We pick up this chapter approximately 15 minutes later. Tessa has curled her hair! Oh my god! I really wasn't sure what she was going to do after that curling iron cliffhanger!
Steph offers Tessa her makeup, like a nice person. Tessa tells us that she's a member of the Big Eyes club.
She asks for some eyeliner and Steph gives her brown, black, and purple. Steph also suggests that the purple would look pretty with Tessa's Big Eyes but Tessa isn't a slut or something so she can't use purple. She puts on a little bit of black and Steph is proud. This has all been a literal 1/4 of this chapter.
Tessa is super glad when Hardin leaves, and not because he was being a creep, but because she wants to get more information about the party from Steph. She tells Tessa that it's a frat party off campus and Nate is coming to pick them up.
Tessa, of course, takes a moment to tell us how grateful she is that Hardin isn't going to pick them up because that guy is obviously defective.
Tessa, of course, takes a moment to tell us how grateful she is that Hardin isn't going to pick them up because that guy is obviously defective.
Welcome back, dear readers. Hopefully this episode will bring us way less emotional abuse!
Leery's Worst Restaurant Name. Gail is upset because Gretchen in taking personal calls at work, instead of doing her job and getting more wine.
Kirsti: I've had bosses crack the sads at me for even touching my phone at work, so the idea of Gretchen taking personal calls (ON THE WORK LANDLINE NO LESS!) is baffling to me.
Leery's Worst Restaurant Name. Gail is upset because Gretchen in taking personal calls at work, instead of doing her job and getting more wine.
Kirsti: I've had bosses crack the sads at me for even touching my phone at work, so the idea of Gretchen taking personal calls (ON THE WORK LANDLINE NO LESS!) is baffling to me.
Dani: We begin at the site of the Capitol explosion, where a survivor has been found in the rubble. Hannah (Maggie Q) rushes over, obviously hoping it’s the guy she’s been brooding over for the last two episodes, but it’s not. Poor Maggie Q. I wish the writers would give her something to do other than have reactions to stuff.
Samantha: It's unbelievable wasted potential. I should not keep forgetting that Maggie Q is in this show.
Samantha: It's unbelievable wasted potential. I should not keep forgetting that Maggie Q is in this show.
Okay guys. Here it is. The recap where we will finally find out what happens when Tessa finds a boy in her room.
Marines: Don't forget she's in a towel! The suspense is killing approximately no one.
Samantha: She asks the brown haired rude boy where Steph is. Her voice comes out in a squeak so maybe she swallowed a mouse in the heathen shower. The boy kind of half smirks at her but doesn't answer her legit question. I hate him already you guys.
Marines: Don't forget she's in a towel! The suspense is killing approximately no one.
Samantha: She asks the brown haired rude boy where Steph is. Her voice comes out in a squeak so maybe she swallowed a mouse in the heathen shower. The boy kind of half smirks at her but doesn't answer her legit question. I hate him already you guys.
Tessa's mommy dearest lectures her for an hour.
An hour later, after listening to my mother warn me against the dangers of parties and college men-- and using some language that's rather uncomfortable for Noah and me to hear from her-- she finally makes her move to leave."
An hour later, after listening to my mother warn me against the dangers of parties and college men-- and using some language that's rather uncomfortable for Noah and me to hear from her-- she finally makes her move to leave."
The episode begins with Laurel watching a short, anti-war film commissioned by Luke’s PAC. It’s overly melodramatic, plus it blames the One Percent/Wall Street for trying to start the war, since they’ll profit the most from it. Luke tells Laurel to make notes on how to improve it and then give her feedback to the guy who made the film, because that won’t be awkward at all.
Upstairs, Red is commending Jules (the car-ramming, ambulance-diverting founder of the One Wayers) on the excellent work she’s done.
Upstairs, Red is commending Jules (the car-ramming, ambulance-diverting founder of the One Wayers) on the excellent work she’s done.
Today, Supergirl season 2 premieres. It's not that we were so slow and so late that the new season is lapping us, it's that we wanted to celebrate the new season with last season's finale.
Yeah.
Samantha: That sounds like something we would do. We're so considerate.
Catherine: This is correct. We planned this.
Yeah.
Samantha: That sounds like something we would do. We're so considerate.
Catherine: This is correct. We planned this.
Previously: The Snark Ladies have decided to tell you a little bit about what they think of this Fall season’s new TV shows. Below is the next bunch of shows...
Alright so we decided to do something a little different and split up the last two episodes of Season 1 so we can open up the discussion more and make something more interesting for you guys to read.
Lol. Just kidding. We literally had to do this because we've now put off recapping the end of the season for A FULL YEAR and the new season is starting in a few days. Splitting these episodes up and taking less of each one was the only way for us to get through the last two vast wastelands of boringness that is this show.
Lol. Just kidding. We literally had to do this because we've now put off recapping the end of the season for A FULL YEAR and the new season is starting in a few days. Splitting these episodes up and taking less of each one was the only way for us to get through the last two vast wastelands of boringness that is this show.
And so we enter the weird sort-of season. I honestly can't remember the entire story behind why there was this series of specials instead of a whole season, but I think it had something to do with David Tennant being cast as Hamlet in the Royal Shakespeare Company's production and it being far more successful than they'd planned??? Or something?
Whatever the reason, in 2009, there was no actual season.
Whatever the reason, in 2009, there was no actual season.
Our singing recapper (the fabulous Jonathan Coulton) gets a small cameo in this week’s “previously on” bit. But then he gets infected by space bugs, and his head explodes, so I guess the exposure won’t exactly boost his career now.
We begin with Rochelle and Laurel staring at the mysterious SRB-54 door that the guy who attacked Rochelle went through after they released him in the last episode. Laurel prepares a fake package and tries to scope out the room when she delivers it. She spots Dr. Samira, the guy who testified that Syria was behind the exploding heads (even though they weren’t), but then the rude guy who opened the door (Jacob Pitts, Justified) slams it in her face.
We begin with Rochelle and Laurel staring at the mysterious SRB-54 door that the guy who attacked Rochelle went through after they released him in the last episode. Laurel prepares a fake package and tries to scope out the room when she delivers it. She spots Dr. Samira, the guy who testified that Syria was behind the exploding heads (even though they weren’t), but then the rude guy who opened the door (Jacob Pitts, Justified) slams it in her face.
Pacey's asleep on the sofa when Joey wakes him up by singing happy birthday and shoving a cupcake in his face.
He's none too pleased by this method of being woken up, and hopes like hell for no further acknowledgement of his birthday because birthdays are the actual worst.
Chelsea: This is not the way to wake someone up, ESPECIALLY ON THEIR BIRTHDAY. You let them wake up naturally and then bribe them with cake.
He's none too pleased by this method of being woken up, and hopes like hell for no further acknowledgement of his birthday because birthdays are the actual worst.
Chelsea: This is not the way to wake someone up, ESPECIALLY ON THEIR BIRTHDAY. You let them wake up naturally and then bribe them with cake.
Hokay. So this episode starts out at the bombing site, still the night of. The head FBI guy, Atwood, tells Maggie Q to look into all the usual suspects and to heighten security. I'm taking a moment to tell you that the playback on the ABC website is shitty, and makes rewatching this episode difficult. Get it together, ABC.
Marines: They also play like 27 years worth of commercials. Get it together, THIS IS THE INTERNET.
Marines: They also play like 27 years worth of commercials. Get it together, THIS IS THE INTERNET.
Yaaaaaaaaay it's the Supergirl/The Flash crossover episode!!!!!! I watch The Flash, over on Supergirl's new home, The CW. I enjoy it A LOT more than Supergirl. It's my favorite currently airing tv show, even if the season 2 finale DID enrage me. ANYWAY I'M EXCITED.
Catherine: Good that you're keeping your expectations in check here, Sammy.
Samantha: Shoot for the moon!!!!! Or maybe Saturn!!!
Catherine: Good that you're keeping your expectations in check here, Sammy.
Samantha: Shoot for the moon!!!!! Or maybe Saturn!!!