This episode begins by jumping back to just before Spike took that big old swig of flat Mountain Dew. He's telling Angel how fully not about him this is and then he drinks. As he does, Angel's face burns up and he screams. (K: Reminiscent of when he dreamt of marrying Buffy and then her burning up???) Then he wakes up sweating, sitting at his desk.
Meanwhile, Spike's hanging out at a strip club (K: Is this an I Know Who Killed Me crossover?) when Lindsey shows up, and Spike tells him to fuck off.
We open with a pretty hilarious "Welcome to Wolfram & Hart" recruitment video. The guy giving the voiceover is infomercial peppy, and it's intercut with shots of Angel looking awkward and stating their new employee policy: "If you don't kill us, we won't kill you." That throws us into an alarm clock going off. (S: WEIRD. My version misses that peppy video, starting at the alarm clock, and now I'm sad.) (K: Womp womp...)
Harmony turns it off and throws us into a montage of her getting ready for the day. This includes her looking at her not-reflection and vamping out to brush her fangs as well as her teeth. I stop to wonder how the hell she does her make up when she can't see her reflection... (S: Mind. Blown.)
Harmony turns it off and throws us into a montage of her getting ready for the day. This includes her looking at her not-reflection and vamping out to brush her fangs as well as her teeth. I stop to wonder how the hell she does her make up when she can't see her reflection... (S: Mind. Blown.)
Wolfram & Hart. Late at night. The soundtrack from my 5th grade haunted house follows Fred around as she says goodnight to people and closes up Evil Radio Shack for the night. She turns around and then sees Spike and fake screams, dropping her papers. He appreciates her efforts to humor his evil-but-not ego. His I'm-not-evil-but-I-still-want-to-be-a-badass ego? IDK. Anyway, Fred says he needn't worry about any of that because he's a super special ghost. She's pretty sure she can help him, too, but obviously she can't help him without flaring up the Angel/Spike rivalry.
Pause: I get that for those of you have spent years with this show and written all the fic and whatnot, the tension in their relationship is a big huge deal.
Pause: I get that for those of you have spent years with this show and written all the fic and whatnot, the tension in their relationship is a big huge deal.
We open to a deserted Los Angeles and the zoomy cameraman zooming all over the place. He zooms in on the city, then individual buildings, then pans underground and zooms some more in the sewer tunnels. The battle continues between the Fang Gang and the soldiers. Connor throws Wes across the room into a wall, and demands to know where Angel is. Segue Magic to the alterna-world. The creature close in on Angel, then cower away when he holds up the magic glow ball. He looks up to see a path leading to a temple-y looking thing and THIS WHOLE SCENE IS SO BADLY BLUE SCREENED THAT I JUST CAN'T EVEN. Thankfully, we're thrown to the Electric Cellos.
Lorraine: But why does the blue orb keep the Clickety Demons away? WHY?
Lorraine: But why does the blue orb keep the Clickety Demons away? WHY?
I was pretty devastated when I discovered that I had to cover this episode, because - as you guys should know by now - I have eyeball phobia. The unfortunate thing is that I only have myself to blame for this - way back in the day, I was all "YAAAAAAY SPIKE!!!!" and insisted on the Sweeney, Lor, Kirsti recapping order because it meant that I could cover School Hard. Oh, Past Kirsti. You stupid, stupid girl.
Sweeney: To be fair, that was actually just the logical order based on when I joined the recaps -- it's more that you were excited about the way it worked out than that you actually moved for it to be that way. You know, for whatever consolation that affords you.
Sweeney: To be fair, that was actually just the logical order based on when I joined the recaps -- it's more that you were excited about the way it worked out than that you actually moved for it to be that way. You know, for whatever consolation that affords you.
Faith is all bloodied and broken and Wesley tries to tend to her. She says she's okay, though she could use a shower. Wesley asks if she's sure if she's okay and all she says is that she's sticky. In the bathroom, we see Faith peel layers of clothes off her very bloodied body and then step into the shower. The stream of water starts to wash away the blood (but not the make-up!) and then she straight freaks the hell out and starts punching the tile wall, yelling as she does. That seemingly out of her system (at least for now) she goes back to washing off the blood.
Sweeney: This scene was really striking especially considering their last encounter before all of this. I kept waiting for that to be brought up, but I suppose it was sufficient that it made me think of it.
Sweeney: This scene was really striking especially considering their last encounter before all of this. I kept waiting for that to be brought up, but I suppose it was sufficient that it made me think of it.
Our fine looking fibbers are at the Hastings House, watching news coverage of Garrett's murder arrest. Spencer tells the girls that her mom knows someone working the case, and that Jenna Marshall is the one who turned in the evidence against Garrett. Aria wants to know if this means they can finally lay Ali to rest, and I answer her, "No," because we know there are at least two more seasons. Sorry girl.
Sweeney: Poor Aria. Not even her magnet for Getting All The Things She Wants Always Without Consequences can stand in the way of the will of the TV Gods.
Lor: Hanna still thinks Melissa and Jenna are guilty parties. Speak of the forever-pregnant devil, Melissa comes in and says, "love gone wrong."
Sweeney: Poor Aria. Not even her magnet for Getting All The Things She Wants Always Without Consequences can stand in the way of the will of the TV Gods.
Lor: Hanna still thinks Melissa and Jenna are guilty parties. Speak of the forever-pregnant devil, Melissa comes in and says, "love gone wrong."
We find ourselves in Gills Rock, Wisconsin on October 28, 1985. There's an 80's wash on this scene. That is to say it's soft and light jean. Something like that. (S: A+)
A car pulls up to Thorpe's Academy. A little girl in a way too puffy track suit is with her parents. They are greeted by Lydia Thorpe. The conversation between the Raidens and Mrs. Thorpe tells us that the little girl, Gwen, has some sort of "special needs." The Raidens made a nice donation to the school, partly for some accommodations for their daughter. The Raidens are all, "WELL OKAY LOVE YA, SEE YA." Gwen says nothing and is led away by Mrs. Thorpe who says she must stay away from the other children. She gives her parents one last, "thanks for abandoning me," look and they leave.
A car pulls up to Thorpe's Academy. A little girl in a way too puffy track suit is with her parents. They are greeted by Lydia Thorpe. The conversation between the Raidens and Mrs. Thorpe tells us that the little girl, Gwen, has some sort of "special needs." The Raidens made a nice donation to the school, partly for some accommodations for their daughter. The Raidens are all, "WELL OKAY LOVE YA, SEE YA." Gwen says nothing and is led away by Mrs. Thorpe who says she must stay away from the other children. She gives her parents one last, "thanks for abandoning me," look and they leave.
Angel stands in his fire and earthquake destroyed room, staring at the charred and empty crib. We zoom in on his hurt face, which a lot of you seem to have very little sympathy for. You Heartless Cows can pretend he's thinking about how to get rid of smoke damage.
Cut to Wesley's apartment. Fred is sadly listening to several messages she left for Wesley. He has not been home. She's having a hard time accepting that he would kidnap Connor. Gunn is more on team, "well. It happened." They both know that if Angel reaches Wesley first, he's a dead man. Fred wants to stay in the apartment in case Wesley comes back, but Gunn doesn't think Wes is coming back. His toothbrush, razor and gun are gone, aka the essentials. I'm not sure what you would need to find gone from my house to assume I was gone forever. All my nail polishes and books probably wouldn't be conducive to running away, you know?
Cut to Wesley's apartment. Fred is sadly listening to several messages she left for Wesley. He has not been home. She's having a hard time accepting that he would kidnap Connor. Gunn is more on team, "well. It happened." They both know that if Angel reaches Wesley first, he's a dead man. Fred wants to stay in the apartment in case Wesley comes back, but Gunn doesn't think Wes is coming back. His toothbrush, razor and gun are gone, aka the essentials. I'm not sure what you would need to find gone from my house to assume I was gone forever. All my nail polishes and books probably wouldn't be conducive to running away, you know?
The episode begins with Wesley back to obsessing about the prophecy, which thanks to the earthquake happening as foretold by the hamburger, he's now sure is legit.
Kirsti: Would YOU doubt the word of a talking hamburger??
Lorraine: This is a trick question, I'm sure of it.
Kirsti: Would YOU doubt the word of a talking hamburger??
Lorraine: This is a trick question, I'm sure of it.
Spencer, Hanna and Aria sit in a police interrogation room, arms and faces covered in dirty. On the other side of the one way glass, some officer is telling a shadowy detective that the girls haven't said a word since they were brought in. The Zoomy Cameraman focuses on Detective Mystery's mouth so we can watch it smirk at the thought of securing his own promotion by destroying the lives of three girls.
It comes as no real shock that this is Detective Wilden, last seen being the stupidest detective of all time, taking advantage of Mama Marin's vagina and also getting a verbal SMACKDOWN from Mariska Mom.
It comes as no real shock that this is Detective Wilden, last seen being the stupidest detective of all time, taking advantage of Mama Marin's vagina and also getting a verbal SMACKDOWN from Mariska Mom.
After the previouslies, we're at Glory's. Her Flattery Demons are packing up all her stuff and talking about how they're already behind schedule. Glory, meanwhile, is trying on some kind of robe thingy. She overhears her minions talking smack about her, and wonders out loud why she doesn't have the urge to kill them for it. She follows it up with a ramble about all the chaos she's going to cause when she gets home, then asks why she isn't happy. "What do you think?" she says, and the camera pans across to a bound, gagged, and crying Dawn sitting in a chair.
Cut to the petrol station. Spike informs the gang that he's successfully hot wired Ben's car, so they can leave.
Cut to the petrol station. Spike informs the gang that he's successfully hot wired Ben's car, so they can leave.
I wish I could tell you that I'm kidding when I say that I spent a good fifteen minutes debating how to name Faith/Buffy in this episode -- whether Faith!Buffy would mean Faith in Buffy's body or Buffy in Faith's body. Obviously that would be the most insane, confusing thing ever. For the sake of this recap, they will be referred to by the character they are, not the body they are in, though I'll occasionally clarify when I feel it's necessary. That is, Faith-in-Buffy's-body will be Faith and Buffy-in-Faith's-body will be Buffy. Got it? Cool.
Outside the Summers home, Joyce and Faith-as-Buffy are being told by a detective (LOL Sunnydale cops) that they're so glad they have "Faith" in custody because they've been looking for her.
Outside the Summers home, Joyce and Faith-as-Buffy are being told by a detective (LOL Sunnydale cops) that they're so glad they have "Faith" in custody because they've been looking for her.