This pilot has already won me over because the episode has a name. I don't like it when pilots are titled, "Pilot."
Sweeney: Same. It also makes it really hard to make the first thumbnail because you just know most episode titles are going to be way longer. HOORAY FOR PILOT EPISODES NOT NAMED PILOT!
Lor: Enthusiasm for the episode title aside, this pilot has also won me over because I've seen all 10 episodes of season 1 already. So has Sweeney. There are no Snows here, but as always, we'll keep the recaps spoiler free. We're cool that way. On to the episode.
First of all, you should know that I'm writing this while watching The Oscars, so I think you should all play your very own Snark Squad Drinking Game of, "Spot the recap's many inaccuracies." It'll be fun. I promise. Maybe.
Kirsti: It won't be fun at all, because Kirsti The Eternally Anal Retentive will have fixed them all. But sure. Fun.
Lorraine: Well, that ruins the game before it started. Okay, guys. I guess you should now all be playing, "drink whenever you spot a place where an inaccuracy may have been!" HAPPY DRINKING.
Kirsti: It won't be fun at all, because Kirsti The Eternally Anal Retentive will have fixed them all. But sure. Fun.
Lorraine: Well, that ruins the game before it started. Okay, guys. I guess you should now all be playing, "drink whenever you spot a place where an inaccuracy may have been!" HAPPY DRINKING.
Holy shit balls, you guys. We made it. Episode 144. It's been a long time coming - I mean, we started this whole crazy trip at the start of July 2012 - and I think the three of us have been anticipating this moment for months now. And now that it's here, I don't quite know how to deal with it. Sure, we haven't always loved the show, and sometimes recapping it twice a week has been indescribably painful. But I'm not sure how to adjust to life without Buffy recaps. Seriously - I wrote S07 E22 up there in the title and immediately teared up.
Sweeney: There's going to be a lot of that. It's been a long road and it's surreal to be here. MANY FEELS.
Lorraine: Just chiming in to say, "YEP." Perhaps I wasn't as ready to say goodbye as I thought I would be. For that reason, I should also warn you that things get very capslock-y and SQUEE-y in the recap below. I'm not even sorry that I'm not sorry. No apologies; feels abound.
Sweeney: There's going to be a lot of that. It's been a long road and it's surreal to be here. MANY FEELS.
Lorraine: Just chiming in to say, "YEP." Perhaps I wasn't as ready to say goodbye as I thought I would be. For that reason, I should also warn you that things get very capslock-y and SQUEE-y in the recap below. I'm not even sorry that I'm not sorry. No apologies; feels abound.
A sorority house at Eastern Iowa University. A mousy looking girl dresses for a date in a denim skirt and long sleeved button up blouse. She asks her roommate what she thinks, and said roommate "Oh, honey, no"s her. (S: True friend material.) She crosses to her dresser and grabs a midriff baring lacy red halter top and insists that Mousy Girl wear that instead. After a little reluctance, Mousy Girl puts it on. Ho Suspension Roommate approves and tells her not to do anything she wouldn't. Mousy Girl says that there's nothing she wouldn't do as she heads out. "That's true," Ho Suspension Roommate grins as she flips through her magazine.
Cut to an SUV pulling up under a wooden bridge in the dark. From the shadows, we see a silver hook glint. Mousy Girl says that she thought they were going to a party, and her date says they can't possibly arrive on time. She eyerolls a little at his obviousness, then leans over and kisses him.
Cut to an SUV pulling up under a wooden bridge in the dark. From the shadows, we see a silver hook glint. Mousy Girl says that she thought they were going to a party, and her date says they can't possibly arrive on time. She eyerolls a little at his obviousness, then leans over and kisses him.
We open to a deserted Los Angeles and the zoomy cameraman zooming all over the place. He zooms in on the city, then individual buildings, then pans underground and zooms some more in the sewer tunnels. The battle continues between the Fang Gang and the soldiers. Connor throws Wes across the room into a wall, and demands to know where Angel is. Segue Magic to the alterna-world. The creature close in on Angel, then cower away when he holds up the magic glow ball. He looks up to see a path leading to a temple-y looking thing and THIS WHOLE SCENE IS SO BADLY BLUE SCREENED THAT I JUST CAN'T EVEN. Thankfully, we're thrown to the Electric Cellos.
Lorraine: But why does the blue orb keep the Clickety Demons away? WHY?
Lorraine: But why does the blue orb keep the Clickety Demons away? WHY?
I was pretty devastated when I discovered that I had to cover this episode, because - as you guys should know by now - I have eyeball phobia. The unfortunate thing is that I only have myself to blame for this - way back in the day, I was all "YAAAAAAY SPIKE!!!!" and insisted on the Sweeney, Lor, Kirsti recapping order because it meant that I could cover School Hard. Oh, Past Kirsti. You stupid, stupid girl.
Sweeney: To be fair, that was actually just the logical order based on when I joined the recaps -- it's more that you were excited about the way it worked out than that you actually moved for it to be that way. You know, for whatever consolation that affords you.
Sweeney: To be fair, that was actually just the logical order based on when I joined the recaps -- it's more that you were excited about the way it worked out than that you actually moved for it to be that way. You know, for whatever consolation that affords you.
One of these days, I'll stop making KFC references in the title. BUT NOT TODAY. Chez Summers. Buffy wanders around in the dark, turning off lights, picking up books and generally checking on sleeping Potentials. Upstairs, she sees one girl, Chloe, crying in the corner of the hallway and heads towards her. But something jumps out at her and knocks her down the stairs. She lands at the bottom, the First Slayer above her. "It's not enough," the First Slayer hisses, and Buffy wakes with a start. Cue wolf howl.
Lorraine: I'm going to admit that I'd previously been confusing the First and the First Slayer in my head. #Snowproblems.
K: Awkward...
Lorraine: I'm going to admit that I'd previously been confusing the First and the First Slayer in my head. #Snowproblems.
K: Awkward...
We open in the Shaman Dungeon. Just as a couple of episodes ago, there's the sound of fighting, then the guard comes flying through the door and lands unconscious on the floor. Wes, Cordy and Connor walk in and start throwing accusations around. The shaman informs them that he has no need for a soul in a jar, and that he has no idea where it might be. Cordy demands that he switch to his re-ensouling Plan B, but there is no Plan B. Connor asks what happens if the soul gets out of its bottle, and the shaman says that it can be either returned or destroyed.
Lorraine: The Gang should've really asked about the unsouling fine print before this point.
Lorraine: The Gang should've really asked about the unsouling fine print before this point.
What's that? You've been wanting us to cover Supernatural? You ask, we deliver. This one's going to be a little different, because Sweeney is firmly on the Nope Train as far as Supernatural is concerned, and Lor's got enough on her plate. So y'all are stuck with Sara and me instead. SORRY NOT SORRY.
Sara: SO NOT SORRY BECAUSE: CUTE BOYS AND MONSTERS.
K: Truth. I've been a salt gunner from day one, although I must admit that I took a little break somewhere around season 6 when things got really shitty. But I marathonned my way through season 6, season 7 and season 8 earlier this year, and was firmly back on board in time for season 9.
Sara: SO NOT SORRY BECAUSE: CUTE BOYS AND MONSTERS.
K: Truth. I've been a salt gunner from day one, although I must admit that I took a little break somewhere around season 6 when things got really shitty. But I marathonned my way through season 6, season 7 and season 8 earlier this year, and was firmly back on board in time for season 9.
It's the last fucking chapter and I'm supposed to celebrate, but it's also my last opportunity to make sure you understand that ELJ has the worst chapter transitions ever. (And the worst everything ever, but one step at a time, OK?) The only occasions on which Ana doesn't begin the chapter waking up are those that we begin immediately after the end of the last chapter, in a place where a chapter break makes zero sense. This is of the latter variety.
A consistent feature of both chapter beginnings -- and also all the time always -- is Ana asking a lot of really pointless questions. I spend a lot of time in my own head so I'm not one to judge the idea of a very active inner monologue. But what if my inner monologue consisted only of questions?
A consistent feature of both chapter beginnings -- and also all the time always -- is Ana asking a lot of really pointless questions. I spend a lot of time in my own head so I'm not one to judge the idea of a very active inner monologue. But what if my inner monologue consisted only of questions?
We open in the lobby of the Hyperion, with Angel and Holtz right where we left them. Angel's all "DAFUQ? You're meant to be dead!" then joins the dots on the fact that the mysterious beastie the prophecies were talking about is Holtz. He starts to try and talk Holtz around, but a couple of green scaly demons jump up and hold stabby looking metal things to Angel's throat. Holtz says that what brought him to the 21st century is Angel and his "demon bitch." Angel starts in on his "everything's different because I have a soul" routine, but Holtz flicks some holy water at him, causing him to vamp out for a second, and says that he sees no difference. He orders his minions to search the place because wherever Angel is, Darla can't be far away.
Sweeney: Having dispensed with all that crazy business wherein Ana had to interact with other people, we begin this chapter in a familiar place: with everyone's least favorite couple in bed. Ana, "linger[s] on the edge of consciousness," afraid to wake her future murderer. A valid fear.
Lorraine: It's made a hilarious fear because Ana is being suffocated by Grey's body heat. So, she's not going to wake him because he doesn't get enough sleep and Grey needs to sleep regardless of if Ana is being robbed of her oxygen. Because it hasn't happened in a bit: AND THEN SHE DIES.
Sweeney: That game will never stop being wonderful.
Lorraine: It's made a hilarious fear because Ana is being suffocated by Grey's body heat. So, she's not going to wake him because he doesn't get enough sleep and Grey needs to sleep regardless of if Ana is being robbed of her oxygen. Because it hasn't happened in a bit: AND THEN SHE DIES.
Sweeney: That game will never stop being wonderful.
We open at the Brooding Hotel. Wes, Cordy and her new terrible hair style are worried about Angel. Apparently he's been down in the basement for like forever, and is back to being the King of Broodsville. Plus, Wes keeps hearing a "chucka-chucka sound." Cordy gives Wes crap because he was supposed to do the male bonding thing and get Angel to talk about his feelings, but the English version of that apparently boils down to asking about tea preferences. They squabble a bit before realising that the noise from the cellar has stopped. They sprint for the front desk, and try to look like they've been there the whole time as Angel appears. He was doing his laundry, and says that he loves it when things are still warm from the drier.
Sweeney: Today's episode is called Fool For Love. You may have heard of it. I think it's been mentioned a few times in the comments? Just a few. I want everyone to know that I really was just plopped into this spot in the rotation, because that's what made sense. I didn't choose my numbers, THEY CHOSE ME. Or, like, Lor chose them for me. I'M SORRY THE BUFFYVERSE RANDOM NUMBER GODS LOVE ME BEST. But not really.
Lor: I think the Number Gods mostly ignore me. I always get filler episodes.
Lor: I think the Number Gods mostly ignore me. I always get filler episodes.
Ana knows she's in deep trouble because she's topless on a European beach. Grey picks up her bikini top, throws it at her and hisses for her to get dressed. Ana tries to tell him that no one is looking, on account of this being A EUROPEAN BEACH but she's Ana Freakin' Steele so of course people are looking at her magical boobs. I'm sure a rainbow can be found between them and there is a unicorn that rides back and forth in merry bliss. Ooooor, Grey is a possessive asshole and no one else in the world gives any shits about Ana's boobs. Either or.
Sweeney: I always struggle with these multiple choice quizzes.
Lor: I make them difficult on purpose.
Sweeney: I always struggle with these multiple choice quizzes.
Lor: I make them difficult on purpose.