Kirsti: The alternative post title for this episode is "In which Team Heartless Cow curls up in the Corner of Endless Tears", but that was too long to fit...
Sweeney: I've already made room for you on the couch.
K: THANK YOU, SWEENEY <3 We open on the campus at night. In typical Contrivance U fashion, there are people everywhere, unlike every single time Buffy fights a demon/vampire. Speak of the devil, Buffy sprints through the background with a vampire hot on her tail. And in typical Contrivance U fashion, NO ONE NOTICES.
Sweeney: Christian Grey's MAGICAL birthday continues. I'm drafting this early because the actual post date is too close to my own birthday and I don't intend to celebrate with Christian Grey's butt plug.
Speaking of, someone mentioned last week that Ana's failures now extend to gift giving, as Grey's presents were mostly his own stuff. Good job, Ana!
Lorraine: I was going to make a joke about giving you your own stuff for your birthday, but butt plugs are too close to this joke and I don't want to make it awkward. Maybe I just did.
Speaking of, someone mentioned last week that Ana's failures now extend to gift giving, as Grey's presents were mostly his own stuff. Good job, Ana!
Lorraine: I was going to make a joke about giving you your own stuff for your birthday, but butt plugs are too close to this joke and I don't want to make it awkward. Maybe I just did.
Sweeney: Ana sits in front of Grey's fireplace emotionless and lost in internal monologue, even though there are at least a dozen people there with her, because Ana can't be bothered to interact with people who aren't Christian, and he has gone missing.
Lorraine: In an early reminder that Ana sucks, is not a real human being, and doesn't know how to interact with human beings, she tells us that she "blinks dispassionately" at Grace and Mia. DISPASSIONATELY. They've just lost a son/brother respectively, but this bitch who has known him for less than two months is so wrapped up in her own damn emotions describes herself as completely unaffected by their emotions.
What a stand-up character you've created, James. Truly.
Lorraine: In an early reminder that Ana sucks, is not a real human being, and doesn't know how to interact with human beings, she tells us that she "blinks dispassionately" at Grace and Mia. DISPASSIONATELY. They've just lost a son/brother respectively, but this bitch who has known him for less than two months is so wrapped up in her own damn emotions describes herself as completely unaffected by their emotions.
What a stand-up character you've created, James. Truly.
Previously: Ana got promoted to editor after a week on the job and EL James tried to make us believe it wasn’t because she’s screwing the boss. OKAY SURE. —...
Previously: Varys found out Tyrion rolled into town with Shae, Gendry finds out Arya belongs to House Stark, Theon finds out his family is pretty much a bunch of douches,...
Previously: We met a ton of people in lots of places and winter was coming. — The Kingsroad Lorraine: We start with a minute forty-five second cut of “previously” scenes...
Previously: The Scoobies found out about Angel being doubly undead and they were not happy. Apparently your friends won’t appreciate it if your bf tries to kill lots of people....
Previously: The evil mayor conspired to make the grownups of Sunnydale regress to teenagerness and it was awesome. — Revelations Sweeney: We begin at the Bronze with Oz playing and...
Previously: The GSP is apparently lurking somewhere inside Grey’s apartment, and still manages to not kill anyone. Ana and Grey flee and stay in a hotel where Ana gets Grey...
Previously: The arrival of Faith (!!) has left Sunnydale with two slayers. Also: naked Angel. Beauty and the Beasts Sweeney: The episode begins with a full moon, suggesting Oz/werewolf time....
Previously: Ana once again demonstrated her terrible sense of priorities by choosing shit-beating over being worshiped. She and Grey attend the most nonsensically elaborate charity ball ever. After, they find...