Aria cries as she fills her friends in on the ever-increasing creepiness of Ezra Fitz. See, he didn't kiss a random girl and THEN find out she was 16. He knew all along that she was a minor but he's awful and decided to exploit her anyway. Additionally, he had a "brief" relationship with Alison when she was 14. So. I actually just got really, really gaggy.
Sara: It seems like the word 'relationship' is not really accurate considering it was between a FOURTEEN YEAR OLD and a grown man in college. Gross gross gross gross.
Snarking Top Gun has been on the radar for a long time. I don't remember who first suggested it, but I *do* know that my reaction was "HOLY SHIT YES PLEASE WE HAVE TO DO THIS OMG IT IS SO SNARKTASTIC". So obviously, when it came to me picking a movie for Snarkathon, there was only one possible option.
Also, if someone wants to remake this movie with Logan Echolls as the main character, I would be 100% okay with that.
ANYWAY. Let's get down to recapping, shall we?
Also, if someone wants to remake this movie with Logan Echolls as the main character, I would be 100% okay with that.
ANYWAY. Let's get down to recapping, shall we?
Hello friends!
Firstly, thank you for being so marvelously patient as we've been figuring our way around some scheduling things recently. We're still existing in that troubling place where we want to do all the things and have all of the time constraints. However, picking up Segue Magic again was a huge priority this year because we just love making these videos and opening up the conversation to all kinds of other topics.
Firstly, thank you for being so marvelously patient as we've been figuring our way around some scheduling things recently. We're still existing in that troubling place where we want to do all the things and have all of the time constraints. However, picking up Segue Magic again was a huge priority this year because we just love making these videos and opening up the conversation to all kinds of other topics.
We open, as always, in the Shrine o' Spielberg where Pacey and Jen are making out. DUDE, NO. Who breaks into their best friend's house (although given the ladder, it's not REALLY breaking in, I guess??) to make out in their bed? Gross.
Democracy Diva: Also, pick a sexier room than the Shrine O'Spielberg to make out in. Avoid having E.T. watch you do the nasty at all costs.
K: Truth.
Anyway, the making out stops because they agree that they still have zero sexual interest in the other person. They discuss their past history and how everything should be falling into place because they came prepared (Pacey flashes condoms) and picked the perfect location (ugh).
Democracy Diva: Also, pick a sexier room than the Shrine O'Spielberg to make out in. Avoid having E.T. watch you do the nasty at all costs.
K: Truth.
Anyway, the making out stops because they agree that they still have zero sexual interest in the other person. They discuss their past history and how everything should be falling into place because they came prepared (Pacey flashes condoms) and picked the perfect location (ugh).
We'll start this with an announcement: Sweeney is officially bowing out of these recaps. It's mostly because she needed to reorganize how she spends her time and this was an easier thing to take off her plate. She can probably tell you all her reasoning in the comments, because she's still going to try and hang out there and perhaps keep up with the series. That said, Sara will be joining us as the third recapper and our official Snow. YAY SARA!
Now episode:
GILES. I'm glad we're getting this out of the way so soon in the episode because GILES, GILES, GILES!
Now episode:
GILES. I'm glad we're getting this out of the way so soon in the episode because GILES, GILES, GILES!
Imprint room. Echo is in the chair and Paul is nearby A smarmy handler, who I probably just think is smarmy because he kind of looks like the guy who raped Sierra (S: He also wiggles his brows around all creepy-like when he talks), tells Echo she's got a big day. She gives the appropriate blank reaction and gets lowered for the imprint. Paul is worried about Echo glitching, as we're back in the regular timeline, probably soon after the Omega stuff. Topher is his usual, "nothing can go wrong! It'll be great!" self, and it's weird to have Paul being the voice of, "you sure?" and not Dominic or Boyd. Where's Boyd?
Sweeney: "WHERE'S BOYD?" INDEED. "Needs More Boyd" is a general note I have for most of always.
Sweeney: "WHERE'S BOYD?" INDEED. "Needs More Boyd" is a general note I have for most of always.
Going into this project, my big fear was that it was going to taint my relationship with my most beloved show. Here is one of the few things I had been a true fangirl for long before the blog and if our critical consumption has taught me anything, it's how tenuous those media relationships can be when placed under scrutiny.
So far I can say that I'm pleasantly surprised to find that it holds up. There's a lot that's wrong with the show, but they are failures that seem to have arisen mostly out of overshooting - the show is ambitious and when it stumbles, it's almost always because it tried to do too much. I respect that. This season is a prime example of that. There was a lot going on and in a few places, that meant that potentially compelling stories got trampled in the noise.
So far I can say that I'm pleasantly surprised to find that it holds up. There's a lot that's wrong with the show, but they are failures that seem to have arisen mostly out of overshooting - the show is ambitious and when it stumbles, it's almost always because it tried to do too much. I respect that. This season is a prime example of that. There was a lot going on and in a few places, that meant that potentially compelling stories got trampled in the noise.
Trey apparently learned how to make breakfast in jail, so he's doing that now. He may be new to the Cohen household, but he must already know that every episode starts with breakfast. (S: Key part of his rehabilitation. Delicious breakfast foods are the best way to start a crime-free day.) Ryan comes into the kitchen, quickly followed by Seth and then Sandy. Kirsten shows up long enough to pick up a phone call from Julie and leaves again. Seth helpfully explains to Trey that Julie is Marissa's mom. "So, Ryan's mother-in-law?" Trey quips. Sandy is surprised that they are back on again and that he's the last to know. Ryan insists that nothing is going on for about one second, but then crumbles under the power of Sandy's eyebrows (I guess).
Jen and Pacey are having a domestic moment, grocery shopping and arguing about what to cook for Thanksgiving at Grams’s, which is conveniently ruining their sex-buddies situation. Pacey blames Jen for the fact that this situation has not actually happened yet, and she just kinda laughs at his foreplay, which, RUDE. Then Jen comes up with the brilliant idea to do it immediately before/during/after the Grams Turkey Day God Fest '99.
Pacey says, uh, kinda have to spend the holiday with own my terrible family at some point. (K: I don't even want to think about how horrible a Witter family Thanksgiving would be...) (D: I'm thankful we were spared a scene at the Witter house.)
Pacey says, uh, kinda have to spend the holiday with own my terrible family at some point. (K: I don't even want to think about how horrible a Witter family Thanksgiving would be...) (D: I'm thankful we were spared a scene at the Witter house.)
For the first time in approximately a million episodes, we DON'T start in the Shrine o' Spielberg. SCANDAL. Instead, we're at the video store, being reminded that Dawson has a job. Joey walks in and asks if there are any copies of The Crucible left. There aren't and she headdesks for being "that girl" who leaves her schoolwork to the last minute and who had no chance to read the book. Dawson's surprised, and she tells him she was too busy looking after Alexander and setting up the B&B to study. He's double surprised because apparently his best friend didn't bother to tell him that her house is being turned into a B&B. LOL. There's some awkward life catch-up back and forth, then Joey goes to leave and face her inevitable failure.
It’s been nearly two months since I last wrote a Gotham recap, but it still feels like this one came around far too quickly. I know Sweeney and Mari have been feeling really guilty about asking me to recap this show with them, and all I can say is…
We open on Spencer, who has fallen asleep at Ezra's desk, and is drooling all over the Ali Diary. Ezra walks in, wakes her up and asks what she's doing. She's confused, just as anyone would be to realize that they're in their pajamas, at school, and this is not an actual dream. She tries to leave but he creepy stops her and tells her the path she's on is dangerous, then the bell rings and she uses it to make a break for it. Ezra creepy stares after her. But I guess he's used to people fleeing his dead-eyed stare.
SHHHHH.
Coma-makeup!Spencer is changing in the girl's bathroom.
SHHHHH.
Coma-makeup!Spencer is changing in the girl's bathroom.
Capeside High. Dawson and Jen talk to each other like normal friends for perhaps the first time in this show’s history, and it's refreshing! She discusses turning into her mother, who was a beauty queen when she was young. Jen thinks she’s a poser for being elected homecoming queen, but Dawson thinks she’s being too hard on herself, and that people voted for her because she’s her. Jen still thinks her blonde hair and big tits had something to do with it, and Dawson doesn’t disagree, but he still thinks her "alternative" vibe is what's drawing people to her. Also, I tried to find a gif of Christina Applegate in Anchorman talking about her "exquisite breasts" to use here, but you would not believe how difficult that questionable google search was, you guys. I saw a LOT of Tumblr tits.
A group of monks approach a castle and a bald one, the head monk presumably, tells a man that they want the house, and they will be taking it now. The owner is like LOL okay, do you want my wife, too? But Bald Head Monk isn't kidding around and says that he will take that shit with his fists. He kicks Home Owner to the ground and a fun(ny) fight scene develops as Bald Head Monk orders the other monks to remove their hoods, revealing a group of Not Monks who are actually Ninjas with badass fighting sticks. They fight their way through the entire castle, taking it over. Learning martial arts would be so be worth it if it kept you from having to sign a 30-year mortgage loan.
We open at a museum with a tour guide describing a legendary book known as the Akashic records, thought to contain an account of all of time’s significant events. Everyone from Hitler, to probably, most likely warlocks has been looking for it. The guide leads his group to a tablet of dead language engravings and explains that anyone who can decipher it will learn the location of the records. As the tour guide speaks, a shifty eyed guy watches another guy who’s examining the tablet and taking notes. Note Guy announces that he’s figured it out and runs off leaving Shifty to look even shiftier. Maybe don’t talk out loud about your deciphering skills near a tablet that no one can decipher?