Another instant round of the Feelsy Soundtrack starts us off this episode, as Angel broods around the empty and dark Brooding Hotel. Someone get this man a puppy.
K: Except that not, on account of Angelus likes to play with puppies a little too much...
Lor: Someone get this man a Tamagatchi.
We head over to the Fangless Gang headquarters, where things are decidedly less soul crushing, but also, business is slow.
A seizure cut introduces the episode as Cordelia, Wesley and Gunn leave the Brooding Hotel with their possessions in white boxes. Cordelia echoes our feelings at the end of last episode with a, "what just happened?"
Sweeney: The end of the last episode was a reminder of how fun being a new watcher of a show can be. I'm surprisingly spoiled on this show, BUT I STILL CAN'T STOP ASKING THIS QUESTION, CORDELIA. Good job show. But also, PLEASE EXPLAIN YOURSELF.
K: Agreed. Also, A+ gif selection, Lor.
Sweeney: The end of the last episode was a reminder of how fun being a new watcher of a show can be. I'm surprisingly spoiled on this show, BUT I STILL CAN'T STOP ASKING THIS QUESTION, CORDELIA. Good job show. But also, PLEASE EXPLAIN YOURSELF.
K: Agreed. Also, A+ gif selection, Lor.
We open at the Brooding Hotel. Wes, Cordy and her new terrible hair style are worried about Angel. Apparently he's been down in the basement for like forever, and is back to being the King of Broodsville. Plus, Wes keeps hearing a "chucka-chucka sound." Cordy gives Wes crap because he was supposed to do the male bonding thing and get Angel to talk about his feelings, but the English version of that apparently boils down to asking about tea preferences. They squabble a bit before realising that the noise from the cellar has stopped. They sprint for the front desk, and try to look like they've been there the whole time as Angel appears. He was doing his laundry, and says that he loves it when things are still warm from the drier.
Lorraine: Two cops are looking into an interrogation room. One of them is taller than the other, so you're officially being introduced to Tall Cop and Short Cop. All of our nicknames can't be instant classics, okay? Also, the closed captioning has them designated as White Cop and Black Cop. Ha. Helpful.
Sweeney: The closed captioning people should really ask us to name peripheral characters like that.
Kirsti: Closed captioning is the best. ESPECIALLY Youtube's closed captioning. That shit is hilar.
Sweeney: The closed captioning people should really ask us to name peripheral characters like that.
Kirsti: Closed captioning is the best. ESPECIALLY Youtube's closed captioning. That shit is hilar.
Kirsti: Wes, his nose in a file, wanders across the foyer of the Hyperion. Behind the desk, he goes to open a filing cabinet but finds it jammed. He yanks on it until the entire drawer comes out of the filing cabinet, scattering papers all over the room. Of course this would be the moment when a potential client walks in.
The dude says he's looking for Angel, who Wes says is out. Wes wants to know if he can help. The guy says that it needs to be Angel, on account of his "special abilities". But then he asks if Wes has "special abilities" too, and Wes is all "Oh, totally, on account of that one time I was a rogue demon hunter." Then he slips on a piece of paper and lands on his arse. Oh, honey. You tried.
Lorraine: Slapstick comedy Wes is my least favorite Wes. I can be a fan of physical comedy but it really doesn't do him any favors. Pass.
The dude says he's looking for Angel, who Wes says is out. Wes wants to know if he can help. The guy says that it needs to be Angel, on account of his "special abilities". But then he asks if Wes has "special abilities" too, and Wes is all "Oh, totally, on account of that one time I was a rogue demon hunter." Then he slips on a piece of paper and lands on his arse. Oh, honey. You tried.
Lorraine: Slapstick comedy Wes is my least favorite Wes. I can be a fan of physical comedy but it really doesn't do him any favors. Pass.
Lorraine: Today's episode starts with a flash!bang and a series of fast moving shots through LA. It managed to scare the shit out of me and threatened to give me a seizure. Thanks, show!
Sweeney: This show definitely needs to come with an epilepsy warning of some sort.
K: A+. Like, seriously.
Sweeney: This show definitely needs to come with an epilepsy warning of some sort.
K: A+. Like, seriously.
Wesley is looking over a photograph of the Hyperion Hotel. He tag-teams with Angel to provide us with the relevant back-story. Essentially, it's big, impressive and has been abandoned for a long time. Cordelia comes in and serves Wesley tea, has a cup of coffee for herself and hands Angel a cup of blood Angel inspects it for a bit before telling Cordelia that it appears to be coagulating. She replies that it's just a little cinnamon and she was experimenting. As one does.
Kirsti: He should consider himself lucky - she could have added crumbled up Weetbix to it like Spike does!
Kirsti: He should consider himself lucky - she could have added crumbled up Weetbix to it like Spike does!
Previously: Angel broke into Wolfram & Hart to steal files that would rescue some kids, and The Powers That Be Contriving encouraged him to grab an ancient prophecy about himself...
Kirsti: We open in a dark street, where a shady looking guy is selling a couple of way-too-young-to-be-out-alone-after-dark kids some crappy looking toys. A young blind woman in a VERY unflattering outfit is walking down the street with a cane. (L: K, girl, she's blind.) The shady guy stops her so that he can move his crappy looking toys out of her way. This scene apparently serves almost no purpose because we seizure cut - LESS THAN A MINUTE IN - to Angel fighting some vampires.
Lorraine: I'm pretty sure the point of the scene was to bash us over the head with how completely blind this woman is.
Lorraine: I'm pretty sure the point of the scene was to bash us over the head with how completely blind this woman is.
We start under a freeway bridge. A dude in a beanie approaches some guys and asks what they're burning because EW STINKY. The answer? A human arm. And the guys doing the burning aren't so much homeless guys as they are demons with lopsided faces. I'm going to call them the Crooked Smile demons, because if I have to read about ONE MORE YA love interest with a crooked smile, I will scream and I'm secretly hoping this stops all authors from adding it to their stories.
Lorraine: High hopes, my friend, but I approve.
Lorraine: High hopes, my friend, but I approve.
Kirsti: Oh, Whedon. You really do like to deliver us ALL THE FEELS at once, don't you? Sigh.
Lorraine: Thanks for the upfront warning. We should consider giving our own version of TV Parental Guidelines. This episode is rated F for feels. Viewer Discretion is advised.
Sweeney: YES.
K: Other ratings? B for Boring, R for Rage Inducing, and and S for SPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKE!!!
Lorraine: Thanks for the upfront warning. We should consider giving our own version of TV Parental Guidelines. This episode is rated F for feels. Viewer Discretion is advised.
Sweeney: YES.
K: Other ratings? B for Boring, R for Rage Inducing, and and S for SPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKE!!!
Lorraine: I was expecting the credits to roll first, but we get a pre-credits teaser today! Against a black screen we hear some war sounds -metal clanging, screaming and general death-sounds. We stylistically fade into the white misery of north of the wall where Samwell is running through the snow with all the speed and grace of someone who is about to get eaten very soon.
Sweeney: I was totally surprised to find him still alive! I assumed he was dead after that finale. I can't say that I care all that much that either way, but it was unexpected.
Sweeney: I was totally surprised to find him still alive! I assumed he was dead after that finale. I can't say that I care all that much that either way, but it was unexpected.
We open with a hippy looking girl running down a dark alley. She hides in a doorway, then peeks out. When no one's there, she tries to run for it, but the guy she's running from is behind her. He's kinda insane and sweaty - the best kind of boyfriend, right? WRONG. He hits her and then pulls a gun. He's about to pull the trigger when Angel appears out of nowhere and grabs his arm. They fight briefly, and Angel knocks the guy out. He asks the girl if she's okay, and we learn that she hired him to help before the camera pans to a nearby rooftop. Spike's there, and I'm going to give you his full impersonation because it's AWESOME:
Lorraine: Angel is sitting in the dark, because darkness helps concentrate the brood. Doyle turns on the lights and says it's Friday night and Angel should really out.
K: This sounds very much like something my mother would do to me. Except I'm not brooding in the dark. I'm just allergic to leaving the house.
Lor: He suggests drinks to toast the new business. Angel catches his drift and suggests that if Doyle wants to go out with Cordelia, he ask her out himself.
Enter Cordelia with "calling cards." I'm not sure why we're calling them that and not business cards. They have moment a of confusion about the Microsoft Clip-Art looking graphic on the front of it.
K: This sounds very much like something my mother would do to me. Except I'm not brooding in the dark. I'm just allergic to leaving the house.
Lor: He suggests drinks to toast the new business. Angel catches his drift and suggests that if Doyle wants to go out with Cordelia, he ask her out himself.
Enter Cordelia with "calling cards." I'm not sure why we're calling them that and not business cards. They have moment a of confusion about the Microsoft Clip-Art looking graphic on the front of it.
The title is reassuring me a teeny tiny bit, as the LA girl of the batch. I'm going to give you guys the oh-so-hilarious Snark Squad speech about how we really planned to keep this short. I laugh preemptively, because I have to start this and my Twitter bio is about how I am an uncontrollable rambler. I drank a bit to prepare myself. I am also terrified to start this series because I am a one-sided Buffy/Angel shipper in that I am cool with Buffy moving on and having a life BUT ANGEL MUST LOVE HER FOREVER AND EVER UNTIL HE BROODS TO DEATH. I'm also preemptively confused as to how they're going to give him romantic subplots, because of the whole orgasm happiness = no-soul thing. I'm curious to see how we contrive our way around this.