Spencer, Hanna and Aria sit in a police interrogation room, arms and faces covered in dirty. On the other side of the one way glass, some officer is telling a shadowy detective that the girls haven't said a word since they were brought in. The Zoomy Cameraman focuses on Detective Mystery's mouth so we can watch it smirk at the thought of securing his own promotion by destroying the lives of three girls.
It comes as no real shock that this is Detective Wilden, last seen being the stupidest detective of all time, taking advantage of Mama Marin's vagina and also getting a verbal SMACKDOWN from Mariska Mom.
The gang returns to the hotel immediately after the end of the last one and Cordelia is talking about making minor changes for the baby but stops short when she sees the carnage from the battle.
Kirsti: Cordy, honey. The baby is like half an hour old. You probably don't need to worry about covering the outlets JUST yet.
Lorraine: But cleaning up the blood is generally good life idea.
Kirsti: Cordy, honey. The baby is like half an hour old. You probably don't need to worry about covering the outlets JUST yet.
Lorraine: But cleaning up the blood is generally good life idea.
Tara and Dawn wake up on the couch, having fallen asleep watching TV. Tara quickly realizes that it's weird that nobody (neither Buffy nor Willow) came home and woke them up. They check the bedrooms (K: And I laugh forever because 20 year olds who make their beds that perfectly? OH, PLEASE.) and Dawn's worried when she realizes that neither one is home. Tara says they probably just lost track of time. Segue over to Buffy waking up naked in the trashed building with Spike. She panics and asks Spike when the building fell down. He's not really sure, because of all the sex.
Wolf howl. (FUCK, I FORGOT TO ASK LORRAINE TO DO THE WOLF HOWL IN DALLAS.)
Wolf howl. (FUCK, I FORGOT TO ASK LORRAINE TO DO THE WOLF HOWL IN DALLAS.)
We kick this episode off in the middle of the night with quiet (for real this time!) as Emily and Hanna are sleeping in Hanna's room. Emily checks a text on her phone and then gets out of bed and heads out. Apparently she isn't trying to be too sneaky, because her tires squeal as she takes off.
The next morning, Hanna has gathered the other Liars so they can figure out what's going on with Em. Spencer says that she probably jumped in her car and drove until she reached Texas. Which sounds like a fantastic idea, because A LEGIT TRIED TO KILL YOU, GIRL.
The next morning, Hanna has gathered the other Liars so they can figure out what's going on with Em. Spencer says that she probably jumped in her car and drove until she reached Texas. Which sounds like a fantastic idea, because A LEGIT TRIED TO KILL YOU, GIRL.
We start at lunch time, with Emily finding Aria to shake up our usual episode-beginning routine. It's only the two of them as they recap last episode: New Jason and Aria kissed, and it was a mistake; New Jason had creepy pictures of Aria as his barn decor. Spencer shows up just in time to lay on a big I TOLD YOU SO on Aria. Emily lets slip that Jason and Aria kissed and Spencer's shocked. Aria is not happy, and only responds to the, "this guy has stalker pictures of you," with a "fine, fine. I gotta go."
What else did we expect?
What else did we expect?
We open in the lobby of the Hyperion, with Angel and Holtz right where we left them. Angel's all "DAFUQ? You're meant to be dead!" then joins the dots on the fact that the mysterious beastie the prophecies were talking about is Holtz. He starts to try and talk Holtz around, but a couple of green scaly demons jump up and hold stabby looking metal things to Angel's throat. Holtz says that what brought him to the 21st century is Angel and his "demon bitch." Angel starts in on his "everything's different because I have a soul" routine, but Holtz flicks some holy water at him, causing him to vamp out for a second, and says that he sees no difference. He orders his minions to search the place because wherever Angel is, Darla can't be far away.
After a whopping one minute and twenty three seconds of previouslies (seriously?!), a middle aged couple are being cornered by some guys in an alley. Buffy puns her way into the picture and goes in for the fight, only to discover that the guys doing the cornering are human and she's just interrupted a run of the mill mugging. She hands the lady back her handbag and ushers the couple away.
The muggers, meanwhile, are complete idiots and decide to attack Buffy. She pins one and is heading for the other when a shape jumps out of the darkness and hits the second mugger. Buffy yells "NO!" but it's too late - Spike grabs his head in pain and the muggers get away.
The muggers, meanwhile, are complete idiots and decide to attack Buffy. She pins one and is heading for the other when a shape jumps out of the darkness and hits the second mugger. Buffy yells "NO!" but it's too late - Spike grabs his head in pain and the muggers get away.
The Snark Ladies have decided to tell you a little bit about what they think of this Fall season’s new TV shows. In part two, we talk about some of the pilots that aired between September 22-28.
Shows covered: Mom, The Blacklist, Hostages, Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., Trophy Wife, & The Crazy Ones
Shows covered: Mom, The Blacklist, Hostages, Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., Trophy Wife, & The Crazy Ones
The number gods are getting me back for that one time when I got an episode free of Pedzarafitz by starting this one off with Ezria in bed, getting their pedophilia on. The alarm goes off and Ezra rolls over to turn it off and when he rolls back it's New Jason. Aria wakes up. Too late, because I can't unsee that.
Lorraine: OKAY, RIGHT? I had an acutal, physical gag when I realized that was Ezria in a state of undress.
Sweeney: I'm glad I wasn't alone in that.
Lorraine: OKAY, RIGHT? I had an acutal, physical gag when I realized that was Ezria in a state of undress.
Sweeney: I'm glad I wasn't alone in that.
Our tragically abbreviated journey begins with stock war footage. There are explosions and bullets whizzing by as a band of futuristic aircraft gun down a group of soldiers. Welcome to Firefly everyone!
A man in a brown coat makes his way down a hill and safely into a bunker. Inside, he's addressed by another soldier as "sergeant." Sergeant Brown Coat is told that command is holding air support, but as we just saw, they could use some air support ASAP. He barks out a few orders right before a big blast makes everyone look at each other all, "we're totally gonna die, aren't we?"
Sweeney: It's a Joss Whedon show, so I'm sure some of you are correct!
A man in a brown coat makes his way down a hill and safely into a bunker. Inside, he's addressed by another soldier as "sergeant." Sergeant Brown Coat is told that command is holding air support, but as we just saw, they could use some air support ASAP. He barks out a few orders right before a big blast makes everyone look at each other all, "we're totally gonna die, aren't we?"
Sweeney: It's a Joss Whedon show, so I'm sure some of you are correct!
Holtz is riding a horse in York, England 1764. He's flagged down by another horse rider, waving around a torch. Torch Guy tells Holtz he's found them. We cut to a dimly lit house, where there is a knock on the door. A little girl opens to find Darla looking fabulous and Angel in another terrible wig. (K: WILL WE EVER BE FREE OF THE TERRIBLE WIGS???) (S: Forever ago, people promised us the wigs/accents got better. We're already in season 3 and I feel lied to.) The little girl tries to pull the stranger danger card on them, but Angel knows her name and everything, so the little girl relents and lets them in. Angel locks the door behind them.
Holtz and Torch Man meet up with some other riders.
Holtz and Torch Man meet up with some other riders.
Cemetery, night, and I'm a little sad this won't lead to a big number. Buffy turns around suddenly to find that Spike is right behind her. He wants to talk bout the fact that they totally kissed, but Buffy's taking the, "I don't want to talk about it" approach to this all. That's disappointing. I mean, not because I want them to kiss again per se, but because I hate back and forth in relationships. It killed Bangel for me right at the end. JUST KISS HIM, BUFFY. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO.
K: I'm sorry, but on behalf of those of us who fangirl, I'm gonna go ahead and add in Spike's line here: "We...we kissed, you and me. All Gone With The Wind, with the rising music, and the rising...music, and what was that, Buffy?" Hehehehehehehehe.
K: I'm sorry, but on behalf of those of us who fangirl, I'm gonna go ahead and add in Spike's line here: "We...we kissed, you and me. All Gone With The Wind, with the rising music, and the rising...music, and what was that, Buffy?" Hehehehehehehehe.
This episode begins with, you guessed it, the girls recapping the last few minutes of the last episode. Spencer managed to get away from Officer Garrett by telling him she had to get home. Well, that was anti-climatic. Hanna suggests that maybe Blind Jenna didn't give Garrett the pottery candle thing, but Spencer thinks that's unlikely. "What do you think, he bought it at the Blind Artists Craft Fair? Of course she gave it to him!"
It turns out that the girls are parked outside of Emily's house, because the people leasing the place don't know how to work the alarm system and it keeps getting set off. This seems like completely pointless information, which probably means it will be important later.
It turns out that the girls are parked outside of Emily's house, because the people leasing the place don't know how to work the alarm system and it keeps getting set off. This seems like completely pointless information, which probably means it will be important later.
Sweeney: I've been over here wondering when Darla's going to turn in up in LA like she promised. I'm not necessarily a fan of all the things they've done in the interim, but I think I like that they took their sweet time with this. FINE, SHOW. FINE. But I think the suspense is over because we kick this episode off in Rome, 1771. TERRIBLE WIG FLASHBACK TIME! Angelus is running around in a sewer (the more things change, the more they stay the same). He's being chased by some monk like dudes. Maybe they're not monks, but they're wearing big brown robes and I can't be bothered to differentiate the kinds of people who wear big brown robes.
Lorraine: Basically, don't wear a big brown robe if you don't want the Snark Ladies to mistake you for a monk.
Sweeney: Precisely.
Lorraine: Basically, don't wear a big brown robe if you don't want the Snark Ladies to mistake you for a monk.
Sweeney: Precisely.
The episode begins with a totally delightful bit of opening credits manipulation that reminds me of Bewitched. The credits feature some fun upbeat music that continues even after the episode ends with the title.
Lorraine: I feel like this episode was telling us right from the beginning that it was going to be fantastic. I was sold 10 seconds into the episode. There was happy seal clapping involved.
Kirsti: The first line of my notes says "These credits remind me of Bewitched!". I'm glad we established our mindmeld only seconds into the episode, Sweeney.
Lorraine: I feel like this episode was telling us right from the beginning that it was going to be fantastic. I was sold 10 seconds into the episode. There was happy seal clapping involved.
Kirsti: The first line of my notes says "These credits remind me of Bewitched!". I'm glad we established our mindmeld only seconds into the episode, Sweeney.