My lovely closed caption tells me we are starting this episode with "disco woman vocalizing." Lorne is strutting down the hallways of Wolfram & Hart trying to sell The Grapes of Wrath in space to someone named Jerry. He hangs up that call and his assistant hands him another cell phone. Lorne tells this person that Big B (Jerry Bruckheimer then, yeah?) (K: YUP.) wants to know more details. He keeps up the showbiz talk until he finally makes it to Harmony's desk, greeting her warmly and complimenting her dress and hair. She does look lovely in pink.
Sweeney: I adore the fact that a Lorne/Harmony friendship is clearly a thing. I'm already completely sold on this episode.
Hanna stomps through the Rosewood Hospital looking for room 312. Spencer tries to slow her down and talk her through a plan. They are going to replace the note in Garrett's Mom's room with a fake note, meant to lead whoever Garret is working with to a location where the Liars will be waiting. Spencer knows all that part of the plan, but points out that they should probably pick out a location before stomping into the coma room. Hanna quickly picks the church. Apparently, the girls assume that whoever Garrett is trying to communicate with on the outside is also A. And Spencer is assuming that Lucas is A, because he doesn't take showers. Or because they found those pills used to drug Emily amongst his things. Probably both.
Sweeney: Why are they finalizing this plan at the hospital?
Sweeney: Why are they finalizing this plan at the hospital?
Our fine looking fibbers are at the Hastings House, watching news coverage of Garrett's murder arrest. Spencer tells the girls that her mom knows someone working the case, and that Jenna Marshall is the one who turned in the evidence against Garrett. Aria wants to know if this means they can finally lay Ali to rest, and I answer her, "No," because we know there are at least two more seasons. Sorry girl.
Sweeney: Poor Aria. Not even her magnet for Getting All The Things She Wants Always Without Consequences can stand in the way of the will of the TV Gods.
Lor: Hanna still thinks Melissa and Jenna are guilty parties. Speak of the forever-pregnant devil, Melissa comes in and says, "love gone wrong."
Sweeney: Poor Aria. Not even her magnet for Getting All The Things She Wants Always Without Consequences can stand in the way of the will of the TV Gods.
Lor: Hanna still thinks Melissa and Jenna are guilty parties. Speak of the forever-pregnant devil, Melissa comes in and says, "love gone wrong."
Emily returns home after Hanna has already gone to bed, but Hanna turns the lights on. She doesn't want to talk about it. The cops asked her a lot of questions, and Maya's parents received a note, but she doesn't know much else because LOL police. Emily mostly wants Hanna to STFU and let her go to bed, which Hanna finally does.
Elsewhere, Melissa is telling Spencer that she ditched her for Garrett because he's been totes a good friend to her lately and she's sure Ian didn't really kill Ali and also, "LOOK, I WENT TO THE POLICE!" Girl, have you not gotten the memo? Talking to Rosewood PD about your issues is either the shadiest or dumbest way to solve your problems. And you're way too smart for me to assume the latter. Except she also thinks she might have shared a stupid amount of information with Garrett.
Elsewhere, Melissa is telling Spencer that she ditched her for Garrett because he's been totes a good friend to her lately and she's sure Ian didn't really kill Ali and also, "LOOK, I WENT TO THE POLICE!" Girl, have you not gotten the memo? Talking to Rosewood PD about your issues is either the shadiest or dumbest way to solve your problems. And you're way too smart for me to assume the latter. Except she also thinks she might have shared a stupid amount of information with Garrett.
We open at a bar that's a generic, dusty, space, future bar. (S: Ah, yes, just your typical "dusty, space, future bar.") Jayne is drinking out of what looks like a small soup pot and he and Mal are playing pool with some fellas we don't know. The poll balls fritz out for a second and they all complain about it loudly. The guy at the bar points to a sign that says, "management not responsible for ball failure." It's fantastic that they have real tables and cues but holographic pool balls because this is space and the future, people. Things have changed.
Sweeney: I wonder if that was just a random grab bag thing.
Sweeney: I wonder if that was just a random grab bag thing.
Sara: The girls watch the extended version of the "I Know You Wanna Kiss Me" video, which has Alison saying that she has to get back to the barn before the PLLs get suspicious. The girls see the end of the video, where the camera is turned around on Ian. The camera is knocked to the ground, and Ali's hand grabs at the dirt and my closed captions say she groans. Hanna points out that there are things besides pain that make people groan (sex) but Spencer doesn't seem to think that's it.
Lorraine: To be fair, she's grabbing handfuls of dirt in the scene too, which seems like more of a desperation thing than a, "woo! This feels so good!" thing. I mean, unless dirt is your thing. IDK.
Lorraine: To be fair, she's grabbing handfuls of dirt in the scene too, which seems like more of a desperation thing than a, "woo! This feels so good!" thing. I mean, unless dirt is your thing. IDK.
Aria is in bed pouting to a St. Lola in the Fields song and flashing back to the pedo-y highlights of her brief "relationship" with her English teacher, Ezrafitz. Her wet-day-dreaming is interrupted by the other members of the Pretty Little Liars who have come to stage an intervention. They want Aria to get out of sweats, which I've got to admit, has happened to me before. The part about my friends showing up at my house and going, "OMG PUT SOME REAL PANTS ON, WE ARE GOING OUT." True story.
Sweeney: Any friends who tried to demand that I put real pants on would be promptly cut out of my life. True story.
Sweeney: Any friends who tried to demand that I put real pants on would be promptly cut out of my life. True story.
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