It starts with a Bible verse.
Sorry, sorry, I just feel like this book is already taking itself too seriously, but okay.
Kirsti: Technically, it starts with a dedication to her sister Emily, "without whose enthusiasm this story might still be unfinished." DAMMIT, EMILY. THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT.
Mari: Perhaps when we get particularly frustrated with the story, we can just yell, "EMILY."
Onward to the preface. An unidentified someone says she has never given much thought to how she would die, but had she thought about it, she wouldn't have imagined this. Let's just call this unidentified person Bella, okay?
I haven't even pressed play to start rewatching this episode and I'm already rolling my eyes. So that's how I feel about this, friends.
We start with an inspiring voice over as we get an extended sequence of Supergirl flying around. It's been a week since she's revealed herself and things are going pretty well. CUE A MISSILE COMING AT HER har har har.
We start with an inspiring voice over as we get an extended sequence of Supergirl flying around. It's been a week since she's revealed herself and things are going pretty well. CUE A MISSILE COMING AT HER har har har.
A chapter is starting, so a character is waking up. Grey screams, "no!" and I find it oddly hilarious that EL tells us that the scream, "bounces off the bedroom walls and wakes [him] from [his] nightmare." That rude scream bounces off the wall and probably bopped him on the head.
Grey wakes up and can still smell the "stale beer, cigarettes and poverty" from his nightmare. He can smell the poverty. Usually we're being facetious when we use the "I hear poor people smell bad" tag, but leave it to Grey to think that poverty is actually a smell.
Grey wakes up and can still smell the "stale beer, cigarettes and poverty" from his nightmare. He can smell the poverty. Usually we're being facetious when we use the "I hear poor people smell bad" tag, but leave it to Grey to think that poverty is actually a smell.
The girls go through a box of toys and other Ali things at Rosewood's One Coffeeshop, reminding us about the missing bird, returned dead bestie's mother, and Hanna's future accused murderer mother. Everyone is unimpressed with Aria's latest teacher boyfriend.
Piper Mom is also there with her Coffee Shop Owning boyfriend. He's moving to Austria and wants her to come with him, but she can't because she has children. He wants her to "take motherhood off the table for a second" and Piper Mom doesn't in any way whatsoever respond that this is not how motherhood works. Is that why parenting is so bad in Rosewood? "I want to do a thing, but I'm a parent!" "Just, like, pretend you're not." "Perfect!"
Piper Mom is also there with her Coffee Shop Owning boyfriend. He's moving to Austria and wants her to come with him, but she can't because she has children. He wants her to "take motherhood off the table for a second" and Piper Mom doesn't in any way whatsoever respond that this is not how motherhood works. Is that why parenting is so bad in Rosewood? "I want to do a thing, but I'm a parent!" "Just, like, pretend you're not." "Perfect!"
Open to Seth and Ryan walking across campus. Ryan is going on about his mistrust of Oliver. This is totally valid because with my limited knowledge it seems to me that Oliver is bat-shit crazy. (I should probably mention that I missed this show entirely so I'm almost completely a Snow). Seth is trying to be comforting but is also being Seth, whose fall back position is sarcastic and nerdy. I have to say so far my favorite thing about this show is the relationship between Ryan and Seth. They offset each other well and it does my heart good to see them fall into this friendship.
So Ryan is still going on about Oliver and says he and Marissa are fighting a lot about him. Seth states Ryan is jealous because Oliver is a rich kid with many exotic locations to whisk women off to. He also uses the phrase "Dapper Don" (really, Seth?) and all I can think of is this even though I have never watched Mad Men:
At Alison's They Tried To Make Me Go To Rehab & I Went Facility, she and Vic the Dick are doing an arts and crafts project - place settings for Family Day. Alison explains that her friend Aynsley thought she was better than her and, as such, deserved what she got. She hesitates, but after pressing from Vic, Alison confesses to sleeping with Aynsley's husband aaaaaand kind-of-sort-of killing her.
Ali reflects on Ainsley clawing at the countertop and then takes a deep breath and tells Vic how great it feels to say it out loud. Vic's, "Well, shit," face is one I share. Also, Alison made him some gloves and if he knows what's good for him, he'll be damned excited about them.
Ali reflects on Ainsley clawing at the countertop and then takes a deep breath and tells Vic how great it feels to say it out loud. Vic's, "Well, shit," face is one I share. Also, Alison made him some gloves and if he knows what's good for him, he'll be damned excited about them.
Zoomy cameraman winds us through a warehouse as a disembodied voice monologues about the importance of trust in shady demonic business dealings. Our cameraman friend finds his way to the voice and the Shady Demonic Businessman is giving this monologue to Wesley who snarks about how he ain't got time for this shit and would like to get to the shady demonic business dealings. He waves a hand to bring in Fred who Wesley refers to as his muscle. He mostly means the gun she developed and is carrying in a case, but I appreciate it all the same. They made this gun to order, but Wesley isn't giving it to them because Shady Demonic Businessman is just a Shady Demonic Middleman.
While this blog changes my opinions of everything and also I find it challenging to rank episodes because I love every episode in this season, I flailed a little when I first realized this one was mine and I've gotten pumped about it every time since. Fingers crossed that it's as glorious as I remember.
We open on Veronica and Keith decorating the tree. Veronica laments that as an only child she knows all the scary handmade ornaments are hers. She singles out a popsicle stick reindeer as particularly concerning. My little brother made one just like that in preschool and we have made fun of it while decorating for the last five or six years.
We open on Veronica and Keith decorating the tree. Veronica laments that as an only child she knows all the scary handmade ornaments are hers. She singles out a popsicle stick reindeer as particularly concerning. My little brother made one just like that in preschool and we have made fun of it while decorating for the last five or six years.
The camera pans across a bunch of fancy cars and one fancy motorbike. Fred's voice from offscreen tells us that Angel's idea for a picnic was excellent. But her tone changes to one of relief as she finishes scanning Wesley for bugs and declares them all to be free from listening devices. Gunn says it's weird to be acting this way, but Angel assures them that it's necessary as there are tons of employees who want them dead. Man, that's a fun company they've taken over! Fred defends their new coworkers, and Wes snaps that maybe Whedon Hat Trick isn't as trustworthy as she thinks. Fred gives him major side-eye while saying that she knows WHT isn't evil.
Sweeney: Jealousy is an ugly look on everyone. I fear it's going to be worn a bit too much this season.
Sweeney: Jealousy is an ugly look on everyone. I fear it's going to be worn a bit too much this season.
We open to a deserted Los Angeles and the zoomy cameraman zooming all over the place. He zooms in on the city, then individual buildings, then pans underground and zooms some more in the sewer tunnels. The battle continues between the Fang Gang and the soldiers. Connor throws Wes across the room into a wall, and demands to know where Angel is. Segue Magic to the alterna-world. The creature close in on Angel, then cower away when he holds up the magic glow ball. He looks up to see a path leading to a temple-y looking thing and THIS WHOLE SCENE IS SO BADLY BLUE SCREENED THAT I JUST CAN'T EVEN. Thankfully, we're thrown to the Electric Cellos.
Lorraine: But why does the blue orb keep the Clickety Demons away? WHY?
Lorraine: But why does the blue orb keep the Clickety Demons away? WHY?
Xander is cleaning up the broken glass, lamenting that he's trapped in a "loop" in which he replaces the Chez Summers windows for all of eternity. (K: This is hilarious because he spends most of the rest of season 7 repairing those fucking windows.) This joke acknowledging the recurring destruction of the Summers home is obviously fantastic, but the word "loop" makes me twitch because I'm trying to learn actual code so that I can fix all the things that keep breaking on this website, but failing because it all looks unsettlingly like math. I feel you, Xander. I sometimes wonder if Snark Squad database errors are going to be ruining my life forever, too.
Lorraine: I really hope it isn't rage ninjas breaking our website.
Lorraine: I really hope it isn't rage ninjas breaking our website.
Our tragically abbreviated journey begins with stock war footage. There are explosions and bullets whizzing by as a band of futuristic aircraft gun down a group of soldiers. Welcome to Firefly everyone!
A man in a brown coat makes his way down a hill and safely into a bunker. Inside, he's addressed by another soldier as "sergeant." Sergeant Brown Coat is told that command is holding air support, but as we just saw, they could use some air support ASAP. He barks out a few orders right before a big blast makes everyone look at each other all, "we're totally gonna die, aren't we?"
Sweeney: It's a Joss Whedon show, so I'm sure some of you are correct!
A man in a brown coat makes his way down a hill and safely into a bunker. Inside, he's addressed by another soldier as "sergeant." Sergeant Brown Coat is told that command is holding air support, but as we just saw, they could use some air support ASAP. He barks out a few orders right before a big blast makes everyone look at each other all, "we're totally gonna die, aren't we?"
Sweeney: It's a Joss Whedon show, so I'm sure some of you are correct!
Buffy is doing her version of the "previouslies" for the Scooby Gang, as this episode starts right after the last. The more I think about the whole Buffy in the Initiative development, the more unlikely it seems to me that they brought her in against their better judgement and then 10 minutes later were all LOL. JAYKAY! She's a liability and we're gonna kill her. But that is indeed what happened.
K: Agreed. It's totally stupid. Unless the whole thing was an attempt to pump her for information about what the Slayer is/does, and then when the Evil Bitch Monster realised that she couldn't chop off bits of Buffy and put them into Adam, she put her in the Too Hard Basket?
K: Agreed. It's totally stupid. Unless the whole thing was an attempt to pump her for information about what the Slayer is/does, and then when the Evil Bitch Monster realised that she couldn't chop off bits of Buffy and put them into Adam, she put her in the Too Hard Basket?
Sweeney: The episode begins with Willow chanting, but we pan out and realize that she's just "praying" for a good card in a poker game with Xander and Anya, who is predictably bad at poker. Xander is bummed about their current lack of money, but he swears that's about to change because he's going to sell some crap that doesn't sound at all appealing.
K: I love Anya's "dirty dirty cheater witch" expression of exasperation. Also her complaining about playing poker with chips. In high school, we used to play poker with M&Ms. Which turned out to be horribly flawed because we'd eat them all in about five minutes and not be able to bet any more...
K: I love Anya's "dirty dirty cheater witch" expression of exasperation. Also her complaining about playing poker with chips. In high school, we used to play poker with M&Ms. Which turned out to be horribly flawed because we'd eat them all in about five minutes and not be able to bet any more...
Buffy, in jeans and a leather jacket, approaches a tall, blond, slightly dorky looking guy who she immediately punches IN THE FACE. (S: BAMF BUFFY GREETINGS.) He puts his vampgrill on and says things were much better for the college-vamps back when she was in high school. Something like that. I don't want to consider this too deeply because how many vampires are parading around as college students and why didn't she know this before? Anyways, she dusts this vamp but gets a sense that something is still out there, lurking.
And then I LOL forever because it is in fact Angel lurking in some bushes. I like Angel more now, thanks to his own show, and I'm sad his intro back into Sunnydale is via lurking in bushes.
And then I LOL forever because it is in fact Angel lurking in some bushes. I like Angel more now, thanks to his own show, and I'm sad his intro back into Sunnydale is via lurking in bushes.