Sandy’s having his morning coffee, thinking about what kind of bagel he feels like this morning. Ryan’s brother, Trey, also recognized as “NOT Gavin DeGraw” walks into the kitchen. Today’s the day! Today’s the day Trey moves out of the Cohen commune and into his own place. Sandy’s all like “PRAISE! I have enough troubled youth on my hands, but call me if you need anything.” Trey’s like, “Nah, I’m ok. You guys have done too much for me already. Not many people would take in an ex-con; Ryan’s lucky to have you.”
BROTHER BURN.
We start with some very un-Dawson's Creek-esque rock music. A hot and sweaty (ugh) Dawson wakes on a bus and turns to check out the hot blonde girl next to him. Except he has drool all over his chin. She informs him of this and follows up with "You're a very heavy breather, did you know that?" LOL. She asks what he's watching - right, because his 1999 laptop would have enough battery power to watch an entire movie - and he tells her it's Risky Business. She scoffs at them having made a teenager losing his virginity to a hooker romantic, and Dawson claims it's more of a myth. He more or less uses the phrase "boy on the verge of manhood" that I hated so very much from season 1, so I want to punch him in the face more than usual. She declares him adorable, and he introduces himself.
We open on…lots of shirtless construction workers. Unfortunately, the camera’s not on them nearly long enough. The only two people with shirts are Sandy and I guess the head construction dude, and it’s not until they start talking that I realize the construction is in the Cohen home. Their house is torn apart, literally and figuratively, which Sandy actually says out loud. As always, very subtle with the symbolism, writers. They talk about the endless construction and we learn that it’s now September. Just before the construction workers knock down a wall that almost hits them, Sandy complains about all the shirtless guys (killjoy!) saying that the neighbors have started to call their house The Manhole. Hee. Kirsten comes downstairs wearing this adorable little black dress and greets “Archie,” the head construction dude.
FINALE TIME! I have no idea why this show has a ridiculous 27 episode order, but unlike some other teen soap operas, the previouslies inform us that shit has been happening on this show. Speaking of, this episode begins with Seth and Ryan discussing potential baby names. Ryan, suddenly with more to brood about than ever before is uncommonly lighthearted. (For Ryan, anyway. This would still qualify as a broody day for most other fictional characters.) Bro chat comes to an end when Theresa emerges from the family planning clinic.
Casa Cohen. Kirsten gets off a phone call, still distressed about the impending nuptials of The Gruesome Twosome.
Casa Cohen. Kirsten gets off a phone call, still distressed about the impending nuptials of The Gruesome Twosome.
I’m starting off my recap with a Grand Proclamation of Love. Don't worry, Ladies of Snark - you can keep your Seth Cohen, because I am all Ryan all the time. He can grab my face and movie star kiss me any day.
Like most episodes, we start off in the Cohen kitchen. While I love the Cohen house, this kitchen is far too small and ordinary for the setting. This always distracts me from what’s happening in the show. Where is the chandelier? Why is the room so small?
Like most episodes, we start off in the Cohen kitchen. While I love the Cohen house, this kitchen is far too small and ordinary for the setting. This always distracts me from what’s happening in the show. Where is the chandelier? Why is the room so small?
Ryan and Seth are walking back to the hotel-apartment where Theresa was staying. Ryan left his watch. Seth asks him all kinds of awkward questions about when exactly he took the watch off. During the deed? During foreplay? Before foreplay, which he fears would be presumptuous? The fact that he picks on that one and not, say, taking off your watch mid-sex worries me. This one-sided bro-chat ends with Seth saying he likes to leave the watch on to try and beat his previous times.
Inside the office, the hotel-apartment worker makes things even more awkward when he asks if Theresa is Ryan's girlfriend. Ryan blinks rapidly at him and looks like he might have to sneeze but it won't come out. In Ben McKenzie, this might be interpreted as "uncomfortable."
Inside the office, the hotel-apartment worker makes things even more awkward when he asks if Theresa is Ryan's girlfriend. Ryan blinks rapidly at him and looks like he might have to sneeze but it won't come out. In Ben McKenzie, this might be interpreted as "uncomfortable."