The episode begins with Cordelia and Wesley bickering about all the things. First it's the name of the demon database Cordelia is using (Demons! Demons! Demons!) which is a thing whose existence I love and approve of. As all three Snark Ladies are students who get their research on occasionally, it's amusing to watch the Buffyverse acquire technology. I just hope that nobody scanned any old demonic texts in the making of this database, because that was an awful moment in Buffyverse history that I'd rather not revisit.
K: I recently sat in a class where a lecturer told us about how when online database searching first started, you got charged by the SECOND for using it.
I wish I could tell you that I'm kidding when I say that I spent a good fifteen minutes debating how to name Faith/Buffy in this episode -- whether Faith!Buffy would mean Faith in Buffy's body or Buffy in Faith's body. Obviously that would be the most insane, confusing thing ever. For the sake of this recap, they will be referred to by the character they are, not the body they are in, though I'll occasionally clarify when I feel it's necessary. That is, Faith-in-Buffy's-body will be Faith and Buffy-in-Faith's-body will be Buffy. Got it? Cool.
Outside the Summers home, Joyce and Faith-as-Buffy are being told by a detective (LOL Sunnydale cops) that they're so glad they have "Faith" in custody because they've been looking for her.
Outside the Summers home, Joyce and Faith-as-Buffy are being told by a detective (LOL Sunnydale cops) that they're so glad they have "Faith" in custody because they've been looking for her.
Sara: We open up right after the funeral, with the girls drinking coffee at the local Rosewood diner. They wonder why Jenna would have been at the funeral, because of that whole The Jenna Thing thing.
Lorraine: A nice big cheer for PLL's first gold star ever!
Sweeney: Pretty sure several people earn the star today, so congrats to all! And to the writers, for successfully reducing the number of actual words they had to come up with/string together. We're always proponents of people who manage to do less work at work.
Lorraine: A nice big cheer for PLL's first gold star ever!
Sweeney: Pretty sure several people earn the star today, so congrats to all! And to the writers, for successfully reducing the number of actual words they had to come up with/string together. We're always proponents of people who manage to do less work at work.
Kirsti: We open on a sunny morning with a girl in a historically inaccurate costume pouring water from a well into a jug. It's 1753, and we're in Galway. Oh, sorry. Galway, IRELAND, because the show needs to clarify such things for stupid people who don't know where Galway is.
Sweeney: This is an American show. Our people don't know shit about maps or other places. They can't even put half the US states on a map, so expecting them to identify foreign cities without clarification is just too much.
K: And yet someone decided America should be in charge of the world. Go figure...
Sweeney: This is an American show. Our people don't know shit about maps or other places. They can't even put half the US states on a map, so expecting them to identify foreign cities without clarification is just too much.
K: And yet someone decided America should be in charge of the world. Go figure...
We open in Buffy's room at Chez Summers. She and Faith (YAY) are putting clean sheets on Buffy's bed, so clearly it's one of those freaky mindmeld dream things from the end of season 3. There's a crapton of foreshadowing awesomeness (seriously, you guys. Whedon is a GENIUS), (L: BUFFY HAS A LITTLE SISTER?!) (SPOILERS, SWEETIE) and then Faith rudely bleeds all over the clean sheets. "Are you ever going to take this thing out?" she says to Buffy, and we see that Buffy's still holding the crazy murder knife in Faith's gut. Buffy twists the blade and we dramatic music over to a hospital room. There's thunder and lightning, and we see a comatose Faith in a hospital bed. The dramatic music turns suspenseful and then the credits roll without a damned thing happening.
The sometimes-useful-for-Lor-but-always-an-evil-lying-liar-to-me-credits show us King's Landing, Harrenhal, Riverrun, Still-Depressingly-On-Fire-Winterfell, The Wall, and Yunkai. You can assume that the honesty of the credits is directly related to the Snark Lady doing the week's recap.
Samwell is attempting to light a fire for Gilly, but she's all LOL, you don't know what you're doing and I do. I give no shits about either of them and they have nothing to really talk about, especially once Gilly realizes that Sam's lack of ability to do much of anything is the product of his being highborn. He tries to impress her with that knife he found forever ago.
Samwell is attempting to light a fire for Gilly, but she's all LOL, you don't know what you're doing and I do. I give no shits about either of them and they have nothing to really talk about, especially once Gilly realizes that Sam's lack of ability to do much of anything is the product of his being highborn. He tries to impress her with that knife he found forever ago.
Wesley is showing Angel a super special knife, useful for killiig Kek demons, which would be great Angel says, if Kek demons weren't extinct. Wesley holds out hope that there may yet be a sole, hibernating Kek.
The oven buzzes. Cordelia is baking brownies. She enters to collect said brownies as Wesley comments under his breath that he thought what he smelled was something he tracked in. Cordy tells Wesley he's going to love them. Angel is saved from a taste test because his selective eating says so. (S: I'd abuse the shit out of that too.)
The oven buzzes. Cordelia is baking brownies. She enters to collect said brownies as Wesley comments under his breath that he thought what he smelled was something he tracked in. Cordy tells Wesley he's going to love them. Angel is saved from a taste test because his selective eating says so. (S: I'd abuse the shit out of that too.)
Buffy is doing her version of the "previouslies" for the Scooby Gang, as this episode starts right after the last. The more I think about the whole Buffy in the Initiative development, the more unlikely it seems to me that they brought her in against their better judgement and then 10 minutes later were all LOL. JAYKAY! She's a liability and we're gonna kill her. But that is indeed what happened.
K: Agreed. It's totally stupid. Unless the whole thing was an attempt to pump her for information about what the Slayer is/does, and then when the Evil Bitch Monster realised that she couldn't chop off bits of Buffy and put them into Adam, she put her in the Too Hard Basket?
K: Agreed. It's totally stupid. Unless the whole thing was an attempt to pump her for information about what the Slayer is/does, and then when the Evil Bitch Monster realised that she couldn't chop off bits of Buffy and put them into Adam, she put her in the Too Hard Basket?
We open up in a barn with four obnoxiously gorgeous girls and 3oh!3's "Don't Trust the Girl" playing in the background, which is a pretty suitable song choice. When the power goes out, the sleepover party gets a little freaked, especially when they hear a noise outside. They get up to go Nancy Drew the situation when the door creaks open, and OH FUCK! ....Wait, no, it's just a fifth gorgeous girl, Alison. If only one of the Pretty Little Liars had hit her with a bat or something, right? Then I guess we'd just be watching Pretty Little Girls Who Are Kind of Boring and Don't Do Much and Nothing Murdery Ever Happens, and that title doesn't have the same ring to it.
Sweeney: This episode begins with a party at Cordelia's and I get excited because I've seen fun gifs of this episode! Cordelia jokes that a party must be Angel's idea of hell and he says, "Actually in hell you tend to know a lot of the people." LOL. A+ for you.
K: I'm going to use that excuse next time I have to go to a party, because Angel at a party = GPO-freaking-Y.
Sweeney: Best excuse ever. Cordelia scurries off to see some guy she's excited about and Angel watches Wesley dance awkwardly and gets the funniest little "You crazy" look ever. I'm so happy about everything that's happening.
K: I'm going to use that excuse next time I have to go to a party, because Angel at a party = GPO-freaking-Y.
Sweeney: Best excuse ever. Cordelia scurries off to see some guy she's excited about and Angel watches Wesley dance awkwardly and gets the funniest little "You crazy" look ever. I'm so happy about everything that's happening.
Sweeney: The episode begins with Willow chanting, but we pan out and realize that she's just "praying" for a good card in a poker game with Xander and Anya, who is predictably bad at poker. Xander is bummed about their current lack of money, but he swears that's about to change because he's going to sell some crap that doesn't sound at all appealing.
K: I love Anya's "dirty dirty cheater witch" expression of exasperation. Also her complaining about playing poker with chips. In high school, we used to play poker with M&Ms. Which turned out to be horribly flawed because we'd eat them all in about five minutes and not be able to bet any more...
K: I love Anya's "dirty dirty cheater witch" expression of exasperation. Also her complaining about playing poker with chips. In high school, we used to play poker with M&Ms. Which turned out to be horribly flawed because we'd eat them all in about five minutes and not be able to bet any more...
I think the credits like me better than Sweeney. I get a new place today! Off we go to King's Landing, Harrenhal, Riverrun, Winterfell on Fire, The Wall, and Yunkai!
Sweeney: OH. COOL. -_-
Lor: We start at the Brotherhood Without Banners and they are praying to the Lord of Light, to give them wisdom and to let The Hound die if he's guilty, "for the night is dark and full of terrors." I feel really bad stereotyping an entire group of fictional characters based solely on their religion, but maybe now that they've all chanted "the night is dark" thing, I can stereotype them based on their motto? No? I'M SORRY. They are just creeping me out now.
Sweeney: OH. COOL. -_-
Lor: We start at the Brotherhood Without Banners and they are praying to the Lord of Light, to give them wisdom and to let The Hound die if he's guilty, "for the night is dark and full of terrors." I feel really bad stereotyping an entire group of fictional characters based solely on their religion, but maybe now that they've all chanted "the night is dark" thing, I can stereotype them based on their motto? No? I'M SORRY. They are just creeping me out now.
Cordelia starts us off by using a window as a mirror to apply some lip gloss. Angel startles her when he walks in, and she gives herself a little bit of a Joker mouth. As she cleans herself up, she jokes about being too young and carefree for a heart attack. Angel turns the joke around on her as he sorts through some files, and remarks that she should be less young and carefree with those, as she's placed a Mrs. Benson's file under F. Cordy remembers that she did so because Mrs. Benson is from France, a fact that she relates with her being a pain in the ass. Also, Cordelia is wearing a large bandanna as a top.
We open in the Bigger on the Inside Dorm Room where Buffy and Riley are making out on her bed and the background music suggests that the show has been relocated to Capeside. I fully expect Joey Potter to climb in the window any minute (#TeamPacey). (L: #duh) Riley asks if she's expecting anyone (yes, Joey Potter. We just established that, dude), and she says that Willow's going to be at the library all night. He starts to pull her shirt up and Willow, cockblocker extraordinaire, bursts through the door to rescue us all from the need for brain bleach (which is an excellent thing, because I know what's coming in episode 18, and we'll need to hoard that shit like it's gold).
Shit got so real last time that I'm even willing to tell you all the stuff from the opening credits, even though I'm still not on good terms with them. King's Landing, Harrenhal, Riverrun, Winterfell (STILL ON FUCKING FIRE), The Wall, Astapor. I pay attention and you gave me nothing new! You did inform me that Natalie Dormer, granddaughter FLOWERBOSS is in this episode, so I'm pumped. I'd also add that we no longer cross at The Narrow Sea, rather, The Shivering Sea. And Astapor is just off The Gulf of Grief. Those sound like the worst bodies of water ever.
Lorraine: See?? Even when the credits have nothing new to tell us, there is always something new to note, because seriously, who the hell would live just off the Gulf of Grief?
Lorraine: See?? Even when the credits have nothing new to tell us, there is always something new to note, because seriously, who the hell would live just off the Gulf of Grief?