Shrine o' Spielberg. Dawson mopes about the fact that Jen doesn't want to hang out any more now that they're exes and all. Because apparently when you dump someone, you should hang out with them all the time? IDEK. Joey "Voice of Reason" Potter informs him that it sounds like he doesn't want to admit it's over. She tells him there are three main areas to focus on in getting over Jen: 1. Public perception, 2. Prepare himself for Jen to date other people, 3. Having the inevitable "can we still be friends?" conversation with Jen. She asks what he'll say in regards to #3, and he has no idea. He wants to be friends, but he also doesn't because "how could you simply be friends with someone when every time you look at them, all you think about is how much more you really want them." Joey, inner pain poked with a stick, says that she thinks it can be done.
Ryan and Marissa are finally officially together and to show how together they are this episode starts with a make out session in Ryan's pool house.
Lorraine: I'm really uncomfortable with the heavy breathing Mischa Barton is doing right now. Just, FYI.
Sweeney: SAME.
Lorraine: I'm really uncomfortable with the heavy breathing Mischa Barton is doing right now. Just, FYI.
Sweeney: SAME.
FINALE TIME, FRIENDS. It's been a long haul to the finale, what with posting being only weekly and less, still, when you account for all the lateness, but HERE WE ARE. The big finish. We'll talk a lot next time about how incredible this season of television is, when I attempt to rank a season in which I LOVE ALL 22 EPISODES. ALL OF THEM. For now, there's still a mystery to wrap up, so let's get to it.
We start with a reporter, sitting in his cubicle, incredulously listening to Keith's theory that Abel Koontz couldn't have killed Lilly because he was with Cheyenne, a call girl. The reporter says flat out (in front of this call girl) that this whole thing sounds far too tabloidy and would basically jeopardize his entire career. Cheyenne's pretty happy to say, "Great! We tried! We're done now!" but Keith's adamant and hands over a file with a whole hell of a lot more proof.
We start with a reporter, sitting in his cubicle, incredulously listening to Keith's theory that Abel Koontz couldn't have killed Lilly because he was with Cheyenne, a call girl. The reporter says flat out (in front of this call girl) that this whole thing sounds far too tabloidy and would basically jeopardize his entire career. Cheyenne's pretty happy to say, "Great! We tried! We're done now!" but Keith's adamant and hands over a file with a whole hell of a lot more proof.
The episode begins with the opening chords to Savage Garden's "Truly Madly Deeply," so I am already entirely incapable of taking any of this seriously.
Kirsti: Riiiiiiiiiiiiight there with you. Also, I have had that fucking song stuck in my head for DAYS thanks to this episode. Even reading my "Bahahaha, Dawson's moping to Savage Garden!" notes was enough to get it stuck in my head again.
Kirsti: Riiiiiiiiiiiiight there with you. Also, I have had that fucking song stuck in my head for DAYS thanks to this episode. Even reading my "Bahahaha, Dawson's moping to Savage Garden!" notes was enough to get it stuck in my head again.
We open with a Cohen family breakfast and a Marissa/Summer powwow at Jimmy’s apartment. It’s back to school time for the kids and everyone is nervous. Seth’s nervous because he’s a huge loser; Ryan’s nervous because he’s about to go to a new school with a bunch of Lukes; Marissa’s nervous because she is a complete and total trainwreck and almost offed herself in Tijuana; Summer’s nervous because, actually no, Summer’s not nervous because she’s just better than the others. Summer reminds her human disaster of a friend that she has to plan the school carnival because she’s still the social chair. I’ve always wondered how people on television shows have enough time before school to hang out at their friends’ houses and gab about life. I was lucky if I had time to make a Toaster Strudel before hauling my ass to school.
It's been a while, friends, but I'm confident that things are ever as we remember in Rosewood.
Sweeney: A place in which dramatic music and zoomy cameramen keep trying to tell you that EPIC THINGS ARE HAPPENING but the actual rate of change suggests that nothing ever happens here.
Lor: Exactly. That's the city motto, I think.
We start the episode with a small peek at TOBY ABS! I mean it's dark and stuff and we're mad at Toby for being part of the A team and making Spencer cry, but yes. Abs are near.
Sweeney: A place in which dramatic music and zoomy cameramen keep trying to tell you that EPIC THINGS ARE HAPPENING but the actual rate of change suggests that nothing ever happens here.
Lor: Exactly. That's the city motto, I think.
We start the episode with a small peek at TOBY ABS! I mean it's dark and stuff and we're mad at Toby for being part of the A team and making Spencer cry, but yes. Abs are near.
Shrine o' Spielberg. Dawson talks to himself as he flips through the TV stations. He pauses briefly on scrambled porn before settling on classic movies. Convenient, really, because it means that when Joey climbs in the window a second later, she doesn't find him bonding with Little Dawson. (D: Except Joey would call it "walking his dog," because she's the worst.) (K: TRUE.) Joey, who's borrowed Faith's coma make up complains about sleep deprivation courtesy of her shiny new nephew and says her GPA is dropping as a result.
Dawson tells her to just stay over, which she rapidly agrees to. She judges him for his choice of movies and he starts to defend Gary Cooper, pining for the days when the nerd could easily get the girl.
Dawson tells her to just stay over, which she rapidly agrees to. She judges him for his choice of movies and he starts to defend Gary Cooper, pining for the days when the nerd could easily get the girl.
We begin in the Cohen kitchen. Sandy, Mama Cohen, Ryan and Seth are standing around looking somber on account of Marissa being in the hospital thanks to all those Mexican painkillers. They’re too upset to eat bagels, (L: What even?) (RIGHT?) so Mama Cohen sets up the premise of the episode. Ryan has a meeting with the dean of Rich Kid High, and Sandy and his eyebrows are starting a new job. Just as they’re about to get ready for the day, the phone rings and they all turn to look at it like, “MARISSA!” Personally, I’d rather eat bagels than deal with her.
Lorraine: Also, if they just stare at the phone, they are all doing phone calls wrong.
Sweeney: Or really, really right, since I hate talking on the phone.
Lorraine: Also, if they just stare at the phone, they are all doing phone calls wrong.
Sweeney: Or really, really right, since I hate talking on the phone.
In a parking garage that is strangely lit in blue, one white dude in a suit greets another white dude in a suit, in a stalker-y way. Dr. Mitchell tries to get into his car but the Fanboy Stalker blocks his path and gushes about Dr. Mitchell's studies in cell degeneration. Fanboy says Dr. Mitchell has become kind of a hobby of his and mentions a paper that hasn't even been published yet. Fanboy assures the doctor that it will be published and that he will also find a vaccine. Dr. Mitchell asks for what and Fanboy shoots him with a blue laser in the forehead.
The Halliwell sisters are waiting in a line for something and Phoebe brought along a Magic 8 Ball. In public.
The Halliwell sisters are waiting in a line for something and Phoebe brought along a Magic 8 Ball. In public.
We open in Havana, Cuba. Funnily enough, it looks a lot like Neptune, except with horses. Duncan is spending some time there to grow an ugly beard hide out for awhile.
Lorraine: That beard definitely looks like it's trying too hard.
Diva: Keith has managed to track him down, while wearing a hat that makes me fully unable to take him seriously. Duncan wants to know if Keith also thinks he's a murderer. He tells Duncan that he doesn't know who killed Lilly, but he knows it wasn't Abel Koontz. Duncan is all, yeah, but it also wasn't ME, so let me grow my chin-pubes in peace
Lorraine: That beard definitely looks like it's trying too hard.
Diva: Keith has managed to track him down, while wearing a hat that makes me fully unable to take him seriously. Duncan wants to know if Keith also thinks he's a murderer. He tells Duncan that he doesn't know who killed Lilly, but he knows it wasn't Abel Koontz. Duncan is all, yeah, but it also wasn't ME, so let me grow my chin-pubes in peace
Shrine O'Spielberg. Dawson and Joey are watching yet another movie together, but he gets frustrated with it and shuts it off just before the end. He finds it unbelievable that a girl would decide which guy she wants to be with based on a drag race. Joey wisely points out that someone whose favorite movie is E.T. should not have such a problem with unrealistic films, but like everything else on this show, this is really about SEX.
Kirsti: Also, whose favourite movie is E.T.?! I was terrified of it when I was six, and I'm still terrified of it. Don't let that thing in your house, Elliott.
Kirsti: Also, whose favourite movie is E.T.?! I was terrified of it when I was six, and I'm still terrified of it. Don't let that thing in your house, Elliott.
The episode starts and I instantly recognize Danielle Harris from that instant classic Disney Channel movie, Wish Upon a Star. She played the younger, undesirable sister to Katherine Hiegl's It Girl. The thing I most remember about Danielle Harris are her very expressive eyebrows. I mean, really, she can just lift them up toward her hairline, but that expresses a lot.
IMDB has also informed be that she voiced Debbie Thornberry in The Wild Thornberrys and this is very exciting news for me.
IMDB has also informed be that she voiced Debbie Thornberry in The Wild Thornberrys and this is very exciting news for me.
Sweeney originally called dibs on this episode, but she's still having grand adventures in Europe, so I told her I'd trade her. (S: And I let go only because I had to because this is an iconic moment in OC history, guys.) Explanation as to why we're taking a guest posting break and you're stuck with me over, let's get to the episode:
Seth practically chases Ryan into the kitchen, trying to convince him that some plan he's come up with is foolproof, since he goes to a comic book convention every year around this time and his parents trust him.
Seth practically chases Ryan into the kitchen, trying to convince him that some plan he's come up with is foolproof, since he goes to a comic book convention every year around this time and his parents trust him.
We open in Dawson's Shrine o' Spielberg. A black and white movie comes to an end on the TV, and Joey's all "Cool, BYE." She claims it's because her sister's baby is due like NOW and she needs to help out. Dawson whines that they never watch just one movie on movie night, and she replies that there's a first time for everything. Like, for instance, Third Wheel Jen being there. Poor Jen - the actual girlfriend - looks hella awkward and is perched on a chair next to the bed, further proving that Dawson Leery is a douchebag. DUDE. Make some room on the bed for her.
<br:
Democracy Diva: I am so glad the seating arrangements bothered you as much as they bothered me. If any two people are sharing the bed, shouldn't it be the people actually dating?
After the previouslies, we start off with a shot of the Cohen car filled with food. Sandy “Eyebrows” Cohen makes a crack about feeding Kirsten's dad to get his love, and while that probably won't work on Mr. Evil Corporate man, that would definitely work on me. Just sayin'. (S: Cosign.)(L: And another +1 makes it a party.)
Kirsten's dad (Caleb) enters and cheerfully calls himself the devil so we don't have to. Outside, Seth and Ryan talk about Caleb, and how he's Mr. Big Money. Seth points out that he, like Ryan, came from humble beginnings and they'd probably hit it off.
Kirsten's dad (Caleb) enters and cheerfully calls himself the devil so we don't have to. Outside, Seth and Ryan talk about Caleb, and how he's Mr. Big Money. Seth points out that he, like Ryan, came from humble beginnings and they'd probably hit it off.