Shrine o' Spielberg. Due to their sad tragic single status and the fact that it's apparently a million degrees, movie night's list of attendees has been reduced to Dawson and Pacey. It may also have something to do with how much they're sweating. Seriously, it's gross:
Democracy Diva: For real. They don't even look like they're sweating - they just look like they're covered in baby oil.
K: YES. Which, to be honest, they probably were.
Pacey bemoans the state of their lives, and also how much Indian summer sucks, thereby earning himself a shiny gold star.
Bonfire night again! Annalise is hastily throwing a bunch of Sam's stuff in a suitcase. She asks how stupid he is, since clearly, Bonnie was going to tell her everything. Sam lied because he was worried that Annalise would think he killed Lila. One sure fire way to look like the murderer is to also be a liar, Sam. You're bad at this.
Annalise throws the suitcase out into the foyer. She says she's done with his lies, she's done covering for him and she's done loving him. Sam pulls the "I'm your husband" card and Annalise is threatens to call the police. In further, "I sure look like a murderer" developments, Sam grabs the phone and throws it against the wall, saying he's not leaving until Annalise talks to him.
Annalise throws the suitcase out into the foyer. She says she's done with his lies, she's done covering for him and she's done loving him. Sam pulls the "I'm your husband" card and Annalise is threatens to call the police. In further, "I sure look like a murderer" developments, Sam grabs the phone and throws it against the wall, saying he's not leaving until Annalise talks to him.
We begin in court, with Aaron Echolls’s testimony, which of course references his career highlight of being Sexiest Man Alive. Whatever, dude - we all know that the real sexiest men alive refuse that honor repeatedly because they’re too serious for that shit. (I’m talking about you, Ryan Gosling.) Aaron begs for sympathy by bullshitting about how hard it is for men to age in the film industry. Hilarious, when films constantly pair twenty-something year old women with fifty-year-old love interests and no one bats an eye. But Aaron pretends that men don’t get better roles as they age, because that makes all the idiots in this courtroom feel for him. Anyway, that's when Lilly entered his life and started worshipping him. He gives the Bill Clinton "I did not have sexual relations with that woman" defense.
We pick up right after the last episode, with the girls hanging out at the mausoleum, the hot spot of all the young liars in town. Spencer has flipped through the journal and doesn't recognize any of the names in it. Hanna says that Ali changed the names around, because she was the kind of girl who even lied to her own diary, or something. Spencer wonders why Hanna kept this to herself for so long and she tries to carefully explain that there is stuff in there that they may not know about each other or stuff they may want to forget. Emily and Spencer get snippy with her for keeping the thing to herself, but Aria calms everyone down.
After some scandalous “Previously Ons,” we open on Sandy driving up to the Cohen supermansion. Chirping birds quietly assure us it is, indeed, morning, despite the fact that it could also be, you know, noon. In the magical kitchen, where Ryan is fully dressed and studying for a test, Seth wanders in in a bathrobe and wants to discuss his love life. Ryan displays more of the surliness I would expect from a teenager in the morning, but this seems to be more due to him WANTING to study versus the horrific reality of it being morning and ANOTHER GODDAMN DAY.
For those following along at home, I was the kid who liked to remind everyone that morning and mourning were homonyms FOR A GODDAMN REASON.
For those following along at home, I was the kid who liked to remind everyone that morning and mourning were homonyms FOR A GODDAMN REASON.
The girls are in Spencer's room trying to process this big! revelation! that we've been hinting at since the pilot. In spite of how stupid this is from a plot perspective I kind of feel Aria on her, "Guys, we just found out that the girl whose murder we've been quasi-investigating for 3+ years is actually not dead, CAN WE FUCKING TAKE A MINUTE?" Aria's confused by her feelings, and I don't blame her.
Spencer wants everyone to focus on making Ali feel safe enough to come back so they can talk to her. Emily's the only one willing to point out the obvious: that it's very possible and so-very-Ali that Ali is A. Spencer tries to run down the names of people Ali could be afraid of and settles on the guy that attacked her in Ravenswood.
Spencer wants everyone to focus on making Ali feel safe enough to come back so they can talk to her. Emily's the only one willing to point out the obvious: that it's very possible and so-very-Ali that Ali is A. Spencer tries to run down the names of people Ali could be afraid of and settles on the guy that attacked her in Ravenswood.
This episode doesn't begin with the improbable bonfire which by itself bums me out for the loss of the familiar. Even worse, it starts with people poking at Lila's mottled corpse. So. Cool. We jump back 6 months earlier to June 2014 when Lila was still alive. She's hanging out with Rebecca and speculating about whether her vagina's going to be all, "Nope, access denied!" because she waited too long to have sex. It's kind of adorable because while that's total bullshit, this conversation is also so completely plausible. Rebecca wonders if the sex talk means that Griffin's given up on that virginity pact and Lila confesses that she met someone whose identity she can't reveal because, "He has a wife." It pleases me to no end when the stars are earned by the people the episode is truly about.
Improbable bonfire. We cut immediately to Asher, so the improbable bonfire was just to (a) - establish that we are in the future and (b) - keep the bonfire episode opener going on forever. Asher is in his Twlight-movie-blue-filtered apartment dancing around, throwing money, drinking, gyrating, and generally being a lot more carefree than his Dumbledore's Army counterparts in this uncertain future. He's mid-thrusting on the couch when he gets a phone call from someone named Alicia. He wants to go to the bonfire because he has the Murder Weapon Trophy and doesn't have to study. Except he just realizes that Murder Weapon Trophy is gone.
A TV screen (on my TV screen) is showing a news broadcast about solar flares. We pan away from it as we hear what my closed captioning describes as the "throbbing hum" of the TARDIS materializing. The Doctor and Rose disembark and he quickly gives her the lowdown: it's 200,000 and they've landed on a space station. He points out a gate in the corner and tells Rose to start there.
Before she can start whatever in the over there (I'm being as vague as the teaser so far, not trying to write best selling erotica, FYI), Rose knocks on the TARDIS door and tells Adam to come on out.
Before she can start whatever in the over there (I'm being as vague as the teaser so far, not trying to write best selling erotica, FYI), Rose knocks on the TARDIS door and tells Adam to come on out.
Improbable Bonfire. Dumbledore's Army: Murder Unit (D: A+) jumps from being with the body and its pool of blood on the floor to being out in the woods - basically this is the bridge between the Grimmauld Place scenes and the woodsy Lying Liar Coin Toss. Up the hill from where they're lying low, two people are about to hook up - it's implied that they're a cheatery secret couple and needing to hook up with people in the miserable freezing cold is a great argument in favor of fidelity - but they stop when they hear a phone ringing. They leave rather than investigate, because nobody's trying to get murdered investigating shady noises in the woods. (M: Not even for sex.) Laurel silences her phone very slowly (gotta get those texting gloves, girl!) and Michaela starts whisper yelling at her for telling Frank all of this.
Previously: The Trickster turned up and laid out a ton of punishment on various douchebags, and it was awesome. Roadkill Kirsti: We open on a generic two-lane highway at night. A...
Dean stands next to the Bromobile by an underpass and phones Ellen in a panic. Sam's been missing for days, there's no sign of him, and Dean's freaking the fuck out because it's like Papa Winchester all over again. Ellen hasn't heard anything. Dean's phone beeps and he looks at the screen to see an incoming call from Sam. He answers, then tells Sam to calm down because he's on his way.
Crappy motel. Sam hangs up the phone and stares at his bloody knuckles. Dean Bromobiles his way to Sam. He reaches the motel and rushes to Sam's room. He panics a little when he finds blood all over Sam's shirt, but Sam assures him it's not his.
Crappy motel. Sam hangs up the phone and stares at his bloody knuckles. Dean Bromobiles his way to Sam. He reaches the motel and rushes to Sam's room. He panics a little when he finds blood all over Sam's shirt, but Sam assures him it's not his.
Because that season premiere propelled the show from teen drama to full-on Spanish telenovella, I feel like characters should be renamed (at least for one recap) accordingly.
After the previouslies summarizing everyone's drama, we kick off with Rodrigo (Ryan) and Seth (who will be called Enriqué because no proper telenovella can do without an Enriqué, and also because I guess the Spanish of Seth would be Seth). (L: Set, actually. TMYK *shooting star*) So, Rodrigo and Enriqué are talking about whether they should go back to school, with Enriqué trying to flee (which seems to have become his thing) while Rodrigo says that they have to go.
After the previouslies summarizing everyone's drama, we kick off with Rodrigo (Ryan) and Seth (who will be called Enriqué because no proper telenovella can do without an Enriqué, and also because I guess the Spanish of Seth would be Seth). (L: Set, actually. TMYK *shooting star*) So, Rodrigo and Enriqué are talking about whether they should go back to school, with Enriqué trying to flee (which seems to have become his thing) while Rodrigo says that they have to go.
Psychiatrist's office. A creepy guy in his early 20s tells the psychiatrist that a year or so ago, he started getting migraines. Then he found out he could electrocute things with his brain. He tried it out on the neighbour's cat. The psychiatrist frowns and makes notes that probably say "DO NOT SHAKE HANDS WITH THIS DUDE OMG." Electro-creeper says that he didn't want to kill the neighbour's cat, but the yellow-eyed man comes to him in his dreams and asks him to do things, that he has plans for him. Cut to Electro-creeper walking towards his car at night. When he reaches his car, there's a dark figure reflected in the window. Electro-creeper turns and promptly gets stabbed twice.
FLAME ON!
FLAME ON!
Best Papa Fields gets home, greets Emily and quickly sends her on her way. Because every other day she has full hours for coffee and crime investigating, but on the day her dad gets home, can't be late! No time!
Sweeney: Emily, girl, reexamine all of your priorities.
Lor: Hanna and Caleb are already at school, discussing Shitbag Marin's missing gun. Caleb's all, "hey, all we know is there may have been a gun in the room when your mom got there and it was definitely gone after she left." Caleb says if Wilden was shot with a 38, Ashley is in trouble. Hanna's response is to just forget everything about murder and evidence and stuff because it's too hard.
Sweeney: Emily, girl, reexamine all of your priorities.
Lor: Hanna and Caleb are already at school, discussing Shitbag Marin's missing gun. Caleb's all, "hey, all we know is there may have been a gun in the room when your mom got there and it was definitely gone after she left." Caleb says if Wilden was shot with a 38, Ashley is in trouble. Hanna's response is to just forget everything about murder and evidence and stuff because it's too hard.