The whole internet seems to be making Law & Order jokes about this episode and I'm going to try super hard to not be one of them but also I'll probably fail.
The previouslies remind us of the enemies that Tyrion made while being the best member of his family and basically Westeros. Also the part where Varys told Tyrion he was the best forever. Also a reminder of Theon's torture, as if we could ever, ever forget that shit.
Liar liar credits on fire: King's Landing, Dreadfort, Winterfellstillonfire, The Wall, BRAAVOS! all shiny and new, complete with an animated soldier man guarding the city, and finally, to Meereen.
Lorraine: Hello Traumateers!
We decided to pause for a wrap-up post for a couple of reasons: (1) - Have we mentioned we love finishing things? Man, we do. So pausing for a celebratory flail post is necessary.
(2) - We covered the entire book over the span of 22 weeks, which is a fucking lot, now that I think of it. Jesus, that's a lot of time dedicated to a load of crap. BRB. I didn't think I would need alcohol for a wrap up post, but alas.
Sweeney: It's always necessary for anything Fifty Shades related.
We decided to pause for a wrap-up post for a couple of reasons: (1) - Have we mentioned we love finishing things? Man, we do. So pausing for a celebratory flail post is necessary.
(2) - We covered the entire book over the span of 22 weeks, which is a fucking lot, now that I think of it. Jesus, that's a lot of time dedicated to a load of crap. BRB. I didn't think I would need alcohol for a wrap up post, but alas.
Sweeney: It's always necessary for anything Fifty Shades related.
Previously: Ana returns to Seattle just in time to have sex in a hallway, sex in the shower and sex in the Red Room. That last one happened with a...
Lor: What do you mean you don't have time to examine your surroundings? I now know that the upstairs lights are halogens and on a mother freakin' dimmer. Trust me. You've noticed your damn surroundings.
Ana compares Grey to a dangerous predator again. I'd say something about this being repetitive, but really, there are only so many nice ways to say, "he's probably going to kill me."
Sweeney: Obviously I have only read one chapter of this book, but the first thing I noticed was how murdery the writing sounds. If I knew nothing else about this story, I would automatically think, "Welp, this girl's about to get axe murdered on a creepy boat with bad porno lighting."
Ana's waking up and she's all hazy with sleep and sex. Her head is on his chest and she tells us that he smells like fresh laundry and the best smell in the world: Christian.
Oh, really? He smells like Christian. Great, amazing. Thank you E.L. James for not actually wanting to do any writing heavy lifting and vague-ing it up so that lonely women every where can insert their own interpretation of what the Christian smell is.
I'd personally like to think he smells of mommy issues and desperation. Oh, and a little papery, like the money that makes it all okay.
Ana touches his chest and Grey is on her like a hawk, removing her hand. "Don't" he murmurs. Ana whisper-asks why he doesn't like to be touched as she stares into his GRAY! eyes.
He replies: Because I'm fifty shades of fucked up.
As promised (or threatened):
Previously: Ana and Grey totally “did it” and she felt lots of things “down there,” and I ain’t talking about her toes, ifyouknowwhatImean. — Lorraine: Ana wakes up and apparently having sex...
Previously: Ana and Grey whispered at each other a lot as Grey revealed that he is a Dominant in search of a sub. Grey shows Ana his contract of sub-stuff, which...
HAI BLOG HAI. So a whole shitstorm of shitstorminess happened right after I got married. For example, 1) my car broke down and I had to buy a new one, b) my laptop committed suicide, and 2a) I got laid off at work. Just last night, my wonderful husband fixed my computer because he is the best husband in the whole world really, really tired of listening to me bitch about it.
The moment I found out my laptop was fixed, I texted Lorraine to say, "COMPUTER FIXED. FIFTY SHADES OF GREY. I AM SO IN." Because when you're talking about a book as awful as this one, the shouty capitals are really necessary.
The moment I found out my laptop was fixed, I texted Lorraine to say, "COMPUTER FIXED. FIFTY SHADES OF GREY. I AM SO IN." Because when you're talking about a book as awful as this one, the shouty capitals are really necessary.