Today's fun time in Sunnydale begins in a funeral home where two guys are closing up, after preparing an older woman for her service the next day.
Kirsti: Right, because you'd totally leave a dead body sitting out at room temperature all night...
Sweeney: Kirsti, that sentence already requires me to think more about the care of dead bodies than I'd like. (See also: any thinking about the subject at all.)
After the guys leave, Buffy and Xander emerge from coffins. Xander says something about wanting to HELP. Seems like a lazy way to earn the star, but kudos for being so quick about it and beating everyone else to it:
We open at Sunnydale Airport, where it looks weirdly like an early episode of Friends. Passengers are deplaning, and the camera pans across to show Buffy, Dawn and Xander waiting. Dawn looks pissed, Buffy looks a little anxious, and Xander is carrying a placard that says "WELCOME HOME WILLOW" in yellow crayon. Aww. (L: Super aww.) Dawn teases Xander over how many times he's told the yellow crayon story, and then announces that she's nervous about seeing Willow. Buffy agrees, and wonders what you say to someone who flayed a dude alive and then tried to end the world. Xander says that he's going to start with "Hi, Willow," and go from there. (S: Additional, "Aww.") He also says that Giles wouldn't have let her leave unless she was fully recovered. Buffy worriedly says that Giles told her Willow wasn't really ready to come back but that it was important that she did.
he actual previouslies are in fact two full minutes of everything we said we wanted to forget happened in season 6, including the attempted rape. Some of you claimed to love this episode, so I will try not to hold that reel against it. In case you were wondering, though, yep. I still hate it.
Sweeney: WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO US, SHOW?
Kirsti: Not even the few seconds tacked on the end of stuff that happened in the previous episode could dull my fury.
Sweeney: WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO US, SHOW?
Kirsti: Not even the few seconds tacked on the end of stuff that happened in the previous episode could dull my fury.
Because the show knows we are ready for a major change of pace from ALL THE THINGS, we decide to really get weird and kick off S7 in Istanbul because, "Why the fuck not?" also because it's the 2000s now and everyone noticed how incredibly white this show is. We see a teenage girl running through the streets of Istanbul being chased by hooded men. Unfortunately, this new PoC gets stabbed by one of the hooded men without even getting to say any words. Sorry, girl.
Kirsti: Womp womp. Also, when this episode first aired and opened in Istanbul, I was 1000% convinced that I'd gotten my days mixed up and was watching Alias instead.
Lorraine: I was convinced that we were going to start with Spike. Also, having seen this whole episode, I still don't know what this is. Being a Snow is still stupid in season 7. FYI.
Kirsti: Womp womp. Also, when this episode first aired and opened in Istanbul, I was 1000% convinced that I'd gotten my days mixed up and was watching Alias instead.
Lorraine: I was convinced that we were going to start with Spike. Also, having seen this whole episode, I still don't know what this is. Being a Snow is still stupid in season 7. FYI.
It's over. Remember when we finished S4 and we were all about the party gifs? It was all, "SHOTS, SHOTS, SHOTS, SHOTS, SHOTS, SHOTS, EVERBOODDDYYYYY!" and life was good, you know? This is more like wounded soldiers drinking at the bar, solemnly exchanging war stories and comparing battle scars. We're done. We survived.
Blogging this season has been rough. S6 is heavy and dark and it calls for a lot of breaks. Instead, we watched it twice a week, spending several hours with each episode. That has been a challenge. Admittedly, the other challenge has been the strong feelings of the existing fan base. This season has done some damage that I worry is irreparable.
Blogging this season has been rough. S6 is heavy and dark and it calls for a lot of breaks. Instead, we watched it twice a week, spending several hours with each episode. That has been a challenge. Admittedly, the other challenge has been the strong feelings of the existing fan base. This season has done some damage that I worry is irreparable.
We start exactly where we left off, because this aired as a two hour finale. Buffy and Anya both pull themselves upright, equal parts thrilled and confused to see Giles. Willow on the other hand says, "Uh oh. Daddy's home." He tells her calmly but coldly that she needs to stop what she's doing, but she replies that she's not done yet. She starts to stand, but Giles says "Stay down" and gestures with his fingers. She falls back to the floor, and informs us that no, Giles didn't go back to England become a crazy powerful warlock. He's using borrowed power.
Giles says that he's there to help, but she has no fucks to give. She uses magic to hover herself into the air. Giles makes his "stay down" gesture again, but Willow makes a gesture of her own, and remains unaffected. Giles looks worried.
Giles says that he's there to help, but she has no fucks to give. She uses magic to hover herself into the air. Giles makes his "stay down" gesture again, but Willow makes a gesture of her own, and remains unaffected. Giles looks worried.
We get an entire season worth of previouslies which, much like the Scoobies, almost entirely ignores Dawn. Poor Dawnie. Once that's over with, Buffy's running through the woods followed by Anya and Xander. Xander stops running to possibly throw up, because OH GOD WILLOW JUST FLAYED A GUY. Buffy says that they can't afford to stop because of Willow's "one down..." line. Anya completes the phrase and earns herself a gold star.
Sweeney: Congrats Anya! I don't think she's received many of these!
Lorraine: Xander mentions the smell and sound of the flaying, which is something I hadn't previously given thought to. THANKS XANDER.
Sweeney: Congrats Anya! I don't think she's received many of these!
Lorraine: Xander mentions the smell and sound of the flaying, which is something I hadn't previously given thought to. THANKS XANDER.
I actually just finished watching Seeing Red about 20 minutes ago. After unloading all of my WHY TARA WHY feelings on Twitter (and the last post), I decided to just finish off my emotions and watch this episode too. The point of all this is just to warn you that I wrote this while my emotions were freshly Whedon-ed. Also, WHY TARA WHY? An ambulance arrives at 1630 Revello.
Kirsti: I stop to have thousands and thousands of feels because the last time an ambulance was called to Chez Summers, it was in The Body.
Sweeney: And this episode makes plenty of allusions to that one. Thousands of feels totally called for.
Kirsti: I stop to have thousands and thousands of feels because the last time an ambulance was called to Chez Summers, it was in The Body.
Sweeney: And this episode makes plenty of allusions to that one. Thousands of feels totally called for.
I grew anxious about recapping this episode months ago. I hadn't even anticipated how much drama would ensue in Traumaland before we reached this point. I was a little blindsided by that, to be honest. The bright side is that it actually makes this recap a little less scary for me. The stage has been well set, and many an argument has already been had much earlier than I expected. This, of course, isn't going to make this episode any more enjoyable to watch. But that's what we're going to do, so let's get to it.
Kirsti: I'm pretty sure that back in January when Sweeney and I hung out in LA for like four hours, one of the first things I said (besides "OMG, In n Out needs to come to Australia because this shake is magical") was "I'm scared of Seeing Red." So yeah.
Kirsti: I'm pretty sure that back in January when Sweeney and I hung out in LA for like four hours, one of the first things I said (besides "OMG, In n Out needs to come to Australia because this shake is magical") was "I'm scared of Seeing Red." So yeah.
After the previouslies, we're in one of Sunnydale's many cemeteries. A couple of vampires are running for their lives, but not from Buffy. No, they're running from the Trio, who are all riding quad bikes with stakes on the front of them and who are after the metal disc one of the vamps is holding. Because OBVIOUSLY to everything in that sentence.
One of the vamps stops and breaks a branch off a nearby tree, and uses it to knock Andrew off his quad bike. Warren and Jonathan swerve to avoid him and collide. The vamps run for it but only get as far as the gate before they're attacked by Buffy. Clearly not having a good night. Buffy knocks one vamp out, and starts pummelling the other. While doing so, the knocked out vamp comes to and starts creeping up behind her.
One of the vamps stops and breaks a branch off a nearby tree, and uses it to knock Andrew off his quad bike. Warren and Jonathan swerve to avoid him and collide. The vamps run for it but only get as far as the gate before they're attacked by Buffy. Clearly not having a good night. Buffy knocks one vamp out, and starts pummelling the other. While doing so, the knocked out vamp comes to and starts creeping up behind her.
Buffy is walking alone at night, but today we find her not in a graveyard, but on a sidewalk, looking over some information on rental properties. From Buffy we transition to a computer screen that has her image. Video surveillance. Jonathan is asleep in front of the computer until Warren squirts him with a water gun and berates him for sleeping on the job again.
Kirsti: Having recently destroyed a laptop by spilling water on the keyboard, I strongly recommend that Warren NOT use that method again in the future. Course, he's a fucking sociopath and probably has no fucks to give about his computers, so whatevs.
Kirsti: Having recently destroyed a laptop by spilling water on the keyboard, I strongly recommend that Warren NOT use that method again in the future. Course, he's a fucking sociopath and probably has no fucks to give about his computers, so whatevs.
The episode begins with Willow telling Buffy how hideous something looks while lightning crackles. It's just their bridesmaids dresses that they're discussing. Willow is actually Best Man, though, which earns her some bonus terrible sleeve. Actually, it's sort of a nice analogy for the way bridesmaids dresses work -- your stupid dress highlights the special snowflake that is the bride. It figures, then, that the show's eponymous character would have the less stupid of the two dresses. Willow's thinking the traditional blood larva and burlap sounds less bad. No, Willow, it definitely doesn't.
Kirsti: Oh God, the dresses. They're SO AWFUL. Also, I've always thought that the tradition was "blood lava" because in non-US English, larva and lava are pronounced the same. I can't decide if it makes less sense or more sense now.
Kirsti: Oh God, the dresses. They're SO AWFUL. Also, I've always thought that the tradition was "blood lava" because in non-US English, larva and lava are pronounced the same. I can't decide if it makes less sense or more sense now.
We open at the Doublemeat Palace. Buffy is scraping a disgusting amount of brown sludge off the grill while another employee tells her that the key to working at the DMP is politics. He talks about Machiavelli, and when she thinks that's a guy who works day shift, he's all "OH RIGHT. COLLEGE DROPOUT." Buffy says that she's reapplying, and he's a condescending asshat. He leaves to head to night school - after mentioning that he's studying for an MBA so he doesn't have to work at the DMP forever - and tells her to scrape the gum under the tables before she leaves.
Cut to the cemetery. Buffy wanders through the gravestones singing the DMP jingle and wondering why she can't get it out of her head.
Cut to the cemetery. Buffy wanders through the gravestones singing the DMP jingle and wondering why she can't get it out of her head.
Buffy is packing up a Slayer Bag-o-Tricks as she fills us in by way of conversation with Dawn that she's running out mid-dinner to go track down some non-vampire beastie. Dawn is gamely saying everything is fine, but her tight smile and stiff body language say otherwise. Dawn says that perhaps they can set-up for Buffy's birthday trauma party the next day when she gets back, but B tells her not to wait up.I wonder how she got word of this baddie, mid-dinner. Bat signal? Also, no, I do not like this flippy hair thing.
Kirsti: Me neither. I was on board with it when she cut it short, but now it just keeps getting more and more flippy, and I think we need to hold an intervention... Also, BRB, HAVING DAWN FEELS.
Kirsti: Me neither. I was on board with it when she cut it short, but now it just keeps getting more and more flippy, and I think we need to hold an intervention... Also, BRB, HAVING DAWN FEELS.
The episode begins with Spuffy sex, because the Number Gods hate me. They "missed the bed" (K: And ended up UNDER a rug?!) (L: METAPHOR.), which Spike thinks is lucky for the bed. Buffy says he's done a great job with the crypt decorating, and Spike realizes that they're having an actual conversation. They then congratulate each other on their sex skillz but Buffy shuts that down when he calls her an animal. He asks her what this is to her, and if she even likes him. Sometimes. He holds up some handcuffs and asks if she trusts him. "Never."
In Trio's New Basement of Misogyny & Failure, Jonathan and Andrew are bickering while Warren works on something evil.
In Trio's New Basement of Misogyny & Failure, Jonathan and Andrew are bickering while Warren works on something evil.