Previously: Rory invited Paris to a Bangles concert. — That Damn Donna Reed Grace: So here’s why I had to do this episode: when my mom was married to my dad,...
Previously: The Tyrells got whooped. — The Spoils of War Democracy Diva: The previouslies take us back to early Season 1, with Catelyn saving Bran from a dagger, so you know...
We open on Daxam on The Day that Krypton Died. Fireballs are raining down on the planet and Mon-El and the Prince are running. They find a Kryptonian Ship that some dead emissaries left behind. Mon-El insists that the Prince escape in it but the Prince admits he cannot fly it. Mon-El gets in to pre-program the destination and then the Prince shut him in because he's wounded and wants to go down with his planet.
Ladies and gentlemen, you could've been anywhere in the world tonight, but you're here with us in Winterfell. Are you ready for a BastardBowl?
Catherine: Get hype! We're probably gonna be in tears before this is over.
Diva: We're probably gonna be in tears before this starts.
The previouslies remind us that the battle for Winterfell is imminent, Shireen Baratheon loved the toy stag that Davos gave her (see - I'm already crying!), the Greyjoys are en route to Meereen, and the slavers are trying to blow up Dany's pyramid just as she deboards her dragon.
Catherine: Get hype! We're probably gonna be in tears before this is over.
Diva: We're probably gonna be in tears before this starts.
The previouslies remind us that the battle for Winterfell is imminent, Shireen Baratheon loved the toy stag that Davos gave her (see - I'm already crying!), the Greyjoys are en route to Meereen, and the slavers are trying to blow up Dany's pyramid just as she deboards her dragon.
Thanks for your patience, Snark Nation! Mari is traveling around the world, recruiting soldiers for the Great War to come, so Catherine and I are going to finish this season up on our own and probably hold each other while we sob. Right? Right.
Catherine: It's so likely that I'm upgrading it from a probably to a definitely. Get ready to emotionally suffer!
Catherine: It's so likely that I'm upgrading it from a probably to a definitely. Get ready to emotionally suffer!
After approximately 2 weeks worth of continuous previouslies, we go to the credits: King's Landing, Bolton Winterfaux, The Wall, Braavos, Meereen and Dorne.
Democracy Diva: WINTERFAUX. A+. That is the only thing we are allowed to call it until a Stark is safe there again. (So, that's the only thing we're ever gonna call it, I guess.)
Mari: We're starting this season with the exact right expectations.
Democracy Diva: WINTERFAUX. A+. That is the only thing we are allowed to call it until a Stark is safe there again. (So, that's the only thing we're ever gonna call it, I guess.)
Mari: We're starting this season with the exact right expectations.
We open at a psychiatric hospital where a woman patient sits in the doctor's office. He asks why she refuses to take her medication and she says that they make her sleepy and if she sleeps the monster will come. The doctor is all "yeah, but this monster is just a symptom of the schizophrenia that you have, let me describe it to you." Susan says that she knows what she is, she can see her dead son, but this monster is real and killed Annie. He keeps psycho babbling and refuses to believe.
After a recap of the last episode, we jump straight to the credits.
DOO WEE OOH.
The Doctor is trying to sonic his way into the car where Wilf is being poisoned. Sylvia Noble comes out of nowhere with a sledgehammer and busts the windshield open like a boss and because DUH!
Kirsti: But seriously, why did no one think of that earlier?!
Mari: At UNIT, general chaos. Colonel Mace goes into a command room where a helpful woman lets him know that ATMOS has gone wild all over the world.
DOO WEE OOH.
The Doctor is trying to sonic his way into the car where Wilf is being poisoned. Sylvia Noble comes out of nowhere with a sledgehammer and busts the windshield open like a boss and because DUH!
Kirsti: But seriously, why did no one think of that earlier?!
Mari: At UNIT, general chaos. Colonel Mace goes into a command room where a helpful woman lets him know that ATMOS has gone wild all over the world.
In order to adequately recap this episode, I need to start with Snark Lady Storytime: once upon a time (read: July 3rd 2014) in a faraway kingdom (read: Snark HQ), two Snark Ladies were trying to work out how best to recap Dawson's Creek after season 1. Should we alternate? Stick exclusively to odds/evens? Or alternate and then split the season finale? And I'm not going to lie: my decision was made solely based on the fact that I'd get to recap this episode, and Diva was nice enough to not interfere.
PTA meeting. A parent accuses the school board of sentencing their kid to death, which is quite extreme, and also not at all what is going on here. The board has urged Principal Green to reconsider his decision to expel Douchey Jock. Mr. Douchey Jock Sr. is all, "my kid didn't do anything wrong," but Joey stands up to speak her mind about how this has all been blown out of proportion. The school board president basically tells her to sit down and shut up. DJ Sr. says that Principal Green's draconian methods of punishment are more appropriate for an "urban war zone" than civilized community. You see, because Principal Green is black, DJ Sr. can't just call it a war zone. It has to be "urban," because racism. This dude is the grossest. Joey agrees, and so does one member of the school board, who tells DJ Sr. that his son's issues are a result of his own shitty parenting.
The last scene of the previouslies is the massacre from last episode, so I hope everyone is ready for happy fun times. The credits take us to King's Landing, Bolton-Winterfell, The Wall, Braavos, Meereen and Dorne.
Post-credits, we see Grey Worm on a sick bed as Missandei watches over him and cries. Out near her throne in the Pyramid of Power, Danaerys and Daario stand over Barristan Selmy's slain body. I had a feeling one would die and one would survive. And then the reasonable part of my brain went, "both of them will die; this is Game of Thrones." (S: That was my reaction so Grey Worm being alive was a pleasant surprise? This show.)
Post-credits, we see Grey Worm on a sick bed as Missandei watches over him and cries. Out near her throne in the Pyramid of Power, Danaerys and Daario stand over Barristan Selmy's slain body. I had a feeling one would die and one would survive. And then the reasonable part of my brain went, "both of them will die; this is Game of Thrones." (S: That was my reaction so Grey Worm being alive was a pleasant surprise? This show.)
We open with Dawson trying to teach Joey how to drive stick. She gives up, because Dawson's condescending lessons are spectacularly unsuccessful, and Pacey pops his head up from the back of the truck to complain. Joey tells Dawson that he's no Lloyd Dobler (obviously, because Lloyd Dobler is the cutest and Dawson is the worst), who was very patient when teaching Ione Skye how to drive in Say Anything. Dawson says Joey just isn't listening to him.
Kirsti: Which is totally fair because Dawson's a dick and his instructions are terrible.
Diva: YUP
Pacey asks if Joey is seeing her college boy tonight for Valentine's Day, but he's too busy with exams.
Kirsti: Which is totally fair because Dawson's a dick and his instructions are terrible.
Diva: YUP
Pacey asks if Joey is seeing her college boy tonight for Valentine's Day, but he's too busy with exams.
First things first: I have an irrational love for this episode. It manages to be feelsy and really freaking dark and hilarious simultaneously, and it's just kind of great.
Right, on with the show. We open with a super close up of Sam's closed eyes. Heat of the Moment by Asia starts playing, and he sits bolt upright in bed at the Motel of the Week. Dean, already dressed, tells Sam that it's "time to rise and shine, Sammy!" This gives me horrible flashbacks to my teen years when my mother would burst into my room at like 9am on a Saturday and holler "Time for getting up now!" (M: My mom's Saturday wake-up was the dreaded, "time to clean!" -_-)
Right, on with the show. We open with a super close up of Sam's closed eyes. Heat of the Moment by Asia starts playing, and he sits bolt upright in bed at the Motel of the Week. Dean, already dressed, tells Sam that it's "time to rise and shine, Sammy!" This gives me horrible flashbacks to my teen years when my mother would burst into my room at like 9am on a Saturday and holler "Time for getting up now!" (M: My mom's Saturday wake-up was the dreaded, "time to clean!" -_-)
We open with a slightly terrifying close-up of a ginger bloke and Rose voiceover-ing about her dad, the most wonderful man in the world. I feel like I know the ginger bloke from something, but IMDb informs me it's just One Episode of Every British Police Show Ever. (M: A+) That throws us into a flashback of Jackie showing Mini!Rose photos of her father and telling her about the day he died, how it was the same day that friends of hers got married. In the TARDIS, Rose asks the Doctor if they can go and see her father when he was still alive. The Doctor is briefly concerned and tells her "be careful what you wish for" but agrees with a grin nonetheless. He pulls some controls and the TARDIS vworp vworps.
Okay, y'all. This is one of my favourite episodes ever, because of reasons. So I've been excited for, like, EVER about recapping this one. Let's get to it. A middle-aged professor type heads up the steps of a college building after dark, then stops when he sees a pretty young thing (who looks weirdly like a brunette Reese Witherspoon) in a sundress fixing her shoe. I'm going to go ahead and award him a "THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS" because he's in an overcoat and scarf, and doesn't think her lack of coat is at all suspect. Anyway, Brunette Witherspoon flirts a little as she says that she's in one of his classes and he invites her up to his office. There's some more flirting, a little making out, and then her face turns all grey and rotten. "What's the matter? Don't you like me any more?" she says sadly. Downstairs, a janitor locks the front of the building and heads down the stairs. There's a crunch behind him and he turns to see Creeper Professor, face first in the concrete.