Going into this project, my big fear was that it was going to taint my relationship with my most beloved show. Here is one of the few things I had been a true fangirl for long before the blog and if our critical consumption has taught me anything, it's how tenuous those media relationships can be when placed under scrutiny.
So far I can say that I'm pleasantly surprised to find that it holds up. There's a lot that's wrong with the show, but they are failures that seem to have arisen mostly out of overshooting - the show is ambitious and when it stumbles, it's almost always because it tried to do too much. I respect that. This season is a prime example of that. There was a lot going on and in a few places, that meant that potentially compelling stories got trampled in the noise.
The finale kicks us off right where we left off, feeling solidly sick to our stomachs as Aaron Echolls leaves the courthouse a free man with adoring fans. Veronica Voice Over sums it up for us: "So this is how it is: the innocent suffer, the guilty go free, and truth and fiction are pretty much interchangeable. There is neither a Santa Clause, nor an Easter Bunny, and there are no angels watching over us. Things just happen for no reason and nothing makes any sense."
After Aaron finishes smarming it up for the cameras, we cut to Mars Investigations where Keith takes the newspaper away from a very upset Veronica, telling her that however unjust things are, they cannot allow themselves to wallow in it.
After Aaron finishes smarming it up for the cameras, we cut to Mars Investigations where Keith takes the newspaper away from a very upset Veronica, telling her that however unjust things are, they cannot allow themselves to wallow in it.
We begin in court, with Aaron Echolls’s testimony, which of course references his career highlight of being Sexiest Man Alive. Whatever, dude - we all know that the real sexiest men alive refuse that honor repeatedly because they’re too serious for that shit. (I’m talking about you, Ryan Gosling.) Aaron begs for sympathy by bullshitting about how hard it is for men to age in the film industry. Hilarious, when films constantly pair twenty-something year old women with fifty-year-old love interests and no one bats an eye. But Aaron pretends that men don’t get better roles as they age, because that makes all the idiots in this courtroom feel for him. Anyway, that's when Lilly entered his life and started worshipping him. He gives the Bill Clinton "I did not have sexual relations with that woman" defense.
Veronica is at the doctor's office and he's telling her she has chlamydia. Veronica is in shock and says she has been sexually active but she finds it impossible that the guy, Duncan, could've infected her. The doctor levels her with a, "you think you know someone," and tells her they can treat it with antibiotics. Veronica Voice Over takes us from there to Neptune High, saying that her grandma used to always say that when life hands you lemons, you make lemonade. She wishes Grandma Reynolds were alive so she can ask what to do when life hands you chlamydia.
Sweeney: I like the idea that the mother of Lianne Reynolds would have been the sort of grandma that you could go to with your STD struggles. Makes sense.
Sweeney: I like the idea that the mother of Lianne Reynolds would have been the sort of grandma that you could go to with your STD struggles. Makes sense.
The episode begins with Veronica being interrogated by Aaron Echolls's lawyer, asked about what she really saw on the video, with a side of slut shamey eyebrow waggles and questions about her contact with Duncan. He's the worst. Also, isn't it better to unsettle her with your gross questions on the stand? Or is this a "tear her down so she's weak up there" thing? Never mind, I'll stop trying to decode evil like this.
Democracy Diva: Seems like tearing her down before she's even on the stand is a waste of time/evilness, but I'll leave the evil to the experts like defense attorneys for the rich, famous, statutory rape-y and murder-y.
Democracy Diva: Seems like tearing her down before she's even on the stand is a waste of time/evilness, but I'll leave the evil to the experts like defense attorneys for the rich, famous, statutory rape-y and murder-y.
In what I thought was a flashback but is definitely a dream, Veronica envisions herself on the bus, with the bus crash victims. She's crying, and there's a girl in a tee shirt that says "I <3 DICK," so, um, yeah. I have absolutely no idea what's going on, and that's a feeling that will continue throughout this episode. Back in reality, someone wakes Veronica up and sends her to the school counselor. Veronica defends her bad behavior to the guidance counselor (namely, wearing headphones and sleeping in class, ripping down other students' posters, etc.) and jokes that she's being haunted by the bus crash victims. Except she's really not joking - she's seeing them every time she tries to fall asleep.
Welcome dear friends. We've been a little less than consistent with these recaps in the last week or two, just due to crazy IRL schedules. Veronica recaps tend to take me longer than most, too, so unfortunately they suffer when things get hectic. Sincere apologies and on we go!
We open up in a classroom at Neptune High where a cheery teacher announces that Logan is the winner of Steven Guttenberg's essay contest on freedom. The teacher hangs up the essay in case anyone wants to read it. The bell rings and Veronica makes a beeline for the essay. She reads over a sentence or two and sasses back over to Logan. She quotes a bit of Logan's essay, but actually, she's quoting "Easy Rider," which Logan made her watch while they were dating. She's on to his plagiarizing ways.
We open up in a classroom at Neptune High where a cheery teacher announces that Logan is the winner of Steven Guttenberg's essay contest on freedom. The teacher hangs up the essay in case anyone wants to read it. The bell rings and Veronica makes a beeline for the essay. She reads over a sentence or two and sasses back over to Logan. She quotes a bit of Logan's essay, but actually, she's quoting "Easy Rider," which Logan made her watch while they were dating. She's on to his plagiarizing ways.
he previouslies are loaded with Troy flashbacks, so, you know, that's a thing to prepare for. I have the vague feeling that I don't like this episode, but it wins a lot of points for continuity porn, which this show is full of and generally does quite well. Bringing back a character we haven't seen in 30 episodes is neat because it's a show's way of saying, "Yes, we know that when characters leave our immediate scope, they continue existing and being people!"
Marines: "And we realize that real people often have multiple interactions with more than 5 people." Good job, show. You are right.
Democracy Diva: For the resident Snow, these callbacks are often confusing, but even I remembered Troy as... uh... someone Veronica dated who did something fucked up to her? Right? Maybe? It's been a LONG TIME since Season 1, you guys. I know I'm supposed to hate him, I just don't totally remember why.
Marines: "And we realize that real people often have multiple interactions with more than 5 people." Good job, show. You are right.
Democracy Diva: For the resident Snow, these callbacks are often confusing, but even I remembered Troy as... uh... someone Veronica dated who did something fucked up to her? Right? Maybe? It's been a LONG TIME since Season 1, you guys. I know I'm supposed to hate him, I just don't totally remember why.
We begin with the Marses discussing the big reveal at the end of the previous episode - that Terrence Cook has a butt-load of explosives in his fancy car/helicopter hangar. Veronica half-heartedly tries to pretend Terrence just had a hobby that involved blowing shit up, but that's pretty unlikely.
Sweeney: So are the multitude of paternity mysteries in this town of plot-shifting size, though! You keep those fingers crossed for Terrence, girl. Also for Keith. Mostly for Keith.
Diva: Excellent point. I don't know why I suddenly expected "unlikeliness" to matter at all in this town.
Sweeney: So are the multitude of paternity mysteries in this town of plot-shifting size, though! You keep those fingers crossed for Terrence, girl. Also for Keith. Mostly for Keith.
Diva: Excellent point. I don't know why I suddenly expected "unlikeliness" to matter at all in this town.
Corny is delivering pizza and we see him dance about and be entirely way too happy about a pizza he isn't going to eat. As he walks toward a house, someone walks up behind him and tasers him. He blacks out.
Neptune High. Veronica gets out of her car and Dick parks next to her. When he opens his door, he hits her car and cares not a jot about doing so. Two jocks, one of them being Lucas Grabeel, come over to make fun of that whole Dick kissed someone with a penis thing and generally make comments so unsettling, Veronica can't even enjoy Dick getting a taste of his own medicine. She leaves.
Democracy Diva: Lucas Grabeel is a homophobe? NOOO! What about Milk, Lucas?!
Neptune High. Veronica gets out of her car and Dick parks next to her. When he opens his door, he hits her car and cares not a jot about doing so. Two jocks, one of them being Lucas Grabeel, come over to make fun of that whole Dick kissed someone with a penis thing and generally make comments so unsettling, Veronica can't even enjoy Dick getting a taste of his own medicine. She leaves.
Democracy Diva: Lucas Grabeel is a homophobe? NOOO! What about Milk, Lucas?!
In Free Study Period That Mostly Exists in Fictional Universes For Plot Purposes, Veronica is picking up some stuff for an FBLA booth. Mrs. Hauser asks some kid to go get some stuff and he declares Veronica his nemesis. While he does as he's asked, Veronica snarks to Madison Trip to the Dentist Sinclair about their eternal nemesis status. Mrs. Hauser complains about poor teacher life while also hating the poor kids, which is super cool.
Corny and Weevil are also randomly there to provide some the essential us/them divisiveness. Rich 09ers are preparing for the school carnival which will raise money for the senior trip they control.
Corny and Weevil are also randomly there to provide some the essential us/them divisiveness. Rich 09ers are preparing for the school carnival which will raise money for the senior trip they control.
We open with a threatening knife. No, just kidding, it's a happy knife, because it's cutting cake, and cake is delicious. Veronica is trying to comfort-feed Wallace, because he has just implicated Rashard Rucker in a manslaughter. And they've said like eighty times (okay, twice) that Rashard Rucker = Lebron James, but I guess this was back when Lebron was a baby basketball star and not taking his talents to Miami. (Did I just accurately reference sports?) (L: Possibly! All I know is that he has since left Miami...)
Wallace insists he's fine, but Veronica is all, my ex-boyfriend just left town with his dead ex-girlfriend's vampire slayer baby so, just let me take care of you so I don't have to think about that.
Wallace insists he's fine, but Veronica is all, my ex-boyfriend just left town with his dead ex-girlfriend's vampire slayer baby so, just let me take care of you so I don't have to think about that.
Logan is heading up to the Billionaire Bros Bungalow. Before the elevator doors close, Veronica runs inside. Because it is a Logan/Veronica interaction, it's been fully gifed for your viewing pleasure:
Sweeney: It's good to know there are some things we can count on in this world, like shippers on Tumblr.
Lor: All that "Duncan is sad over the death of his ex and his new baby" exposition over, those two finally get upstairs. Veronica walks into Duncan's room, with more sarcastic commentary from Logan in the background. It's a little hard to keep track of Logan's moods sometimes.
Sweeney: It's good to know there are some things we can count on in this world, like shippers on Tumblr.
Lor: All that "Duncan is sad over the death of his ex and his new baby" exposition over, those two finally get upstairs. Veronica walks into Duncan's room, with more sarcastic commentary from Logan in the background. It's a little hard to keep track of Logan's moods sometimes.
Veronica stares broodily at her shitty school holiday-themed dessert. Duncan sits down excitedly, but Veronica's got no time for happy and cuts right to the "Your comatose girlfriend is pregnant" chase. Duncan confesses that he found this out from reading Meg's letter, and Veronica's upset that Duncan didn't tell her. Dick arrives to break the tension by inviting them to a big holiday party, which Duncan can't attend. Dick also nonchalantly exposits that Meg woke up. (L: God bless Ryan Hansen for trying to make this exposition work.) Once Dick leaves, Veronica gets into PI mode, pulling out her VISITOR pass from the last episode, assuring Duncan that she can get them in to see the no-longer-comatose Meg.
Democracy Diva: And her superhero vampire slayer fetus that can survive explosions and bus crashes and comas.
Democracy Diva: And her superhero vampire slayer fetus that can survive explosions and bus crashes and comas.
We begin with Health Teacher Ms. Hauser introducing Phase 2 of Neptune High Sex Ed: Fancy fake babies that know when you're being a negligent parent! They must just cry nonstop in Traumaland.
Also, in my high school, we just had eggs, not babies with memory chips. We named ours Mr. Feeny, and I dropped him on the floor when I got jostled in our stupid over-crowded hallways. Anyway, before Veronica and Duncan can get their fake baby on, she gets called down to the vice principal's office.
Lorraine: We got eggs except for like four babies which two random couples would be stuck with. I left my egg baby in a classroom the opening weekend of our performing arts group's show and when I came back on Monday, someone had cracked it and stolen the Beenie Baby from it's basket. I was most upset about the Beenie Baby.
Also, in my high school, we just had eggs, not babies with memory chips. We named ours Mr. Feeny, and I dropped him on the floor when I got jostled in our stupid over-crowded hallways. Anyway, before Veronica and Duncan can get their fake baby on, she gets called down to the vice principal's office.
Lorraine: We got eggs except for like four babies which two random couples would be stuck with. I left my egg baby in a classroom the opening weekend of our performing arts group's show and when I came back on Monday, someone had cracked it and stolen the Beenie Baby from it's basket. I was most upset about the Beenie Baby.