Previously: Edward kills a spider for Bella and falls in love at midnight. — Annie: The chapter opens with Edward following Bella using his creepy powers to watch her through people’s eyes....
Wow, never thought we’d be back here. — Marines: There are a lot of reasons why we could’ve chosen to ignore Midnight Sun. Ultimately, for me, deciding to do this came...
Previously: Bella sniffed out an outfit. — Marines: Hey, it’s been a hot minute but I’m confident that the awful is fresh in your mind and that we will fall right...
Previously: Weird sex cult cabin in the woods. — Marines: Bella says that it only takes one word to remind her of her priorities: Renesmee. Congratulations. You only need to be...
Welcome to the bloody Quentin Tarantino Chapter of Breaking Dawn, also known as nope, nope, fucking no, nope.
The title of this chapter is 'There are no words for this'. Aptly named. I'm still not sure that prepares us all for what is to come in this chapter, but I'm doing my best.
Kirsti: Come, friends. Let us gather around the Snark Lady Booze Cupboard and drink its full contents before proceeding with this abomination of a chapter.
The title of this chapter is 'There are no words for this'. Aptly named. I'm still not sure that prepares us all for what is to come in this chapter, but I'm doing my best.
Kirsti: Come, friends. Let us gather around the Snark Lady Booze Cupboard and drink its full contents before proceeding with this abomination of a chapter.
Look away, look away, look away.
Didn't? Okay.
Samantha: This theme song gets stuck in my head in a big way.
Annie: This song has been keeping me up at night, stuck in my head.
Dani: As a child of the 80's, the "look away" lyrics just give me nasty Chicago 19 flashbacks.
Didn't? Okay.
Samantha: This theme song gets stuck in my head in a big way.
Annie: This song has been keeping me up at night, stuck in my head.
Dani: As a child of the 80's, the "look away" lyrics just give me nasty Chicago 19 flashbacks.
Lucky, lucky me. We change to Jacob's perspective for the middle chunk of the book. JOY.
Catherine: The only thing worse than Bella's perspective is Jacob's perspective.
Annie: See, I'd completely forgotten about this in the book. And I got really excited when I saw the shift in perspectives. And then this chapter happened. Ha ha haaaaaa. Boy, was I stupid. I forgot that even though the perspective has changed, it's still written by SMeyer.
Catherine: The only thing worse than Bella's perspective is Jacob's perspective.
Annie: See, I'd completely forgotten about this in the book. And I got really excited when I saw the shift in perspectives. And then this chapter happened. Ha ha haaaaaa. Boy, was I stupid. I forgot that even though the perspective has changed, it's still written by SMeyer.
Bella and Jacob end up on the beach again, and he asks if she thinks the Cullens will come get her. She says they won't, but that they'll be hella pissed when she goes back. He suggests not going back, and her only response is that Charlie would love that because he's biased towards "my Quileute friends". Uh. You mean Jacob? The rest tolerate you because of him, girl.
Annie: Actually, Charlie is biased towards anyone who isn't the controlling, abusive, blood-thirsty boyfriend, but you tell yourself whatever makes you happier to stay in that relationship, Bells.
Annie: Actually, Charlie is biased towards anyone who isn't the controlling, abusive, blood-thirsty boyfriend, but you tell yourself whatever makes you happier to stay in that relationship, Bells.
I can't believe I got this chapter. I'm actually a little freaked out because I remember it being pretty upsetting and not very funny or easy to make fun of. In fact, I feel compelled to issue a trigger warning here for sexual assault and rape, on the grounds that it's almost definitely gonna get discussed. Because it's sort of what this chapter is about. But it's only in a flashback if that makes you guys feel any better?
Annie: Yeah, I'd completely blocked this part out of my memory, probably on account of it being trigging. Thanks, Stephenie.
Catherine: THANKS, STEPHENIE.
Annie: Yeah, I'd completely blocked this part out of my memory, probably on account of it being trigging. Thanks, Stephenie.
Catherine: THANKS, STEPHENIE.
Diva: It's snowing furiously over a camp. Zoom in on Melisandre, who looks a lot more frightened than her usual DGAF demon-birthing self. Suddenly tents start bursting into flames, many different ones at once. The camp explodes into chaos, and there's a screaming horse on fire, just in case you weren't absolutely sure you were watching Game of Thrones.
Marines: It's too cold for boobs, I guess, so dying horse it is.
We open at Versailles in the height of its opulence. Courtiers run and scream from an unseen threat. A man in a red velvet coat approaches a woman in a dress four times wider than she is, and tells her that they have to go. It's Sophia Myles, who I know better as Beth from Moonlight and Beth from Spooks. Also as Fanny Price's little sister from the Mansfield Park movie.
Marines: MOONLIGHT! It is my far away dream to recap some one-season-wonders a la Firefly, and Moonlight is way high on that list. Also, Sophia Myles was dating David Tennant at this point, which is fun.
Marines: MOONLIGHT! It is my far away dream to recap some one-season-wonders a la Firefly, and Moonlight is way high on that list. Also, Sophia Myles was dating David Tennant at this point, which is fun.