Lorraine: File another thing under the “hey, we may struggle in real life but on the Internet, WE FINISH THINGS,” category! Here’s is a show appropriate celebration gif! Pretty Little...
Finale time! We pick up where we left off last time, with the girls sitting on the bed, watching more Stalker videos. But the next video isn't of the PLLs; it's of Blind!Jenna, before she was blind, and Toby. Jenna has her arms around Toby and is telling him (and us) that it isn't really creepy because of how they aren't really related. Yeah, no. It's still creepy, girl. She goes on that if he doesn't get sexy with her, she'll tell his dad that he's been forcing her to have sex with him and obviously they'll believe her. So yeah. Jenna is a straight up rapist, and we now have lots of validity behind why we hate her. Thank goodness Hanna went ahead and slapped her that one time. (NEVER FORGET.)
This, dearest of Traumateers, is our 400th post. CRAZY.
The episode starts with a creepy ass, clown looking doll thing being carried in the foreground, as we see our group of Pretty Little Liars in the background, eating at Rosewood's one restaurant. They are doing our fantastic, beginning of episode exposition. This round is about guessing who is making Spencer look like a murderer. Spencer pauses the talk to point out that the creepy ass, clown looking dolls are staring at them from outside, where they are all lined up in a row, facing the restaurant.
Alas, they are for some sort of founder's festival which will never not remind me of The Vampire Diaries.
The episode starts with a creepy ass, clown looking doll thing being carried in the foreground, as we see our group of Pretty Little Liars in the background, eating at Rosewood's one restaurant. They are doing our fantastic, beginning of episode exposition. This round is about guessing who is making Spencer look like a murderer. Spencer pauses the talk to point out that the creepy ass, clown looking dolls are staring at them from outside, where they are all lined up in a row, facing the restaurant.
Alas, they are for some sort of founder's festival which will never not remind me of The Vampire Diaries.
Spencer and Emily are returning to Spencer's house from school when MariskaMom arrives to deliver very bad news. The police have issued a warrant and will now be going through the entire Hastings house, including Spencer's room. She runs up there to stop them, but they're boxing up all of her shit - diaries, laptop, notebooks. Can someone with a criminal justice degree please tell me if this would EVER happen based on the evidence they have on Spencer? Which is, none.
Spencer wants her mom to make them stop, but MariskaMom says they're just doing their jobs. Ian shows up just in time to do a long, creepy stare into the room, while drinking a glass of milk. Wtf.
Spencer wants her mom to make them stop, but MariskaMom says they're just doing their jobs. Ian shows up just in time to do a long, creepy stare into the room, while drinking a glass of milk. Wtf.
We begin the episode with shots of the girls being separately interrogated. They've told the cops about the Someone Wants To Kiss Ali - Extended Edition that they received, featuring special guest Creepy Ian. They all lie for Spencer when asked if they knew of Ian being with any other younger girls.
Lorraine: Aw. I mean, I'm not aw-ing lying to the police, but just that they all do it for their friend.
Sweeney: Also, rape culture rage break: the cop makes a point of pointing out that Ian was a star athlete as part of why this would never be a thing that would happen because men who are star athletes are inherently good men, OBVS.
Lorraine: Aw. I mean, I'm not aw-ing lying to the police, but just that they all do it for their friend.
Sweeney: Also, rape culture rage break: the cop makes a point of pointing out that Ian was a star athlete as part of why this would never be a thing that would happen because men who are star athletes are inherently good men, OBVS.
Lorraine: Rosewood High is holding auditions for a play, and our Pretty Little Liars are all gathered for the occasion. Can I tell you how hilarious these episode openings are? I know that all shows do a certain amount of rehashing, but PLL is almost shameless in its beginning of the episode, expository conversations.
Anyways, Spencer is explaining to her friends what the play, The Bad Seed, is all about. Hanna says she didn't read the whole thing because she just wants to be the drunk mom of the play. Spencer gives her, "MMMHMM." eyes, allowing Hanna to exposit that she once brought a flask to a dance. Oh, yeah and also, Caleb is still living in Hanna's basement and A found out and Hanna has decided to tell her mom about it before A does.
Anyways, Spencer is explaining to her friends what the play, The Bad Seed, is all about. Hanna says she didn't read the whole thing because she just wants to be the drunk mom of the play. Spencer gives her, "MMMHMM." eyes, allowing Hanna to exposit that she once brought a flask to a dance. Oh, yeah and also, Caleb is still living in Hanna's basement and A found out and Hanna has decided to tell her mom about it before A does.
We open with all four PLLs in Spencer's room, with Aria sulking by the window. They're discussing how Melissa is pregnant and Emily wonders why she got pregnant. The girls are trying to decode Toby's message, which is in braille. Emily invites Aria to sit closer and Nancy Drew with them, but she just mean eyes Hanna and says she can see just fine, thank you very much.
They decode Toby's letter, and all it says is BAD. Womp womp.
SHH.
They decode Toby's letter, and all it says is BAD. Womp womp.
SHH.
Does this episode title mean that we can confirm that A is female? Or that A is just fucking with everywhere possible? Anyway, the episode begins with the Cavanaugh mailbox being smashed by a baseball bat by someone unseen.
Aria's in her room getting ready for another day of her pedolationship and maybe attending a class or two. Papa Cheater won't be home for dinner but he's really awkward about it, due to probably going on a date with Piper Mom. Because of reasons, she has to get his checkbook out of his coat pocket to pay for his dance marathon pledge and she finds Piper Mom's ticket to the museum where she and Pedzrafitz had Baby's Day Out.
Aria's in her room getting ready for another day of her pedolationship and maybe attending a class or two. Papa Cheater won't be home for dinner but he's really awkward about it, due to probably going on a date with Piper Mom. Because of reasons, she has to get his checkbook out of his coat pocket to pay for his dance marathon pledge and she finds Piper Mom's ticket to the museum where she and Pedzrafitz had Baby's Day Out.
Lorraine: The Liars all come down the stairs at the Hastings Manor, led by Aria. They complain about the early hour, but Aria says she has to show them something important. Aria pulls up the picture of Alison being followed by a shadow on the night she was killed. Spencer insists the shadow following Alison is totally Ian, but since last week it was Toby, I say we don't take her word for it.
Aria prints out the picture as Hanna asks if Aria's been up all night. Aria non-answers, but Hanna can tell she hasn't slept because one eye is bigger than the other. "You look like a strung out Power Puff girl." I love Hanna and am only sad that I didn't think of this association first.
Aria prints out the picture as Hanna asks if Aria's been up all night. Aria non-answers, but Hanna can tell she hasn't slept because one eye is bigger than the other. "You look like a strung out Power Puff girl." I love Hanna and am only sad that I didn't think of this association first.
Sara: The girls watch the extended version of the "I Know You Wanna Kiss Me" video, which has Alison saying that she has to get back to the barn before the PLLs get suspicious. The girls see the end of the video, where the camera is turned around on Ian. The camera is knocked to the ground, and Ali's hand grabs at the dirt and my closed captions say she groans. Hanna points out that there are things besides pain that make people groan (sex) but Spencer doesn't seem to think that's it.
Lorraine: To be fair, she's grabbing handfuls of dirt in the scene too, which seems like more of a desperation thing than a, "woo! This feels so good!" thing. I mean, unless dirt is your thing. IDK.
Lorraine: To be fair, she's grabbing handfuls of dirt in the scene too, which seems like more of a desperation thing than a, "woo! This feels so good!" thing. I mean, unless dirt is your thing. IDK.
We begin the episode in the Hastings home. It's late at night and Spencer's creeping. She hears her sister and Ian having a whispered conversation, but runs back to her room when the stairs creek. As soon as she gets back, she has an email from A asking if they married for love or an alibi. Big eyes, Shhh. See, the show has Aria shush us after people do scandalous, sneaky shit.
Lorraine: A always has the best timing. Imagine if Spencer found that email after talking to her parents. Awkward!
Sweeney: The next morning, Spencer tip toes around the house and is all, "AAH YOU KILLED ALI!" when Ian enters the kitchen.
Lorraine: A always has the best timing. Imagine if Spencer found that email after talking to her parents. Awkward!
Sweeney: The next morning, Spencer tip toes around the house and is all, "AAH YOU KILLED ALI!" when Ian enters the kitchen.
Lorraine: Aria, Emily and Spencer are walking into Hanna's house. Hanna is fiddling with a "Humpty Dumpty was pushed" sticker on her cast. She explains that she's trying to keep it on so she won't have to see the message A left on her cast.
Aria suggest a new, more mellow sticker, but Spencer defends her choice. "It was either Humpty Dumpty or, 'Jesus is coming. Look busy.'" I'm questioning the sticker choices at the Rosewood Hospital gift shop.
Sweeney: This feels consistent with the Rosewood we've come to know and rage out over.
Aria suggest a new, more mellow sticker, but Spencer defends her choice. "It was either Humpty Dumpty or, 'Jesus is coming. Look busy.'" I'm questioning the sticker choices at the Rosewood Hospital gift shop.
Sweeney: This feels consistent with the Rosewood we've come to know and rage out over.
We open up Moments Later, well, moments later. The person who hit Hanna jumps out of the car and runs away. A has to be killing it with the cardio. Hanna's mom gets stopped by the police and at first she's all, "WHAT STOLEN MONEY? I mean, is there something I can help you with, Officer?" There's good news and bad news. Good news: Nobody knows she stole from Mrs. Moneybags. Bad news: Someone got hit by a car, and it was Hanna.
Dear A, please aim for Aria next time. Love, Sara.
Sweeney: Cosigned, Everyone.
Dear A, please aim for Aria next time. Love, Sara.
Sweeney: Cosigned, Everyone.
Previously: Spencer’s mom won all the Snark Lady love by calling Wilden out for being the worst, most inappropriate/illegal detective in the history of ever. — Keep Your Friends Close...
Spencer, Aria, and Hanna are gathered around the Hastings's kitchen table. Aria is quizzing Spencer on vocabulary words while Hanna whines about having to learn them. Hanna asks Aria about Noel Khan, but Spencer interrupts to remind them both that SAT's are just 12 hours away. Spencer and Hanna are so precious, even Aria is made tolerable by their presence. Also, I love Spencer's "messy hair" here. Yeah, girl. That's what I look like when I'm studying too.
Sara: I don't think I even caught on to the fact that she had "messy" hair! I bet she also wakes up with perfect loose curls and rosy cheeks.
Sara: I don't think I even caught on to the fact that she had "messy" hair! I bet she also wakes up with perfect loose curls and rosy cheeks.