Charmed (Reboot) S01 E01 – Survivor

We haven’t even finished recapping original flavor Charmed, but you all voted for this in the Fall TV Poll, so here we go.
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Pilot

Marines: Hi there and welcome! First thing’s first: I recruited some friends to help me out on these posts. I met Lainey and Liz through BookTube, and our friendship has been cemented on a love of literature, snark, being salty, rosé, and weekend trips to see each other. Say hello ladies and tell everyone your Charmed background, if any.

Liz: Hello! There is no Charmed in my back, middle, or foreground. I think I watched half an episode on a treadmill once at the gym. The only thing I know is that Shannen Doherty was on the show for awhile until she got in fights with the lady who did the 1-800-Collect Commercials. (Remember those??)

Lainey: Ok, let’s get this out of the way. I’m a Charmed fandom OG. I started watching it during season 5, as it aired, jumping in blind because what was DVR and Netflix? But after many rewatches, (should I mention I am currently rewatching the series now?) I know it’s a bit wacky and extra. 

Mari: And with that, let’s get started. 

Black screen. In voice over, a woman tells us that this is not a witch hunt. When the lights come on, we seem to be in a hallway. Sarah Jeffery backs into the frame before she tries to sneak down the hallway. Melonie Diaz comes out of her room. Sarah Jeffery screams, because we’re being led astray on the SPOOKY! Melonie Diaz just tells her sister to take her boots off. Sarah Jeffery is going to a military themed party and needs the ugly boots. Probably calling them ugly is not going to convince your sister to let you borrow them, I’m just saying. 

Liz: Okay, I could talk at length about this one detail. Military. Themed. Party. What is that? Does this show take place in 2002? This would make sense in 2002 as a critical look at Post 9/11 Patriotism. Is this party against or in support of war? I need to know where Kappa stands on this issue. 

Mari: I feel like you will be disappointed.

In another room, their mom (we can assume) is on the phone. She yells that this is not a witch hunt, it’s a reckoning, and she wants “him” out. Sarah Jeffery and Melonie Diaz ask their mom what the yelling was about. She explains that Professor Thaine is protesting his suspension and someone named Angela Wu can’t testify. She sighs deeply, and her kids ask if she’s okay. She says she is, really, maybe not entirely, fine. She has a moment about how beautiful her girls are, in their own different ways. “You’re better together, your differences are your strengths and nothing is stronger than your sisterhood.” 

Liz: Don’t forget to mention the mother’s beautiful hair. Great waves. Full volume. Rich color. I would trust any character with hair like that. 

Lainey: I was thinking, damn, those are some famous last words if I ever heard them. 

Mari: Both things are very true: great hair, doomed words. 

The sappy moment is cut short by Sarah Jeffery who wants to know if they can go now. It’s bad enough she’s the only freshman with a curfew. Mom tells them to go. 

Outside the Manor (listen, I’m keeping it. You can only reboot so much), Melonie and Sarah (will we ever get names?) (L: A girl with no name…blah blah Game of Thrones joke.) say goodbye with a little hand squeeze and head off in their separate directions. Melonie texts someone and a second after I wondered, we get her name: Mel. Wow. Great. Easy to remember. Her message is “get naked.” 

Sarah Jeffery feels like someone is following her. When she turns around, it’s some doofy looking kid named Brian who just happened to see her as she was walking by. (L: You mean discount Timothee Chalamet.) He offers to give her a ride so she won’t have to walk through the woods, but Sarah Jeffery insists it’s safe. Also, they are supposed to be giving each other some space. Brian tells her to be careful. 

Manor. Mom is shutting the windows. A second after she does, something seems to fly by. She goes back and opens the window, which seems like exactly the kind of thing you should do if you want to investigate and then die. All seems quiet, but before Mom can shut the window again, a crow flies into the kitchen, knocks over some glass, and then flies further into the house.

Liz: The three-eyed raven flew from Westeros to…San Francisco?

Lainey: I’m convinced it was the raven getting reused from The Vampire Diaries set. Here for the pilot, will disappear after a few episodes.

Mari: This crow gets around.

Mel gets a text message from her mom (also sent to Maggie– another name!) asking them both to get home ASAP. Mel tells the girl next to her in bed that she has to go. 

Mom runs up to the attic. She lights a bunch of candles and starts chanting in Latin. The attic window shakes until it breaks and in fly a bunch more crows. They circle Mom and eerie death smoke creeps in through the window. Mom finishes her chant and yells, “hear this! I have 3.” The smoke is like “oh, shit” (I assume) and beats a hasty retreat.

Liz: One minute we’re joking about military themed parties, and the next we’re fending off mist monsters. 

Mari: Yes, uh-huh. Welcome to Charmed. 

We Segue Magic to a blonde girl saying a phrase in Latin– except it’s a sorority motto. Maggie listens as, let’s call her La La Latin, tells her about how important it is to be authentic. She predictably goes from smiling big for a selfie to yelling for someone to turn down the music. Ever since the “Angela Wu coma sitch,” the sorority is supposed to be dry. They don’t want to attract attention. 

Liz: Ah yes, the long awaited military themed party. They all looked like the backup dancers for the 2001 MTV Music Video Award Winner, “Survivor.”

Mari: A+

La La Latin ask Maggie if she’s planning on rushing. She nods her head enthusiastically, but Mel intercepts and says Maggie is most certainly not. Maggie asks Mel wtf she’s even doing here. Mel tells her not to play dumb. She checks her phone every 5 seconds and definitely got the text messages. In order to encourage her to leave ASAP, Mel offers to engage the partygoers/Survivors around her in a chat about rape culture, and tells a kissing couple that it’s never too late to withdraw consent. Maggie grabs her sister and runs out. 

Maggie and Mel get to the Manor, bickering about the boots again. (L: Boots with the fur?) When they open the door, two crows fly out. Everything is dark and cold. They hear a noise and run upstairs to the attic, where they promptly notice the broken window. They look down through it and see their mother’s dead body on the ground.

Liz: Whaaaattt? Not the mom! I was just getting to know her. I never got to ask her for hair advice.

Mari: Alas.

As they run out, little shards of glass gather into the title card.

Another title card tells us we’re joining the story three months later. Madeleine Mantock tells Ser’Darius Blain that her AirBNB smells like old hot dog. Ser’Darius explains that the places get nicer closer to campus. He promises they’ll find her something. She apologizes if she’s leaning too much on him, but this job came up out of the blue, and he was the only person she knew here. He tells her to keep leaning on him. 

Liz: Who are they? How do they know each other? Have they boned? 

Lainey: I was also wondering this so much so, I missed the entire conversation.

Mari: I expect that in the future, the show will at least answer the boning question.

Madeleine Mantock spots the Manor and seems to recognize it. Ser’Darius tells her (Macy!) that she probably saw it on the news. 

Cut to Macy in a lab, looking at the story of the popular women’s studies professor who fell to her death. She pulls up the picture of Mom and starts to freak out a little. Macy is startled by an older gentleman who introduces himself as Professor Thaine. Ruh-roh, it’s a damn predator. He apologizes for not being around for Macy’s first few days, but he’s back now, reinstated and absolved. No harassment. He’s just putting it out there. And then he leaves while complimenting her blouse. 

Hallways. Mel is stapling posters when she’s approached by a British professor looking guy played by Rupert Evans. He read one of Mel’s article and it left him feeling as if his “penis had been torn from [his] body.” I am very uncomfortable. (L: Ok, same.) Rupert Evans knows that Mel doesn’t like him because he replaced her mother in the department. She clarifies that that’s like 5th on the list of reasons she doesn’t like him. (L: I genuinely laughed at this line. Points!) He says maybe one day they can talk about reasons 1-4, and she’s like ONE DAY IS NOW, BITCH and tells him that firstly, they never should’ve hired a cis male to lead the women’s studies department. (L: Yeah, how did the university let that slide??) He touts his own accomplishments, and they include being retweeted by Roxanne Gay. It comes with a little hair flip, I swear.

Really, he says he just wants to check on Mel and how she’s feeling. She says she’ll feel better once this conversation is over. 

Outside, Mel continues to hang up anti-Thaine posters. A boy, we’ll call him Well Actually, tells her that hanging posters without a permit is vandalism. Mel says that Professor Thaine is a sexual predator. Well Actually says that Thaine had a hearing and was exonerated. Mel says that the main witness was in a coma. Well Actually counters that it was a “he said, she said” situation. Mel points out that it was three she saids. Well Actually says Angela Wu is unstable. Her mother started this whole witch hunt. Mel angrily throws down her stapler and tells Well Actually that this is not a witch hunt. It’s a reckoning. (L: …And points taken away.) Well Actually says it seems like it was her mom who had the reckoning. Mel slaps the shit out of him.

Liz: I loved it after Well Actually AKA Bro Nazi with the Tan Coat is slapped, and his expression says, “You made me bleed my own blood!”

Lainey: You forgot to mention Professor Torn Penis watched this happen in the distance and then just walked away all incognito.

Mari: I’m trying to ignore Rupert Evans.

I haven’t read any full reviews of the pilot, but I did see a headline about how it was too political and forgot to be fun. I can’t vouch for how this will play throughout the episode, obviously, because I’m still watching it, but I swear to you, this is a conversation I’ve had on Twitter before. I don’t know what it means to be “too political” in 2018 anymore. I don’t know what it means to not have these sort of hamfisted conversations, randomly, throughout your day, because someone has revealed themselves to be  fundamentally opposed to your… you. 

WOW, sorry. Lol campy witch show, let’s get back to it. 

We cut to Mel explaining herself to two detectives, Nico and Detective Duster Coat (I hope I don’t have to learn his name). (L: I was extremely attracted to Detective Duster Coat and Detective Glasses.) I’m pretty sure Nico was the one in bed with Mel in the cold open. Mel says she regrets slapping an undergraduate in broad daylight (but do you girl?), but she thinks he knows something about her mom. The detectives exchange looks, and she tells them to stop that. She isn’t crazy. Professor Thaine is a known sexual predator. Her mom supported Angela Wu when she came forward. Suddenly, Angela Wu OD’s and then her mom dies. Detective Duster Coat says there is no evidence of foul play in either case. Besides, Maggie told the police that the attic window was faulty (?) and her mother had been drinking. The detectives are going to try to convince Well Actually not to press charges. Mel sarcastically thanks them. 

After the detectives are gone, Maggie confronts Mel. Maggie says that Mel is losing it, which is why she doesn’t come home anymore, except she did today to pick up clothes to rush. Maggie is the Phoebe, right? Right. (L: I also concluded this.) They keep yelling at each other about the different ways they are grieving until they are interrupted by a knock on the door. 

Maggie answers it and finds Macy at the door. Maggie tries to get rid of her, but Macy’s got some news: she thinks they are sisters. She holds up a picture Mom and baby Macy right outside the Manor. I think I’ve decided that since our P’s are now M’s, I’m calling this the MMManor. 

Anyway, lightening strikes and all the lights go out in the MMManor. 

Liz: I think it’s time to mention that we are halfway through the episode, and I don’t know any of the character’s names. Not a one. They are all nameless faces. I resorted to calling the sisters: Angry Sister, Sorority Sister, and STEM Sister.

Mari: Fair.

After a commercial break, Maggie is checking out the baby photo via cellphone flashlight. Mel thinks this is all suspicious timing and asks Macy what she really wants. They don’t have money. (L: Same, girl.) Macy says forget it. This obviously was a bad idea. She storms out and slams the door. Mel storms to her room. Maggie is left, confused. 

Bar. Ser’Darius asks Macy why she doesn’t try again. Macy says she doesn’t want to. She’s fine alone. Totally fine. Ser’Darius points out that she could’ve just Googled her sisters or emailed them or something, but she went over there, so she must not be fine alone. The more the conversation goes on, the more upset Macy gets until her beer bottle goes flying, by itself, into the wall. Ser’Darius asks what the hell. Macy apologizes, saying she’s drunk and clumsy, and leaves. 

Lainey: Dropping in some Charmed parallels here, but Prue was also at a bar when she first used telekinesis. 

Mari: Maggie is at Kappa, but she’s a little distracted looking up Macy’s Instagram. La La Latin calls back her attention with information about how Kappa has a maid but is also woke and has been sitting vigil with Angela Wu. After her speech, La La calls Maggie aside and tells her she’s a shoo-in, unless she, like, poops in a vase (L: Hoenstly? Points.) or spaces out on her phone again. She introduces Maggie to two other sisters, and when Maggie shakes their hands, she can hear their thoughts. Does this mean that they’ve upgraded Phoebe’s useless power? I love it. Maggie has to run out of the house as she gets bombarded with all the thoughts she can now hear. 

Liz: I love to hate La La Latin. The actress has great comedic timing.

Lainey: She’s my favorite character on the show so I really hope she doesn’t die. The actress was a regular on another ill-fated CW show, so there’s hope she might stick around since the network loves recycling their actors. 

Mari: Diner. Mel is telling Nico about her surprise sister. Nico tries to comfort Mel, saying she still cares about her. Mel says that’s real interesting, considering that Nico dumped right after Mom died. Near them, some dude trips, but Mel freezes time. It happens to her a few times until finally she tells Nico she has to go. She is definitely not okay. Outside the diner, someone grabs her. 

Liz: This was a genuinely good scene. I loved the background drama between the man in plaid and the pigeon. 

Mari: Mel comes to in the attic, just as her sisters do, and they all find they are tied to chairs. Rupert Evans greets them, eliciting screams from Mel and Maggie. (L: I actually laughed out loud here.) Macy telekinesises a globe at his head, but he stops it. By way of quick explanation, Rupert tells them that they are witches meant to save the world from impending doom. 

After a break for dramatic effect, Rupert tells the girls that they are the Charmed Ones. They are like “okay but untie us,” and Rupert does so with a snap of his fingers. 

The girls are all still processing, when Rupert points out that they just saw Macy’s power: telekinesis. She says there has to be a scientific explanation. Mel starts trying to freeze time, mostly I think to shut Rupert up. He says freezing time is a common power amongst control freaks. She will have to hone her craft, though, and figure out how to use it. Maggie mentions reading minds, and Rupert says it’s a testament to her innate sensitivity and desperate insecurity– two sides of the same coin. 

Liz: Not going to lie, I kind of zoned out during this scene. There was a lot of information flying around. 

Mari: It reminded me of the Giles/Buffy conversation in the Wiggins Library.

Rupert tells them he’s their witch adviser, called a Whitelighter. He starts a speech about himself, but Mel interrupts because she’s figured out that this all means that their mom was a witch. Rupert confirms. Their mother bound their powers so that they might live a normal life and was in the process of unbinding them the night she was murdered. Mel says, mostly in Maggie’s direction, that she knew their mother was murdered. Maggie asks who did it, but Rupert doesn’t know yet. There was ice at the scene, but cold is a characteristic of many demons. 

Next, Rupert breaks out the Book of Shadows. There’s a prophecy in there about the end of the world that starts when “the weakest of men reaches ill-gotten glory.” I laugh even before Rupert spells out this means our current President. (L: Ohhhhhhhh.) (L: Ok, ok. Points.)

    

The second sign is a bunch of witches dying, including their mom. Third sign is the awakening of the Source of all Evil. That one hasn’t happened yet. 

So, it’s up to them to use the power of 3 to protect innocents and vanquish evil. Rupert hands the Book of Shadows over to Maggie. She flips it open and on the first page is a picture of Melinda Warren as a lil 1.0 shoutout.

Liz: Cool. Cool?

Mari: Cool!

Rupert tells them they have to decide whether or not they want to be witches. The choice has to be unanimous and oh yeah, if they refuse, anything ever fixed by magic will be undone. Is that really a choice?

Maggie has been flipping through the BoS and finds an entry about a demon who makes witch-organ smoothies. She freaks out and says she doesn’t want to be a witch. Mel says they have to be. This is their legacy and their mom would’ve wanted them to do it. Rupert says he’ll leave them to talk it out. If they need him, they can just call his name. He makes jokes about Instagram and Twitter I won’t repeat. You’re welcome. (L: Thank you.) Also, for the record, this Whitelighter doesn’t tinkle anywhere. He like folds up into himself and like… whips out. (L: Discount apparating.) I’d say I’ll miss the tinkles, but I’m still recapping original Charmed so, it’s cool. 

Mel is 100% in on being a witch and changing the course of humanity. Maggie is distracted by a text from La La about getting back to the sorority house. Macy is still convinced that this all has a scientific explanation. 

Lainey: Based on this, you’ve already ranked the sisters from who I find least annoying to most annoying.

Mari: I’d flip Macy and Maggie, but that’s residual Phoebe-hate, mostly.

That night, Maggie is walking alone at night when she gets a text from Brian. He warns her against the woods again. I’m sure that won’t be relevant later.

Macy is in the lab Googling scientific explanations for telekinesis. 

Mel is at home watching news coverage of Professor Thaine’s reinstatement when there’s a knock on the door. It’s Nico, checking up on her since she ran out at lunch. Mel manages to freeze and unfreeze time while talking to Nico. It makes her so happy that she can genuinely tell Nico that she feels better. She also apologizes for shutting her out when she was so angry after her mother’s death. Nico says she’s missed Mel, and they kiss. 

Why Does Anyone Go Into the Woods? Woods. Maggie hears a noise, but it turns out to be a puppy!!!

But it turns out to be a demon puppy so she runs away.

Liz: What do you think the Demon Dog’s rating on @WeRateDogs would be? I’d say 666 out of 666.

Mari: Well done.

MMManor. Maggie runs in, and apparently the dog chased her, because she’s dirty and there is a gash on her face with a bit of green demon goo. She starts yelling the demon dog story, even though Mel tries to shush her. Maggie barrels on until she notices that Nico is there. Mel explains it away to Nico as a sorority initiation. 

Later, in the attic, Macy examines the demon dog goo. (L: Are we not going to discuss Macy/STEM Sister’s microscope attachment for her iPhone?) (M: Lol.) She determines that it’s some weird stuff surrounding a totally normal hydrogen chloride cell. Rupert Evans whips into the scene, explaining they should text if they need help. Maggie ignores him, as she should, and shows him the gash on her cheek. Will it scar? Rupert (did I just miss his name or…?) (L: Harry? Henry? Something British.) holds out his hand, shines some of that Whitelighter light on her face, and heals her. Good news: he’s got healing powers so no scars! Bad news: some baddie knows that they got their powers. A demon dog never comes without a demon owner. 

Rupert asks Maggie if anyone knew where she was going. Just La La Latin, Maggie says. But! She did hear La La’s thoughts about “getting rid of her” but she thought it was about rush. I feel like they are missing the obvious that anyone watching the house would’ve just seen Maggie go into the woods, but okay.  Mel asks if there is a spell for this, and Rupert says yeah, somewhere in the 2,000 page book. Macy comes back and says they could use sodium bicarbonate, which will neutralize the hydrochloric acid.

Mel is ready to get out there and chemistry set a sorority president, but Maggie isn’t so sure. What if La La isn’t a demon and they just make a scene? Mel can’t believe Maggie is still so concerned about rushing and becoming a sister. Maggie snaps that at least those sisters don’t blame her for Mom’s death. Maggie says she blames herself every day, for not answering her phone, and for not making it back to house sooner. 

Maggie heads outside for some private cry time, but also because she learned nothing about being alone outside while demon dogs are on the loose. She hears some creaking and then gets kidnapped for the second time this episode. 

Macy heads downstairs and finds Maggie missing. 

Of course, this is all part of rush. Maggie’s finds that she’s in the middle of a bunch of sisters dressed up as angels. A banner reads “Kappa Tau Kappa, To Heaven and Hell.” La La officially welcomes them all to Kappa. She then whispers to Maggie that she has something special for her upstairs. 

Macy, Rupert Evans and Mel are searching for Maggie in the woods by cell phone flashlight. Mel gets a text from Maggie, who was kidnapped for rush things and is currently hiding in a bathroom.

Back at the party, Maggie leaves the bathroom and La La is waiting for her. La La’s getting a total Toby Edit right now. Maggie is super nervous, but Brian appears. and she takes this opportunity to escape with him.

Mel and Macy arrive at the party. Mel has a big ass box of baking soda. She ends up following La La, who enters a dark storage closet of some sort. La La says she was waiting for Maggie, but since Mel is here… Mel doesn’t let her finish. She throws the baking soda on her, but nothing happens. (L: Thank God.)

La La explains that she was bringing girls back here to offer them a “drank” from the secret stash. All Greek parties are dry now since “coma girl.” Mel apologizes awkwardly and leaves. 

Meanwhile, Brian pulls Maggie into an empty room. He tells her that she appears super stressed and thinks it must be the whole rush thing. He says Maggie has always thought too much about what people think of her. He thinks she’s perfect. He asks if he can kiss her one last time. Maggie nods yes, but when she touches him, she can hear that he’s thinking about killing her. She is like NEVER MIND, but Brian’s eyes go all demon inky. He growls that she already said yes, but she says that she can withdraw her consent at any time. She pushes Brian off of her with her legs. “Oh my god,” she marvels. “Pilates.” It is such a damn Phoebe moment, l o l. 

After a break, Maggie is trying to get away from Possessed!Brian. Macy finds them and uses her box of baking soda. Possessed!Brian falls to the ground and starts convulsing, his head moving in super zoomy fashion. Maggie worries that Brian is dying, but actually, the baking soda just expels the demon in the form of black smoke. Brian wakes up and asks what happened. Maggie is so happy he’s okay, she kisses him. 

Liz: Baking soda saved the day!

Mari: The sisters leave the party together. Macy brings up that kiss, and Maggie tries to blame it on adrenaline. Her scientist sister clarifies the effect of adrenaline. (L: I pretty much zone out every time Macy goes science-y on us.) Maggie laughs and says she would tell her to shut up, if they had been sisters longer. Mel is quietly pouting, which Maggie points out. Mel admits that she wanted in on the fight, since she finally figured out how to freeze things. Macy asks how it works, and Mel hesitantly admits that it works when Mel isn’t angry. She’s opposite Hulk. Maggie laughs some more because Mel’s powers are judging her.

Mel gets serious and apologizes to Maggie. She doesn’t blame her sister for their mother’s murder. She blames herself. Mel knew that something wasn’t right that night, but she still wanted to get out of the house. Maggie tells her not to blame herself either. They cry and hug it out. 

Macy is emotional too and notes that they are so much better together. Maggie tells her that their mom used to say that. Macy asks what Mom was like, and luckily, Maggie is a firm believer that if it’s not on camera, it didn’t happen. 

MMManor. The 3M’s sit together and watch video of Maggie’s high school graduation. Macy says their Mom does seem great, but also she left her. Maggie hears Macy’s thoughts and knows that Macy was lonely growing up. Macy admits she was, sometimes. She certainly didn’t have this. Macy apologizes for crying, but Maggie says it’s cool. They cry all the time. ME TOO, MAGGIE. 

Liz: This scene made me feel all warm and fuzzy. 

Mari: Mel switches the subject to being witches. She’s going to vote yes, but will be cool with whatever they choose. And then tries to convince them to vote yes.

Lainey: Honestly, Mel is me. I never understand when normal plebeians have the opportunity to have magic they need to think about it.

Mari: Fiction prepares you for that moment. Say yes.

That night, Mel and Maggie are asleep, but Macy is awake. Voiceovers from the episode, including some of the exposition from Rupert Evans, means she’s thinking. The door is blown gently open by a Magical Indoor Wind and Macy remembers what Rupert said about cold demons. 

The next morning, Macy runs downstairs with the Book of Shadows. Maggie is ready for today’s rally against Professor Thaine, but Macy hasn’t slept, and she’s got a Theory. She’s a scientist (I’m not sure if you’ve heard) and Brian wasn’t cold and there were crows and ornithology. She pauses all of this rambling to say that they need to get Mel. Maggie confusedly says that Mel is already at the rally. Macy thinks that’s OH NO.

Rally. A bunch of guys are shouting “not all men!” while facing off against a bunch of other students shouting “we believe the women.” Suddenly, Mel feels that blast of cold, and we can see her breath. Well Actually is standing right in front of her. He tells her it’s a beautiful day. Mel leaves and Well Actually creepily watches her go. 

Mel follows the cold to Macy’s lab. Professor Thaine is there waiting for her. He stands from his wheelchair and we cut to black. 

After the last break, Thaine tells Mel that they meet at last. He transforms into a icicle demon who basically looks like a White Walker.

Liz: WHITE WALKER! Like, they didn’t even try to make it not look like a white walker. 

Lainey: I’m disappointed there’s no Night King shimmy gif inserted here.

Mari: Here’s what I say to your disappointment:

Macy and Maggie run through campus as Macy explains that his demon name is Taydeus, an upper-level demon who has lived for centuries feeding off of strong women and draining their strength. 

We watch as Taydeus draws Mel to him magically. She is in deep trouble, but Maggie and Macy run in with Well Actually on their heels, yelling that they can’t go in there. They are all shocked to see Thaine in his full, true, White Walker form. Well Actually asks if this is a costume. Taydeus throws an icicle and kills him. The girls all scream, but Taydeus is like “come on. He’s awful.” True, Taydeus, but we just don’t kill people with icicles. 

Taydeus throws icicles at the girls. Macy telekineseses some aside, and  Mel freezes time. She can feel that Taydeus is too strong for her to hold. Macy has the spell they need. Maggie yells for Rupert Evans whose name praise the Lord is HARRY. She yells and Harry discount-apparates in. He kind of boredly looks at the scene until Maggie tells him to hurry up and heal the impaled guy. 

Macy starts saying the spell, but Harry says it won’t work unless they use the Power of 3. Harry explains that they need to accept their destiny. Again, be witches or die right now by icicles doesn’t seem like much of a choice. If they “choose” to go back to their normal lives, they won’t remember any of this or having met each other. We know Mel is in. Macy is in because she wants to know her sisters. Maggie hesitates, but Mel yells at her so she’s in. Harry tells them to join hands, but that causes Mel to lose hold on time. 

Taydeus turns into a billow of smoke and crashes into them, separating them. They can’t breathe or see, but Harry tells Macy to us her power to draw her sisters to her. She holds out her hands and telekineseses her entire sisters to her side. She repeats the spell and her sisters join in. As they repeat it, all the smoke gathers back up into Taydeus. He falls on the floor. The girls approach and say the vanquishing was for their mother. Taydeus says they are mistaken if they think he killed their mom. Now, it has begun. He dies, but doesn’t disappear. The girls ask what’s going on, and Harry says maybe this is one of those demons you have to “one last thing” before they disappear. Except he’s joking and Taydeus explodes after a second.

Lainey: My face at that:  -__-

Mari: We’ll get to overall comments, but Harry is the thing I’m most ???? about. Delayed explosions? Those are par for the supernatural course.

Well Actually wants to know what the hell he just witnessed. Harry offers to wipe his memory, but Mel says he shouldn’t. I mean, who is going to believe another hysterical man? Macy joins in and says yeah, it’s all a bunch of he said, she said now. “Three shes,” Maggie adds. Mel finishes by telling Well Actually not to mess with them. “Go home and change your khakis.” That was rather satisfying.

The 3M’s strut off campus. 

We cut to Macy moving into the MMManor. She asks if this is really okay, and Maggie assures her that it is. They are sisters, and she’ll never be alone again. Even if she wants to be. Accurate statement about sisters. 

Mel comes downstairs with a Ouija board she found. She wants to see if it works. They go up to the attic, all put their hands on the dial and ask their Mom if she’s there. It points to yes. Then, it starts zipping around the board until it spells out “don’t trust harry.” 

“Ladies,” he says while walking out of the shadows. “I’m right here.” 

I knew I didn’t like that man. I mean, this might still be misdirection, but his tone this whole episode was weird and I’m not sure what they are going for with him. 

Otherwise, and in case you haven’t seen my Twitter feed, I DIDN’T HATE THIS! I was expecting this to be bad, but also, I came into this mildly upset that Charmed 1.0 fans were being so salty in defense of their shitty show. I mean, I’m sorry Charmed fans, love what you love, but that show is full of plot holes, weak stories, and some of the most annoying characters of all time. 

The point is that I came into this expecting that I wouldn’t like it, but it would be no worse than anything Charmed 1.0 has ever done. I’ve been pleasantly surprised. Is it campy? Yes. Was it pilot-y? Yes, in places. Was it heavy handed? I don’t know, depending who you ask. I think there is an amount of explicit story-telling that is good to ground the campy, supernatural elements. The amount of leaning in this show did into its audience, the modernization, its genre and even its predecessor was smart. It committed fully. I’m not going to complain that they took Charmed, hired WOC as the leads, made it gayer, updated the look, and gave us a little political bent to boot– from the very beginning of this episode, with it giving a nod to the misuse of the words “witch hunt” to the end and the actual slaying of the sexual predator.

Liz: I didn’t hate it either! I have no history with Charmed, so I really came to the table with no expectations. I loved the sisterly dynamic, the representation, the jokes, the spooks, and of course, that military themed party. 

Lainey: I didn’t hate it, I didn’t love it. It was kind of middle-of-the-road for me where I don’t have that many feelings for or against it. At times I felt it tried too hard to be trendy and on the nose, but it is what it is. I’ll watch for Lucy aka La La Latin and her one-liners. Mel might grow on me because she’s 100% done with your shit. As a fan of the original, I’m keeping an open mind. Mostly because I don’t want to be associated with the Charmed 1.0 fans that annoy Mari.

Mari: I appreciate and love you.

 

Next time on Charmed: The girls need to figure out who they can trust in S01 E02 – Let This Mother Out.