Anyway, this season felt so long that by the time we'd reached the end, I'd forgotten almost every plot point from the early episodes. Remember how Eve gave Dawson a blowjob that caused him to crash Mitch's boat and Pacey threw a stripper party to raise money to repair it? (D: Barely.) Yeah. That was THIS SEASON. It feels like the show has morphed completely since then.
It's been a long time coming, friends, but WE FINALLY FINISHED ANOTHER SEASON. Cue Snark Lady dance party:
Democracy Diva: YAAAS WE DID IT, LET'S DANCE WITH PACEY UNTIL HE KEELS OVER!
K: What, like you're all surprised it features Pacey Witter? Please.
Dance party over, let's get down to business! On the main street in Capeside, Mitch and Gail get smoochy while Mitch thoughtfully informs us that Joey is Gail's maid of honour. This...makes literally no sense, but also I'm distracted by how hideous Joey's shoes are.
Democracy Diva: YAAAS WE DID IT, LET'S DANCE WITH PACEY UNTIL HE KEELS OVER!
K: What, like you're all surprised it features Pacey Witter? Please.
Dance party over, let's get down to business! On the main street in Capeside, Mitch and Gail get smoochy while Mitch thoughtfully informs us that Joey is Gail's maid of honour. This...makes literally no sense, but also I'm distracted by how hideous Joey's shoes are.
Joey and Dawson walk-and-talk about finals. They arrive at the Leery Manor porch, and Dawson starts word-vomiting about some pact. Apparently they agreed to go to junior prom together many moons ago, and Dawson insists they should go, but he says "as friends" so many times that I'm positive he's full of shit.
Kirsti: I'm not sure whether I'm more horrified that Dawson's making such a huge deal of JUNIOR PROM or that he's holding Joey to a promise she made over two years ago. Either way, DUDE, NO.
Kirsti: I'm not sure whether I'm more horrified that Dawson's making such a huge deal of JUNIOR PROM or that he's holding Joey to a promise she made over two years ago. Either way, DUDE, NO.
We start with an incredibly long montage. At Leery Manor, Dawson stares moodily at the ugly-ass painting that Aunt Gwen gave him. Joey stares sadly up at Dawson's window. Pacey is...watering his boat?? IDEK, you guys. He's hosing down the boat while wearing an awful Hawaiian shirt. Jen walks out of Chez Grams to find Henry standing outside like the creepy serial killer that he is, holding a sign that reads "Jen Lindley: would you please forgive me?" It's like that scene in Love Actually but weirder. Jen nopes her way back inside, and Grams smirks.
Democracy Diva: Stop smiling, Grams. This douchenozzle wants to guilt your granddaughter into sex.
Democracy Diva: Stop smiling, Grams. This douchenozzle wants to guilt your granddaughter into sex.
We begin with a Joey voiceover: she asks if you've ever had a day you wanted to live all over again. Like one in which they made out with Pacey, I guess.
Kirsti: Legit, girl. Legit. I think we'd all like to live that day over and over again.
Diva: I want a life-gif of that day.
Dawson and his dad show up to Pacey's boat with some champagne. They're greeted by Andie, Jonathan Lipnicki (who I guess is officially part of the family now), and the rest of the gang, save for Pacephine.
Kirsti: Legit, girl. Legit. I think we'd all like to live that day over and over again.
Diva: I want a life-gif of that day.
Dawson and his dad show up to Pacey's boat with some champagne. They're greeted by Andie, Jonathan Lipnicki (who I guess is officially part of the family now), and the rest of the gang, save for Pacephine.
In order to adequately recap this episode, I need to start with Snark Lady Storytime: once upon a time (read: July 3rd 2014) in a faraway kingdom (read: Snark HQ), two Snark Ladies were trying to work out how best to recap Dawson's Creek after season 1. Should we alternate? Stick exclusively to odds/evens? Or alternate and then split the season finale? And I'm not going to lie: my decision was made solely based on the fact that I'd get to recap this episode, and Diva was nice enough to not interfere.
Because the gods of Squee have been good to us, we begin exactly where we left off - in the first ever Paceyphine make-out sesh. Our beautiful moment sailing our ship on the high seas of feels ends quickly enough when Joey shoves Pacey away from her and calls him insane.
Kirsti: See, kids, this is why consent is important, even when your ship is sailing.
Diva: Yup, I have a consent rant coming too!
Kirsti: See, kids, this is why consent is important, even when your ship is sailing.
Diva: Yup, I have a consent rant coming too!
We open in the Witter Jeep, with Pacey driving Joey to the train station. She gushes about how she'll finally get to use those dance lessons they took, and Pacey squints at an ornate invitation. Apparently AJ has won a creative writing award and there's a big celebration and dancing?? I'm as confused as Pacey is. He grumbles about it, then tells Joey to ignore him and have a good time.
Democracy Diva: The dancing thing is dumb and only exists so the Powers that Be Contriving can name this episode Cinderella Story.
Democracy Diva: The dancing thing is dumb and only exists so the Powers that Be Contriving can name this episode Cinderella Story.
PTA meeting. A parent accuses the school board of sentencing their kid to death, which is quite extreme, and also not at all what is going on here. The board has urged Principal Green to reconsider his decision to expel Douchey Jock. Mr. Douchey Jock Sr. is all, "my kid didn't do anything wrong," but Joey stands up to speak her mind about how this has all been blown out of proportion. The school board president basically tells her to sit down and shut up. DJ Sr. says that Principal Green's draconian methods of punishment are more appropriate for an "urban war zone" than civilized community. You see, because Principal Green is black, DJ Sr. can't just call it a war zone. It has to be "urban," because racism. This dude is the grossest. Joey agrees, and so does one member of the school board, who tells DJ Sr. that his son's issues are a result of his own shitty parenting.
Remember that whole thing from AN ENTIRE SEASON AGO where Joey was into art? Yeah. Apparently she's into art again, because she's painting a mural on a wall at school. She's also borrowed Buffy's Overalls of Overall Sadness. (D: Between this and the "tabula rasa" reference later in the episode, I'm considering this two #crossovermagic episodes in a row.) (K: Motion carried.) Pacey walks up and smiles at her fondly. I flail a little. She asks what he's doing there, and he says he's hoping he'll absorb some of her genius by osmosis or something. Joey joins the dots and realises that he's been kicked out of home again. Pacey says that his eldest sister has left her husband and moved home, along with her small screaming children. Oof.
We open with Dawson trying to teach Joey how to drive stick. She gives up, because Dawson's condescending lessons are spectacularly unsuccessful, and Pacey pops his head up from the back of the truck to complain. Joey tells Dawson that he's no Lloyd Dobler (obviously, because Lloyd Dobler is the cutest and Dawson is the worst), who was very patient when teaching Ione Skye how to drive in Say Anything. Dawson says Joey just isn't listening to him.
Kirsti: Which is totally fair because Dawson's a dick and his instructions are terrible.
Diva: YUP
Pacey asks if Joey is seeing her college boy tonight for Valentine's Day, but he's too busy with exams.
Kirsti: Which is totally fair because Dawson's a dick and his instructions are terrible.
Diva: YUP
Pacey asks if Joey is seeing her college boy tonight for Valentine's Day, but he's too busy with exams.
We open at the Potter B&B, which makes a pleasant change. Joey's helping Pacey run lines for the play, but gets all "skrrrt, NO" when she sees that the next page requires her to get all swoony and lovey-dovey. Oh, sweetie. Just give it a few more episodes.
Democracy Diva: Is it too early to squee? I feel like it's too early to squee.
K: It's never too early to squee.
Democracy Diva: Is it too early to squee? I feel like it's too early to squee.
K: It's never too early to squee.
We begin with the dulcet tones of "Ain't too Proud to Beg," and the dancing-in-the-kitchen scene from The Big Chill. Dawson, Joey, and Pacey debate over whether people actually dance in the kitchen. (I do, and I am not ashamed to admit it.)
Kirsti: I'm going to copy directly from my notes here. "Excuse you, Joey. Everyone dances in the kitchen if they're doing life right." So yeah. I do.
Diva: YEAH. WE'RE GOOD AT LIFE, DAMMIT.
Kirsti: I'm going to copy directly from my notes here. "Excuse you, Joey. Everyone dances in the kitchen if they're doing life right." So yeah. I do.
Diva: YEAH. WE'RE GOOD AT LIFE, DAMMIT.
We open at Capeside High. Dawson gushes to Joey about a particular type of camera and how it's a million times better than shooting video and blah blah, I honestly don't give a fuck about anything this dude has to say. They head to the film classroom to get the camera, and Kendra's there fiddling with it. She and Joey exchange some polite small talk, then Dawson tells her to hand over the camera. She's all "LOL NOPE" because she just checked it out for the next month. He gapes like a goldfish and Kendra says that she cleared it with the film teacher. Dawson wants to know when he'll get the camera, and she tells him that film making is an art that can't be rushed.
Shrine O’Spielberg. Dawson is watching his Really Dumb Witch Island Movie. Joey climbs in the window just to make us all aggravated when the episode has barely begun. Dawson is nervous about an upcoming screening of his Laughably Terrible Witch Island Movie, but Joey reassures him that it's great and will help him make his dreams come true or some bullshit like that. (K: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. Sure it will, Joey. Sure it will.)
Joey also helpfully exposits that she has acontrivance college tour this weekend where she’s staying with a random student.
Joey also helpfully exposits that she has a