We ended last episode thinking a lot of people might die: Sarah Jane was facing Daleks, the Torchwood team was facing Daleks and the Doctor started to regenerate. After a DOO WEE OOH (K: Officially the most epic cast list of EVER), we join the Doctor as he shoots his regeneration ejaculation into the canister with his hand in it. Rose, Jack and Donna look at the Doctor like WTF.
Sarah Jane is saved by the sudden appearance of Mickey Smith (!!) and Jackie Tyler (!!), who are both carrying big guns and make quick work of the Dalek.
Okay! Here we go! Let's see if anything happens this chapter!
Tessa totally can't focus on anything as they drive to campus, not even her nice-soon-to-be-dumped-probably boyfriend. (M: Or his perfectly lined lips.) They arrive within a paragraph and apparently she never visited the campus before, which struck me as odd. Two hours isn't that bad of a drive, surely they could have done a visit?
Tessa totally can't focus on anything as they drive to campus, not even her nice-soon-to-be-dumped-probably boyfriend. (M: Or his perfectly lined lips.) They arrive within a paragraph and apparently she never visited the campus before, which struck me as odd. Two hours isn't that bad of a drive, surely they could have done a visit?
Hello friends! Funny story, I first wrote (most of) this recap in February of 2015. Here, I'll quote you the original opening for posterity's sake:
It was always our intention to pick up another book to snark in 2015, but I've got to admit that having so many of you hanging around the Fifty Shades reviews recently made me really miss that project. I mean, not any of the actual words written in the book... except for maybe "floor the pedal to the medal" and "my mother was a crack whore, Anastasia. Now go to sleep."
It was always our intention to pick up another book to snark in 2015, but I've got to admit that having so many of you hanging around the Fifty Shades reviews recently made me really miss that project. I mean, not any of the actual words written in the book... except for maybe "floor the pedal to the medal" and "my mother was a crack whore, Anastasia. Now go to sleep."
Kara is wearing flannel over her Supergirl costume and eating a donut on the couch so that her brooding is super telegraphed. She's watching coverage of a bank robbery she tried to stop, but people are still pretty wary of her after she murdered alcohol bottles with peanuts, or whatever. (S: And wore extra cute clothes!) (C: Boo the lady with the fashion sense.)
At Cat Co, Cat is having a bad day because "Sandy Bullock" stole her exercise machine and also because National City is being slow to forgive Supergirl and the crime rate is up.
At Cat Co, Cat is having a bad day because "Sandy Bullock" stole her exercise machine and also because National City is being slow to forgive Supergirl and the crime rate is up.
Chelsea: We open on Dawson and Pacey fishing, because they're friends again now? Dawson drops the bombshell on Pacey - he likes Gretchen. Pacey makes a Say Anything reference, which only makes me love him a thousand times more.
Kirsti: Dawson is 100% the guy who would stand outside your house holding a boombox over his head. 100%.
Chelsea: Dawson brings up the fact that the last year would have been so much easier if Pacey had just been upfront with how he felt about Joey (woah, dude, maybe ease up on poking that particular wound) (K: Oh puh-leeeze, Dawson. If Pacey had told you about Joey, you would have cracked the shits) and Pacey says "yeah, but sisters are off limits.
Kirsti: Dawson is 100% the guy who would stand outside your house holding a boombox over his head. 100%.
Chelsea: Dawson brings up the fact that the last year would have been so much easier if Pacey had just been upfront with how he felt about Joey (woah, dude, maybe ease up on poking that particular wound) (K: Oh puh-leeeze, Dawson. If Pacey had told you about Joey, you would have cracked the shits) and Pacey says "yeah, but sisters are off limits.
Once again, it appears that our dear sweet Steph has zero understanding of what an epilogue is. Because once again, this thing is like a million pages long. Except that as a special treat, Bella's not the narrator for the epilogue. No, friends. Instead of little Bell-bell, we're hanging out in Jacob's head.
Fabulous.
Catherine: Of course. Just what we all wanted after this book.
Fabulous.
Catherine: Of course. Just what we all wanted after this book.
I should've known this episode was called "Pilot." I feel like I tell you every time it comes up but it annoys me when pilots are titled Pilot.
But I'm starting off on a wrong foot. Hi, hello! Welcome to a new show because we are the little engine that could keep starting new shows when we have a billionty pending to finish. Hey, look y'all. We work with the recappers we got. And for this recap, we got Samantha (late of Supernatural but currently on Supergirl and Pretty Little Liars) and Dani (responsible for bringing us all the joy that is BrainDead).
But I'm starting off on a wrong foot. Hi, hello! Welcome to a new show because we are the little engine that could keep starting new shows when we have a billionty pending to finish. Hey, look y'all. We work with the recappers we got. And for this recap, we got Samantha (late of Supernatural but currently on Supergirl and Pretty Little Liars) and Dani (responsible for bringing us all the joy that is BrainDead).
Bella has to pull over on her drive home because she's so upset about breaking the heart of the guy who sexually assaulted her and admitted last chapter that he manipulated her with the threat of suicide and purposefully put her in a situation where he HOPED that her boyfriend would beat her up so that she would leave him and he could catch her on the rebound.
I am not as upset, if you can tell.
I am not as upset, if you can tell.
The Snark Ladies have decided to tell you a little bit about what they think of this Fall season’s new TV shows. In part one, we talk a bit about some of the shows that premiered last week.
We open in Dawson's dark room, which is full of photos of Gretchen and kind of looks like the opening of a stalker episode of Criminal Minds. Jack asks Dawson what it feels like to have a dream come true, what with the Gretchen-kissing and all. Dawson claims that they're just friends and that "not every kiss has to be a life altering event." Jack basically eyerolls, because Dawson is the king of teen drama and reading too much into things.
The chapter opens with Bella telling us that the vampires are all so perfect they couldn't possibly ever need or use beauty products so Alice must have filled the bathroom with stuff so Bella can cover up her ugly human face. Great.
Alice brushes Bella's hair (K: Because a child needs both a father AND a mother. Edward can't do it all, you guys) and Bella whines that she wants to go to La Push because she wants to go and sit by Jacob's bedside but Alice tells her she needs to go home so Charlie won't get suspicious. This back and forth goes on for a page and a half. Bella worries about Jacob while Alice insists she goes home to protect the alibi.
Alice brushes Bella's hair (K: Because a child needs both a father AND a mother. Edward can't do it all, you guys) and Bella whines that she wants to go to La Push because she wants to go and sit by Jacob's bedside but Alice tells her she needs to go home so Charlie won't get suspicious. This back and forth goes on for a page and a half. Bella worries about Jacob while Alice insists she goes home to protect the alibi.
I could have done without the exploding head montage that begins this episode’s “previously on” song, but it was totally worth it to get to the fake prescription ad for Space Bugs. Funny how the possible side effects sound so similar to actual ads, other than the “Brain matter leakage is common but harmless” disclaimer.
Marines: The people running around in fields is fantastic. Also, on a related note, drug ads in the U.S. are RIDICULOUS.
Marines: The people running around in fields is fantastic. Also, on a related note, drug ads in the U.S. are RIDICULOUS.
The fact that we are still recapping this is no longer a joke. (K: This is the book that doesn't eeeeeeend, it just goes on and on my friiiiiend.)
I briefly forgot where we even are in the story, but it all came rushing back when Bella describes Victoria's headless corpse, which Edward then dismembers. Bella laments that she can't go over to her boyfriend and, I don't know pet him? comfort him? cheer him on? as he dismembers a body. She does watch all of this closely, though, in case somehow dismembering a corpse hurts him.
I briefly forgot where we even are in the story, but it all came rushing back when Bella describes Victoria's headless corpse, which Edward then dismembers. Bella laments that she can't go over to her boyfriend and, I don't know pet him? comfort him? cheer him on? as he dismembers a body. She does watch all of this closely, though, in case somehow dismembering a corpse hurts him.
Previously: A sexy book written about Taylor. — The Dream Lover Marines: Beautiful establishing shots. Ryan and Seth are having breakfast and bro chatting about their relationships. Seth says that it would’ve...
For this episode’s “Previously on BrainDead” song, Jonathan Coulton pretends he wasn’t just as worried as the rest of us when the space bugs got to Laurel.
Once again, we begin where the last episode ended — with Laurel and Gareth at the bar, trying to make things normal again, and Laurel saying she thinks bugs are eating people’s brains and making them stupid. Because that’s a totally normal thing to say.
Gareth is thrown by this, and Laurel admits she is, too. He asks about the bugs but struggles to take any of it seriously.
Once again, we begin where the last episode ended — with Laurel and Gareth at the bar, trying to make things normal again, and Laurel saying she thinks bugs are eating people’s brains and making them stupid. Because that’s a totally normal thing to say.
Gareth is thrown by this, and Laurel admits she is, too. He asks about the bugs but struggles to take any of it seriously.