In a nutshell: So there's this guy, right? And he's fighting in the Revolutionary War all heroic and brave like, right up until some creep with a metal mask comes over to stab him. In his dying moments, this guy (Ichabod Crane) goes down swinging and manages to chop off the head of the creep with the mask. He dies, and if that weren't sucky enough, Ichabod Crane is rudely awakened from his grave 250 years later, and soon falls right into an epic mission: the Headless Horseman is back as well, and in the year 2013, it seems that everyone likes their horsemen with heads and generally not going around killing people and being apocalyptic. Ichabod teams up with Lt. Abbie Mills to figure out WTF is going on.
What Lorraine Thinks: This show is batshit crazy.
The episode starts with all of the girls in their separate rooms in no way referencing what happened last episode. JUST KIDDING. They are all in the Marin Manor kitchen. Emily's explaining that some pipes broke in the house, meaning that Hanna and Em have to share a room. Hanna says that it'll be like a never-ending sleep over and Aria and Spencer give each other hilarious side eye.
Sara: Aria is so good at that side eye. I can't stop watching.
Sweeney: Those big old powderpuff eyes of hers can pull of all sorts of wonderful expressions. There's a slight eyeroll to the Aria shrug, too, that really enhances it.
Sara: Aria is so good at that side eye. I can't stop watching.
Sweeney: Those big old powderpuff eyes of hers can pull of all sorts of wonderful expressions. There's a slight eyeroll to the Aria shrug, too, that really enhances it.
Kirsti: First of all, I'm not handing out gold stars in this episode because it would be like a freaking Oprah show - EVERYONE GETS A GOLD STAR!! Second of all, I hate this episode with the fire of a thousand suns. It's not that it's badly acted or shot or anything like that. It's just 42 minutes of bullshit that makes me indescribably angry, and I kind of can't believe the network signed off on producing this.
Sweeney: Woo! That's...uh...promising. -_-
Lorraine: Hold on:
Sweeney: Woo! That's...uh...promising. -_-
Lorraine: Hold on:
We open at the Magic Box, where they're having their Halloween Bone-anza, and they should REALLY have thought up a different name for that because that does NOT sound like something I would want to attend. (L: Lots of bone jokes lately...) ANYWAY. Xander's dressed as a pirate and is trying to tell a small child dressed as a fireman that he found the bottle of fireflies he's holding off the coast of Kathmandu. The small child is dubious, and I am too because apparently Xander's never cracked an atlas in his life.
Lorraine: Xander gets points though, this being Talk Like a Pirate Day and all. I swear that's a thing. Also, I clearly have to point out that this child is Beans from Even Stevens. That is all.
Lorraine: Xander gets points though, this being Talk Like a Pirate Day and all. I swear that's a thing. Also, I clearly have to point out that this child is Beans from Even Stevens. That is all.
This is your semi-regular reminder that at least one of these four girls should now have been driven to full-blown insanity with the stress of an ever-changing cadre of blackmailers, murderers, and murders in their lives. The fact that 4/4 are still fully-functional human beings strikes me as implausible at best. Henceforth, I choose to view the story as all being some sort of vivid dream on the part of an institutionalized PLL. It makes the implausibility factor of all other events easier to handle too! You may all begin voting on which PLL's brain my headcanon should be attributed to.
The nervous-break-induced story continues in Emily's bedroom, where the PLLs are folding flyers for a fashion show because that is EVEN BETTER than another effing dance.
The nervous-break-induced story continues in Emily's bedroom, where the PLLs are folding flyers for a fashion show because that is EVEN BETTER than another effing dance.
We get a good, old fashioned misdirection opening today, this time with a big pointy sword in Wesley's face. I'm happy to report that his hair is deflating, but unfortunately it is still not at acceptable levels.
Sweeney: I wonder if his Puff Level will prove comparable to John Green's as an indicator of stress level?
Kirsti: We can but hope, Sweeney.
Lor: Cordy is holding the sword. They banter about running through inventory, because Angel has been complaining about the weapons cabinet.
Sweeney: I wonder if his Puff Level will prove comparable to John Green's as an indicator of stress level?
Kirsti: We can but hope, Sweeney.
Lor: Cordy is holding the sword. They banter about running through inventory, because Angel has been complaining about the weapons cabinet.
Buffy gets home with a bucket of fried chicken, only to find that Willow, Tara, Giles and Dawn are already having dinner. It's says a lot about how not-okay things are that this makes everyone super uncomfortable. Giles even says they haven't eaten, even though we can totally see the food. Buffy assures everyone that it's okay, but they all make a big show of really wanting Buffy's chicken.
Kirsti: Oh, Giles. Don't ever change. Also, this scene made me realise that we're only just at the beginning of Buffy's attempts at bringing things home for dinner, and now I has the sads.
Sweeney: THANKS, KIRSTI. NOW I DO TOO.
Kirsti: Oh, Giles. Don't ever change. Also, this scene made me realise that we're only just at the beginning of Buffy's attempts at bringing things home for dinner, and now I has the sads.
Sweeney: THANKS, KIRSTI. NOW I DO TOO.
The PLLs are sitting at lunch, looking at a copy of the note they found next to Dead Ian, because Hanna was smart enough to snap a picture of it before they called the cops. They question whether it's a suicide note or a confession, and Emily wonders why Ian would kill himself right before running off with Melissa. And then I wonder wtf is wrong with Emily, because she literally just saw him murdered by that bell tower not that long ago, so she has to know this is another A setup, right?
Lorraine: YOU WOULD THINK. No one is even questioning how fucking impossible it is that he was alive enough to kill himself.
Lorraine: YOU WOULD THINK. No one is even questioning how fucking impossible it is that he was alive enough to kill himself.
The episode begins with everyone sitting in the lobby quietly and jumping when Fred enters. Fred looks over Cordelia's shoulder at her magazine and having starved in a cave for five years, is confused by the starved-looking models. She's also just generally lurking and even though it's just a beauty magazine it still gives me, "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY BUBBLE WHEN I'M READING," feelings just watching. (K: Agreed. My mum does it all the time and it makes me squicky.) She mentions that Angel is probably reading, which is his cut to enternouncequestion if anyone else has read this great thing in the paper. Said great thing is a Charlton Heston double feature which nobody else gives any fucks about, but I'm going to go ahead and declare shots for the Angel/art OTP. I'm reaching a little here, but I don't care.
We begin the episode in the Summers Basement, an ominous sounds warn us of Buffy's foe...which turns out to be a leaky water pipe. Dawn suggests calling a plumber, which Buffy declines. Naturally, the pipes explode in a rather comic book fashion.
Kirsti: Oh, Buff. Don't use Slayer Strength on the pipes, honey. It was bound to end badly.
Lorraine: Pipes and ice cream machines, remember?
Sweeney: Indeed, though I wasn't a big fan of the ice cream machine bit. This silliness feels strange but also welcome. Don't worry, the show will cut that out soon enough. Roll credits.
Kirsti: Oh, Buff. Don't use Slayer Strength on the pipes, honey. It was bound to end badly.
Lorraine: Pipes and ice cream machines, remember?
Sweeney: Indeed, though I wasn't a big fan of the ice cream machine bit. This silliness feels strange but also welcome. Don't worry, the show will cut that out soon enough. Roll credits.
We open at Lorne's bar with Angel apologising sincerely to someone off camera - he used them and he feels really bad about it. Said off camera person turns out to be Merl the snitch, who doesn't believe Angel's apology on account of he's reading it from a piece of paper.Merl doesn't feel like it's sincere enough, and Angel eye-rolls at the Fang Gang who are still sporting completely terrible hair. Cordy pulls Merl aside for a pep talk while Wes does the same for Angel. Angel eventually offers Merl a free shot at him, and then taunts him until he throws a bottle. At which point Merl gets hurled back by some kind of force field. Angel tries to keep a straight face while Lorne makes the sarcastic excuse that Angel must have "forgotten" that demon violence is impossible in his bar.
We start immediately after the conclusion of Bargaining. The Scoobies head out of the alley where they killed the Lame-o Biker Demon, with Willow saying that Buffy has to be back at Chez Summers. Xander claims to know a shortcut through the alleys, but Anya's less than convinced about how safe it is on account of half the town being on fire. Just as Xander's in the middle of a speech about how he's got wikkid skillz, a bunch of Lame-o Bikers appear behind them and blaze past on their way out of town, causing Xander to mildly wet his pants. Contrivancely, the Lame-o Bikers are all spontaneously aware that their leader is dead and are running for the hills. Okay, show. Whatever.
Sweeney: I'm glad they are being eliminated as hastily as they were introduced.
Sweeney: I'm glad they are being eliminated as hastily as they were introduced.
Spencer goes back to the pawn shop to get Melissa's wedding ring. The shop owner is surprised to see her. We pan out of the shop and see that Emily, Aria and Hanna are waiting for their friend out in the skeevy alley, prepared to give us the Early Episode Exposition: Dr. Ex-Fiance Wren gave Melissa something unidentified last episode and Emily got a fake scholarship letter from A.
Back inside the pawn shop, the owner hands Spencer back a horseshoe. Spencer freaks out and says she gave him a ring, though he plays dumb and says not according to her ticket. Spencer demands that he find her ring, and he hits her with a, "or what? You gonna call the police?"
Back inside the pawn shop, the owner hands Spencer back a horseshoe. Spencer freaks out and says she gave him a ring, though he plays dumb and says not according to her ticket. Spencer demands that he find her ring, and he hits her with a, "or what? You gonna call the police?"
Wesley and his weird hair (I can't get over it) are eating take out with Gunn. We catch them mid-conversation and Wesley is saying they need to be more mindful of something. Just then, Cordelia strides in and they great her with just a touch too much enthusiasm. She doesn't spare them a glance. Gunn asks Wesley how he preformed and Wes thinks they came off pretty genuine. From somewhere behind them, we hear Fred say, "B+, C-. A girl can tell." She's sitting under a desk eating her take-out, so, you know. Progress.
Sweeney: FRED IS PRECIOUS.
Sweeney: FRED IS PRECIOUS.
Buffybot is surrounded by the Lame-O Biker Demons. She babbles about a total systems failure, and how she has to get back to Willow for repairs. One of the Lame-Os knocks her down with a chain.
In the woods, Tara and Anya have found Xander and a passed out Willow. Xander thinks the Biker Demons won't bother them in the woods, but Anya isn't convinced. Xander adjusts his plan to "split up and meet at the Magic Box." He's stay with Willow, since he can carry her. Anya asks about the Buffybot, but Xander proclaims it a loss. The gang all take off running.
We cut back to the cemetery, and in a shot through one of the spokes of a motorcycle wheel, we see the Lame-Os taking great pleasure in repeatedly kicking the Buffybot. I have robot feels.
In the woods, Tara and Anya have found Xander and a passed out Willow. Xander thinks the Biker Demons won't bother them in the woods, but Anya isn't convinced. Xander adjusts his plan to "split up and meet at the Magic Box." He's stay with Willow, since he can carry her. Anya asks about the Buffybot, but Xander proclaims it a loss. The gang all take off running.
We cut back to the cemetery, and in a shot through one of the spokes of a motorcycle wheel, we see the Lame-Os taking great pleasure in repeatedly kicking the Buffybot. I have robot feels.