Tag: a pedo-lationship is like a relationship but illegal

Pretty Little Liars S02 E10 – Adolescent Terrorization

We start at lunch time, with Emily finding Aria to shake up our usual episode-beginning routine. It's only the two of them as they recap last episode: New Jason and Aria kissed, and it was a mistake; New Jason had creepy pictures of Aria as his barn decor. Spencer shows up just in time to lay on a big I TOLD YOU SO on Aria. Emily lets slip that Jason and Aria kissed and Spencer's shocked. Aria is not happy, and only responds to the, "this guy has stalker pictures of you," with a "fine, fine. I gotta go."
What else did we expect?

Pretty Little Liars S02 E09 – Dream Sequence Trauma

The number gods are getting me back for that one time when I got an episode free of Pedzarafitz by starting this one off with Ezria in bed, getting their pedophilia on. The alarm goes off and Ezra rolls over to turn it off and when he rolls back it's New Jason. Aria wakes up. Too late, because I can't unsee that.
Lorraine: OKAY, RIGHT? I had an acutal, physical gag when I realized that was Ezria in a state of undress.
Sweeney: I'm glad I wasn't alone in that.

Pretty Little Liars S02 E08 – Knackered Out

This episode begins with, you guessed it, the girls recapping the last few minutes of the last episode. Spencer managed to get away from Officer Garrett by telling him she had to get home. Well, that was anti-climatic. Hanna suggests that maybe Blind Jenna didn't give Garrett the pottery candle thing, but Spencer thinks that's unlikely. "What do you think, he bought it at the Blind Artists Craft Fair? Of course she gave it to him!"
It turns out that the girls are parked outside of Emily's house, because the people leasing the place don't know how to work the alarm system and it keeps getting set off. This seems like completely pointless information, which probably means it will be important later.

Pretty Little Liars S02 E07 – Awkward dinner.

The episode starts with all of the girls in their separate rooms in no way referencing what happened last episode. JUST KIDDING. They are all in the Marin Manor kitchen. Emily's explaining that some pipes broke in the house, meaning that Hanna and Em have to share a room. Hanna says that it'll be like a never-ending sleep over and Aria and Spencer give each other hilarious side eye.
Sara: Aria is so good at that side eye. I can't stop watching.
Sweeney: Those big old powderpuff eyes of hers can pull of all sorts of wonderful expressions. There's a slight eyeroll to the Aria shrug, too, that really enhances it.

Pretty Little Liars S02 E03 – Accusations of Murder Objects

The previouslies remind us of Wren, so I guess we'll be seeing him, and I don't like it because SPOBY 4EVA.
Lorraine: I suddenly feel like we need #teamageappropriatelove on a t-shirt.
Sweeney: ABSOLUTELY. I would wear the shirt all the time.
Anyway, the girls are in a movie theater, apparently alone, watching an old black and white movie, recapping Spencer's theory that Melissa is sneaking out to visit Ian on foot, and probably at Jason's. Spencer spots someone in a black hoodie in the back of the theater, but when the other girls turn around, (s)he's gone.

Pretty Little Liars S01 E22 – Judas moves.

Finale time! We pick up where we left off last time, with the girls sitting on the bed, watching more Stalker videos. But the next video isn't of the PLLs; it's of Blind!Jenna, before she was blind, and Toby. Jenna has her arms around Toby and is telling him (and us) that it isn't really creepy because of how they aren't really related. Yeah, no. It's still creepy, girl. She goes on that if he doesn't get sexy with her, she'll tell his dad that he's been forcing her to have sex with him and obviously they'll believe her. So yeah. Jenna is a straight up rapist, and we now have lots of validity behind why we hate her. Thank goodness Hanna went ahead and slapped her that one time. (NEVER FORGET.)

Pretty Little Liars S01 E21 – Mom Ranking

This, dearest of Traumateers, is our 400th post. CRAZY.
The episode starts with a creepy ass, clown looking doll thing being carried in the foreground, as we see our group of Pretty Little Liars in the background, eating at Rosewood's one restaurant. They are doing our fantastic, beginning of episode exposition. This round is about guessing who is making Spencer look like a murderer. Spencer pauses the talk to point out that the creepy ass, clown looking dolls are staring at them from outside, where they are all lined up in a row, facing the restaurant.
Alas, they are for some sort of founder's festival which will never not remind me of The Vampire Diaries.

Pretty Little Liars S01 E19 – Never trust anyone of voting age.

We begin the episode with shots of the girls being separately interrogated. They've told the cops about the Someone Wants To Kiss Ali - Extended Edition that they received, featuring special guest Creepy Ian. They all lie for Spencer when asked if they knew of Ian being with any other younger girls.
Lorraine: Aw. I mean, I'm not aw-ing lying to the police, but just that they all do it for their friend.
Sweeney: Also, rape culture rage break: the cop makes a point of pointing out that Ian was a star athlete as part of why this would never be a thing that would happen because men who are star athletes are inherently good men, OBVS.

Pretty Little Liars S01 E18 – Kinda, sorta.

Lorraine: Rosewood High is holding auditions for a play, and our Pretty Little Liars are all gathered for the occasion. Can I tell you how hilarious these episode openings are? I know that all shows do a certain amount of rehashing, but PLL is almost shameless in its beginning of the episode, expository conversations.
Anyways, Spencer is explaining to her friends what the play, The Bad Seed, is all about. Hanna says she didn't read the whole thing because she just wants to be the drunk mom of the play. Spencer gives her, "MMMHMM." eyes, allowing Hanna to exposit that she once brought a flask to a dance. Oh, yeah and also, Caleb is still living in Hanna's basement and A found out and Hanna has decided to tell her mom about it before A does.

Pretty Little Liars S01 E17 – All the Feels for Emily

We open with all four PLLs in Spencer's room, with Aria sulking by the window. They're discussing how Melissa is pregnant and Emily wonders why she got pregnant. The girls are trying to decode Toby's message, which is in braille. Emily invites Aria to sit closer and Nancy Drew with them, but she just mean eyes Hanna and says she can see just fine, thank you very much.
They decode Toby's letter, and all it says is BAD. Womp womp.
SHH.

Pretty Little Liars S01 E15 – Arrested yet?

Lorraine: The Liars all come down the stairs at the Hastings Manor, led by Aria. They complain about the early hour, but Aria says she has to show them something important. Aria pulls up the picture of Alison being followed by a shadow on the night she was killed. Spencer insists the shadow following Alison is totally Ian, but since last week it was Toby, I say we don't take her word for it.
Aria prints out the picture as Hanna asks if Aria's been up all night. Aria non-answers, but Hanna can tell she hasn't slept because one eye is bigger than the other. "You look like a strung out Power Puff girl." I love Hanna and am only sad that I didn't think of this association first.

Pretty Little Liars S01 E14 – Sponsored by Aria’s Crazy Face

Sara: The girls watch the extended version of the "I Know You Wanna Kiss Me" video, which has Alison saying that she has to get back to the barn before the PLLs get suspicious. The girls see the end of the video, where the camera is turned around on Ian. The camera is knocked to the ground, and Ali's hand grabs at the dirt and my closed captions say she groans. Hanna points out that there are things besides pain that make people groan (sex) but Spencer doesn't seem to think that's it.
Lorraine: To be fair, she's grabbing handfuls of dirt in the scene too, which seems like more of a desperation thing than a, "woo! This feels so good!" thing. I mean, unless dirt is your thing. IDK.

Pretty Little Liars S01 E13 – Sad Cupcakes

We begin the episode in the Hastings home. It's late at night and Spencer's creeping. She hears her sister and Ian having a whispered conversation, but runs back to her room when the stairs creek. As soon as she gets back, she has an email from A asking if they married for love or an alibi. Big eyes, Shhh. See, the show has Aria shush us after people do scandalous, sneaky shit.
Lorraine: A always has the best timing. Imagine if Spencer found that email after talking to her parents. Awkward!
Sweeney: The next morning, Spencer tip toes around the house and is all, "AAH YOU KILLED ALI!" when Ian enters the kitchen.

Pretty Little Liars S01 E12 – Where not to hide your stolen money.

Lorraine: Aria, Emily and Spencer are walking into Hanna's house. Hanna is fiddling with a "Humpty Dumpty was pushed" sticker on her cast. She explains that she's trying to keep it on so she won't have to see the message A left on her cast.
Aria suggest a new, more mellow sticker, but Spencer defends her choice. "It was either Humpty Dumpty or, 'Jesus is coming. Look busy.'" I'm questioning the sticker choices at the Rosewood Hospital gift shop.
Sweeney: This feels consistent with the Rosewood we've come to know and rage out over.

Pretty Little Liars S01 E11 – Seth Cohen Syndrome

We open up Moments Later, well, moments later. The person who hit Hanna jumps out of the car and runs away. A has to be killing it with the cardio. Hanna's mom gets stopped by the police and at first she's all, "WHAT STOLEN MONEY? I mean, is there something I can help you with, Officer?" There's good news and bad news. Good news: Nobody knows she stole from Mrs. Moneybags. Bad news: Someone got hit by a car, and it was Hanna.
Dear A, please aim for Aria next time. Love, Sara.
Sweeney: Cosigned, Everyone.