Joss Whedon got his feature length film, and we're going to recap it, but fair warning that this post will be long.
The Universal Pictures logo becomes Earth. A voice over gives us the set-up, but it is not Mal, as we were accustomed to. It's a woman (S: Tamara Taylor from Bones!) with a slightly different version of events: Earth-That-Was could no longer sustain the ever growing population. People found a new solar system, terraformed the planets and moons to form new Earths. The central planets formed the Alliance. The savage, outer planets refused Alliance control, resulting in a devastating war. But the Alliance won and now everyone is happy!
FIRST THINGS FIRST: HAPPY BIRTHDAY SARA. Apparently her co-workers are not showering her with candy and permission to not do anything today, which is stupid, so everyone else should shower her with internet high fives and the like.
The episode begins with somber music and a zoomy tour through the inter-workings of Firefly. It's giving me all sorts of "THIS IS THE LAST EPISODE! WHY?" feelings. The zoomy tour ends on River's face waking up. She goes out into the hall where she hears Simon and Kaylee laughing as he tells her a story of a med school streaking prank. As Kaylee asks what song he was singing he looks up at River and says, "I would be there right now," coldly, before resuming the laughter, making me think (hope?) this is more a River fear (/intuiton) than a thing that actually happened.
The episode begins with somber music and a zoomy tour through the inter-workings of Firefly. It's giving me all sorts of "THIS IS THE LAST EPISODE! WHY?" feelings. The zoomy tour ends on River's face waking up. She goes out into the hall where she hears Simon and Kaylee laughing as he tells her a story of a med school streaking prank. As Kaylee asks what song he was singing he looks up at River and says, "I would be there right now," coldly, before resuming the laughter, making me think (hope?) this is more a River fear (/intuiton) than a thing that actually happened.
Dusty planet. Two people are hanging up some laundry when they notice five men on horseback and a hovercraft of some sort approaching. The girl calls out to "Nandi" and from within the house covered in tin foil, Julie Cooper exits. You may recognize her from any number of other things, including The Vampire Diaries, Entourage or Nakita. You might even know her name is Melinda Clarke. But, like, Julie Cooper.
Sweeney: JULIE COOPER!!
Sara: I KNEW I KNEW HER!
Sweeney: JULIE COOPER!!
Sara: I KNEW I KNEW HER!
We open at a cool looking floating space station that looks like it has lots of TV monitors on it. So basically my dream home. Inside, there's a carny guy in a tall hat telling passerby that he'll convince them to believe in aliens once they see what's inside his freak show circus tent. The Mad Hatter says it will haunt their dreams and harrow their very soul.
Lorraine: I love the idea that humans are now in space, and people are still debating the existence of aliens. "Yep. They're here.... somewhere..."
Sweeney: LOOK HARDER, HUMANS! Look harder.
Lorraine: I love the idea that humans are now in space, and people are still debating the existence of aliens. "Yep. They're here.... somewhere..."
Sweeney: LOOK HARDER, HUMANS! Look harder.
The episode begins with an extended shot of naked Mal sitting on a rock in the desert. He's got a tattoo on his hip. This is awkward, what with the other girls fighting over their TV Boyfriend claims. Guys, he just chose to show up naked in my episode, all right?
Lorraine: I'm secure enough in our relationship that this does not bother me.
Sara: I just hope you guys aren't jealous that this is something I get to look at all the time because of how he's my boyfriend and all.
Lorraine: I'm secure enough in our relationship that this does not bother me.
Sara: I just hope you guys aren't jealous that this is something I get to look at all the time because of how he's my boyfriend and all.
Simon analyzes some data on a screen as Book disregards his thinky face and starts chatting. Book is being the person who sees you with headphones on and strikes up a conversation, but like the space-cowboy version of it. Something like that. (S: A+)
Anyway, he asks Simon if he's ever read the writings of Shan Yu, the psychotic dictator who "fancied himself quite the warrior-poet." Apparently this crazy dictator poet wrote a lot about torture and human endurance, and Book wonders if the people who messed with River's brain did it to see how much she could endure. Simon doesn't think so. He shows Book a picture of River's brain and points out that there is pattern. Besides, if the bad guys' aim was just to hurt River, they wouldn't still be after her.
Anyway, he asks Simon if he's ever read the writings of Shan Yu, the psychotic dictator who "fancied himself quite the warrior-poet." Apparently this crazy dictator poet wrote a lot about torture and human endurance, and Book wonders if the people who messed with River's brain did it to see how much she could endure. Simon doesn't think so. He shows Book a picture of River's brain and points out that there is pattern. Besides, if the bad guys' aim was just to hurt River, they wouldn't still be after her.
We open in the kitchen / common area, where Inara & Kaylee are playing a game, Simon is trying to get River to eat something, and Jayne is sitting off by himself. Simon tries to convince River that the food is good, but Jayne says it smells like crotch, which is the funniest description I've ever heard. Zoe and Wash enter, playfully arguing about taking a vacation. Wash wants to take a vacation on Ariel, but Zoe knows that Ariel is a hot spot for the Feds.
Wash begs someone to help him convince Zoe, and Inara chimes in that Ariel is a beautiful planet with lots of romantic things to do. Even Simon helps try to sell it, and Wash eagerly bounces up and down and it's the cutest. Zoe is adamant, though: "I don't care if it's got sunsets 24 hours a day, I ain't settin' foot on that planet." Mal enternounces that ain't nobody settin' foot on that planet.
Wash begs someone to help him convince Zoe, and Inara chimes in that Ariel is a beautiful planet with lots of romantic things to do. Even Simon helps try to sell it, and Wash eagerly bounces up and down and it's the cutest. Zoe is adamant, though: "I don't care if it's got sunsets 24 hours a day, I ain't settin' foot on that planet." Mal enternounces that ain't nobody settin' foot on that planet.
It's been a while, so I'm not pleased with the very somber introduction to this episode, my return to the show. Funereal music plays as we see a bunch of shots of the empty ship. The sequence ends with a shot of Mal collapsing.
He has a flashback. I think Whedon took a cue from Rosewood because this flashback is clearly brought to us by a particularly strong Instagram filter. I'm thinking Toaster? Anyway, this flashback is of the day he showed Zoe the brand new ship he bought. She is all sorts of unimpressed by Serenity - thinks it's a bit of a dump. Future!Kaylee is off somewhere, taking offense, I'm sure.
He has a flashback. I think Whedon took a cue from Rosewood because this flashback is clearly brought to us by a particularly strong Instagram filter. I'm thinking Toaster? Anyway, this flashback is of the day he showed Zoe the brand new ship he bought. She is all sorts of unimpressed by Serenity - thinks it's a bit of a dump. Future!Kaylee is off somewhere, taking offense, I'm sure.
Kaylee is doubting Simon's claim that he swears. She cutely asks if he does all this cussing when she goes to bed, and he retorts that he swears when it's appropriate. Kaylee thinks the point of swearing is that it's never appropriate. I get what she means, and I may have agreed with her more BEFORE I read the Fifty Shades series and was educated in the ways of the world: sometimes there ain't nothing more appropriate than a big, fat FUCK YOU.
nyhow, Kaylee and Simon pause their chatter when they spot Inara. Kaylee greets her and asks if she's off for a romantic night, and Inara says she hopes so. She tells them not to let Mal get them in trouble and that she'll see them soon.
nyhow, Kaylee and Simon pause their chatter when they spot Inara. Kaylee greets her and asks if she's off for a romantic night, and Inara says she hopes so. She tells them not to let Mal get them in trouble and that she'll see them soon.
We start out on an unknown planet, with a group of cowboys on horses stopping two strangers, a husband and wife, driving a wagon. The cowboys tell the guy driving that he's carrying something that belongs to them. He says that the stranger is going to give him everything he has in the wagon, including some one-on-one time with his missus. The stranger says he might want to reconsider that last one because he married him a "powerful ugly creature," and as he lifts his head, we can see that it's lovable, huggable Jayne.
Jayne says that if he could make him prettier, he would. Mal responds that Jayne is not the man he met a year ago. This is all happening with Mal still wearing the bonnet, by the way.
Jayne says that if he could make him prettier, he would. Mal responds that Jayne is not the man he met a year ago. This is all happening with Mal still wearing the bonnet, by the way.
Today's episode begins with a flashback! We're at the Tam Estate, 11 years ago. Kid!Simon is sitting by the fireplace working on something while kid!River tries to play an elaborate role playing game with him. It is here that I do a double take because kid!Simon is none other than a young Zac Efron. LOLOLOLOL. I might giggle through this entire scene. (L: I'll have fingers crossed for a sudden musical number!) Hilarity aside, it's a very cute scene - kid!River is adorable and imaginative and kid!Simon is a pretty fantastic older brother. He sets aside his light-up tablet thing to engage/encourage kid!River further when she demonstrates her general brilliance by pointing out that his assignment (the problem itself, not his answer) is wrong. It's worth noting that her game is very us/them with "them" being the independents.
That point is driven home when their father enters. Zac Efron and his father chat about future technology and have a conversation that's sort of the equivalent of Zac Efron wanting his own, unfiltered internet account, but dad doesn't want him to have unfettered access to porn and other unsavory things. (He says it in Mandarin, btw, I'm assuming it was long-winded Mandarin for "porn and unsavory politics.") (L: He actually says, "heaven knows what." Heaven might not know, but Sweeney does! PORN AND UNSAVORY POLITICS.) Unfortunately, he was overruled by his wife who is OK with Zac Efron getting porn, anarchy, and The Real Housewives of the Outer Planets. (L: A+) Papa Tam adds, though, that Zac Efron had better use his "dedicated source box" to become a super genius doctor.
That point is driven home when their father enters. Zac Efron and his father chat about future technology and have a conversation that's sort of the equivalent of Zac Efron wanting his own, unfiltered internet account, but dad doesn't want him to have unfettered access to porn and other unsavory things. (He says it in Mandarin, btw, I'm assuming it was long-winded Mandarin for "porn and unsavory politics.") (L: He actually says, "heaven knows what." Heaven might not know, but Sweeney does! PORN AND UNSAVORY POLITICS.) Unfortunately, he was overruled by his wife who is OK with Zac Efron getting porn, anarchy, and The Real Housewives of the Outer Planets. (L: A+) Papa Tam adds, though, that Zac Efron had better use his "dedicated source box" to become a super genius doctor.
We open at a bar that's a generic, dusty, space, future bar. (S: Ah, yes, just your typical "dusty, space, future bar.") Jayne is drinking out of what looks like a small soup pot and he and Mal are playing pool with some fellas we don't know. The poll balls fritz out for a second and they all complain about it loudly. The guy at the bar points to a sign that says, "management not responsible for ball failure." It's fantastic that they have real tables and cues but holographic pool balls because this is space and the future, people. Things have changed.
Sweeney: I wonder if that was just a random grab bag thing.
Sweeney: I wonder if that was just a random grab bag thing.
After a repeat of the long this-is-the-show-you're-watching narration, we are aboard Serenity. Most of the crew are playing a game that's kind of like basketball and would look really fun if group sports didn't terrify the elementary school nerd inside me. They're having so much fun, and it's giving me happy feels, so I'm going to go ahead and prepare myself for something terrible happening. See: Joss Whedon Ruins Lives.
Sweeney: It's such a stressful watching experience. Happy feels are experienced and immediately followed with anxiety and despair because you know that happy feels can't be trusted.
Sweeney: It's such a stressful watching experience. Happy feels are experienced and immediately followed with anxiety and despair because you know that happy feels can't be trusted.
We start the episode in not-space. I mean, probably not Earth, either, but not outer space. I'm already really stressed about trying to describe what's happening in this show because I have no idea what details are important.
Lorraine: That is totally the burden of a blogging Snow. I mean, I know you remember recapping Game of Thrones and being all, "some side character I won't even name blinks," and having it turn out to be a BFD character by end of season. Sigh.
Sweeney: And that show had so many! I trust that finite episodes and the fact that we're in space means I won't have it nearly so bad.
Lorraine: That is totally the burden of a blogging Snow. I mean, I know you remember recapping Game of Thrones and being all, "some side character I won't even name blinks," and having it turn out to be a BFD character by end of season. Sigh.
Sweeney: And that show had so many! I trust that finite episodes and the fact that we're in space means I won't have it nearly so bad.
Our tragically abbreviated journey begins with stock war footage. There are explosions and bullets whizzing by as a band of futuristic aircraft gun down a group of soldiers. Welcome to Firefly everyone!
A man in a brown coat makes his way down a hill and safely into a bunker. Inside, he's addressed by another soldier as "sergeant." Sergeant Brown Coat is told that command is holding air support, but as we just saw, they could use some air support ASAP. He barks out a few orders right before a big blast makes everyone look at each other all, "we're totally gonna die, aren't we?"
Sweeney: It's a Joss Whedon show, so I'm sure some of you are correct!
A man in a brown coat makes his way down a hill and safely into a bunker. Inside, he's addressed by another soldier as "sergeant." Sergeant Brown Coat is told that command is holding air support, but as we just saw, they could use some air support ASAP. He barks out a few orders right before a big blast makes everyone look at each other all, "we're totally gonna die, aren't we?"
Sweeney: It's a Joss Whedon show, so I'm sure some of you are correct!