Shrine O’Spielberg. We immediately know Dawson is depressed/lonely because he’s hanging out with his mom. They're watching his movie, and we still have only seen the Rachel Leigh Cook-as-Joey rows-on-the-creek part of the film. I would not be surprised if that were the entire movie. Anyway, Gail raves about how moving and beautiful it is.
Kirsti: She insists she's not saying any of this because she's his mother, but she totally is.
Diva: For sure. Dawson says he had a clear vision, but he couldn't bring it to life on film. (I personally don't think that's his problem. I think it's his vision that probably sucked.)
We open, predictably, in the Shrine o' Spielberg. Joey's crying her way through the first cut of Dawson's autobiographical shitfest. As it finishes, he asks for her opinion. "In my whole life, I've never been so unequivocally moved by words and moving images on screen!" she says before continuing that this movie will change people's lives. Dawson's thrilled. Joey says that there's no doubt that Jack McPhee will be one of the great filmmakers of our generation. Dawson's all "Skrrrrt, WHAT". He grabs the tape from the VCR and finds that it says it was directed by Jack.
He's confused. Jack climbs in the window, and he and Joey gush over each other for a minute before Jack says that he bumped into Spielberg and has been offered a job.
He's confused. Jack climbs in the window, and he and Joey gush over each other for a minute before Jack says that he bumped into Spielberg and has been offered a job.
Shrine O'Spielberg. Pacey has run right over because Dawson is in panic mode. It's mere minutes away from Dawson's sixteenth birthday, and Dawson thinks he is still as useless a human being as he was a year ago. Yup. Definitely true.
Kirsti: SO TRUE OMG.
Diva: Dawson waves around a bloody prop hand (that's not British slang - it actually has fake blood on it) as he wonders why he has gotten nowhere in the last year. Maybe it has something to do with your room looking like a murder crime scene? Dawson says that all he did in the last year was figure out his feelings for Joey, and she dumped him for a gay guy.
Kirsti: SO TRUE OMG.
Diva: Dawson waves around a bloody prop hand (that's not British slang - it actually has fake blood on it) as he wonders why he has gotten nowhere in the last year. Maybe it has something to do with your room looking like a murder crime scene? Dawson says that all he did in the last year was figure out his feelings for Joey, and she dumped him for a gay guy.
Shrine o' Spielberg. Pacey's watching Jerry Maguire as Dawson walks in carrying homework. It seems that Pacey's been hanging out at Leery Manor every day so that his douchey father doesn't know he got suspended. Um. Do they not inform your parents of suspensions in America, or is this a TV Land thing??
Democracy Diva: Oh, I thought he was just avoiding his douchey father's rage, but that Douchey Father did know about the suspension. If not, then yeah, that's definitely just a TV Land thing.
K: CONFUSION.
Democracy Diva: Oh, I thought he was just avoiding his douchey father's rage, but that Douchey Father did know about the suspension. If not, then yeah, that's definitely just a TV Land thing.
K: CONFUSION.
Shrine O'Spielberg. Jack has made a perfect scaled exact replica of Capeside for Dawson to use in his movie. It looks like something that would take months to do, but sure, let's pretend he just did this over the weekend!
Kirsti: Come on, Diva. We've already established that time moves differently in Capeside. Given that Dawson and Joey's first kiss seemed to last for like six months when the seasons are taken into consideration, Jack's probably had tons of time!
Kirsti: Come on, Diva. We've already established that time moves differently in Capeside. Given that Dawson and Joey's first kiss seemed to last for like six months when the seasons are taken into consideration, Jack's probably had tons of time!
Shrine o' Spielberg. Dawson flails over the fact that he and Joey have made it through their first post-break up movie night while Joey drinks Diet Coke because sponsorship is important. She makes noises about leaving, but he wants her to help him pick the actress who'll play Sammy (read: loosely disguised Joey) in his new shitty movie. Joey suggests finding someone who can make the role less like her, but Dawson's all "LOL NOPE". She's surprised by how okay he is about everything between them, and he says that as she's dating Jack and has clearly moved on, he can let go. This makes her sad panda and I headdesk. She leaves.
I DON'T WANNA WAIT.
I DON'T WANNA WAIT.
hrine O'Spielberg. Pacey is playing Dawson while Dawson tries to add something anyone but him gives a shit about character details to his script. Dawson explains that The Great Santini is about father-son angst, which Pacey knows a bit about. Dawson proves he understands nothing about his best friend by saying dumb things, like this:
The boys establish that they have a father-son fishing trip coming up this weekend with both their fathers. Pacey wants to know if Dawson respects his dad; he replies, "I'd hate to live in a world where I didn't." Ugh. What a drama queen. Just say yes. Anyway, Pacey insists that this isn't a real answer, but he gives a similar non-answer when Dawson turns the question on him. (K: FEELS)
The boys establish that they have a father-son fishing trip coming up this weekend with both their fathers. Pacey wants to know if Dawson respects his dad; he replies, "I'd hate to live in a world where I didn't." Ugh. What a drama queen. Just say yes. Anyway, Pacey insists that this isn't a real answer, but he gives a similar non-answer when Dawson turns the question on him. (K: FEELS)
We pick up with the aftermath of where we left off last time, with the three couples at their respective locations. Joey thanks Jack a little awkwardly for posing for her. A pantsless Jen tells Dawson that his arrival was "an unexpected encounter." Pacey and Andie kiss sweetly by the Witter Mobile. Jack asks Joey if she has any regrets, and she shakes her head. They kiss. Dawson tells Jen he'll see her tomorrow and kisses her on the forehead before leaving. Pacey and Andie continue to be adorable before she heads inside. Jack leaves. The zoomy cameraman shows us Joey's "I DON'T KNOW HOW TO HANDLE THIS" face. Then Pacey's. Then Jen's.
I DON"T WANNA WAIT. (D: FOR THIS EPISODE TO BE OVER, OH I WANT TO KNOW RIGHT NOW - WHO GOT LAAAAAIIIIID!)
I DON"T WANNA WAIT. (D: FOR THIS EPISODE TO BE OVER, OH I WANT TO KNOW RIGHT NOW - WHO GOT LAAAAAIIIIID!)
The episode begins, of course, with Dawson confessing his undying love for Pacey. In the greatest fan-service scene since Pacey's Braveheart monologue, we watch our least favorite leading man and our favorite leading man be totally gay together.
Kirsti: My notes specifically say "...does this count as queerbaiting???"
Diva: Dawson leans in like he's going to kiss Pacey, but then grabs his script and points out that Pacey missed a line. Because they're doing a dramatic reading of Dawson's script, with Pacey playing the girl. For rehearsal, even though neither of them plan on acting in this film. Okay, sure, show.
Kirsti: My notes specifically say "...does this count as queerbaiting???"
Diva: Dawson leans in like he's going to kiss Pacey, but then grabs his script and points out that Pacey missed a line. Because they're doing a dramatic reading of Dawson's script, with Pacey playing the girl. For rehearsal, even though neither of them plan on acting in this film. Okay, sure, show.
Shrine o' Spielberg. Jen's reading Dawson's movie script while he freaks out in the background. When she finishes, he asks what she thinks, and she says "The truth truth or the what-Dawson-wants-to-hear truth?", which is totally legit. He assumes this means she hates it. She assures him that she doesn't hate it, but that it's fluff. I laugh hysterically because let's be perfectly honest here - Dawson is writing real person fan fic about him and Joey, and it is 10,000% fluff. Dawson gets offended, which only gets worse when Jen says that the script felt naive.
He rambles about "the age of innocence," and this officially sounds like the worst fan fic on the face of the earth, except maybe ones that are written in the second person.
Democracy Diva: And, you know, Fifty Shades of Grey.
He rambles about "the age of innocence," and this officially sounds like the worst fan fic on the face of the earth, except maybe ones that are written in the second person.
Democracy Diva: And, you know, Fifty Shades of Grey.
Shrine O'Spielberg. Pacey is eating pizza and generally pissing Dawson off by noting that everyone in Mr. Smith Goes to Washington is totally dead right now. After a discussion about how Dawson is Richie Cunningham Jimmy Stewart every nice guy in film/TV history, Jen stumbles in and collapses on Dawson's bed, wasted. This scene basically just establishes that Jen is back to her hot mess Big City Girl ways, and Pacey likes pizza, because it's yummy.
Kirsti: That Pacey. Always the sensible one...
Kirsti: That Pacey. Always the sensible one...
Shrine o' Spielberg. Dawson wibbles about Shakespeare while watching the Elizabeth Taylor version of The Taming of the Shrew. The camera pans out to show us that his post-break up movie watching partner is Gail. LOL. Gail cries over the movie, and Dawson expresses concern over her excess of emotions. She, in return, says she's worried about his LACK of emotions over Joey breaking up with him. Because apparently wallowing in being dumped makes you a better person. Or something...
Democracy Diva: Dubious advice, but it was nice to see these two have a cute bonding moment.
Democracy Diva: Dubious advice, but it was nice to see these two have a cute bonding moment.
We begin with Andie performing a flawless rendition of the Footloose dance for Joey, Dawson, and Pacey. It's the greatest thing to happen on this show since Pacey's Braveheart speech. I will take a moment to repeat what I say in every single episode, which is WHY ARE THERE EVEN OTHER CHARACTERS ON THIS SHOW BESIDES ANDIE AND PACEY. Oh, and Jack
Kirsti: Truth. At least at this point of the show. Some of the other characters would be permitted to return at certain points, but Dawson would be gone forever if I were running this show.
Diva: Any-tangent, Andie is trying to convince the three least school-spirited kids on earth to go to the homecoming dance.
Kirsti: Truth. At least at this point of the show. Some of the other characters would be permitted to return at certain points, but Dawson would be gone forever if I were running this show.
Diva: Any-tangent, Andie is trying to convince the three least school-spirited kids on earth to go to the homecoming dance.
Shrine o' Spielberg. A werewolf movie plays on Dawson's TV as he talks about how romantic the full moon is. The camera pans up to show us that Dawson and Joey aren't on the bed, they're outside on the roof staring at the moon. Dawson wibbles some more about how romantic and peaceful it is, while Joey makes WTF faces and says that it's just "a natural satellite". Way to be a buzzkill, Potter. She starts talking about the full moon making people crazy and how she thinks it's because we're 70% water and the moon effects us as well as the tides. Dawson, meanwhile, is trying to swallow her head.
We open with Dawson and Joey making out on a blanket, which appears to be located adjacent to a sidewalk. It's a less than ideal location for sexytimes. Joey wants to stop because it's cold, and I'm like, girl, you are not allowed to even talk about the weather on this show because it DOES NOT MAKE ANY SENSE. (K: A+, girl.) Dawson thinks the location is beautiful and romantic but she's like, ew, bugs, and also, let's go indoors please. She calls him cheesy, but also "unbearably sexy," so I'm gonna need some brain bleach before the credits even roll. They make out, and this scene was totally unnecessary.
After the credits, Mitch and Dawson are discussing Mitch's meeting about buying a property.
After the credits, Mitch and Dawson are discussing Mitch's meeting about buying a property.