Fifty Shades Darker Chapter 21 – Birthday Butt Plug

Sweeney: Christian Grey's MAGICAL birthday continues. I'm drafting this early because the actual post date is too close to my own birthday and I don't intend to celebrate with Christian Grey's butt plug.
Speaking of, someone mentioned last week that Ana's failures now extend to gift giving, as Grey's presents were mostly his own stuff. Good job, Ana!
Lorraine: I was going to make a joke about giving you your own stuff for your birthday, but butt plugs are too close to this joke and I don't want to make it awkward. Maybe I just did.

Fifty Shades Darker Chapter 20 – Free shrugs.

Last week I started to write Sweeney an email yelling at her for having the luck of getting to cover the super short chapter 19. Sure, we found out that Grey wasn't dead and sure, Ana accepted his proposal, but then the chapter ended and now I'm stuck with the inevitable "let's get married" sex. As it happens, though, I believe next week's chapter- a Sweeney chapter- is the return to the playroom. You'll forgive me for that spoiler because: LOL.
Sweeney: You're the actual worst. I'm glad I began my search for a new BFF in yesterday's GoT post.

Fifty Shades Darker Chapter 19 – I don’t know what I expected.

Sweeney: Ana sits in front of Grey's fireplace emotionless and lost in internal monologue, even though there are at least a dozen people there with her, because Ana can't be bothered to interact with people who aren't Christian, and he has gone missing.
Lorraine: In an early reminder that Ana sucks, is not a real human being, and doesn't know how to interact with human beings, she tells us that she "blinks dispassionately" at Grace and Mia. DISPASSIONATELY. They've just lost a son/brother respectively, but this bitch who has known him for less than two months is so wrapped up in her own damn emotions describes herself as completely unaffected by their emotions.
What a stand-up character you've created, James. Truly.