We start with a tight shot of Cordelia's face. She's giving a heart-felt, "thank you for being there for me" speech that makes her a little teary. She ends with, "to all my fans- this is for you!" as the shot widens and we see she's holding up a scrub brush and wearing rubber gloves. Fred gives her an equally gloved round of applause, saying the speech gave her "chill bumps." I've never heard them called chill bumps. Is that a thing?
Kirsti: Only in Fred-land.
Lor: Just checking.
The gang returns to the hotel immediately after the end of the last one and Cordelia is talking about making minor changes for the baby but stops short when she sees the carnage from the battle.
Kirsti: Cordy, honey. The baby is like half an hour old. You probably don't need to worry about covering the outlets JUST yet.
Lorraine: But cleaning up the blood is generally good life idea.
Kirsti: Cordy, honey. The baby is like half an hour old. You probably don't need to worry about covering the outlets JUST yet.
Lorraine: But cleaning up the blood is generally good life idea.
We open in the lobby of the Hyperion, with Angel and Holtz right where we left them. Angel's all "DAFUQ? You're meant to be dead!" then joins the dots on the fact that the mysterious beastie the prophecies were talking about is Holtz. He starts to try and talk Holtz around, but a couple of green scaly demons jump up and hold stabby looking metal things to Angel's throat. Holtz says that what brought him to the 21st century is Angel and his "demon bitch." Angel starts in on his "everything's different because I have a soul" routine, but Holtz flicks some holy water at him, causing him to vamp out for a second, and says that he sees no difference. He orders his minions to search the place because wherever Angel is, Darla can't be far away.
Holtz is riding a horse in York, England 1764. He's flagged down by another horse rider, waving around a torch. Torch Guy tells Holtz he's found them. We cut to a dimly lit house, where there is a knock on the door. A little girl opens to find Darla looking fabulous and Angel in another terrible wig. (K: WILL WE EVER BE FREE OF THE TERRIBLE WIGS???) (S: Forever ago, people promised us the wigs/accents got better. We're already in season 3 and I feel lied to.) The little girl tries to pull the stranger danger card on them, but Angel knows her name and everything, so the little girl relents and lets them in. Angel locks the door behind them.
Holtz and Torch Man meet up with some other riders.
Holtz and Torch Man meet up with some other riders.
Sweeney: I've been over here wondering when Darla's going to turn in up in LA like she promised. I'm not necessarily a fan of all the things they've done in the interim, but I think I like that they took their sweet time with this. FINE, SHOW. FINE. But I think the suspense is over because we kick this episode off in Rome, 1771. TERRIBLE WIG FLASHBACK TIME! Angelus is running around in a sewer (the more things change, the more they stay the same). He's being chased by some monk like dudes. Maybe they're not monks, but they're wearing big brown robes and I can't be bothered to differentiate the kinds of people who wear big brown robes.
Lorraine: Basically, don't wear a big brown robe if you don't want the Snark Ladies to mistake you for a monk.
Sweeney: Precisely.
Lorraine: Basically, don't wear a big brown robe if you don't want the Snark Ladies to mistake you for a monk.
Sweeney: Precisely.
Kirsti: First of all, I'm not handing out gold stars in this episode because it would be like a freaking Oprah show - EVERYONE GETS A GOLD STAR!! Second of all, I hate this episode with the fire of a thousand suns. It's not that it's badly acted or shot or anything like that. It's just 42 minutes of bullshit that makes me indescribably angry, and I kind of can't believe the network signed off on producing this.
Sweeney: Woo! That's...uh...promising. -_-
Lorraine: Hold on:
Sweeney: Woo! That's...uh...promising. -_-
Lorraine: Hold on:
We get a good, old fashioned misdirection opening today, this time with a big pointy sword in Wesley's face. I'm happy to report that his hair is deflating, but unfortunately it is still not at acceptable levels.
Sweeney: I wonder if his Puff Level will prove comparable to John Green's as an indicator of stress level?
Kirsti: We can but hope, Sweeney.
Lor: Cordy is holding the sword. They banter about running through inventory, because Angel has been complaining about the weapons cabinet.
Sweeney: I wonder if his Puff Level will prove comparable to John Green's as an indicator of stress level?
Kirsti: We can but hope, Sweeney.
Lor: Cordy is holding the sword. They banter about running through inventory, because Angel has been complaining about the weapons cabinet.
The episode begins with everyone sitting in the lobby quietly and jumping when Fred enters. Fred looks over Cordelia's shoulder at her magazine and having starved in a cave for five years, is confused by the starved-looking models. She's also just generally lurking and even though it's just a beauty magazine it still gives me, "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY BUBBLE WHEN I'M READING," feelings just watching. (K: Agreed. My mum does it all the time and it makes me squicky.) She mentions that Angel is probably reading, which is his cut to enternouncequestion if anyone else has read this great thing in the paper. Said great thing is a Charlton Heston double feature which nobody else gives any fucks about, but I'm going to go ahead and declare shots for the Angel/art OTP. I'm reaching a little here, but I don't care.
We open at Lorne's bar with Angel apologising sincerely to someone off camera - he used them and he feels really bad about it. Said off camera person turns out to be Merl the snitch, who doesn't believe Angel's apology on account of he's reading it from a piece of paper.Merl doesn't feel like it's sincere enough, and Angel eye-rolls at the Fang Gang who are still sporting completely terrible hair. Cordy pulls Merl aside for a pep talk while Wes does the same for Angel. Angel eventually offers Merl a free shot at him, and then taunts him until he throws a bottle. At which point Merl gets hurled back by some kind of force field. Angel tries to keep a straight face while Lorne makes the sarcastic excuse that Angel must have "forgotten" that demon violence is impossible in his bar.
Wesley and his weird hair (I can't get over it) are eating take out with Gunn. We catch them mid-conversation and Wesley is saying they need to be more mindful of something. Just then, Cordelia strides in and they great her with just a touch too much enthusiasm. She doesn't spare them a glance. Gunn asks Wesley how he preformed and Wes thinks they came off pretty genuine. From somewhere behind them, we hear Fred say, "B+, C-. A girl can tell." She's sitting under a desk eating her take-out, so, you know. Progress.
Sweeney: FRED IS PRECIOUS.
Sweeney: FRED IS PRECIOUS.
Zoomy LA establishing shot eventually takes us inside the Brooding Hotel, where Fred is being a jittery creeper, in accordance with her five years of being driven solidly insane over in Pylea. She's listening as Cordelia explains that for all the shit she understands in this world, demon-worshippers are not among them. She is returning with Wesley and Gunn, as they are discussing a job they are clearly returning from. Shop talk quickly turns into lamenting their general lack of social lives or love lives.
Kirsti: The highlight of which for me was Gunn's "Who has time for love when you're out there doin' it with the demons?" and then his realisation that he should probably think and then speak.
Kirsti: The highlight of which for me was Gunn's "Who has time for love when you're out there doin' it with the demons?" and then his realisation that he should probably think and then speak.