It's the morning after the last episode, and the girls are sitting around Maya's website, discussing what Mona's motives could have been. Hanna thinks she's just trying to help the Liars, but Spencer is like, the fuck she's trying to help. Aria interjects that whether the website is fake or not, they still need to get the password and see what's on it.
Emily enternounces that she just got a call from Cousin Nate, and they're going to be hiking up to Maya's favorite place, the old boat house, later that day. Girl, have you checked for ID yet? (L: Of course not, Sara. Of course not.)
The previouslies give us a major Mona update, including the usually-wrong Liars assuring Aria that Mona's totally locked up for good. That combined with the episode title has me keeping my fingers crossed that our favorite lunatic rejoins the outside world, just to keep the non-plot interesting.
Sara: Mona totally is my favorite lunatic. And there are a lot of lunatics in Traumaland, so saying Mona is my favorite actually counts for a lot.
Lorraine: Something tells me we should open this up to a vote at the end of the year in the Traumaland Awards. Our lunatics should definitely know where they stand.
Sara: Mona totally is my favorite lunatic. And there are a lot of lunatics in Traumaland, so saying Mona is my favorite actually counts for a lot.
Lorraine: Something tells me we should open this up to a vote at the end of the year in the Traumaland Awards. Our lunatics should definitely know where they stand.
Hanna stomps through the Rosewood Hospital looking for room 312. Spencer tries to slow her down and talk her through a plan. They are going to replace the note in Garrett's Mom's room with a fake note, meant to lead whoever Garret is working with to a location where the Liars will be waiting. Spencer knows all that part of the plan, but points out that they should probably pick out a location before stomping into the coma room. Hanna quickly picks the church. Apparently, the girls assume that whoever Garrett is trying to communicate with on the outside is also A. And Spencer is assuming that Lucas is A, because he doesn't take showers. Or because they found those pills used to drug Emily amongst his things. Probably both.
Sweeney: Why are they finalizing this plan at the hospital?
Sweeney: Why are they finalizing this plan at the hospital?
The Liars discuss their previous lies: being at Ali's grave the night her body disappeared, pretending to be at the Lake House of Secrets instead, etc. They're on their way to go comfort Hanna about not having a pretty wolf to kiss anymore when an ambulance shows up across the street. The paramedics wheel out Garrett's mom on a stretcher, which doesn't seem that important plot-wise but this is PLL, so.
Also, this neighborhood must be a very strange shape if they all live next door to each other and also next door to Alison's old house and also next door to New Jason and Garrett. It defies all logic. Aria sees a hoodied person watching them, and the girls freak, as usual.
Also, this neighborhood must be a very strange shape if they all live next door to each other and also next door to Alison's old house and also next door to New Jason and Garrett. It defies all logic. Aria sees a hoodied person watching them, and the girls freak, as usual.
Rosewood's One Restaurant is enjoying the patronage of our young Liars. They question whether or not they believe Jenna's story, that she was casually riding around when she spotted a very drunk Emily. Hanna wants to just assume that Jenna is telling the truth, because assuming everyone is a liar might make her head explode. We Snark Ladies assume everyone is a liar, but we are professionals.
Spencer says a truth-telling-Jenna means she's crossed off the suspect list for the New A. Who are the remaining suspects? Emily suggest Lucas but Hanna is pretty sure that not taking a shower doesn't equal New A.
Spencer says a truth-telling-Jenna means she's crossed off the suspect list for the New A. Who are the remaining suspects? Emily suggest Lucas but Hanna is pretty sure that not taking a shower doesn't equal New A.
The Liars are standing around at the School for Plotting Against a NotBlind!Girl, watching NotBlind!Jenna read braille and wondering wtf she's up to. The girls have decided that Aria is the one assigned to this task, because Jenna trusts her, on account of the inviting Aria to play musical instruments with her thing. Aria is not looking forward to this mission, but Hanna says she'd gladly trade her Crazy Mona for a Blind!Jenna. Jenna click clacks away, and Hanna says they should push a table in front of her and see what happens. LOL.
Sweeney: That proud smile is the best. This is why we love you, Hanna.
Lorraine: She should be proud because at least she owns it. None of these girls know a damn thing about subtlety.
Sweeney: That proud smile is the best. This is why we love you, Hanna.
Lorraine: She should be proud because at least she owns it. None of these girls know a damn thing about subtlety.
Piper Mom is teaching some plot relevant lessons that allow the zoomy cameraman to capture "A" and "insane" on the blackboard. She talks about how desperate actions seemed necessary but were actually stupid. The girls are too busy staring off into space and thinking about how this applies to them being near or around a shovel to take notes, which displeases Piper Mom. But also fuck her. Emily opens her purse to find a creepy necklace made of teeth and letters spelling out, "DEAD GIRLS CAN'T SMILE" and runs to the bathroom, and the other girls also see themselves out in the middle of class because Piper Mom is a sham of an adult whose authority is respected by no one.
Sara: Interrupting just to say that Aria's dress is on point.
Sara: Interrupting just to say that Aria's dress is on point.
The episode starts looking out at a shed, in a shot very similar to the Pilot. It's five months after the events of the season two finale and the close of summer break. In the clunky way we've come to know and love to make fun of, the girls recap their summers: Aria beat out thousands of applicants for a photography course (S: LOL. Have we ever once seen Aria take a picture?); Spencer took a full load of classes at Hollis College of Pottery and Pedophiles; Emily built houses for the less fortunate; Hanna had a to-do list which she kind of completed.
Sweeney: I feel you, girl. Except, you know, I actually took all those jobs where I worked for free.
Sweeney: I feel you, girl. Except, you know, I actually took all those jobs where I worked for free.
WE FINISHED ANOTHER SEASON! It was a slow crawl to the finish line on this one partially because of real life stuff and also because this show where nothing happens inexplicably decided to have a 25 episode season. WHY? In last week's finale post we rejoiced to learn a thing! Mona is A! Except actually we get to take two steps back because THERE'S A WHOLE A TEAM! And the mysterious alarm clock!
Remember last season when we complained about how impossible this show was to rank? Given how much nothing happens and how long it took us to slog through all that nothing (but, like, super pretty nothing!) we all agreed that there was simply no way we could rank this season.
Remember last season when we complained about how impossible this show was to rank? Given how much nothing happens and how long it took us to slog through all that nothing (but, like, super pretty nothing!) we all agreed that there was simply no way we could rank this season.
Our fine looking fibbers are at the Hastings House, watching news coverage of Garrett's murder arrest. Spencer tells the girls that her mom knows someone working the case, and that Jenna Marshall is the one who turned in the evidence against Garrett. Aria wants to know if this means they can finally lay Ali to rest, and I answer her, "No," because we know there are at least two more seasons. Sorry girl.
Sweeney: Poor Aria. Not even her magnet for Getting All The Things She Wants Always Without Consequences can stand in the way of the will of the TV Gods.
Lor: Hanna still thinks Melissa and Jenna are guilty parties. Speak of the forever-pregnant devil, Melissa comes in and says, "love gone wrong."
Sweeney: Poor Aria. Not even her magnet for Getting All The Things She Wants Always Without Consequences can stand in the way of the will of the TV Gods.
Lor: Hanna still thinks Melissa and Jenna are guilty parties. Speak of the forever-pregnant devil, Melissa comes in and says, "love gone wrong."
It's nearly finale time, folks, so maybe something will happen this episode! We're dreaming big.
Sweeney: We Snark Ladies dream impossible dreams. Remember all the times we hoped we'd seen the worst of Fifty Shades and then, you know, read more chapters? Good times.
Lor: Indeed. And proof that we're fucking optimists. Clearly.
Spencer is sleeping on the couch and she wakes to some pretty inconsiderate rustling. Turns out it's Alison, which I should've known because that bitch would be making tons of noise while others were trying to sleep.
Sweeney: We Snark Ladies dream impossible dreams. Remember all the times we hoped we'd seen the worst of Fifty Shades and then, you know, read more chapters? Good times.
Lor: Indeed. And proof that we're fucking optimists. Clearly.
Spencer is sleeping on the couch and she wakes to some pretty inconsiderate rustling. Turns out it's Alison, which I should've known because that bitch would be making tons of noise while others were trying to sleep.
The previouslies include basically everything we've seen so far, including all of the annoying Aria/Ezra crap which means we'll all be gauging our eyes out by the end of this one. Anyways, the episode starts with the girls drinking coffee at a very public coffeehouse and having a very public conversation about their secrets, per usual. The Liars rehash how Ali was dressing up as Wigison to get answers on who 'A' was.
Sweeney: These expository conversations are always so laughably clunky. We're meant to believe that they had some brief conversation about what happened between Aria and the random dude, but actually no conversation was had because they ask Aria questions that amount to, "Please, tell the entire brief story again."
Sweeney: These expository conversations are always so laughably clunky. We're meant to believe that they had some brief conversation about what happened between Aria and the random dude, but actually no conversation was had because they ask Aria questions that amount to, "Please, tell the entire brief story again."
Emily returns home after Hanna has already gone to bed, but Hanna turns the lights on. She doesn't want to talk about it. The cops asked her a lot of questions, and Maya's parents received a note, but she doesn't know much else because LOL police. Emily mostly wants Hanna to STFU and let her go to bed, which Hanna finally does.
Elsewhere, Melissa is telling Spencer that she ditched her for Garrett because he's been totes a good friend to her lately and she's sure Ian didn't really kill Ali and also, "LOOK, I WENT TO THE POLICE!" Girl, have you not gotten the memo? Talking to Rosewood PD about your issues is either the shadiest or dumbest way to solve your problems. And you're way too smart for me to assume the latter. Except she also thinks she might have shared a stupid amount of information with Garrett.
Elsewhere, Melissa is telling Spencer that she ditched her for Garrett because he's been totes a good friend to her lately and she's sure Ian didn't really kill Ali and also, "LOOK, I WENT TO THE POLICE!" Girl, have you not gotten the memo? Talking to Rosewood PD about your issues is either the shadiest or dumbest way to solve your problems. And you're way too smart for me to assume the latter. Except she also thinks she might have shared a stupid amount of information with Garrett.
Our Pretty Liars are congregated in front of Spencer's locker at the Rosewood School for Discussing Secrets Loudly. They are discussing their secrets. Loudly. Emily wants to know how Spencer got $2000 for their informant so quickly, and she vagues about having a relative who helped.
Aria and Spencer are going to meet the informant, Jonah, at 6pm and they will meet with Hanna and Emily afterwards. Hanna wants to know why she doesn't get to go make shady money exchanges; Spencer explains that showing up four deep might freak Jonah out. Emily shouts about wanting to be there to learn the truth but Mona strides up and they have to cut their conversation short. The Liars greet Mona with a tepid, "hey," before she pulls Hanna away to chat about shopping plans
Aria and Spencer are going to meet the informant, Jonah, at 6pm and they will meet with Hanna and Emily afterwards. Hanna wants to know why she doesn't get to go make shady money exchanges; Spencer explains that showing up four deep might freak Jonah out. Emily shouts about wanting to be there to learn the truth but Mona strides up and they have to cut their conversation short. The Liars greet Mona with a tepid, "hey," before she pulls Hanna away to chat about shopping plans
We open up at a Rosewood Swim Meet, where Caleb is working on the Super Secret Cell Phone Files in the middle of a hundred people. Genius. The girls remind us of what happened last time (calling the number in Alison/Vivian's coat and setting up a meeting), which is actually a good thing this time because I had legitimately forgotten that this was happening. Aria is the one going to meet him, and she's worried but Spencer tells her they'll have her back. How has Aria not figured out yet that NOTHING BAD EVER HAPPENS TO HER EVER?
Sweeney: Right? They should be sending Aria in for all such shady missions. She's got some sort of magical immunity going.
Sweeney: Right? They should be sending Aria in for all such shady missions. She's got some sort of magical immunity going.