Supergirl S01 E01 – A whole lot of episode.

You guys voted in our Fall TV poll and Supergirl was the winner!
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Pilot

Catherine: You may remember in early September that we did a little poll to pick a new Fall 2015 show to review. Lots of you guys voted for Supergirl and it won, you may also remember. (S: Thank god it wasn’t Scream Queens, thank god it wasn’t Scream Queens.) (M: It can’t be as bad as Gotham, it can’t be as bad as Gotham.) (C: Not a high bar, you guys.)

You may not remember much else but that’s okay, because I’m here to help. I was nominated to start out the recaps because I’ve been a Supes fan since I was a kid. Supergirl is practically my middle name! It’s actually my cat’s middle name, but that’s not important. Onto the recap and just remember you asked for this.

We start out, like any good Superman/Girl show, with a pan over the planet Krypton. Supergirl’s voice over tells us a few basic facts that took years to come out in comic form, but had to be squished into a minute or two for an intro here.

The facts were these:

24 Years ago baby Superman was sent to Earth to avoid the destruction of his planet, Krypton. 13 year old Supergirl, his cousin, was sent with him to protect him. We’re shown Kara’s parents (Alura and Zor-el) putting her in the little girl sized spaceship and warning her that because Earth has a yellow sun (unlike Krypton’s red one) she will have crazy amazing powers and be invincible and shit. They don’t make it sound as cool as it totally is, but their planets about to explode so that’s fair.

Marines: I really disliked the introductory exposition. I know that it must be hard to balance the fact that they have people with Superman as their middle name in their audience along with total newbs, but dear God. Introductory voice over exposition? With lines like, “because of the Earth’s yellow sun, you will have extraordinary abilities“? No thank you please. 

Samantha: What I have never understood is why were Supes and Kara chosen over all the other people? Are they Krypton royalty? Why these two? Was it just dumb luck? Do their parents just happen to work for Shuddles R Us on Krypton, so they were nearby when everything went to hell?

Catherine: Depending on the continuity you’re talking about, how the EL’s got the ship is explained sometimes? Ish? But not here, friends!  

Krypton’s blast created a shock wave that blew Supergirl’s ship off course, and into the Phantom Zone, a prison dimension that Superman’s father created and Krypton used to throw people in like a hobo stew in the hopes that they’d all sort of kill each other or be fine or whatever. It’s a bad place.

Mari: Did Krypton’s questionable decision making have anything to do with the fact that they all went boom? Because I’m thinking yes. 

Catherine: Of course it did! 

Time doesn’t pass in the Phantom Zone, so Supergirl was locked into a stasis where she didn’t age. When she finally gets to Earth, Superman is a grown man and she’s still 13, so he finds her and brings her to the Danvers (scientists that he’s buds with). They are played by Helen Slater, who played Supergirl in the 1984 movie (which is as terrible as it is fantastic) and Dean Cain who–fuck off, you know who Dean Cain is. He was your first crush and you know it. (S: Lol. I had forgotten about this, over the course of the episode, so I got to be excited all over again!)

Mari: THIS WAS THE MOST EXCITING PART FOR ME. I’m not joking that this was the most fun I had all episode.  If you haven’t heard of me talking about my crush on Dean Cain, we don’t know each other at all.

Catherine: The Danvers’ adopt her and give her a good home, while also promising to keep her powers a secret so that the government won’t find her like they did with Alf and E.T. And Superman pretty much shrugs and flys away. (S: *swoon* What a STUD.) (M: Does Supergirl stuff always make Clark look like a jerk? I’m sad.) (C: Kinda. lol)

So now, Supergirl or Kara, is all grown up and trying to fit in with the humans and just be Kara Danvers. All of this is the basic premise for the show and given to you in the first few minutes (Except a few things that I added from my nerd knowledge. Hopefully that makes you horny), which is a pretty ambitious opener and probably likely to scare more casual viewers off. But maybe not.

So now Kara is working at CatCo Worldwide Media, and is something of a timid office drone type. Basically Clark Kent in a skirt.

Cat Co is run by Cat Grant, who comic readers will recognize as: 1. usually in Metropolis and 2. usually working at the Daily Planet. But since Cat Grant’s personality/job description changes in basically every adaptation I’m willing to give this a pass.

Mari: Oh goodness. I hadn’t connected until right this moment that this is the Cat Grant I’m most familiar with: 

Catherine: YES! Lois and Clark Cat! I miss her.

Kara walks into her office and is quickly stopped by a guy in a tie who she calls Winn but should be called JerkSandwich because he is one. He asks her, excitedly, if she saw the news article about the armored car robbery last night. Apparently the only witness was a homeless man who swears the assailant had horns.

Winn sees this as proof of aliens. I would think he would see the 6 foot tall alien running around with his underwear outside his pants and a big red cape as better proof, but okay, Winn. You JerkSandwich. Whatever. (S: Ugh. WINN.) (M: Seriously, why is Kara saying there is no such thing as aliens when Superman is a thing?) (C: Your guess is as good as mine)

They get to her desk and Winn changes the subject to harassment. No, sorry, he just asks her if she wants to go see a movie but since he’s a JerkSandwich he can go suck a dick. Kara tells him that she can’t because she has an online date and then also she has to go shave her hands for forever. Winn looks crestfallen and tells her that she can’t just quantify love with an algorithm. You can’t force it to date you either, asshole.

Kara’s attention is diverted when she overhears Cat mumbling to herself in the elevator. She announces that Cat is here and Winn asks her how she always knows that.

Cat, who is being played by Calista Flockhart (S: And I enjoyed her!) (M: Well, here comes me to be the forever hater because NOPE.) marches through the bullpen to her office giving orders in a calm, measured voice like some kinda diet Miranda Preistly.

It appears that Kara is her assistant. She tells her to prepare termination notices for a bunch of Tribune employees.

Kara seems upset and reminds her that the Tribune was one of her first acquisitions and that if she downsizes it people will lose their jobs. Okay. I think she already knows that, Kara. But god bless. (M: The dialogue is so good.) Kara tells her that The Daily Planet never has to downsize and Cat reminds her that Superman sells a lot of papers.

Samantha: Okay, sorry, but this is weird to me. This takes place in now times. Even if Superman existed IRL, I don’t think that would sell that many more newspapers. Like, maybe just a few more. I feel like everyone would read up and stare at pictures of him on the internet. Unless the implication is that The Daily Planet has exclusive pics of him, but even still, ain’t no way that’s not leaking online in 2015.

Mari: Or that the rest of the world would be like, “oh that superpowered alien in underwear? He’s in Metropolis so we’re not interested in him and definitely our papers shouldn’t report on him.”

Catherine: Both valid points. There’s been a bit of a hub-bub lately (maybe just in my head) about how relevant some aspects of Superman’s story are now that print media is on the decline and phone booths are non-existent. I think you just have to kind of suspend disbelief in this area as well.

“You want to save the Trib? Go find me a hero, Kara.”

Was there ever a better call to action? Yes. Yes is the answer to that question.

Next, Kara goes to talk to the photographer about the layouts. Apparently she’s never met him before and SURPRISE! It’s Jimmy Olsen. Or James, as he’s called in this. They see each other for the first time and there’s a bit of shocked, flirty blushing and skirt-straightening.

Jimmy–sorry, James– introduces himself and says that he just got hired there. Kara notices a framed photo of Superman in one of the boxes that James is moving in and says that she’s seen it before and that it won a Pulitzer.

A lot of money, sure. But a Pulitzer? I can only imagine Lois is FURIOUS.

James says that it only won because it was the first ever photo of Superman and that’s it’s not that great. He’s right, it’s a pretty faraway shot of him flying through the sky but I can see how it would be a big deal if it was the first picture.

Kara asks James what Superman is like in real life and she seems to be genuinely asking. Probably because Superman never fucking calls her or visits even on Thanksgiving. (S: What a GREAT GUY!) (M: STOP I’M CRYING.) James tells her that Superman told him to take a risk and move out to National City and then he tells Kara to take the print for herself. She blushes and James points out that she looks a little like Superman in the glasses portion of her face. (M: A+)

Kara stutters and mumbles and smiles too much as she walks away.

So far this Jimmy Olsen comes off as very cool, relaxed and suave and I gotta tell you guys, that’s really throwing me off. This is not a Jimmy Olsen that I am familiar with. This is a Jimmy Olsen I’m familiar with:

Jimmy is supposed to be a dorky nerd who has a big heart but a small brain and wears a bowtie. He is supposed to be a great photographer and he does date Supergirl on and off in the comics so I’m willing to give them that. But this Jimmy is weird because he’s not weird. (S: Katy, he’s PRETTY.) (C:This is true) (M: Shallow sidebar: you are not going to hear me complaining about Mehcad Brooks because I’ve seen the rest of this episode and PRETTY is a highlight.)

Over at Kara’s apartment, she opens the door to her sister Alex. Alex is apparently the Danvers’ older, biological daughter. I guess. She wasn’t in the comics. She’s played by Chyler Leigh who is actually Janey Briggs from Not Another Teen Movie pretending to be someone else.

Kara called Alex over because she needs help figuring out what to wear for her internet date. Once they get inside Kara immediately flops onto her couch and launches into exposition about how she’s hates her job and feels like she’s not living up to her potential. Which. Yeah. If you can fly and aren’t, you are probably not living up to your potential.

Mari: Girl, you are wearing glasses you don’t need. Is there another hallmark for not living up to your potential?

Catherine: Are you calling Supergirl a hipster? Because I can cosign that.

Kara says that she wanted to work for Cat Grant because she’s a powerful woman that runs a media company and she thought that would be how she could make a difference. Alex reminds Kara that she always wanted to be normal and having a crappy job and an internet date is pretty normal. Kara counters that she’s not normal. She has all of Superman’s powers. She can lift a bus, stop a bullet, and fly.

“At least I think I can. I haven’t done it in years.”

Probably not the kind of thing you forget how to do though, Kara. (M: Like sex! …riding a bike? I forget how the saying goes.)

Alex reassures her that things aren’t so bad and to text her every detail of the date.

Cut to Kara’s date.

Her date (who is a meh-looking guy) asks her where she’s from and she gets jumpy and asks if he means originally. She just stutters out ‘North’ before the guy gets a text and leaves the table. While he’s away Kara overhears him hitting on the waitress.

There’s a TV on in the bar and a broadcast breaks through to say that a plane is having engine failure and about to crash into the city. Also, if that wasn’t enough, it happens to be the plane that Kara’s sister is on. (M: I know you can feel my eyeroll right now.) (C:Your eyeroll is busting a hole in the space-time continuum)

Kara rushes to the rescue, of course. In true Super fashion she catches the plane and levels it off, finally landing it on the water.

People inside the plane start taking pictures with their phones and Alex, of course, sees all this through her conveniently placed window above the wing. (S: Where else was Supergirl’s sister gonna sit?) (C: Good point.)

Back at her Superpad, Kara is drying off, and watching the news reports of her big rescue. The reporters point out that she destroyed like, an entire bridge accidentally and she’s like ugh.

“You try saving an entire plane see if you don’t make a mess.”

Alex shows up to piss all over Kara’s happiness. This rapidly becomes a theme. She points out that everyone’s gonna know about her now and Kara says that’s a good thing and she wants to help people.

“I didn’t travel 2,000 light years just to be an assistant.”

Alex says it’s not safe and she should never do it again. Kara get’s all sadface and asks her to leave. I’m not putting much effort into reviewing the Alex scenes because she sucks. Sorrynotsorry.

The next day at Cat Co the place is all abuzz with the news reports of the flying girl and Winn gets all snippy about how no one should take the flying girl seriously because she can’t come up with a suit. He calls her a ‘rookie superhero’.

Samantha: “A girl who can fly?! Whatevs, she didn’t look hot and exactly like my lonely fantasies, so meh.”

Catherine: I wonder if he’s just not noticed that NONE of the other heros have suits the first time they save people either. Maybe he’s just manstrating. IDK.

Mari: I don’t get what the show is trying to do here. Are they trying to make him the worst? And why would they make him make such a sexist-tinged comment only to then later show Kara putting on a suit?

Catherine: If they’re are trying to make him the worst they are succeeding.

In Cat’s office she’s instructing everyone to get more info on the flying girl. She gets all hyped and says that this hero is exactly what their paper (? Magazine?) needs right now. On the way out Jimmy points out that saving a plane was Superman’s first act as a hero, too. Yeah, we get it Jimmy, you know Superman. Jesus.

Now it’s Kara’s turn to get all hyped, she tells Winn to meet her on the roof. I know what this inevitably means and I hate Winn so I groan loudly. She starts to tell him that she has a secret and he immediately takes the biggest flying fucking leap of the episode yet and assumes that she’s a lesbian and that’s why she’s never been into him.

Hang on a sec.

That’s better. You guys are all smart so I don’t have to explain to you why this is offensive and homophobic and sexist, right? Cool. Now you all hate Winn as much as me, too? Even better.

Kara corrects Winn and tells him that she’s the flying girl and he doesn’t believe her. She has to prove it by taking a swan dive off the roof and flying back up. (S: Good thing no one was looking up?)

Over in a random diner the news report is on TV. One of the waitresses says that she can’t believe there’s a female hero now, and it’s so great because her daughter finally has someone to look up to. A creepy guy in a baseball cap is all like, “Yeah, real nice”. He’s creepy in that he seems like a villain, not in that he seems like a perv. Although he could be both, who knows?

Outside, creepy baseball cap guy goes into his tanker truck and inside instead of oil there is just a holographic screen with a bald guy on it. Now we know why we have an oil crisis. THANKS PHANTOM ZONE.

Bald Guy takes Baseball Cap Guy (who we find out is named Vartox) (M: You can tell it’s an alien name because it has an X in it) to task for not bringing down the plane like he was supposed to. Vartox says that he did everything he was supposed to but the flying girl saved the plane. Bald Guy asks who she is and Vartox says that Jor-el saved his son before Krypton exploded so maybe…

“Alura’s daughter.”
“She’s working with the humans”.

This is kinda awesome to me, sorry. Alura, Supergirl’s mother gets, like.02 seconds of time in anything ever and I’ve always wanted to know more about her so the fact that they’re talking about her more than they’re talking about Supergirl’s father is pretty neat.

Bald Guy says that the General is coming so they can’t have this girl running around, being a force of good and shit. He tells Vartox to kill her. Vartox straight LOVES killing people so he’s game. Plus he has some old school beef with Alura. He wants Kara to pay for her mother’s debts.

Back at the Superpad, Kara is doing her superhero montage where she tries on different outfits to see what works as a costume with *deep sigh* Winn. The first outfit he picks out for her is –BIG SHOCK– too revealing and makes Kara uncomfortable.

She wants a cape. Winn says that capes are lame. This whole time I didn’t realize that he was Edna Mode from The Incredibles.

Next, Kara comes out in a long sleeved blue shirt and a short, short red skirt. Winn is all lust struck and it’s supposed to be cute but I want to stand on his neck until it snaps so it’s not. Kara takes off her glasses and Winn tells her that she looks pretty without them.

Hang on I just want to…

Coincidence?

I KNOW I DON’T HAVE TO TELL YOU GUYS WHY THIS IS OFFENSIVE AND SEXIST AND UGGGHHHHH. For the record, all three of us Snark Ladies in this post wear glasses and we’re supermodels with husbands all over the world, so…

Samantha: YES! I mean you summed it up, but I was SO ANGRY here because NO. Stop telling girls they’re prettier once they take off their glasses. This may be way too personal for me but stopitstopitstopit. I shall not conform to your ridiculous male stereotypes unless *I* happen to be feeling in the mood for contacts that day.

Catherine: Preach!

Mari: And while we’re at it: NO WE WON’T GIVE YOU A SMILE. 

Sorry. That just felt right. 

Catherine: It WAS right.

Winn tells her that he’s been looking for crimes and he hacked into the NCPD website. Give me a FUCKING break. He’s a hacker now? When was that announced? He probably literally just went to their Twitter. He’s just a fucking newb.

Samantha: A fucking Plus.

Catherine: He slorps out with his dumb butt mouth that there’s a car chase and she should go solve it while he stays there and wanks into a sock or whatever it is he does when he’s not being 3% helpful.

So, the montage keeps going and Kara helps the cops and stops the car chase.

Back at the Superpad, Winn acknowledges that the cape gave her more aerodynamics. Another call comes through about an armed suspect. “You sure you’re bulletproof?” Winn asks.

No. No, Winn. She somehow made it to 24 years old just thinking she was bulletproof without ever confirming it. I hate this dude so hard. Of course, Kara is bulletproof. She stops the bank robbers with a punch.

Back at the Superpad (again), Winn is throwing her old, bullet ridden cape away while he explains that her new one is made from a bulletproof polymer and much sturdier.

Okay but:

1. Where did he get a bulletproof polymer from? Superheros-R-Us? (M: 1 hour shipping please.) (C: Amazon Prime!)

2. Is he actually sewing these costumes? If he is: respect. But it doesn’t ever actually show it. It seems like Kara’s the one putting them together and he’s just commenting on them from his recliner with his hand down his pants.

Anyway, Kara comes out of the back room with her new bulletproof cape and something else. Superman’s symbol emblazoned across her chest. (As well as a longer skirt and no tummy window! Yay!)

Kara tells him that the symbol isn’t an ‘S’, it’s the House of El’s coat of arms.

Another call comes through for a fire but before Kara can get there she is shot by a green Kryptonite dart. Yeah, already.

She wakes up on a table with Kryptonite restraints and some weird dude standing over her. He tells her what Kryptonite even is, since Superman doesn’t tell her shit. (S: Where in the hell did they get kryptonite? WHERE?!) (C: Krypton!)

This is Hank Henshaw. He is from the comics. But I was surprised it was him because I was born in the 90’s so I’m used to him having less, uh…face.

Mari: That one side has really fantastic hair, though.

Catherine: Hank works for the Department of Extra Normal Operations, and apparently, so does Alex.

Fucking Alex.

Alex comes over and unties Kara while Henshaw monologues about the Department and how they’ve been watching her for a while. They have her ship. Henshaw tells her that she’s the reason for the Department. Then Kara’s like, “okay, but my cousin has been here for 20 years more than me”. And Henshaw’s like, “Yeah, no, he’s the REAL reason for all this”.

The DEO is worried about more aliens coming and especially those from Fort Rozz, which is a Kryptonian prison that was banished to the Phantom Zone (see what I mean about them just throwing things in?). Apparently when Kara came to Earth she accidentally pulled Fort Rozz with her. Whoops.

A bunch of super baddies escaped…20 years ago. But Henshaw says that they’ve been keeping themselves hidden this whole time. A bunch of criminally insane super monsters. Hiding for no reason. For 20 years. Ho-kay.

Alex says they’re planning something. (M: For 20 years. I bet it’s epic and will totally not take Kara 10 end-of-episode minutes to deal with each week.) Kara points out that they tried to take down Alex’s plane on purpose because they were trying to kill her. (M: Did they also hook her up with that window seat?) Kara also says that she can stop them and Henshaw’s like, lol you couldn’t even stop us. Kara admits that she’s still learning. Henshaw says that the DEO’s job is to keep humans unaware of alien life on Earth. Sorta like the Men in Black but less fun. He’s mad that she’s running around in a red skirt because now people are gonna know there are more aliens than just Superman.

I mean, Superman fights other aliens CONSTANTLY but okay, whatever.

He sourly tells her as he leaves the room that if she wants to help she should go back to getting coffee.

Hang on.

Okay better. I’m using a lot of those in this recap.

Kara doesn’t IMMEDIATELY BARBECUE HIM WITH HER EYES OR GRIND HIM INTO A FINE DUST OR KICK HIM INTO THE NEXT STATE LIKE SHE COULD. BECAUSE SHE HAS MORE POWER THAN HE CAN EVEN DREAM OF AND HE JUST TALKED TO HER LIKE SHE WAS A DISOBEDIENT CHILD.

Okay, I may not have calmed down enough, hold on.

Okay. She doesn’t do any of those things. Like I would’ve done. Which is why my application for the Justice League keeps getting turned down.

Mari: That looks good to me. I bet it’s because you wear glasses. 

Catherine: Damn my imperfect vision!

After he leaves, Alex tries to apologize to Kara, but Kara isn’t having it. She’s pissed that Alex is hunting aliens and  told her not to be herself her whole life. Kara says that they probably only recruited Alex because of her. Alex counters that they recruited her because she’s an expert on alien physiology because of her background in bio-engineering. Right Alex. Sure. Kara leaves and Henshaw pops up again to remind Alex that Kara is dangerous.

Back at CatCo, Kara hears another news broadcast and finds out that Cat Grant has given the flying woman a name: Supergirl.

She’s pissed. She marches into Cat’s office and points out that ‘Girl’ kinda minimizes the importance of her power and she should be called Superwoman. Kara wonders if calling her ‘Girl’ makes them anti-feminist.

This is obviously kind of a touchy question. On the one hand, calling a grown woman ‘girl’ is bullshit and it does minimize her importance. She is a woman. On the other, Supergirl was only really called that because back when she premiered in the Silver Age she was supposed to be like 10 years old. So she honestly was a ‘girl’. And now she has brand recognition.

Cat asks Kara what’s so wrong about the term ‘girl’. She says that she’s a girl and she’s her boss and rich and powerful. So if Kara has a problem with the word ‘girl’ it might be that she’s the problem.

Samantha: I kind of liked this explanation? Reclaiming a word and all that.

Mari: It’s an interesting way to deal head-on with the stuff Catherine mentioned about history and brand recognition: own it and try and put a positive spin on it. The only thing that makes it a little bit of a miss for me is that it’s SuperMAN and SuperGIRL. When you compare the two and think about how they both have the same powers and all, the fact that they call him man and her girl makes it icky. But of all the ways they could’ve addressed it, the empowerment angle was nice. 

Catherine: I love when you guys take the words right out of my mouth. Or fingers or whatever. 

Before Cat can yell at Kara, James comes in with a fantastic picture of Supergirl and lies about it being Kara’s accomplishment. Cat is placated and doesn’t fire her. Yay!

As they leave Kara tells James that she doesn’t need anyone fighting her battles for her. He defends himself by saying she was about to get fired. Suddenly, Kara’s superhearing picks up a broadcast that no one else can hear. It’s Vartox telling her to meet him at the power plant otherwise shit is gonna go down and people are gonna die.

Kara does the whole shirt-rip thing up on the roof and flies away.

Mari: Totally cas’ camera angle right there.

Catherine: Over at the power plant Vartox tells Kara that Alura was the judge and jailer that condemned him to Fort Rozz. They fight, but Vartox has powers too. She kinda gets her ass handed to her. He’s about to kill her when the DEO shows up in choppers and he runs off.

Back at the DEO headquarters, Alex is patching Kara up while Henshaw bitches in the corner about how much she sucks at fighting. Fortunately, they got a sliver of Vartox’s weapon out of a wound on her arm and if they can ID it they can find out his origin. “Look at that. You did help,” he says smugly.

Kara asks Alex if she knew her mother locked up all those dudes in the PZ, and Alex admits that that’s why she didn’t want Kara going public. Kara sadpandas that Alex was right and the world doesn’t need her.

After a commercial break and back at the Superpad, Kara is brooding in the dark when Alex knocks on the door. (M: Go away Anna!) (C: Do you want to build a cyyybboorrrggg?) She tells her that this isn’t her fault and monologues about how hard it was for her as a kid when Kara came to live with them because she was so special and suddenly Alex felt like she was kind of pushed to the side. “I was happy when you couldn’t use your powers because you feeling like less somehow made me feel like more.” IDK why Kara thought they had a good relationship. There’s no way Alex was faking this that well. She clearly hates her.

But now, Alex says that the world needs Kara and her family believes her. She doesn’t mean the Danvers. (M: So, no Dean Cain? D:) She gives Kara a chunk of her spaceship that Henshaw recovered and they’ve all just been hiding from her, apparently.

Of course, this is Supes, so the chunk plays a holographic message from her mother.

Alura appears in the Superpad and tells her that she was sent to Earth to help Kal-el but her path is going to be unclear and always be true to yourself and blah, blah, blah all that Kryptonian message shit that they always say.

Mari: A lot of people on Twitter were catching feels over this and I just couldn’t get over how awful Melissa Benoist’s crying was. Girl, no. Stop.

Catherine: It didn’t really give me feels. We haven’t been in this long enough to get feels, have we? Maybe we’re just cold hearted.

With renewed hope, Alex and Kara, in her supe-getup, go back to the DEO.

Henshaw asks them what they’re doing there and reminds them that he doesn’t trust aliens. Alex preaches to him about how Kara was sent to Earth like her cousin to help the humans.

But…no. No, they weren’t. Kal-el was sent here to save his baby life and Kara was sent to watch out for him. Did you not JUST see a hologram about that? We’re supposed to see this as Alex standing up for Kara but too little too fucking late. (M: AND THE DIALOGUE IS SO BAD.)

One of the DEO techies speaks up and says that she found Vartox. Apparently his weapon has a unique thumbprint, and they can find him based off the metal that they got out of Kara’s wound.

Henshaw wants to scramble his men, but Kara says that she needs to finish it because she started it. By accidentally bringing them to Earth as a small child? I guess? She had no control over that whatsoever but okay.

Kara finds Vartox and they fight. The scenes are cut together with Alex and Henshaw at the DEO HQ. Henshaw tells her that Kara isn’t strong enough, and Alex says that they’re counting on Vartox thinking that. Also, contrivantly, if you heat up his axe too much it explodes.

So Kara does that. She uses her heat vision to heat up the axe. It explodes and takes the fight out of Vartox. He kills himself with a piece of his own axe rather than be captured. Before he does he tells her that he’s not the real threat. Someone worse is coming.

Back at the DEO Alex gloats about Kara saving the day and Henshaw is all like, “Yeah, this time.”

Alex asks him if she was only recruited because of Kara. He confirms that she was, but she impressed them enough that she got to stay.

Back at Cat Co, that human papercut Winn squirms up to Kara and asks her about the online rumors about Supergirl taking out some bad guy. She says that she’ll tell him later at their next ‘crime-fighting lunch’.

“Wait, so the super friends are back?”
“We’re not calling ourselves that.”

Kara bumps into James and asks him to lunch. He casually agrees and notes that she probably burned up a lot of calories fighting an axe-wielding alien.

He tells her to meet him up on the roof.

  Yeah, that’s right Jimmy Olsen knows Superman’s secret. Apparently, Superman asked him to move to National City to watch out for Kara.

I hate this. Not only is Jimmy’s entire personality wrong (down to his clothes, for god’s sake) but he also knows Clark’s secret? Why? What? How? What is any of this?

Samantha: Also, her identity was not your secret to tell, Kal-El!

Catherine: Right?

Mari: Guys, honestly, trust me, this is the last offensive thing we’ve seen all episode. I’m ready to embrace Mehcad Brooks it. 

Catherine: Ha! A+.

Fake!Jimmy gives Kara a present and it’s the blanket that Superman was wrapped in when he came to Earth. If she uses it as a cape, it won’t shred.

But she already had a cape that won’t shred? And what is Superman using as a cape then?

Fake!Jimmy reminds her that she’s got people to protect and Kara flies off as her voiceover tells us that Earth has a new hero and we see Cat and Winn looking out at her and smiling and looking shocked.

Just before the end we see a dark room where Bald Guy from earlier is telling someone he’s calling ‘General’ that Vartox committed suicide. He confirms that Supergirl is Alura’s daughter.

The General, who we now see is a woman says, ‘my dear little niece’. When we see her face she looks exactly like Alura. She says it was her right to lead Krypton and she will lead Earth. She tells him to find Kara and kill her.

And that’s the end of the episode.

All in all, I think it was okay. I didn’t LOVE it but I also didn’t hate it. Pilots in general tend to be pretty awful. There were definitely some things that could’ve been better and they need to just get rid of Winn altogether. I think we can all see the ‘nice guy’ road that’s headed down and it’s already annoying.

Alex could grow on me if she stops being such a dick. Calista Flockhart’s portrayal of Cat was iffy. If this gets cancelled I doubt they’ll ever get the deposit back on all that furniture she chewed. And Fake!Jimmy, while well acted by Mehcad Brooks, was poorly written.

It felt a little like the writers either don’t have a great grasp on the characters beyond their names or else just wanted to do something very different. This is definitely a Jimmy and a Cat and a Hank Henshaw that I don’t recognize. However, Kara was spot on and well played by Melissa Benoist. At the moment I feel that it’s worth watching if just for her.

Samantha: I want to like this show so much, but this pilot did not work. It was a combination of released too much footage before it aired and the pacing was bonkers. I couldn’t follow anything. The “reveal” at the end with Kara’s aunt was not done very well. I don’t think it helps that they want to do all this Krypton tie-in but are telling me nothing about Krypton. Why was it destroyed? Who survived? What were Kara’s parents positions in the society? Etc. Hopefully they fix that.

I also think that this show wanted to be a feminist show but missed the mark. I said this on Twitter and I’ll say it again here: You can’t just have a girl lead and suddenly be a feminist show. They only did surface work and didn’t put any actual thought into it. The problem is, it’s 2015, and I don’t feel like giving out points for half-assed effort anymore.

Marines: Well, you are getting all kinds of points of view here because I outright disliked this pilot. I thought it was awful, and not in a “pilots can sometimes be clunky” way, but in a “that was 45 minutes of bad TV” way.

Funny thing is that the majority of people I saw Tweeting about it and the majority of reviews I read were positive, or at least giving out a B or a C to the episode. I honestly feel like I’m missing something. This episode starts with an info-dump and never really recovers. The dialogue is wooden and doesn’t have enough charm or quirk to be going for full on superhero camp. The acting ranged from MEH to really horrendous. The amount of story they tried to jam pack in a single episode is ASTOUNDING to me. 

They give us the background on Krypton, Kara’s basic childhood story, all of the stuff about where she works now and the Trib being in danger. In a single episode, Kara decides to become a superhero, goes through her whole costume montage, quits being a superhero, finds her motivation again and saves the day. Her sister is presented as a friend, then betrays her, then convinces her to fight and redeems herself AND WE ARE STILL IN THE SAME EPISODE. 

Everything about this was a bludgeon to the head, even all of the GIRL POWER! messages. Couldn’t they let me enjoy that without yelling it in my ear? No? Okay.

Was it worse than Gotham? No. Do I think it could get better? Yes. Am I holding my breath? I’ve been hurt too many times before, friends. 

On that note, here are some Tweets from our pilot-party:

 

Tiny child saddness time. Damn. #supersnark

— Samantha Ania (@SamanthaSpice91) October 27, 2015

THIS IS NOT A TEST. MY 90’S CRUSH IS HERE. #supersnark #Supergirl — Mari (@mynameismarines) October 27, 2015

WHAT THE HELL. DEAN CAIN IS IN THIS. #Supergirl #supersnark

— GFM (@girlfrmmars) October 27, 2015

UM DEAN CAIN AND HELEN SLATER ARE IN THIS!!??? #supersnark — Catherine McGinnes (@CatherineJane91) October 27, 2015

The Dean Cain thing. THE DEAN CAIN THING. #supersnark

— Samantha Ania (@SamanthaSpice91) October 27, 2015

I would be awkward as all get out if I was talking to Mehcad Brooks, too #supersnark — Daria Marshall (@idoubledogdaria) October 27, 2015

If Calista is trying to be Meryl, she needs to try harder. #Supersnark #Supergirl

— Boo-ky Ford (@bfsooner) October 27, 2015

Ask to her take off her glasses! Then she’ll REALLY look like Superman. #Supergirl #SuperSnark — GFM (@girlfrmmars) October 27, 2015

Is nobody using their breathing things? BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY PEOPLE. #supersnark

— Samantha Ania (@SamanthaSpice91) October 27, 2015

If I were a superhero, I would definitely spend all mid-heroics time going, “AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!” #supersnark #Supergirl — Mari (@mynameismarines) October 27, 2015

I really want to get into this show, but so far, it’s just been awkward acting, not so great CGI, and contrivance #supersnark

— Daria Marshall (@idoubledogdaria) October 27, 2015

Supes couldn’t… I don’t know.. Catch that prison ship before it crash landed? #supersnark — Cody (@PlayerTypeZero) October 27, 2015

Oh Cat Grant. You are insufferable and make my blood boil in every reality. #SuperSnark

— Cody (@PlayerTypeZero) October 27, 2015

I just realized I may only be enjoying this so much because I remember Smallville and it was way, way worse. #supersnark — Catherine McGinnes (@CatherineJane91) October 27, 2015

Did he get his axe “weapon” at I-Party? #supergirl #supersnark

— ginntastic (@ginntastic) October 27, 2015

Yea and she can hear you too! Why does she need to x-ray vision through the door?! She knows who it is!! #supersnark #Supergirl — ginntastic (@ginntastic) October 27, 2015

“It’s me, your unsupportive terrible big sister. I’m gonna try to redeem myself now and get the audience to like me.” #supersnark

— Samantha Ania (@SamanthaSpice91) October 27, 2015

COOL ****GIRLS***** DON’T LOOK AT EXPLOSIONS. #supersnark #Supergirl — Mari (@mynameismarines) October 27, 2015

SHE WON. Show’s over do we have to watch this anymore? #supersnark #Supergirl

— ginntastic (@ginntastic) October 27, 2015

People from Krypton are like freakin’ Daleks– never as dead or wiped out as you thought. #supersnark #Supergirl — Mari (@mynameismarines) October 27, 2015

I feel like #supergirl belongs on Saturday morning/afternoon right after cleopatra 2025 #supersnark

— ginntastic (@ginntastic) October 27, 2015

 

 

Be sure to join us every Monday at 8:00pm EST to live-Tweet with the hashtag #supersnark. Even if you don’t watch live, you can Tweet away! We’ll keep collecting Tweets until the post goes live.

So did you love it? Hate it? Sound off in the comments and we’ll see you next week!

 

 Next time on Supergirl: Apparently being a superhero is hard in S01 E02 – Stronger Together.