Tag: boregasm plus

Eclipse Chapter 01 – Hell.

Hello! Welcome back. As ever, we are so happy to have you here and so not looking forward to the thing we voluntarily put ourselves through. The Internet is a strange place, my friends.
We start with the dedication:
Snort laugh when you see it.
Kirsti: I'm sure her kids are THRILLED to be included in the same dedication as... that.
Catherine: More evidence that Meyer doesn't know what words mean. 

Grey Chapter 13 – Brought to you by A

In a shocking turn of events, we do not get a chronologically detailed description of Christian Grey going about every aspect of his boring life to start this chapter, but in fact, jump right to the time and place of the next “plot” point in the story.
Mia, ever ebullient, literally squeals Grey's name and hugs him at the airport. She wants to talk about his new girl, but he would rather do actual work and heavy lifting of her luggage than speak with her about that.

The OC S03 E07 – This is so stupid.

Last time I watched The OC, the gang was celebrating Chrismukkah and I revealed my snow elitism roots. (M: Good times.) I haven’t seen any of season three, so this should be interesting…
The episode begins with the foursome eating at a diner. The boys decide that the girls should pick the movie (could I love these boys anymore??), which leads to Summer and Marissa riffing “Bring It On.”

Snark Squad Sentiments: The Fifty Shades of Grey Movie

When we finished recapping the entire Fifty Shades series, Sweeney and I decided to record vlogs discussing our feelings about the project as a whole. Sweeney put together a lovely video that remains one of my favorite things ever. I... never did it. Blame some combination of permanent trauma and lack of words. After two years of recapping this series chapter by chapter, I had very little else to say.
This is probably my punishment, then, for having flaked out on that final vlog. Yes, I went to go see the movie and yes, I have more feelings than could truly be captured during my live-Tweeting, so yes, I'm doing the movie post.

Gotham S01 E13 – 10 minute plot points

Murder Warehouse. You can tell by the lighting. Fish is brought in and strapped to a table. She laughs a little even when the transport baddies introduce her to Bob, her torturer. Bob even does a little evil rubber glove snapping, because we need at least one cliche in the first minute, amIright?
Sweeney: We watch a lot of TV - this show is just trying to helpfully assure us that we're on the right show.
Mari: Jada Pinkett Smith and a cliche? Yep. Gotham.

Dawson’s Creek S03 E07 – 300 Years of Slut Shaming

For the first time in approximately a million episodes, we DON'T start in the Shrine o' Spielberg. SCANDAL. Instead, we're at the video store, being reminded that Dawson has a job. Joey walks in and asks if there are any copies of The Crucible left. There aren't and she headdesks for being "that girl" who leaves her schoolwork to the last minute and who had no chance to read the book. Dawson's surprised, and she tells him she was too busy looking after Alexander and setting up the B&B to study. He's double surprised because apparently his best friend didn't bother to tell him that her house is being turned into a B&B. LOL. There's some awkward life catch-up back and forth, then Joey goes to leave and face her inevitable failure.

The OC S02 E17 – Naked mistakes

Mallory: We start off with what is basically my dream come true: Sandy Cohen offering up chicken parm for dinner. Kirsten is too preoccupied talking to Carter about Newport Living magazine to appreciate Sandy’s chivalry. Seth and Ryan swoop in to grab their chicken parm and get back to a “very crucial Playstation game,” but Sandy traps them into a family dinner. He puts his foot down hard about the family dinner - I’ve never seen anyone seem quite so intimidating while wearing a lavender cashmere v-neck.
Marines: I almost hate to say it but not really: it's the eyebrows.
Sweeney: The eyebrows explain it all.

The OC S02 E08 – The Power of Blah

I feel like I should start by saying that I remember very little about season two. I diligently watched the entire season when it aired and then once again a few years ago when I scored the DVDs at Target for $10. But pretty much the entire season is one big blur of now-dated bands, bland love interests, and me wondering when Seth and Summer are going to get back together. So "The Power of Love" should be a fun trip down not-really-a-memory lane.
Marines: A+. "Not really a memory," describes 95% of my OC experience. The other 5% is a mixture of adorable Seth, flying pool furniture and a certain alley in Tijuana.
Sweeney: Television's gold standard depiction of Tijuana, really.

Game of Thrones S04 E09 – Now my rewatch has ended.

Fair warning: I think this is one of the weaker episodes of the series. What can you expect when they keep us at the Wall? THE WHOLE TIME? No amount of Jon Snow's shiny hair can salvage that.
Sweeney: I thought this would be a pretty universal opinion but I saw people on Twitter gushing about it. We've assembled a crowd that shares our love of the character-driven elements of the story so I don't think our opinion will be unpopular here, but it's weird. To that end, if you're the sort of person who digs military history and battle names and that kind of thing, then maybe this episode was your jam. For the rest of us...not so much.
Lor: We start with a sweeping view of Castle Black.

Pretty Little Liars S03 E03 – Nothing Happens.

The Liars are standing around at the School for Plotting Against a NotBlind!Girl, watching NotBlind!Jenna read braille and wondering wtf she's up to. The girls have decided that Aria is the one assigned to this task, because Jenna trusts her, on account of the inviting Aria to play musical instruments with her thing. Aria is not looking forward to this mission, but Hanna says she'd gladly trade her Crazy Mona for a Blind!Jenna. Jenna click clacks away, and Hanna says they should push a table in front of her and see what happens. LOL.
Sweeney: That proud smile is the best. This is why we love you, Hanna.
Lorraine: She should be proud because at least she owns it. None of these girls know a damn thing about subtlety.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer S04 E14 – Balls all over your wall.

Buffy is doing her version of the "previouslies" for the Scooby Gang, as this episode starts right after the last. The more I think about the whole Buffy in the Initiative development, the more unlikely it seems to me that they brought her in against their better judgement and then 10 minutes later were all LOL. JAYKAY! She's a liability and we're gonna kill her. But that is indeed what happened.
K: Agreed. It's totally stupid. Unless the whole thing was an attempt to pump her for information about what the Slayer is/does, and then when the Evil Bitch Monster realised that she couldn't chop off bits of Buffy and put them into Adam, she put her in the Too Hard Basket?

Fifty Shades Darker Chapter 19 – I don’t know what I expected.

Sweeney: Ana sits in front of Grey's fireplace emotionless and lost in internal monologue, even though there are at least a dozen people there with her, because Ana can't be bothered to interact with people who aren't Christian, and he has gone missing.
Lorraine: In an early reminder that Ana sucks, is not a real human being, and doesn't know how to interact with human beings, she tells us that she "blinks dispassionately" at Grace and Mia. DISPASSIONATELY. They've just lost a son/brother respectively, but this bitch who has known him for less than two months is so wrapped up in her own damn emotions describes herself as completely unaffected by their emotions.
What a stand-up character you've created, James. Truly.

BSC #017 “Mary Anne’s Bad-Luck Mystery” – Trapped in middle school for the rest of forever

Unfortunately for Mary Anne, and more importantly me, she is trapped in the eighth grade for the rest of forever and it’s just not a good look for her. Our story begins with the usual redundant nonsense. Kristy is gross, but Mary Anne is lame and obsessed with her, so we get to hear all about it. Today our girls are placed into predictable developing-complex-characters-is-hard boxes by way of introducing them alongside their lunch choices. Kristy gets the school lunch so she can be gross, Dawn eats granola and tofu and shit, and Claudia loves junk food blah blah blah. Oh and also Kristy lives in a giant-house-no-jk-a-mansion and Claudia is “exotic.” The usual.