We start the episode in not-space. I mean, probably not Earth, either, but not outer space. I'm already really stressed about trying to describe what's happening in this show because I have no idea what details are important.
Lorraine: That is totally the burden of a blogging Snow. I mean, I know you remember recapping Game of Thrones and being all, "some side character I won't even name blinks," and having it turn out to be a BFD character by end of season. Sigh.
Sweeney: And that show had so many! I trust that finite episodes and the fact that we're in space means I won't have it nearly so bad.
Spencer, Hanna and Aria sit in a police interrogation room, arms and faces covered in dirty. On the other side of the one way glass, some officer is telling a shadowy detective that the girls haven't said a word since they were brought in. The Zoomy Cameraman focuses on Detective Mystery's mouth so we can watch it smirk at the thought of securing his own promotion by destroying the lives of three girls.
It comes as no real shock that this is Detective Wilden, last seen being the stupidest detective of all time, taking advantage of Mama Marin's vagina and also getting a verbal SMACKDOWN from Mariska Mom.
It comes as no real shock that this is Detective Wilden, last seen being the stupidest detective of all time, taking advantage of Mama Marin's vagina and also getting a verbal SMACKDOWN from Mariska Mom.
The gang returns to the hotel immediately after the end of the last one and Cordelia is talking about making minor changes for the baby but stops short when she sees the carnage from the battle.
Kirsti: Cordy, honey. The baby is like half an hour old. You probably don't need to worry about covering the outlets JUST yet.
Lorraine: But cleaning up the blood is generally good life idea.
Kirsti: Cordy, honey. The baby is like half an hour old. You probably don't need to worry about covering the outlets JUST yet.
Lorraine: But cleaning up the blood is generally good life idea.
Tara and Dawn wake up on the couch, having fallen asleep watching TV. Tara quickly realizes that it's weird that nobody (neither Buffy nor Willow) came home and woke them up. They check the bedrooms (K: And I laugh forever because 20 year olds who make their beds that perfectly? OH, PLEASE.) and Dawn's worried when she realizes that neither one is home. Tara says they probably just lost track of time. Segue over to Buffy waking up naked in the trashed building with Spike. She panics and asks Spike when the building fell down. He's not really sure, because of all the sex.
Wolf howl. (FUCK, I FORGOT TO ASK LORRAINE TO DO THE WOLF HOWL IN DALLAS.)
Wolf howl. (FUCK, I FORGOT TO ASK LORRAINE TO DO THE WOLF HOWL IN DALLAS.)
I'm not entirely sure why this is a new chapter. I mean, we always complain about the insanely dumb ways ELJ breaks her writing up, but it usually revolves around some imagined cliffhanger or Ana falling asleep. This isn't even either one of those. We ended last chapter with Grey deciding he liked the nickname "Blip" for his demon spawn, followed by some kissing. We start this chapter STILL KISSING. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT CHAPTER BREAK?
Sweeney: This is even worse than her overused love of waking Ana up for chapter beginnings. (Sidebar: that's how I like to think of it. "Wake up, you miserable little puppet! We've got more stupid to get through!")
Sweeney: This is even worse than her overused love of waking Ana up for chapter beginnings. (Sidebar: that's how I like to think of it. "Wake up, you miserable little puppet! We've got more stupid to get through!")
In the first Snark Tube post I mentioned that (Emmy Winning!!) Lizzie Bennett Diaries was one of the reasons we first started toying with this forever ago. I'm pretty excited, then, that we managed to get this idea off the ground just before they started Emma Approved. After the success of the P&P adaptation, this was the most obvious choice and I'm not just saying that because Emma is my favorite forever. She's just so obviously the one who would be most likely to start a vlog, in large part because she's the most self-absorbed of the lot.
Jane Austen described her as a character that only she would like, so it's not really surprising that people seem annoyed with her vloggy incarnation.
Jane Austen described her as a character that only she would like, so it's not really surprising that people seem annoyed with her vloggy incarnation.
We kick this episode off in the middle of the night with quiet (for real this time!) as Emily and Hanna are sleeping in Hanna's room. Emily checks a text on her phone and then gets out of bed and heads out. Apparently she isn't trying to be too sneaky, because her tires squeal as she takes off.
The next morning, Hanna has gathered the other Liars so they can figure out what's going on with Em. Spencer says that she probably jumped in her car and drove until she reached Texas. Which sounds like a fantastic idea, because A LEGIT TRIED TO KILL YOU, GIRL.
The next morning, Hanna has gathered the other Liars so they can figure out what's going on with Em. Spencer says that she probably jumped in her car and drove until she reached Texas. Which sounds like a fantastic idea, because A LEGIT TRIED TO KILL YOU, GIRL.
Just to mix things up for a change, Ana starts this chapter in the middle of doing her job. LOLJK, she's waking up. (L: LOL. Every time.) Ana is waking up and narrating about burning pain and various voices around her becoming clearer, "a beacon in the darkness." Basically she wakes up long enough to hear Christian Grey angry with the doctor that Ana's not awake yet and also him asking about the baby, which assures Ana that he wants the baby so she can go back to sleep.
Wouldn't the "is the baby alive/well?" question be sort of an automatic point to cover when updating the father on her status? Or maybe the doctor is trying to catch Christian Grey giving no fucks to build the attempted murder case against him?
Wouldn't the "is the baby alive/well?" question be sort of an automatic point to cover when updating the father on her status? Or maybe the doctor is trying to catch Christian Grey giving no fucks to build the attempted murder case against him?
What's this? A TMYK post? MADNESS. Right, so, for those of you who are new around here, this is a thing we used to do but randomly stopped doing for no reason other than time/laziness a few months ago.
Lorraine: I'm gonna go ahead and defend us and say it was more a time issue. No one who reads this site can accuse us of being lazy. I mean, we are sometimes, but you guys wouldn't know it.
Sweeney: That's totally true. I was doing the whole self-deprecating thing, but now that you mention it, yeah, we put an insane amount of time into this blog.
Lorraine: I'm gonna go ahead and defend us and say it was more a time issue. No one who reads this site can accuse us of being lazy. I mean, we are sometimes, but you guys wouldn't know it.
Sweeney: That's totally true. I was doing the whole self-deprecating thing, but now that you mention it, yeah, we put an insane amount of time into this blog.
We start at lunch time, with Emily finding Aria to shake up our usual episode-beginning routine. It's only the two of them as they recap last episode: New Jason and Aria kissed, and it was a mistake; New Jason had creepy pictures of Aria as his barn decor. Spencer shows up just in time to lay on a big I TOLD YOU SO on Aria. Emily lets slip that Jason and Aria kissed and Spencer's shocked. Aria is not happy, and only responds to the, "this guy has stalker pictures of you," with a "fine, fine. I gotta go."
What else did we expect?
What else did we expect?
In a nutshell: This is a YA book about vampires. I just wanted to say that right away. In Holly Black's newest, everyone knows vampires exist. In fact, places called Coldtowns exist, walled cities where the fanged creatures can mingle, party, feed off of and (mostly) co-exist with humans. There are those who got stuck in Coldtowns when the walls went up and there are those who chose to go there willingly. The catch is that once you enter a Coldtown, you can never get out.
At the beginning of the book, Tana wakes up after a party to find a house full of corpses. She survived, her ex-boyfriend survived and so did a darkly handsome and entirely strange vampire who looks like he needs Tana's help.
At the beginning of the book, Tana wakes up after a party to find a house full of corpses. She survived, her ex-boyfriend survived and so did a darkly handsome and entirely strange vampire who looks like he needs Tana's help.
We open in the lobby of the Hyperion, with Angel and Holtz right where we left them. Angel's all "DAFUQ? You're meant to be dead!" then joins the dots on the fact that the mysterious beastie the prophecies were talking about is Holtz. He starts to try and talk Holtz around, but a couple of green scaly demons jump up and hold stabby looking metal things to Angel's throat. Holtz says that what brought him to the 21st century is Angel and his "demon bitch." Angel starts in on his "everything's different because I have a soul" routine, but Holtz flicks some holy water at him, causing him to vamp out for a second, and says that he sees no difference. He orders his minions to search the place because wherever Angel is, Darla can't be far away.
After a whopping one minute and twenty three seconds of previouslies (seriously?!), a middle aged couple are being cornered by some guys in an alley. Buffy puns her way into the picture and goes in for the fight, only to discover that the guys doing the cornering are human and she's just interrupted a run of the mill mugging. She hands the lady back her handbag and ushers the couple away.
The muggers, meanwhile, are complete idiots and decide to attack Buffy. She pins one and is heading for the other when a shape jumps out of the darkness and hits the second mugger. Buffy yells "NO!" but it's too late - Spike grabs his head in pain and the muggers get away.
The muggers, meanwhile, are complete idiots and decide to attack Buffy. She pins one and is heading for the other when a shape jumps out of the darkness and hits the second mugger. Buffy yells "NO!" but it's too late - Spike grabs his head in pain and the muggers get away.
The Snark Ladies have decided to tell you a little bit about what they think of this Fall season’s new TV shows. In part two, we talk about some of the pilots that aired between September 22-28.
Shows covered: Mom, The Blacklist, Hostages, Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., Trophy Wife, & The Crazy Ones
Shows covered: Mom, The Blacklist, Hostages, Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., Trophy Wife, & The Crazy Ones
Lor and I have been discussing the idea of a new series, of sorts, in which we can discuss random YouTube videos which catch our attention. I think the idea first came to us during The Lizzie Bennet Diaries. We wanted a way to be able to say, "Hey, here's this cool thing we're watching," but LBD episodes didn't really lend themselves to recapping, what with them being so short. But, you know, it would have been great to establish some sort of precedent/category on the site for us to discuss, for example, Darcy Day. Or the Catching Fire trailers. Or the thousand other flail/rage worthy things that come across the internet that we want to bring to you so that we can all sit around and discuss how we feel about them because obviously Lorraine and I have lost any other way to process such feelings because nobody else in our lives understands why we have so many feelings about fictional things.