Tag: and then I punch the main character

Charmed S02 E06 – Second hand embarrassment

We start in nature with two guys who clearly want to be bear-mauled. By that I mostly mean that they are in nature and seeking out a particular cave. Their faces are really dirty and I don't know why. I guess they rolled most of the way here? Hesitant Dirty Face thinks the cave looks small for a mine shaft, but Stupid Dirty Face is all, "s'whatever. Let's go in."
Inside the cave/shaft, they quickly come upon "get the hell out of there" things like cob webs, a skeleton and bats. (S: They're like, "Oh hey, look, a skeleton." Totally normal for those to be lying around near cave entrances.) Stupid Dirty Face thinks this is all great and believes the gold they are looking for is in or behind a wall with ominous red markings. He starts chipping at the wall (?) and very soon, smoke pours out of a crack.

The OC S02 E16 – Bonfire designs

My history with the OC is that I watched obsessively in high school, but I can’t remember how many seasons I got through. All I really remember is rooting for Anna, and I’m pretty sure her time here has come and gone. (M: SADLY.) I do know the basics of the main drama-makers here.
We open at what I assume is their high school, though everyone is a good seven years older than I was in high school. They must be a bunch of idiots.
Seth is reminiscing about how last year was so much better, even though his list of last year includes “possible illegitimate daughter”, but I get too distracted by Seth’s sweater vest and the fact that I think Ryan is wearing bell-bottom jeans to really pay close attention.

Fifty Shades Freed Chapter 05 – Good morning.

Ana wakes up to find Grey gone-but-not-really because he was just, you know, casually sitting in the arm chair watching her sleep. He tells her not to panic, speaking to her "like a cornered, wild animal," which is either a commentary on Ana's lack of intelligence or the fact that waking up to Christian Grey watching you sleep is terrifying. Maybe both. Isn't this how you'd like to start your days?
Lorraine: Absolutely not. I can't even joke about this shit; that is terrifying.
...but I like that he's wearing GRAY! pants. A+

Fifty Shades Darker Chapter 19 – I don’t know what I expected.

Sweeney: Ana sits in front of Grey's fireplace emotionless and lost in internal monologue, even though there are at least a dozen people there with her, because Ana can't be bothered to interact with people who aren't Christian, and he has gone missing.
Lorraine: In an early reminder that Ana sucks, is not a real human being, and doesn't know how to interact with human beings, she tells us that she "blinks dispassionately" at Grace and Mia. DISPASSIONATELY. They've just lost a son/brother respectively, but this bitch who has known him for less than two months is so wrapped up in her own damn emotions describes herself as completely unaffected by their emotions.
What a stand-up character you've created, James. Truly.

Fifty Shades of Grey Chapter 03: It’s a good thing I can drink legally.

Ana calls Kate with the photo shoot news and Kate's very excited. She's also convinced that Grey's intentions are more than just a helping out the newspaper. Kate's all, "isn't it kind of weird that he followed you all the way to where you work and gave you his cell phone number?" Yes. Yes it is.
Ana regurgitates Grey's "I was in the area" thing and I can just imagine Kate rolling her eyes.
I didn't mention this in chapter 2, but Ana keeps telling us about this "small, quiet voice" in her head. Actually, she told us specifically that this voice was coming from the base of her brain in the medulla oblongata where her subconscious lives, because E.L. James wants to make sure you have all the details, ever. And, I know we all have conscious thought but her voice is kind of creepy and it's always whispering things.