THIS IS IT, YOU GUYS. Finale time. The final lying liar credits take us to King's Landing, Dragonstone, FUCKTHETWINS, Winterfellstillonfireallfuckingseason, The Wall, and past the Gulf of Grief to Yunkai.
We begin the episode with my current least favorite person, Roose Bolton, looking down on the epic torching and slaughter of the remaining Stark bannermen. The Hound is riding off with Arya, who tragically comes to just in time to see her brother being paraded through the streets, headless, with his direwolf's head staked to his body, as everyone chants, "The king of the north!" The look on her face is just too much.
Regardless of what you were when you first watched this episode (book reader, spoiled show watcher, or unspoiled show watcher), I think we all sat down to this episode with the anxiety only the best content can create. It's episode 9, friends, also known as the episode that brought us the beheading of Ned Stark, the Battle of the Blackwater and now this.
Sweeney: I told Lor this already, but in our on-going game of, "Haha, see what shit the other can get stuck with!" -- usually played out on Fifty Shades, and occasionally Buffy -- this was probably the worst draw yet.
Sweeney: I told Lor this already, but in our on-going game of, "Haha, see what shit the other can get stuck with!" -- usually played out on Fifty Shades, and occasionally Buffy -- this was probably the worst draw yet.
The lying liar title credits give us King’s Landing, Harrenhal, Riverrun, Winterfellstillonfire, The Wall, and Yunkai.
We start with our favorite direboss waking up and deciding to smash a sleeping Hound’s head in with a large stone. He tells her that if she fails to kill him, he’ll break both of her hands. Later, they’re riding on a horse, and he’s trying to insist that men far worse than him would have found her. When he mentions that he’s saved her sister, Arya’s interest piques, as does my feels, with this additional mention of how long the Starks have been separated and HOW THEY’LL NEVER HAVE A COMPLETE REUNION. But! The Hound has decided to facilitate that because Robb and Cat will probs pay him for her safe return.
We start with our favorite direboss waking up and deciding to smash a sleeping Hound’s head in with a large stone. He tells her that if she fails to kill him, he’ll break both of her hands. Later, they’re riding on a horse, and he’s trying to insist that men far worse than him would have found her. When he mentions that he’s saved her sister, Arya’s interest piques, as does my feels, with this additional mention of how long the Starks have been separated and HOW THEY’LL NEVER HAVE A COMPLETE REUNION. But! The Hound has decided to facilitate that because Robb and Cat will probs pay him for her safe return.
I gloated during my last episode about how I always get the fun credits. I should've learned from Buffy villains and kept the gloating to a minimum: King's Landing, Harrenhal, Riverrun, Ring of Fire Winterfell, The Wall, and across the Shivering Sea toYunkai.
Jon Snow and his ice-wall-climbing pack of Wildlings are walking along on the green side of the Wall. Which is confusing, because his time spent training at the wall was always very snowy and miserable. Also, there are a lot more Wildlings than I initially thought there were. They only showed us Ginger NotMance (Tormund Giantsbane), Wildling Warg, Ygritte and Jon. But, okay. There's a whole pack of them.
Jon Snow and his ice-wall-climbing pack of Wildlings are walking along on the green side of the Wall. Which is confusing, because his time spent training at the wall was always very snowy and miserable. Also, there are a lot more Wildlings than I initially thought there were. They only showed us Ginger NotMance (Tormund Giantsbane), Wildling Warg, Ygritte and Jon. But, okay. There's a whole pack of them.
The sometimes-useful-for-Lor-but-always-an-evil-lying-liar-to-me-credits show us King's Landing, Harrenhal, Riverrun, Still-Depressingly-On-Fire-Winterfell, The Wall, and Yunkai. You can assume that the honesty of the credits is directly related to the Snark Lady doing the week's recap.
Samwell is attempting to light a fire for Gilly, but she's all LOL, you don't know what you're doing and I do. I give no shits about either of them and they have nothing to really talk about, especially once Gilly realizes that Sam's lack of ability to do much of anything is the product of his being highborn. He tries to impress her with that knife he found forever ago.
Samwell is attempting to light a fire for Gilly, but she's all LOL, you don't know what you're doing and I do. I give no shits about either of them and they have nothing to really talk about, especially once Gilly realizes that Sam's lack of ability to do much of anything is the product of his being highborn. He tries to impress her with that knife he found forever ago.
I think the credits like me better than Sweeney. I get a new place today! Off we go to King's Landing, Harrenhal, Riverrun, Winterfell on Fire, The Wall, and Yunkai!
Sweeney: OH. COOL. -_-
Lor: We start at the Brotherhood Without Banners and they are praying to the Lord of Light, to give them wisdom and to let The Hound die if he's guilty, "for the night is dark and full of terrors." I feel really bad stereotyping an entire group of fictional characters based solely on their religion, but maybe now that they've all chanted "the night is dark" thing, I can stereotype them based on their motto? No? I'M SORRY. They are just creeping me out now.
Sweeney: OH. COOL. -_-
Lor: We start at the Brotherhood Without Banners and they are praying to the Lord of Light, to give them wisdom and to let The Hound die if he's guilty, "for the night is dark and full of terrors." I feel really bad stereotyping an entire group of fictional characters based solely on their religion, but maybe now that they've all chanted "the night is dark" thing, I can stereotype them based on their motto? No? I'M SORRY. They are just creeping me out now.
Shit got so real last time that I'm even willing to tell you all the stuff from the opening credits, even though I'm still not on good terms with them. King's Landing, Harrenhal, Riverrun, Winterfell (STILL ON FUCKING FIRE), The Wall, Astapor. I pay attention and you gave me nothing new! You did inform me that Natalie Dormer, granddaughter FLOWERBOSS is in this episode, so I'm pumped. I'd also add that we no longer cross at The Narrow Sea, rather, The Shivering Sea. And Astapor is just off The Gulf of Grief. Those sound like the worst bodies of water ever.
Lorraine: See?? Even when the credits have nothing new to tell us, there is always something new to note, because seriously, who the hell would live just off the Gulf of Grief?
Lorraine: See?? Even when the credits have nothing new to tell us, there is always something new to note, because seriously, who the hell would live just off the Gulf of Grief?
Lorraine: Just when we seem to give up on the credits, it adds a shiny, new location to the map so we forgive it for being an occasional liar. I feel like this is an abusive relationship, Credits, but I don't know how to quit you. Today: King's Landing, Harrenhal, (new location) Riverrun, Winterfell on Fire, The Wall and Astapor.
Sweeney: I'm glad you got the episode where the credits tried to make nice again, because I don't think I'm ready to forgive just yet.
Lor: Fair. Lady Catelyn's father's dead body is pushed off into the sea for a Viking-type funeral as she stands solemnly by with the rest of those in mourning.
Sweeney: I'm glad you got the episode where the credits tried to make nice again, because I don't think I'm ready to forgive just yet.
Lor: Fair. Lady Catelyn's father's dead body is pushed off into the sea for a Viking-type funeral as she stands solemnly by with the rest of those in mourning.
Sweeney: Nothing new to report from the title credits. Winterfell is still on fire, and we're still upset about it. Astapor, home of Baby Fun Dip is still on the map. You know what is new this time? BRAN'S BACK. We begin the episode in what must be his dream, because he's running. Also, this kid is growing crazy fast. Don't child actors realize that they need to slow that shit down?
Related: I also suspect that allowing our youngest actors to grow up might be something of an added perk for the writers in dragging out the third book across two seasons. Again, haven't read them, but I can imagine that the age of the actors becoming an issue at some point.
Related: I also suspect that allowing our youngest actors to grow up might be something of an added perk for the writers in dragging out the third book across two seasons. Again, haven't read them, but I can imagine that the age of the actors becoming an issue at some point.
Lorraine: I was expecting the credits to roll first, but we get a pre-credits teaser today! Against a black screen we hear some war sounds -metal clanging, screaming and general death-sounds. We stylistically fade into the white misery of north of the wall where Samwell is running through the snow with all the speed and grace of someone who is about to get eaten very soon.
Sweeney: I was totally surprised to find him still alive! I assumed he was dead after that finale. I can't say that I care all that much that either way, but it was unexpected.
Sweeney: I was totally surprised to find him still alive! I assumed he was dead after that finale. I can't say that I care all that much that either way, but it was unexpected.