The previouslies, the last five seconds of the last episode and the beginning of this episode bleed together, so that Veronica opens the door to find Logan, he asks her to find his mother, and then Veronica, with some genuine concern in her voice invites him into the Plush Poor People Apartment.
Democracy Diva: I like this show's habit of picking up from where we left off when the episodes end on particularly cliffhanger-y notes.
Lor: Inside, Logan insists that his mother isn't dead, and can't understand why everyone is assuming she is, since there is no body. Veronica asks about the lady who's all over the news, claiming to have seen Lisa Rinna jump.
We start off in the asylum on a stormy night with Mona doing some creepy singing about teddy bears having their picnic today. (Pretty singing, though! Do we have a pretty+creepy word in our creepcabulary? It could often be used to describe Mona.) She's painting a head. (YVONNE LEHEAD?) She draws a big red blob on the lips which are magically perfectly painted a hot second later. Continuity is for people with no imagination. Mona monologues about how she gets to do an art project for Halloween, even though they're not big on Halloween around those parts. She turns around and we see that she's talking to a hooded member of the A-Team (Toby?) as she continues about how much she loves Halloween. (You're making this awkward for me, Mona, because I also love the shit out of Halloween.)
It's been ten years since Mean Girls saw it's theatrical release. Let that sink in for a moment.
This movie is truly a ton of stereotypes held together by the glue of memorable one liners and the wonder of Lindsay Lohan back when she resembled, you know, Lindsay Lohan. Also, I just realized this is the second Lindsay Lohan film we've covered for #snarkathon and that was not at all on purpose. I feel slightly ashamed.
Okay, movie: Cady Heron and her zoologist parents return to the United Starts after a 12 year research trip to Africa, meaning she'll have to attend public school for the first time ever. Cady has a difficult time blending in for a day or two, before she befriends classmates Janis and Damian.
This movie is truly a ton of stereotypes held together by the glue of memorable one liners and the wonder of Lindsay Lohan back when she resembled, you know, Lindsay Lohan. Also, I just realized this is the second Lindsay Lohan film we've covered for #snarkathon and that was not at all on purpose. I feel slightly ashamed.
Okay, movie: Cady Heron and her zoologist parents return to the United Starts after a 12 year research trip to Africa, meaning she'll have to attend public school for the first time ever. Cady has a difficult time blending in for a day or two, before she befriends classmates Janis and Damian.
We begin where we left off: Illyria saying, "This will do," in Fred's body. She goes to look at herself in the mirror and Wesley says her name. Illyria gets really pissy with Wesley for using her name. Wes asks if she knows who Fred is and she doesn't know or give a shit. She says they're done and Wes agrees, grabbing an ax.
Electric Cellos, complete with all those Fred scenes. Fuck. Are they going to be replaced with Illyria scenes or will we just die a little inside during the credits for the rest of the season?
Lorraine: You figured we'd be used to dying all kinds of deaths while watching Angel.
Electric Cellos, complete with all those Fred scenes. Fuck. Are they going to be replaced with Illyria scenes or will we just die a little inside during the credits for the rest of the season?
Lorraine: You figured we'd be used to dying all kinds of deaths while watching Angel.
The whole internet seems to be making Law & Order jokes about this episode and I'm going to try super hard to not be one of them but also I'll probably fail.
The previouslies remind us of the enemies that Tyrion made while being the best member of his family and basically Westeros. Also the part where Varys told Tyrion he was the best forever. Also a reminder of Theon's torture, as if we could ever, ever forget that shit.
Liar liar credits on fire: King's Landing, Dreadfort, Winterfellstillonfire, The Wall, BRAAVOS! all shiny and new, complete with an animated soldier man guarding the city, and finally, to Meereen.
The previouslies remind us of the enemies that Tyrion made while being the best member of his family and basically Westeros. Also the part where Varys told Tyrion he was the best forever. Also a reminder of Theon's torture, as if we could ever, ever forget that shit.
Liar liar credits on fire: King's Landing, Dreadfort, Winterfellstillonfire, The Wall, BRAAVOS! all shiny and new, complete with an animated soldier man guarding the city, and finally, to Meereen.
Joss Whedon got his feature length film, and we're going to recap it, but fair warning that this post will be long.
The Universal Pictures logo becomes Earth. A voice over gives us the set-up, but it is not Mal, as we were accustomed to. It's a woman (S: Tamara Taylor from Bones!) with a slightly different version of events: Earth-That-Was could no longer sustain the ever growing population. People found a new solar system, terraformed the planets and moons to form new Earths. The central planets formed the Alliance. The savage, outer planets refused Alliance control, resulting in a devastating war. But the Alliance won and now everyone is happy!
The Universal Pictures logo becomes Earth. A voice over gives us the set-up, but it is not Mal, as we were accustomed to. It's a woman (S: Tamara Taylor from Bones!) with a slightly different version of events: Earth-That-Was could no longer sustain the ever growing population. People found a new solar system, terraformed the planets and moons to form new Earths. The central planets formed the Alliance. The savage, outer planets refused Alliance control, resulting in a devastating war. But the Alliance won and now everyone is happy!
The soundtrack squeals and we fade into a hospital room where Helena is fading in and out of consciousness. There is a police officer there, taking pictures and collecting evidence. He asks the same question I had last episode: how is she even alive? Almost in response to him, Helena starts convulsing and the nurse rushes to her aid.
Meanwhile, Art is asking Sarah what the Proletheans want with Kira. She doesn't know. Everyone wants Kira, and probably not to play with puzzles and finger paints. There's a knock at the door and Sarah lets Felix in. He immediately comforts Sarah by letting her know they will find Kira. Felix greets "Arthur," but adds a grumble about how he can't believe Sarah let a cop into Clone Club. Yeah, I'm having a hard time with that one too, Fee.
Meanwhile, Art is asking Sarah what the Proletheans want with Kira. She doesn't know. Everyone wants Kira, and probably not to play with puzzles and finger paints. There's a knock at the door and Sarah lets Felix in. He immediately comforts Sarah by letting her know they will find Kira. Felix greets "Arthur," but adds a grumble about how he can't believe Sarah let a cop into Clone Club. Yeah, I'm having a hard time with that one too, Fee.
Warning - this episode is rated F for Feels. Please acquire tissues before proceeding with this recap. We open in a FLASHBACK! Fred is at her parents' house, packing up her stuff for her big move to join the graduate physics program at UCLA. Her dad is totally against her moving, saying that she's going to Hell-A and that if she meets one angel there, he'll eat the dogs. Dude. No. (L: She met Angel; LEAVE THE DOGS ALONE.)
He goes out to check the car for the millionth time. Fred realises that she's forgotten Feiginbaum, her stuffed bunny toy, which I mention only because it's relevant later. (S: AH. I DIDN'T CATCH THIS. AH. FEELS.)
He goes out to check the car for the millionth time. Fred realises that she's forgotten Feiginbaum, her stuffed bunny toy, which I mention only because it's relevant later. (S: AH. I DIDN'T CATCH THIS. AH. FEELS.)
A man pulls into his garage and cuts the car off. He starts to gather his stuff to get out, but looks confused when the garage door starts closing behind him. As he's turned around, staring at the garage door, the keys crank the car again and the automatic doors lock. (My dad brags about his manual locks all the time. Guess he wouldn't be in this situation, now would he?) (K: My dad's the same but with his refusal to get automatic garage doors. "If the power goes out, *I* can still leave!" Okay, Dad. Whatever.) Doomed To Die tries to turn the ignition off, but the keys are stuck and he starts to panic as the car and garage start to fill up with smoke.
Kirsti: Like, INSTANTLY.
Kirsti: Like, INSTANTLY.
We're at some sort of crime or accident scene, and watch as paramedics wheel a gurney into the back of ambulances. A crowd has gathered, and our fabulous and fashionable fibbers are there as well. Hanna is bawling as Aria and Spencer hold her up. A little ways away, Gossip Cop (at least I think it is. I may just be calling every cop who isn't Wilden Gossip Cop) (S: None of them do a whole lot of law officering, so probably accurate.) asks Emily if the deceased was their friend. Emily doesn't answer, and it's probably because Hanna's really loud gasp-crying is super distracting.
Sara: For real though, Hanna, tone it down. Shit.
Sara: For real though, Hanna, tone it down. Shit.
Who gets the puppet episode? THIS GIRL.
I'm pretty pumped, but first, I wouldn't be a true Snark Lady if I didn't say that puppets will always and forever remind me of Goosebumps, and that one time we thought it'd be an awesome idea to cover all three Night of the Living Dummy books. (It was an awesome idea.)
Sweeney: Night of the Living Dummy is Traumaland's One True Puppet.
Lor: Always and forever. On to the episode: While the screen is still black, some jaunty, cartoonish music greets us. It's coming from a TV show that features (BIG REVEAL) puppets!
I'm pretty pumped, but first, I wouldn't be a true Snark Lady if I didn't say that puppets will always and forever remind me of Goosebumps, and that one time we thought it'd be an awesome idea to cover all three Night of the Living Dummy books. (It was an awesome idea.)
Sweeney: Night of the Living Dummy is Traumaland's One True Puppet.
Lor: Always and forever. On to the episode: While the screen is still black, some jaunty, cartoonish music greets us. It's coming from a TV show that features (BIG REVEAL) puppets!
OK, so, this post should have gone up months ago, but let's pretend that this is right on time. NOTHING TO SEE HERE. TOTALLY APPROPRIATELY TIMED POST. Ballots have been cast and the results are in (in a totally timely fashion). Pop the cheapest champagne you can get your hands on and don your tackiest sparklies. It's (finally) time to celebrate the winners of the first annual Traumaland Awards:
We start at Tommen's coronation, where the (I'm assuming) High Septon calls the crown a heavy burden. He means it in a "ruling the Seven Kingdoms" way, but since the last handful of kings were all murdered, I'd say that shit is the worst kind of burden. Little Tommen needs all the prayers and blessings he can get. We pan a bit around the room, and focus for a while on DaddyUncle Jaime, standing just in back of the throne. The Probably High Septon finishes the ceremony, earns himself a Gold Star by calling Tommen the first of his name, places the crown on Tom's head and proclaims, "long may he reign!" We hear and see Cersei and Tywin repeat those words, with the crowd, and I'm struck by Charles Dance's smooth, velvety voice.
There is lots of cheering and celebration for the baby king.
There is lots of cheering and celebration for the baby king.
We start underwater. Remember when Connor sunk Angel and the entire show basically went down with him but didn't get pulled back out again? I'm keeping that in mind because I've been warned that after the last two gems, this is, you know, not so much. Anyway, this underwater scene is a WWII submarine that is being evacuated. What are the evacuation procedures for a submarine? I've never given this much thought. I don't actually find out (yet) because we just see that whatever has them all distressed is probably demonic. We don't see what, but there's a lot of blood.
Kirsti: And to think, the last time we started an episode without the Fang Gang, I was instantly hooked. This time? Bored within the first ten seconds.
Kirsti: And to think, the last time we started an episode without the Fang Gang, I was instantly hooked. This time? Bored within the first ten seconds.
The episode begins with a wealthy black man (*gasp*!) yelling at someone on the phone as he lounges by the pool. His wife comes over and he grumbles how it's always nice there. She has stuff for him to sign, like permission slips for their kids who live a wonderful cushy life which is far removed from the life that he had growing up on the streets. (L: First generation rich, natch.) His wife teases him about his discomfort with this: "And the street was tough and you lost a lot of homies. But this is Neptune." As he's wondering how he ended up with "National Black Velvet and Urkel" for children, Urkel walks up. (Probably wondering how such a smart kid ended up with a dad who didn't see how awesome that is.) Unfortunately, Urkel's got bad news: National Black Velvet is missing.