petting her arm, because she needs soothing. Like a baby. Bella tells us all the ways the vampires soothed her: Alice patted her, Esme kissed her forehead and Emmett burped her, then swaddled her. Probably.
Marines: I wonder if anyone thought to try a binky. I hear it helps.
You should try reading these goddamn books, Bella. (C: Seriously.) (K: AGREED.)
Edward is petting her arm, because she needs soothing. Like a baby. Bella tells us all the ways the vampires soothed her: Alice patted her, Esme kissed her forehead and Emmett burped her, then swaddled her. Probably.
Marines: I wonder if anyone thought to try a binky. I hear it helps.
As Bella walks the plank that will lead her to a UGH, OH MY GOD, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? party, Edward sneaks up behind her and pulls her into a kiss. Bella tells us there is too much "tension edge" and "lip crush" to the kiss, which has her worried. Because Edward only kisses her to manipulate her, prove a point, or when he's secretly trying to say goodbye.
Annie: Again, why the fuck are they together? There is no real passion here, unless you count the passion for murdering her, so what the fuck.
Annie: Again, why the fuck are they together? There is no real passion here, unless you count the passion for murdering her, so what the fuck.
Bella stands in front of her wardrobe doing the typical "I have nothing to wear to graduation!" rant. She's planning on finding a top to go with her khaki skirt, and I'm going to go out on a limb and say that the fact that she owns a khaki skirt explains a lot about why she doesn't have anything to wear.
Marines: Now, I don't know if you wrote this recap before we spent time making fun of this khaki skirt or if you are just taking any opportunity to make fun of the khaki skirt. Either way: LOL.
Marines: Now, I don't know if you wrote this recap before we spent time making fun of this khaki skirt or if you are just taking any opportunity to make fun of the khaki skirt. Either way: LOL.
Hey guys! So, according to my Kindle, chapter 15 contains the 50% mark of Eclipse. If you don't think making it halfway through this book is an achievement, you've never read Eclipse.
As we approached this milestone, I had the idea to whip out an old standby from our Fifty Shades days: the midway point video. It was kind of an impulse thing, so Kirsti and I were the only ones who got to film. Either that or Annie and Catherine only pretended to be "really busy" and are actually crying tears of happiness over the opportunity to skip a chapter. I see y'all.
As we approached this milestone, I had the idea to whip out an old standby from our Fifty Shades days: the midway point video. It was kind of an impulse thing, so Kirsti and I were the only ones who got to film. Either that or Annie and Catherine only pretended to be "really busy" and are actually crying tears of happiness over the opportunity to skip a chapter. I see y'all.
It's Wednesday afternoon. I know that, because Bella tells us so. Alice is planning on throwing the graduation party anyway, because the invitations have already been sent. They argue a bit about whether or not it's appropriate to have a party with the impending doom hanging over them. Alice tells Bella that she will only graduate from high school for the first time once, so that's cause to celebrate and do it right.
Kirsti: It causes me pain to say this, but I'm actually siding with Bella on this one.
Catherine: I mean, right? 'For the first time once' isn't even a good incentive?
Kirsti: It causes me pain to say this, but I'm actually siding with Bella on this one.
Catherine: I mean, right? 'For the first time once' isn't even a good incentive?
We've been super inconsistent here and when that happens you can just blame it on me. This month in the ongoing saga of why my life is kind of chaotic, I started a brand new job after being out of the country for a couple of weeks. Also, though, reading this book is hard.
Kirsti: SO FREAKING HARD OH MY GOD.
Annie: I'm on week 3 of my 7 week vacation and I'm still finding it hard to read this book, so.
Kirsti: SO FREAKING HARD OH MY GOD.
Annie: I'm on week 3 of my 7 week vacation and I'm still finding it hard to read this book, so.
The next day, Alice informs Bella that they're throwing a graduation party, and also she's only telling Bella this because she had a vision that Bella would freak the fuck out if it was a surprise. (M: HOW THE HELL is she having a vision about that if it is in no way a decision Bella is making...?) (K: Contrivance.) Bella grumbles about it, and then wants to know why they couldn't have waited to tell her until closer to graduation. Alice is all "Uh. Graduation is a week away, girl..."
Marines: Time kind of speeds up on me all the time. I get it. But more in a, "I can't believe it's June!" kind of way and not this crazy reaction Bella's having because apparently she missed the June memo entirely.
Marines: Time kind of speeds up on me all the time. I get it. But more in a, "I can't believe it's June!" kind of way and not this crazy reaction Bella's having because apparently she missed the June memo entirely.
So after Bella was handed off for partial custody from vampire to werewolf last chapter, she starts this chapter at a bonfire with all of the werewolves.
They're eating hotdogs and talking.
Kirsti: More accurately, they're eating hot dogs that were cooked on wire hangers. I'm still not sure why that level of detail was necessary.
They're eating hotdogs and talking.
Kirsti: More accurately, they're eating hot dogs that were cooked on wire hangers. I'm still not sure why that level of detail was necessary.
I'm trying very hard to ignore the fact that the name of this chapter is "Scent."
The chapter opens with Bella wondering why they're all so immature. Me, too, Bell-Bells.
Edward tells Bella that he doesn't feel any personal antagonism towards Jacob.
LOLOLOL. Okay. Sure.
Catherine: LOL. Yeah right, Edward. It's all just professional anger and not at all about the girl you're fighting over.
Kirsti: "I wish he'd die in a fire, but it's nothing personal!"
The chapter opens with Bella wondering why they're all so immature. Me, too, Bell-Bells.
Edward tells Bella that he doesn't feel any personal antagonism towards Jacob.
LOLOLOL. Okay. Sure.
Catherine: LOL. Yeah right, Edward. It's all just professional anger and not at all about the girl you're fighting over.
Kirsti: "I wish he'd die in a fire, but it's nothing personal!"