Billionaire Bros Bungalow. Duncan's trying to have sexytimes with Veronica, but he's so incredibly boring that she'd much rather entertain herself with her adorable impression of The Dude. (L: Friend, even your KISSES are boring. Find help.) Duncan turns off The Big Lebowski and finally gets her attention, only to be cockblocked by the return of his new roommate. Things are awkward and Logan is generally as rude as possible. Veronica's attempt at playing nice is interrupted by a knock at the door. It's Kendall and she recognizes Veronica as "iPod girl with the waxy eared boyfriend." Logan squeezes in a few more asshole comments and away they go.
Mona is using a compact to both check her lipstick and spy on Hanna, Aria and Emily. She slams it shut and the music seems to think that's a BFD. We head over to the Liars who are freaking out because Spencer is a no-show for school, even after an SOS text from Emily. Hanna tries to calm everyone down. Emily says that if Spencer doesn't respond, they'll go to her house after school.
The bell rings and the girls take off. They are stopped by someone I'm guessing is the principal. (S: LOL, look at him, pretending to have any authority at this fake school.)
The bell rings and the girls take off. They are stopped by someone I'm guessing is the principal. (S: LOL, look at him, pretending to have any authority at this fake school.)
Veronica Voice-Over starts things off, explaining how a week ago, Veronica thought things would turn out differently. She imagined Keith winning the sheriff election in a landslide, and she and Wallace would sneak champagne and prank-call Deputy Lamb. Instead, the election is unbelievably close, and Wallace is off with his dad somewhere. Meanwhile, Veronica is tense at Mars for Sheriff Election Results Party Extravaganza, while Cliff the lawyer gets drunk.
Sweeney: I usually adore Cliff's sass, but his, "GIMME A DRINK, GIRL," sass wasn't some of his finer work. Fortunately this is just his teaser material and he has the rest of the episode to redeem himself.
Sweeney: I usually adore Cliff's sass, but his, "GIMME A DRINK, GIRL," sass wasn't some of his finer work. Fortunately this is just his teaser material and he has the rest of the episode to redeem himself.
We open with Dawson and Joey making out on a blanket, which appears to be located adjacent to a sidewalk. It's a less than ideal location for sexytimes. Joey wants to stop because it's cold, and I'm like, girl, you are not allowed to even talk about the weather on this show because it DOES NOT MAKE ANY SENSE. (K: A+, girl.) Dawson thinks the location is beautiful and romantic but she's like, ew, bugs, and also, let's go indoors please. She calls him cheesy, but also "unbearably sexy," so I'm gonna need some brain bleach before the credits even roll. They make out, and this scene was totally unnecessary.
After the credits, Mitch and Dawson are discussing Mitch's meeting about buying a property.
After the credits, Mitch and Dawson are discussing Mitch's meeting about buying a property.
Veronica, looking a lot more shaken than normal, is at Mars Investigations (doubling as Mars for Sheriff HQ!) calling the hospital to find out Meg's visiting hours. As she hangs up, an Elle Woods wannabe (D: It's funny because it's literally Laura Bell Bundy from the Legally Blonde musical) (S: AMAZING.) struts into the office in desperate need of a detective to investigate her boyfriend and possible fiance because she found a ring while doing her own snooping. Keith isn't there, but Veronica goes ahead and sells her on hardcore investigative packages. (L: Future Business Leader of America shots!) Keith arrives as she's leaving and is pleasant, but reminds Veronica that she's no longer his employee.
Open to Seth and Ryan walking across campus. Ryan is going on about his mistrust of Oliver. This is totally valid because with my limited knowledge it seems to me that Oliver is bat-shit crazy. (I should probably mention that I missed this show entirely so I'm almost completely a Snow). Seth is trying to be comforting but is also being Seth, whose fall back position is sarcastic and nerdy. I have to say so far my favorite thing about this show is the relationship between Ryan and Seth. They offset each other well and it does my heart good to see them fall into this friendship.
So Ryan is still going on about Oliver and says he and Marissa are fighting a lot about him. Seth states Ryan is jealous because Oliver is a rich kid with many exotic locations to whisk women off to. He also uses the phrase "Dapper Don" (really, Seth?) and all I can think of is this even though I have never watched Mad Men:
I took a few weeks off of Charmed during vacation and I feel like I've forgotten everything that's happened. Something tells me that won't matter.
Salem, Massachusetts, 1692. Some woo-woo music plays as two men unlock a door where a woman is being held. She (Melinda) asks why he (Matthew) betrayed her and he says she got what she deserved. Matthew pretended to love Melinda, took her powers and then turned her in to be burned at the stake. Melinda rips her locket off and throws it at Matthew, telling him to keep his trinkets. He chuckles and opens it for contrivance reasons. Inside is a petal that bursts into a small flame. Melinda recites a curse and steals back her power.
Salem, Massachusetts, 1692. Some woo-woo music plays as two men unlock a door where a woman is being held. She (Melinda) asks why he (Matthew) betrayed her and he says she got what she deserved. Matthew pretended to love Melinda, took her powers and then turned her in to be burned at the stake. Melinda rips her locket off and throws it at Matthew, telling him to keep his trinkets. He chuckles and opens it for contrivance reasons. Inside is a petal that bursts into a small flame. Melinda recites a curse and steals back her power.
Shrine O'Spielberg. Joey is climbing in the window, as per their usual movie-watching routine, but Dawson didn't expect her to show up after their awkward post-beauty-pageant encounter. He didn't even rent any movies! For shame. Now that she knows Dawson's being weird about this, she decides to also be weird, saying that she came by to say she ... can't come by. Then she word-vomits about how the television metaphor for their relationship is getting old, and every night they just do the same old things in Dawson's "Spielberg-ized bedroom." Dawson broods in response, and turns on the television. Joey rants about cliffhangers and how manipulative they are; Dawson thinks they keep people guessing, but Joey says they're just proof that nothing ever really changes.
Shrine O'Spielberg Horror Movie Marathon. Dawson and Joey are watching I Know What You Did Last Summer (except I totally thought that it was Scream until Kirsti corrected me, because all these movies are the same) and it's the scene with Sarah Michelle Gellar, so I'm counting this as Buffy crossover magic.
Kirsti: Totally counts. Except that Buffy would never run away screaming.
Kirsti: Totally counts. Except that Buffy would never run away screaming.
Seth is pleading with Kirsten to put the recipe books away. She's desperate to treat Ryan to a proper family Thanksgiving, but Seth is convinced that Kirsten's cooking will destroy a holiday that he waits for all year. Even Eyebrows has to note that she's not inspiring a lot of confidence when she doesn't even know where the pans are in the kitchen.
More awkwardness ensues when she tries to ascertain what to do with the turkey. Were people not widely aware of the power of Googling yet in 2003? Google could answer your questions, Kirsten. (L: Complete with instructional Youtube video! ...were people Youtubing in 2003?) (S: Sadly, no, that didn't start until 2005.) Seth and Sandy both jump in to volunteer to do stuff, leaving Kirsten with the useful task of answering the phone.
More awkwardness ensues when she tries to ascertain what to do with the turkey. Were people not widely aware of the power of Googling yet in 2003? Google could answer your questions, Kirsten. (L: Complete with instructional Youtube video! ...were people Youtubing in 2003?) (S: Sadly, no, that didn't start until 2005.) Seth and Sandy both jump in to volunteer to do stuff, leaving Kirsten with the useful task of answering the phone.
Shrine o' Spielberg. Dawson mopes about the fact that Jen doesn't want to hang out any more now that they're exes and all. Because apparently when you dump someone, you should hang out with them all the time? IDEK. Joey "Voice of Reason" Potter informs him that it sounds like he doesn't want to admit it's over. She tells him there are three main areas to focus on in getting over Jen: 1. Public perception, 2. Prepare himself for Jen to date other people, 3. Having the inevitable "can we still be friends?" conversation with Jen. She asks what he'll say in regards to #3, and he has no idea. He wants to be friends, but he also doesn't because "how could you simply be friends with someone when every time you look at them, all you think about is how much more you really want them." Joey, inner pain poked with a stick, says that she thinks it can be done.
Ryan and Marissa are finally officially together and to show how together they are this episode starts with a make out session in Ryan's pool house.
Lorraine: I'm really uncomfortable with the heavy breathing Mischa Barton is doing right now. Just, FYI.
Sweeney: SAME.
Lorraine: I'm really uncomfortable with the heavy breathing Mischa Barton is doing right now. Just, FYI.
Sweeney: SAME.
Shrine O'Spielberg. Dawson and Joey are watching yet another movie together, but he gets frustrated with it and shuts it off just before the end. He finds it unbelievable that a girl would decide which guy she wants to be with based on a drag race. Joey wisely points out that someone whose favorite movie is E.T. should not have such a problem with unrealistic films, but like everything else on this show, this is really about SEX.
Kirsti: Also, whose favourite movie is E.T.?! I was terrified of it when I was six, and I'm still terrified of it. Don't let that thing in your house, Elliott.
Kirsti: Also, whose favourite movie is E.T.?! I was terrified of it when I was six, and I'm still terrified of it. Don't let that thing in your house, Elliott.
Shrine O'Spielberg. Dawson and Joey are having a disaster movie marathon because there's a hurricane a-blowin'. Gail and her not-so-secret lover Bob are covering the storm on TV, and are overtly flirting with each other during the broadcast because they're bad at secrets. Dawson's parents still don't know that he knows about the affair, and he's too tired to deal with feelings, so he asks Joey, "You mind if I sack?" Is this an actual thing that humans say? (K: Maybe it was in the 90s??) Anyway, Joey basically tells him to deal with his shit instead of hiding out in the storm. Instead, he broods and watches his mother and her mastress (man-mistress? Guys, it's so sexist that there isn't a word for this!) on the news.
We open with Ryan and my boyfriend Seth Cohen (Just to be clear, I just want Seth, aint even 'bout to homewreck the first couple of teen fandom: Adam Brody/Leighton Meester) in true show-set-in-California style, riding a bike and skateboard (adorably) down a boardwalk with flashes to random dudes playing beach volleyball to further indicate being in a coastal town in SoCal.
Sweeney: The best part of having different recappers write their posts, mostly without ever seeing the posts that came before them is going to be seeing how many people stake their claim on Seth Cohen. Since you're my sister I feel especially obligated to interject with a, "HE WAS MY TV BOYFRIEND FIRST!" even though I've accepted that he's actually everyone's TV boyfriend.
Sweeney: The best part of having different recappers write their posts, mostly without ever seeing the posts that came before them is going to be seeing how many people stake their claim on Seth Cohen. Since you're my sister I feel especially obligated to interject with a, "HE WAS MY TV BOYFRIEND FIRST!" even though I've accepted that he's actually everyone's TV boyfriend.