Previously: The girls decided donating blood would be a good idea. — Marines: I’m not sure I remember how to recap Pretty Little Liars anymore, but I’m sure all the evidence losing...
Previously: Pretty Little Liars try to do normal shit like prepare for college, but everything is ridiculous because Rosewood — Out, Damned Spot Sweeney: We open at Rosewood High, and...
Previously: Over a year ago, we recapped an episode with a suspicious storage unit. — Oh, What Hard Luck Stories They All Hand Me Samantha: Spencer, Emily, and Aria are standing...
We start off in Caleb's hacker apartment, with the “suspicious storage unit was rented in Hanna's name” plot point. Caleb and Spencer are convinced that the barrel they found in there contains Mona's body, without, you know, having looked inside it. Maybe they've been reading the Rosewood LOLPD manual on how to investigate potential crime scenes.
Marines: They also haven't been paying enough attention to their lives to figure out that whatever they think happened is 100% not what happened.
Marines: They also haven't been paying enough attention to their lives to figure out that whatever they think happened is 100% not what happened.
Welcome back to Rosewood everyone! The previouslies remind us that Holbrook is helping Ali, some rando named Johnny is staying in Spencer's guest house, Hanna's mom hooked up with Jason, Spencer and Toby are not on the same evidence page, and Annoying Aria wrote a fake admissions letter to trick her sleazy boyfriend's ex into getting her into college. Honestly, the previouslies were packed with lots of stuff, which is weird because I don't remember lots of stuff happening on this show, so we'll figure it out as we go, okay?
Prison or something. Officer Toby walks up to the front desk and shiftily hands the lady something from Lieutenant Tanner. He hangs around, though, after he's completed this task so I'm not sure if we're supposed to understand that Tanner didn't really send him or that he's horrible at dropping papers off. (S: It was the weirdest. Why is the acting direction always "make this mundane task as disconcerting as possible"?)(J: Maybe he's just been in this show so long he doesn't know how to NOT do it that way.)
It's 3 months later from last episode, because they don't want to do Christmas or winter anymore. (S: Yeah, this time jump was jarring.) We open on Mona's funeral. Our four Liars walk out of the church, commenting on the contents of the casket, which does not include a body. Nothing has been found out since Mona's disappearance/murder, and Spencer has been the only arrest. She's negative about the chances of the Bethany letter they discovered last episode making any difference. She thinks they should have told Detective Tanner about the perceived Holbrook/Alison affair, but Toby says Tanner wouldn't believe them and “needs to find out on her own.”
I love a good holiday episode. This one starts with the girls walking outside on a picturesque Hollywood Christmas set, otherwise known as a street in Rosewood. Spencer says that since she's out on bail for murder she's not really vibing Christmas. Fair. Her and Toby agreed to just surprise each other with gestures. Hannah confuses gestures with jesters and I love her. They decide to write wishes down on paper snowflakes for a wish tree. Hannah sadz that the last time she was here she was with Mona. This throws us into a brief flashback that I feel comfortable calling an Ali-back just because Hannah is looking very Ali here. Mona and Hannah giggle and declare themselves bffs.
It's Thanksgiving Day and Aria, Hanna and Emily are sadly standing outside of a house. There are police cars everywhere and some police tape is blocking off the entrance to the house. Ezra is there too, but I try to ignore him as much as possible.
Jessica: A good piece of advice for all of us.
Jessica: A good piece of advice for all of us.
Previously: Alison is taking her fake kidnapping super seriously. — No One Here Can Love or Understand Me Jessica: The episode starts with our four Liars walking abreast down the street...
We start right back in the LOLPD station. The man who "kidnapped" Ali is staring creepily at the one-way window. On the other side, Detective Tanner is talking to Papa DiLaurentis. She explains that one of Ashley Marin's neighbors saw creepy dude (Cyrus) lurking in her backyard. Tanner tells Papa D to keep his mouth shut until the cops have evidence to press charges.
Papa D asks to see his daughter. We cut to a room where Alison is having emotions while looking at a mug shot of Cyrus. Papa D comes in and asks if this is the man who hurt Alison. She makes about 37 more faces before saying she doesn't know.
Papa D asks to see his daughter. We cut to a room where Alison is having emotions while looking at a mug shot of Cyrus. Papa D comes in and asks if this is the man who hurt Alison. She makes about 37 more faces before saying she doesn't know.
Marin Manor- Hanna's room. Spencer and Emily are taking on our job momentarily and poking holes in Ali's Noel-scares-Hanna's-mom plan from last episode. Spencer's particularly grumpy with her horse-kicked eye. (M: I'd be grumpy about everything with a horse-kicked-eye.) They all question Ali's decision but she snaps at them that Noel is the one she can trust, since all they do is ignore her SOS calls and spy on her every move. She storms out to go call her dad.
Class at Rosewood! But it's choir class, so half points. The Liars are in the front row, singing What Child Is This? and Hanna either hates choir class or is still hungover? Something.
Jessica: Christmas carols are bad enough when you're sober and not being forced to sing them.
Mari: Right, or she hates Christmas carols.
In an adjacent room which we can conveniently see into thanks to a large window, Detective Tanner is asking Alison questions about the last time she spoke to Shana.
Jessica: Christmas carols are bad enough when you're sober and not being forced to sing them.
Mari: Right, or she hates Christmas carols.
In an adjacent room which we can conveniently see into thanks to a large window, Detective Tanner is asking Alison questions about the last time she spoke to Shana.
We open on a class of students diligently at work at Rosewood High School. Just kidding! Emily is walking around the halls with her mom, who's talking about Skype conferences with teachers while she was in Texas.
Marines: I like that the show feels it necessary to try and fill in the gap of why Emily basically doesn't have parents. Cute, show. Like we care.
J: That's more effort than they've put into a lot of plot lines in this show. Maybe they hired some vaguely responsible-feeling writer late in the game? (M: Ha.)
Marines: I like that the show feels it necessary to try and fill in the gap of why Emily basically doesn't have parents. Cute, show. Like we care.
J: That's more effort than they've put into a lot of plot lines in this show. Maybe they hired some vaguely responsible-feeling writer late in the game? (M: Ha.)
We pick this episode up right where we left off last time, with everyone looking at Toby's house on fire. Their phones all ring and it's a text message from A: Did you miss me, bitches? Um, actually no. Emily is still like, "but Shana is dead!" because even though a house is exploding in front of them, apparently we're still going to find it hard to believe that A is STILL a thing.
Jessica: This attitude just explains why in 5 seasons, we're no closer to finding out what the hell is going on with this A person/people than we were in Season 1, Episode 1.
Mari: As they look on and wonder where Toby went, the house explodes some more.
Jessica: This attitude just explains why in 5 seasons, we're no closer to finding out what the hell is going on with this A person/people than we were in Season 1, Episode 1.
Mari: As they look on and wonder where Toby went, the house explodes some more.