The girls go through a box of toys and other Ali things at Rosewood's One Coffeeshop, reminding us about the missing bird, returned dead bestie's mother, and Hanna's future accused murderer mother. Everyone is unimpressed with Aria's latest teacher boyfriend.
Piper Mom is also there with her Coffee Shop Owning boyfriend. He's moving to Austria and wants her to come with him, but she can't because she has children. He wants her to "take motherhood off the table for a second" and Piper Mom doesn't in any way whatsoever respond that this is not how motherhood works. Is that why parenting is so bad in Rosewood? "I want to do a thing, but I'm a parent!" "Just, like, pretend you're not." "Perfect!"
Sarah and Cosima are video chatting. Sarah is freaking out because Paul has been called in by Olivier and she hasn't heard from him since. Cosima is cosima-ing, rolling a joint while telling Sarah that everything is totally fine because Paul is on their side. Trouble is, Sarah isn't so sure Paul is on their side. He could be ratting them out at this very moment.
Sweeney: Cosima's nonchalant attitude about serious shit is like Orphan Black's much more intelligent version of the Aria shrug.
Sweeney: Cosima's nonchalant attitude about serious shit is like Orphan Black's much more intelligent version of the Aria shrug.
It's nearly finale time, folks, so maybe something will happen this episode! We're dreaming big.
Sweeney: We Snark Ladies dream impossible dreams. Remember all the times we hoped we'd seen the worst of Fifty Shades and then, you know, read more chapters? Good times.
Lor: Indeed. And proof that we're fucking optimists. Clearly.
Spencer is sleeping on the couch and she wakes to some pretty inconsiderate rustling. Turns out it's Alison, which I should've known because that bitch would be making tons of noise while others were trying to sleep.
Sweeney: We Snark Ladies dream impossible dreams. Remember all the times we hoped we'd seen the worst of Fifty Shades and then, you know, read more chapters? Good times.
Lor: Indeed. And proof that we're fucking optimists. Clearly.
Spencer is sleeping on the couch and she wakes to some pretty inconsiderate rustling. Turns out it's Alison, which I should've known because that bitch would be making tons of noise while others were trying to sleep.
We begin the episode with shots of the girls being separately interrogated. They've told the cops about the Someone Wants To Kiss Ali - Extended Edition that they received, featuring special guest Creepy Ian. They all lie for Spencer when asked if they knew of Ian being with any other younger girls.
Lorraine: Aw. I mean, I'm not aw-ing lying to the police, but just that they all do it for their friend.
Sweeney: Also, rape culture rage break: the cop makes a point of pointing out that Ian was a star athlete as part of why this would never be a thing that would happen because men who are star athletes are inherently good men, OBVS.
Lorraine: Aw. I mean, I'm not aw-ing lying to the police, but just that they all do it for their friend.
Sweeney: Also, rape culture rage break: the cop makes a point of pointing out that Ian was a star athlete as part of why this would never be a thing that would happen because men who are star athletes are inherently good men, OBVS.
We open with all four PLLs in Spencer's room, with Aria sulking by the window. They're discussing how Melissa is pregnant and Emily wonders why she got pregnant. The girls are trying to decode Toby's message, which is in braille. Emily invites Aria to sit closer and Nancy Drew with them, but she just mean eyes Hanna and says she can see just fine, thank you very much.
They decode Toby's letter, and all it says is BAD. Womp womp.
SHH.
They decode Toby's letter, and all it says is BAD. Womp womp.
SHH.