It's only been six weeks (at the time of writing this) between recaps, you guys. That's like a hot second to Melisandre. And don't pretend you didn't need some time to digest this madness before digging in. Now that I've made myself feel less guilty for delaying this so long, let's do this fucking finale.
Catherine: Ha! Smart. But honestly, we have so long until the next season starts that us delaying this long just means that you guys won't have to wait that extra six weeks for season 7 posts to start? Maybe?
It's 3 months later from last episode, because they don't want to do Christmas or winter anymore. (S: Yeah, this time jump was jarring.) We open on Mona's funeral. Our four Liars walk out of the church, commenting on the contents of the casket, which does not include a body. Nothing has been found out since Mona's disappearance/murder, and Spencer has been the only arrest. She's negative about the chances of the Bethany letter they discovered last episode making any difference. She thinks they should have told Detective Tanner about the perceived Holbrook/Alison affair, but Toby says Tanner wouldn't believe them and “needs to find out on her own.”
Bella's face down on her sleeping bag. Edward strokes her knotty disgusting hair, and somehow she still knows that his hand is cold? (M: Like when you wash your hair with cold water. *cough*) Whatever. She says that she wants to die, and I really want her to die too. (A: Me three!) Although frankly, after the abomination that was the last chapter, I want EVERYONE to die. But sadly, Edward says he'll never let that happen. Um. So he's NOT going to let anyone turn her into a vampire? What's the point of this goddamn series then?! (C: Torture?)
I was pretty excited about this episode, because Aaron Tveit and Mary Elizabeth Winstead have been tweeting for weeks about filming a scene with “inappropriate salami.” MEW called it the weirdest scene of her career, and that’s saying a lot for someone who’s been in The Ring Two, Final Destination 3, and Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.
Marines: AND PASSIONS. THE WEIRDEST SOAP OPERA EVER.
Dani: We begin with the obligatory “Previously on BrainDead” song, and I know I won’t shut up about them, but they really are the best thing ever.
Marines: AND PASSIONS. THE WEIRDEST SOAP OPERA EVER.
Dani: We begin with the obligatory “Previously on BrainDead” song, and I know I won’t shut up about them, but they really are the best thing ever.
Oh wow. WOW. I guess I got this chapter. The Twilight gods have not smiled kindly on my today, friends. I see how it is. *sigh*
Marines: If you read that and are thinking, "why do they keep saying this? Why won't they all accept there are no good chapters?" I can only say we are brave and endlessly hopeful in the face of adversity.
Annie: Each new chapter is just garbage in book form, each one worse than the last. I mean, it can't possibly be worse than two boys fighting over her like Bella's some sex companion to be won while she lays there, unconscious. Right?
Marines: If you read that and are thinking, "why do they keep saying this? Why won't they all accept there are no good chapters?" I can only say we are brave and endlessly hopeful in the face of adversity.
Annie: Each new chapter is just garbage in book form, each one worse than the last. I mean, it can't possibly be worse than two boys fighting over her like Bella's some sex companion to be won while she lays there, unconscious. Right?
We open the chapter with Bella, fully dressed, stuffed into her sleeping bag, in the tent with Edward. Bella is freezing and to hit it home, Meyer uses this fun device where Bella is stuttering and beyond just telling us that, she gives us this:
Marines: Aaaaaand we found this recap's single phrase that describes the whole series. "This is so unnecessary and annoying" can join such greats as "Shut up, Edward" and "I hope the baby vampires eat you all."
Catherine: Also: "What have we done to deserve this?"
“W-w-w-w-w-what t-t-t-t-time is it?” - I forced the words through my rattling teeth.That is so unnecessary and annoying.
Marines: Aaaaaand we found this recap's single phrase that describes the whole series. "This is so unnecessary and annoying" can join such greats as "Shut up, Edward" and "I hope the baby vampires eat you all."
Catherine: Also: "What have we done to deserve this?"
The “previously on BrainDead” songs have quickly become one of my favorites things about this show. Whatever you do, don't fast-forward through them.
Marines: "You can count on him when booty calls."
Perfection.
Dani: This episode begins right where the previous one left off — with Laurel repeating what she just said because Anthony couldn’t hear her. He claims it’s just his tinnitus, which is worse in the morning, but Laurel and I remain skeptical. Then he tells her he has to get to work and asks if he can use her restroom.
Marines: "You can count on him when booty calls."
Perfection.
Dani: This episode begins right where the previous one left off — with Laurel repeating what she just said because Anthony couldn’t hear her. He claims it’s just his tinnitus, which is worse in the morning, but Laurel and I remain skeptical. Then he tells her he has to get to work and asks if he can use her restroom.
I love a good holiday episode. This one starts with the girls walking outside on a picturesque Hollywood Christmas set, otherwise known as a street in Rosewood. Spencer says that since she's out on bail for murder she's not really vibing Christmas. Fair. Her and Toby agreed to just surprise each other with gestures. Hannah confuses gestures with jesters and I love her. They decide to write wishes down on paper snowflakes for a wish tree. Hannah sadz that the last time she was here she was with Mona. This throws us into a brief flashback that I feel comfortable calling an Ali-back just because Hannah is looking very Ali here. Mona and Hannah giggle and declare themselves bffs.
Lights up on Leery Manor as Dawson and a girl that COULD BE JOEY are in his room watching movies. Only just kidding, it's totally Gretchen. And the movie they're watching is one of Mr. Brooks'. Dawson laments that he wants to hate Mr. Brooks' work (wonder what it's like to want to hate something that badly, hmmm blonde spider?) but then goes on to call it a 'heartbreaking work of staggering genius' and I'm throwing up too hard to wonder if it's hyperbole.
Hey guys! Yes, we are still doing Supergirl reviews even though it takes me a million years to get around to doing mine every time. BECAUSE LISTEN I HAVE A LIFE (I don't. I'm just forgetful.) (S: We <3 you though.) (C: *heart eyes*)
Anyway, I'm giving you previouslies since it's been a few weeks since we did the last episode.
Previouslies: We're reminded that Astra got bummer stabbed and died and Alex finally told Kara that she was the one that did it, Siobhan kissed Winn against all logic and reason, and Lucy broke up with Jimmy.
Anyway, I'm giving you previouslies since it's been a few weeks since we did the last episode.
Previouslies: We're reminded that Astra got bummer stabbed and died and Alex finally told Kara that she was the one that did it, Siobhan kissed Winn against all logic and reason, and Lucy broke up with Jimmy.
Bella wakes up and describes what the sky is doing, and I'm telling you just in case you maybe forgot that is a thing Meyer does in 90% of her chapters. Edward leaves Bella alone so she can get dressed and she tells us that she's thankful for this moment to think. I guess the down side of having your boyfriend around every waking moment and, hey, also around watching you sleep is that you feel like you never have a chance to think.
Annie: Edward doesn't want to give her time to think because that would give Bella the opportunity to realize how toxic and awful their relationship is, and she might try to leave the relationship. And abusive partners hate when that happens.
Annie: Edward doesn't want to give her time to think because that would give Bella the opportunity to realize how toxic and awful their relationship is, and she might try to leave the relationship. And abusive partners hate when that happens.
We begin with the best previously song yet:
“Have you no sense of decency? My God, you monsters... not the cat!”
Marines: This song is basically doing our job for us.
Dani: (Shhhh...)
The action starts in an apartment building where a woman named Jules (Natalie Gold) meets her next-door neighbor, Noah (Michael Esper), for the first time.
“Have you no sense of decency? My God, you monsters... not the cat!”
Marines: This song is basically doing our job for us.
Dani: (Shhhh...)
The action starts in an apartment building where a woman named Jules (Natalie Gold) meets her next-door neighbor, Noah (Michael Esper), for the first time.
Taylor visits Ryan during his break because she has the perfect Valentine's Day present for him, even though Valentine's Day is weeks away. Her perfect present? A scrapbook, complete with signed letter for her divorce lawyer, sneaky pictures she took of Ryan on her camera phone and their hospital bracelets from that one time they were in a joint coma. Ryan just makes some really uncomfortable noises.
I skipped ahead to see what happens in this chapter and I only have one thing to say: WHY ME? WHY DO I KEEP BEING PUNISHED BY THE CHAPTER GODS?
Just hang on while I mentally prepare myself, you guys.
Marines: Kirsti. GET IT TOGETHER. We are ALL being punished by the chapter gods.
Catherine: This book is like Russian Roulette but the gun is fully loaded.
K: Pretty much exactly.
Just hang on while I mentally prepare myself, you guys.
Marines: Kirsti. GET IT TOGETHER. We are ALL being punished by the chapter gods.
Catherine: This book is like Russian Roulette but the gun is fully loaded.
K: Pretty much exactly.
Hello friends!
The last time I wrote one of these posts it was this same time last year to announce this very same thing. Where this might usually be the place where I lament the slower pace of things around here, I'm actually really proud of how much we were able to do over the last year. Considering all the personal things I went through, plus the fact that we've changed the roster a bit around here, we did good. We do things as best we can and as quickly as we can. We pour all our love and snark into each post.
The last time I wrote one of these posts it was this same time last year to announce this very same thing. Where this might usually be the place where I lament the slower pace of things around here, I'm actually really proud of how much we were able to do over the last year. Considering all the personal things I went through, plus the fact that we've changed the roster a bit around here, we did good. We do things as best we can and as quickly as we can. We pour all our love and snark into each post.