THIS IS IT, YOU GUYS. Finale time. The final lying liar credits take us to King's Landing, Dragonstone, FUCKTHETWINS, Winterfellstillonfireallfuckingseason, The Wall, and past the Gulf of Grief to Yunkai.
We begin the episode with my current least favorite person, Roose Bolton, looking down on the epic torching and slaughter of the remaining Stark bannermen. The Hound is riding off with Arya, who tragically comes to just in time to see her brother being paraded through the streets, headless, with his direwolf's head staked to his body, as everyone chants, "The king of the north!" The look on her face is just too much.
The sometimes-useful-for-Lor-but-always-an-evil-lying-liar-to-me-credits show us King's Landing, Harrenhal, Riverrun, Still-Depressingly-On-Fire-Winterfell, The Wall, and Yunkai. You can assume that the honesty of the credits is directly related to the Snark Lady doing the week's recap.
Samwell is attempting to light a fire for Gilly, but she's all LOL, you don't know what you're doing and I do. I give no shits about either of them and they have nothing to really talk about, especially once Gilly realizes that Sam's lack of ability to do much of anything is the product of his being highborn. He tries to impress her with that knife he found forever ago.
Samwell is attempting to light a fire for Gilly, but she's all LOL, you don't know what you're doing and I do. I give no shits about either of them and they have nothing to really talk about, especially once Gilly realizes that Sam's lack of ability to do much of anything is the product of his being highborn. He tries to impress her with that knife he found forever ago.
Sweeney: Nothing new to report from the title credits. Winterfell is still on fire, and we're still upset about it. Astapor, home of Baby Fun Dip is still on the map. You know what is new this time? BRAN'S BACK. We begin the episode in what must be his dream, because he's running. Also, this kid is growing crazy fast. Don't child actors realize that they need to slow that shit down?
Related: I also suspect that allowing our youngest actors to grow up might be something of an added perk for the writers in dragging out the third book across two seasons. Again, haven't read them, but I can imagine that the age of the actors becoming an issue at some point.
Related: I also suspect that allowing our youngest actors to grow up might be something of an added perk for the writers in dragging out the third book across two seasons. Again, haven't read them, but I can imagine that the age of the actors becoming an issue at some point.
Sweeney: The credits thing was a great ruse. We got new places as places were added, and then shit stayed the same, so I'm done acknowledging this. After the epic-but-not-revealing credits, we see an eyeball waking up and faint sounds of battle noises. This is Tyrion and his first sight is Pycelle, who you will recall is no great fan of Tyrion's, having be imprisoned by him. Pycelle fills Tyrion in on the fact that Tywin gets full credit for the victory and now Tyrion isn't hand of the king. He tosses a coin at Tyrion, a reminder of when Tyrion burst in on him.
Lorraine: Here's to hoping Tyrion takes all those ungrateful little shits down.
Lorraine: Here's to hoping Tyrion takes all those ungrateful little shits down.
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