Look, there's two more "chapters" left in this book, but one is two pages long and I'm just going to finally put this whole thing out of it's misery. So, hooray, welcome to the last Grey recap! (A: For real , this time!)(J: Huzzah!)
Grey is having a nightmare of finding his mother dead. I think we've read about his having this nightmare before so it doesn't even seem very evil to be like, "moving right along" about it.
Alex: The nightmare ends with Baby Grey saying 'I have no words'. That's basically been me for the past five or six recaps.
Well, this is awkward. I'm currently feeling a little like the Grinch who stole Christmas, because just last week Mari sent me an excited email about how she'd finished writing the last Grey recap...
...and then I had to go and ruin it by pointing out that she’d missed out a whole chapter.
Sorry, Mari!
Marines: I Tweeted about being done and everything! Being suddenly not done was truly was the most depressing thing that has happened to me in a long, long while. IN MY DEFENSE, each of these chapters start with a dream and end with a brood so while I checked to make sure I was on the right chapter I WAS DUPED.
...and then I had to go and ruin it by pointing out that she’d missed out a whole chapter.
Sorry, Mari!
Marines: I Tweeted about being done and everything! Being suddenly not done was truly was the most depressing thing that has happened to me in a long, long while. IN MY DEFENSE, each of these chapters start with a dream and end with a brood so while I checked to make sure I was on the right chapter I WAS DUPED.
Yes, it's true. Ana and Grey broke up, but this book is still going. Can you guess how happy I am about that?
But E. L. must have a really good reason for writing FIVE MORE CHAPTERS of this damn thing, right? I'm sure there are going to be all sorts of plot twists and turns, and plenty of brand new information which will make reading what follows a totally worthwhile use of our time. Right? RIGHT?
But E. L. must have a really good reason for writing FIVE MORE CHAPTERS of this damn thing, right? I'm sure there are going to be all sorts of plot twists and turns, and plenty of brand new information which will make reading what follows a totally worthwhile use of our time. Right? RIGHT?
I cannot remember a single thing that happened in the last chapter. I’m not saying this as an apology or anything. I actually get pretty proud of myself whenever I manage to purge any part of this experience from my brain.
Jessica: I also have forgotten pretty much everything except some shadowy glimpses of plot. I've enjoyed this ignorance, and I feel that I shall soon miss it....
Mari: Yep. Also, I know I'm not posting this on it's regular day, but since we've been gone for so long, and we finally finished this thing, I figured why not. We can all soon miss our ignorance together.
Jessica: I also have forgotten pretty much everything except some shadowy glimpses of plot. I've enjoyed this ignorance, and I feel that I shall soon miss it....
Mari: Yep. Also, I know I'm not posting this on it's regular day, but since we've been gone for so long, and we finally finished this thing, I figured why not. We can all soon miss our ignorance together.
The chapter begins with a scene from Grey's childhood, where he hides in the closet from “him” who often hits Grey and the Crack Whore.
Grey awakens from this bad dream, and as he gets ready for a run, receives a text from Ana saying she's arrived safely in Georgia. That she's safe makes him happy, but then he checks his email and of course, there's a really long one from Ana. It makes his scalp prickle (you know, like when a ghost is nearby?) and he sits down to read it.
Grey awakens from this bad dream, and as he gets ready for a run, receives a text from Ana saying she's arrived safely in Georgia. That she's safe makes him happy, but then he checks his email and of course, there's a really long one from Ana. It makes his scalp prickle (you know, like when a ghost is nearby?) and he sits down to read it.
We pick up the emails right where they left off last time, but now it's 12:03am, so it's a new day, see? Grey sends back an email asking why Ana said she doesn't like him. If you are an author who figures that including full email transcripts is a super excellent way to fill your book, what do you do between emails?
Oh hey. It’s me again, reviewing a Gotham episode for the third time this week. What can I say? The prospect of the season finale next week gave me a renewed sense of purpose. That, and the desire to be done with this show forever and ever.
Marines: She kept asking, "want me to do the next one?" and the answer was always yes. Yes forever.
Alex: So. It’s morning at Christian/Milo/Ogre’s apartment and rather than away screaming when she saw the murder chamber last night, Barbara instead spent the night there having lots and lots of sex.
Marines: She kept asking, "want me to do the next one?" and the answer was always yes. Yes forever.
Alex: So. It’s morning at Christian/Milo/Ogre’s apartment and rather than away screaming when she saw the murder chamber last night, Barbara instead spent the night there having lots and lots of sex.
Bruce is hanging around under a bridge. Some dodgy guy tries to start on him, but Selina appears and scares him away. She went back to check on Reggie, whose definitely-dead body has now been found by the cops. Bruce gets teary and asks why she did it. Selina yells back that she saved his life by killing Reggie, because otherwise this Bunderslaw guy would have found out what they were up to. Bruce suggests that they go check out Bunderslaw’s safe at the office to find out what he’s hiding, and Selina agrees to help after making him promise not to tell anyone what happened to Reggie.
Fish and her snazzy new eye gaze thoughtfully out of the window at Organ Donor Island. She heads downstairs and schmoozes a little with some of the rich patients, who are having a grand old time at the fancy facility while recovering from their illegal transplants. Then she sneaks into an empty room and breaks open the door to take a casual stroll outside, where she spots a helicopter. Just then, some dudes with guns pull up in a car, led by a guy calling himself 'The Catcher'. She introduces herself and feigns ignorance about not being allowed outside. He waves a gun at her and orders her back into the mansion.
I'm going to try very hard not to get angry during this epilogue because (1) - We have a whole week's worth of series ending posts to get through and I probably have to ration my anger. You know, plan this wisely and avoid an ulcer or drowning my liver or whatever and (2) - THIS IS THE END, FOR REAL. These are the last words to read, EVER. This is really a celebration, so HAPPY EPILOGUE, EVERYONE!
Sweeney: HAPPY EPILOGUE TO YOU TOO, LOR!
Sweeney: HAPPY EPILOGUE TO YOU TOO, LOR!
Sweeney: The chapter begins with Ana waking up to being physically smothered not-quite-to-death by Grey. She notes that he is "so needy on some level." LOL, you think? This makes her think of baby!Grey just for your chapter-beginning pedobear EW moment. She wakes him up and he blinks a couple of times. I imagine that we are told about people blinking as many times in these three books as in the whole rest of literature.
Lorraine: I like that comparing these books to the whole rest of literature has become a thing. It really gives scope to the bullshit.
Sweeney: That's what we're all about: giving everyone a proper bullshit metric.
Lorraine: I like that comparing these books to the whole rest of literature has become a thing. It really gives scope to the bullshit.
Sweeney: That's what we're all about: giving everyone a proper bullshit metric.
The actual end to the last chapter, after all the anal lube, was Grey showing Ana the security footage of the arsonist. Ana insta-recognizes the arsonist as Jack Strobe-Light-Eyed-Rapey-Boss Hyde, but we are unimpressed because the cheatery narration practically told us he did it before it happened. Like, that stupid epilogue to book two might as well have been, "And then I lit Grey's office on fire! While he was out of town! A completely ineffectual attack, because gross incompetence is the thing we all have in common in these books!"
Someone mentioned in a comment how illogical these chapter-to-chapter not-cliffhangers are in this book, because it's not like someone reading this book is going to wait in suspense for days. I'm only bringing it up now because I'm about 99% certain that this "writing" choice is most likely the product of the fact that this was originally Twilight fanfiction, where readers did have to wait for her next abysmal installment. Consider this your semi-regular reminder of that fact and also that the world is unfair.
My personal headcanon of Ana's shock and horror upon looking in the mirror was an existential crisis of sorts, in which she realized what a tragedy it was that she exists. Or fictionally exists. The actual reason? Hickeys.
My personal headcanon of Ana's shock and horror upon looking in the mirror was an existential crisis of sorts, in which she realized what a tragedy it was that she exists. Or fictionally exists. The actual reason? Hickeys.
Lorraine: Ana is horrified because, if you'll remember, Kate has chosen Grey's birthday party as the moment to confront Ana about an email she found. Kate's all, "what the fuck is this? Who in the hell changes the subject line each time they send an email?!?!" Just kidding! There are far more horrible things in this particular email, as it contains the Sexy Times Contract. I'm sure we will now get a good discussion that will pave the way for future conversations between Ana and Kate on the disturbing nature of this relationship. Just kidding again! I'm on a roll! Instead, let's watch and see how this is all resolved within two pages:
Previously: Ana got promoted to editor after a week on the job and EL James tried to make us believe it wasn’t because she’s screwing the boss. OKAY SURE. —...