Previously: Edward decided to hang out with and warn Bella. — Catherine: This chapter starts with Edward getting back to school after rescuing Bella against her will from blood last chapter....
Previously: Weird sex cult cabin in the woods. — Marines: Bella says that it only takes one word to remind her of her priorities: Renesmee. Congratulations. You only need to be...
Welcome to the bloody Quentin Tarantino Chapter of Breaking Dawn, also known as nope, nope, fucking no, nope.
The title of this chapter is 'There are no words for this'. Aptly named. I'm still not sure that prepares us all for what is to come in this chapter, but I'm doing my best.
Kirsti: Come, friends. Let us gather around the Snark Lady Booze Cupboard and drink its full contents before proceeding with this abomination of a chapter.
The title of this chapter is 'There are no words for this'. Aptly named. I'm still not sure that prepares us all for what is to come in this chapter, but I'm doing my best.
Kirsti: Come, friends. Let us gather around the Snark Lady Booze Cupboard and drink its full contents before proceeding with this abomination of a chapter.
Pacey's asleep on the sofa when Joey wakes him up by singing happy birthday and shoving a cupcake in his face.
He's none too pleased by this method of being woken up, and hopes like hell for no further acknowledgement of his birthday because birthdays are the actual worst.
Chelsea: This is not the way to wake someone up, ESPECIALLY ON THEIR BIRTHDAY. You let them wake up naturally and then bribe them with cake.
He's none too pleased by this method of being woken up, and hopes like hell for no further acknowledgement of his birthday because birthdays are the actual worst.
Chelsea: This is not the way to wake someone up, ESPECIALLY ON THEIR BIRTHDAY. You let them wake up naturally and then bribe them with cake.
I love a good holiday episode. This one starts with the girls walking outside on a picturesque Hollywood Christmas set, otherwise known as a street in Rosewood. Spencer says that since she's out on bail for murder she's not really vibing Christmas. Fair. Her and Toby agreed to just surprise each other with gestures. Hannah confuses gestures with jesters and I love her. They decide to write wishes down on paper snowflakes for a wish tree. Hannah sadz that the last time she was here she was with Mona. This throws us into a brief flashback that I feel comfortable calling an Ali-back just because Hannah is looking very Ali here. Mona and Hannah giggle and declare themselves bffs.
Bella and Jacob end up on the beach again, and he asks if she thinks the Cullens will come get her. She says they won't, but that they'll be hella pissed when she goes back. He suggests not going back, and her only response is that Charlie would love that because he's biased towards "my Quileute friends". Uh. You mean Jacob? The rest tolerate you because of him, girl.
Annie: Actually, Charlie is biased towards anyone who isn't the controlling, abusive, blood-thirsty boyfriend, but you tell yourself whatever makes you happier to stay in that relationship, Bells.
Annie: Actually, Charlie is biased towards anyone who isn't the controlling, abusive, blood-thirsty boyfriend, but you tell yourself whatever makes you happier to stay in that relationship, Bells.
Diva: It's snowing furiously over a camp. Zoom in on Melisandre, who looks a lot more frightened than her usual DGAF demon-birthing self. Suddenly tents start bursting into flames, many different ones at once. The camp explodes into chaos, and there's a screaming horse on fire, just in case you weren't absolutely sure you were watching Game of Thrones.
Marines: It's too cold for boobs, I guess, so dying horse it is.
Marin Manor- Hanna's room. Spencer and Emily are taking on our job momentarily and poking holes in Ali's Noel-scares-Hanna's-mom plan from last episode. Spencer's particularly grumpy with her horse-kicked eye. (M: I'd be grumpy about everything with a horse-kicked-eye.) They all question Ali's decision but she snaps at them that Noel is the one she can trust, since all they do is ignore her SOS calls and spy on her every move. She storms out to go call her dad.
We open at the Potter B&B, which makes a pleasant change. Joey's helping Pacey run lines for the play, but gets all "skrrrt, NO" when she sees that the next page requires her to get all swoony and lovey-dovey. Oh, sweetie. Just give it a few more episodes.
Democracy Diva: Is it too early to squee? I feel like it's too early to squee.
K: It's never too early to squee.
Democracy Diva: Is it too early to squee? I feel like it's too early to squee.
K: It's never too early to squee.
I wanted to start off this recap by reminding readers, or telling those new to The O.C., that you have to look at Season 3 as the darkness before the dawn. Hang in there, because Season 4 is going to be SO much better. Too bad Season 3 scared away all the viewers and the show got canceled after the fourth season.
The core four drive up to Newport Union High School. Seth exposits that this is Newport’s answer to public education. Marissa, you see, having been kicked out of Harbor and left penniless by Caleb’s death, is now forced to endure the indignity of PUBLIC school.
The core four drive up to Newport Union High School. Seth exposits that this is Newport’s answer to public education. Marissa, you see, having been kicked out of Harbor and left penniless by Caleb’s death, is now forced to endure the indignity of PUBLIC school.
Alison is in a phone booth saying very vague things that are both boring and difficult to recap. We cut to Rosewood's One Coffee Shop, where Shana is in a little... phone booth closet? For using cell phones? (S: This is both absurd and exactly the sort of hipster retro bullshit I could see being a real and actual thing at a place like One Coffee Shop.) She watches all the Liars arrive and tells Alison as much. Alison asks Shana for assurance that she can get "it," but Shana has to go because the Liars all turn toward her and are just going to stand there at stare at her, I guess. Spencer asks if they can trust her now and Emily uses the non-human logic that if Ali trusts Shana they should too. That's cool except for the part where Ali is certifiable. BUT OKAY.
Aria and Emily are walking together at night, talking about the movie they just saw (and a really annoying person who kept talking during it– for whom a special level of hell exists).
Aria brings up Spencer, and things get awkward. Aria says that Spencer was trying to protect her (by stalking her), but Emily said she was just being controlling. Emily's annoyed and believes they'll never hear from Ali again. Somehow, I find that doubtful.
Marines: It's cruel to suggest that could happen, show.
Aria brings up Spencer, and things get awkward. Aria says that Spencer was trying to protect her (by stalking her), but Emily said she was just being controlling. Emily's annoyed and believes they'll never hear from Ali again. Somehow, I find that doubtful.
Marines: It's cruel to suggest that could happen, show.
We begin exactly where the last episode ends. Given that no episode seems to span more than one or two endless days, the trend toward running episodes one into the next like this only contributes to the overall meaningless of time in Rosewood. The Pretty Little Liars struggle with GPS and technology and stuff and try to make their way to the Busy Bee Inn, where Ali may or may not be hiding out.
Busy Bee Inn. The liars go into a room that appears to have broken into (shattered window) and which has been occupied by a female squatter who dresses kind of like Ali.
Marines: She picks up a single floral blouse. "Ali would wear this!" And so would a gabillion other girls and some boys, congrats.
Busy Bee Inn. The liars go into a room that appears to have broken into (shattered window) and which has been occupied by a female squatter who dresses kind of like Ali.
Marines: She picks up a single floral blouse. "Ali would wear this!" And so would a gabillion other girls and some boys, congrats.
We pick up right after the last episode, with the girls hanging out at the mausoleum, the hot spot of all the young liars in town. Spencer has flipped through the journal and doesn't recognize any of the names in it. Hanna says that Ali changed the names around, because she was the kind of girl who even lied to her own diary, or something. Spencer wonders why Hanna kept this to herself for so long and she tries to carefully explain that there is stuff in there that they may not know about each other or stuff they may want to forget. Emily and Spencer get snippy with her for keeping the thing to herself, but Aria calms everyone down.
The girls are in Spencer's room trying to process this big! revelation! that we've been hinting at since the pilot. In spite of how stupid this is from a plot perspective I kind of feel Aria on her, "Guys, we just found out that the girl whose murder we've been quasi-investigating for 3+ years is actually not dead, CAN WE FUCKING TAKE A MINUTE?" Aria's confused by her feelings, and I don't blame her.
Spencer wants everyone to focus on making Ali feel safe enough to come back so they can talk to her. Emily's the only one willing to point out the obvious: that it's very possible and so-very-Ali that Ali is A. Spencer tries to run down the names of people Ali could be afraid of and settles on the guy that attacked her in Ravenswood.
Spencer wants everyone to focus on making Ali feel safe enough to come back so they can talk to her. Emily's the only one willing to point out the obvious: that it's very possible and so-very-Ali that Ali is A. Spencer tries to run down the names of people Ali could be afraid of and settles on the guy that attacked her in Ravenswood.